Monday, December 27, 2010

Hey, The Future's Calling; It's For You.

In 5 days, we will ring in the new year. Have you ever made New Year's Resolutions? Last year, I participated in the Office of Letters and Light's "Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge" (which is just a cool way to do Resolutions) and I completed 21 of my 25 challenges.
I try to set and accomplish goals which will improve myself. This summer, I had a goal to log as many hours of reading as I could for the public library's teen summer reading program, and to read many books from a College Bound Reading List I found. I read plenty of books and logged over 50 hours. I went on a mission trip with my school to an island near Charleston to work with Habitat for Humanity. I attended my mom's wedding, went to the beach with my grandma and brother, moved into my new house, and worked several days at my stepfamily's used car lot.

But, what did I do? What did I do that will have lasting effects? What did I do to help those around me? To aid those less fortunate? To build into the future?
Listen, the future is calling and it's for you!
By all means, go set a goal to read 20 books this year, go decide to run a marathon or learn to knit or speak a new language or write a novel or keep your room clean or research your ancestors or whatnot. Those are all good things that can be a part of your desire to use the mind and energy and resources God gave you. But don't stop there.

Ask yourself: How am I helping people? Or better yet: How is God using me to love others? How can I show them his love? The Bible doesn't say: "Go and get educated or rich or healthy or somehow 'better' so you will be a better person." Nope. It says, "Love God and Love People" and not so you'll be a better person, but because you were commanded to do so. And because out of this love comes a reverence and relationship with God as well as a community among people who will see Christ in you when you are loving them. See, the point is to love. Everything we are to be doing comes back to it. How are you loving?

Also, something very important to realize is that we can't just magically conjure up any "loving feelings" on our own. That turns into basing our actions of compassion and selfless on a feeling. And, in case you haven't realized it, love is not a feeling. It's a choice to put the other person above yourself - it's a decision to be selfless. And in and of ourselves, we have no ability to keep this up. But if we could do it all ourselves, we wouldn't need God. He willingly extends his strength to us, even giving us the needed resources to love him back.

So, friend, thanks for reading this far. I'm proud of you. Oh, and by the way, the future's calling and it's for you. Make the decision now to love. Start by doing something small, taking the baby steps and asking God to direct you to even bigger things. Every big run requires lots of little steps.
Maybe, like a friend of mine, you decide, every time you are wronged, to forgive within 30 seconds. That way you'd never hold a grudge. Maybe you decide to sincerely compliment a different person every day. Or hold the door for the people behind you. Or ask friends how you can pray for them. Or go on a mission trip. Or connect more with your parents or siblings. Find a baby-step way to love right now.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
(Matthew 22:36-40, NIV)


[Put your name in the blank... Which area do you need to ask God for strength to work on?]

____ is patient,
____ is kind and is not jealous;
____ does not brag and is not arrogant,
____ does not act unbecomingly
____ does not seek its own and is not provoked
____ does not take into account a wrong suffered
____ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth
____ bears all things and believes all things
____ hopes all things and endures all things.
____ never fails...
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NASB, edited)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

All We Need Is You

There are two specific times in our lives when we come face-to-face with the realization that Christ is literally we need: First, when we have absolutely nothing monetarily or physically or even emotionally, and we have to rely completely on God for life and sustainment. And second, when we have everything we want and then some, and we finally understand that none of it matters and none of it fulfills and we realize the only way we can be truly sustained (and yet also truly alive) is through God.
I feel like I have experienced tiny glimpses of both in my life. In regards to the first one: following my parents' divorce when I was eight, my mom, 3-year-old brother, and I moved into my mom's parents' house for six months. It was five people sharing one shower. My mom saved up to buy a little house about an hour away from my grandparents. I never knew it at the time, but those first few years in our new house on our own were the most difficult for my mom, financially and emotionally. She was in desperate need of God, and through that I now see how God provided for us.
Secondly, my mom married my stepdad in June, and since then, we've lived in his house, about 30 minutes away from our old house. Not only has this marriage provided more financially for my family (in the way of two incomes), but it has also helped to expand my horizons and cause me to grow (I've stepped out of a teeny-tiny comfort zone, my mom is now more stable to support me in my endeavors in college, and my step-dad is also pushing me to be better while encouraging who I am). Thus, I have more stuff (my physical needs and wants are met) and I have more strength emotionally (I am supported by a network of caring people).

And after all this is said and done, here I sit, on this Christmas Eve, knowing I'm in the second category. This post from a little over a month ago relates the same idea: I have a lot of stuff. Good stuff, don't get me wrong, not only possessions, but also things like a great college I'm attending, friends I admire and look up to, a family I wouldn't trade for anything, experiences that have taught me so much, service and leadership opportunities... But it's a lot of stuff. There's nothing I'm just dying to have right now. Except one thing - God.
It's so easy to say "Well, if I only had this! If I only had that!", especially at this time of year. But I've got to the point where no physical thing is necessary any longer. God is calling out. And he's saying: "You don't need me and ____ or me and ____. You just need me. Nothing else will satisfy. I am all you need. I am your God and you will find everything you desire, everything you want, everything you need in me. So drink deep."

Ask God to show you what it looks like for him to be all you need. Ask him to show you what it means to be fully dependent on him. But be careful: I went into that prayer thinking God would take my earthly joys, like possessions or status, away, so that I could learn to trust him when I had nothing. Instead, God gave me earthly joys and asked me to prove that I didn't need them. Either way, and often, echo the words of Charlie Hall, "Cause we have all we need in You. All we need is You, all we need is you."


"The essence of faith is being satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus."
- John Piper

"I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."
- Psalm 63:2-5

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So

... "SO!"

Ever sang that song as a child? It basically repeats that one line over and over and at the end of each line, we always yell "So!" as loud as we can.
Notice something with me here: it doesn't say "Let the perfect people say so" or "Let the complete, finished, or accomplished people say so". It says "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so".
Philippians 1:6 explains "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The point is that you're not completed yet. You are redeemed. And you're on the path to restoration. But you're not finished. God is in the process of changing you, of doing something amazing in your life.

I know I'm not the person I once was. A lot has happened since I was six, when I first made the decision to accept Christ. At lot has happened since I was twelve, when I again committed my life to Christ, making my faith mine and not my parents'. In reality, a lot has happened in the past six months, both around me and in me. I'm not who I was. And I've grown a lot in the faith as well. Like Relient K sings, "Who I am hates who I've been".

I hope and pray you are aware of God's work in your life. Often, we get glimpses of what God is doing, and it's pretty amazing. But while you're excited about God's work, don't get prideful. Don't claim what God is doing as something you have done. Just be completely and utterly thankful for it.

But, on the other hand, don't get so caught up in acting perfect. You are not perfect! Yes, heaven is a wonderful place, but you're not there yet! As Christians, we should be looking forward to and anticipating Heaven, especially because there we will be like Christ. But lose this ridiculous idea that you will somehow attain perfection and completion here on this earth in this life. We are still sinful.
For so long I had the faulty idea that real Christians didn't sin. Uh, yeah we do. And it's going to hurt, because sin separates us from God. But that's why Christ died - to restore the relationship between us and God that was broken because of sin. See, when Jesus died for us, he repaired our broken connection to God. He brought us to the presence of the living Creator God. Yes, Christians sin and mess up and cause problems and have hang-ups and hurt other people and ourselves. But with our hearts turned to God, we seek forgiveness, we apologize, and with God's grace we move on. And we grow because of it. And God isn't put off by our sins. When he looks at us, he sees Christ's blamelessness. He doesn't see our sin, because while we're slowly working towards our completion in Christ, Christ's purity and lack of sin has covered us. We're being washed in the blood of Jesus.

Did you get that? Jesus Christ has overcome your sin. He bore it on the cross and you no longer hold it. Yes, you face earthly consequences, like a rift in a relationship after an argument. But God doesn't hold it against you. He loves you. Loves.
There's going to be sin, trials, difficult circumstances, upsets, depressions, hurdles, and all around bad things in life, caused by you, by others, or just circumstantially. And since God never wastes anything, he uses these difficulties as a means for our growth, to lead us closer and closer to completion in Christ. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I challenge you to learn to be patient with yourself. You're not going to have it all together. Stop thinking that a mistake is going to ruin you and God. God still loves you. Nothing you do or don't do could make him stop loving you. Realize that you are redeemed, not perfect. And remember, living the Christian life doesn't work if it's all about rules. It only works if, because we are so in love with our Creator, we simply desire to obey and please him.
Finally, God loves you. Get that! He does! And he is doing something incredible in you and through you. Let him mold you as the potter molds the clay. He is carefully, painstakingly, refining you and drawing you towards himself every day.


Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Your Love

God, thank you for wooing me. Like a patient lover enamored by my beauty, You adore me. You pursue me.

God, I am chief of sinners. I am desperately entangled in sin, surrounded by my enemies, encompassed by the lies of this world, the lies of my sinful desires. I am wrong, so bitterly wrong. I feel distant from you. Surrounded by the dark clouds of my mistakes, and You seem so far away, so dim through the haze.

But You reach out Your hand. Into the darkness of my sin, my pain, my apathy, You reach Your great hand to rescue me. You pull me from the mud and mire and give me a firm, steady, secure, safe place to stand.

I don't want to take Your hand. Everything in me yearns for it, but I'm bitter. I'm depressed, feeling dejected, feeling hurt, feeling ugly and worthless. I feel like I messed up everything.

But You show me the path to redemption. Lighted only by Your voice and marked out only by Your eyes. You show me Your heart.

Still, I'm afraid. It's a scary thing to grasp Your hand and let You pull me up.

You woo me. You speak through the loosened tongues of those who know me. I hear Your voice from the lips of those who have become available for your work. Through these people, willing to be used by You without knowing the outcome, you tell me:
You will always be in love with me
Suffering is inevitable and necessary to be like Christ, but You will never leave me
I am Your masterpiece
You Love me just the way I am

You stretch out Your hand, but because of my shame, I am wary of reaching for it. I know when You begin to rescue me, all my misdeeds, all my sins against Your Holy name will be revealed in the light of Your glory. And I'm ashamed.

But Your Love is greater than any sin of mine. I try to cower, but You simply smile and nod behind You. And there, standing behind you, is a man, yet somehow more than a man. His hands are pierced and bloody, his side is punctured. A crown of thorns is pressed into his head. He is dirty, ragged, and exhausted. But at the same time, He shines with radiance. You smile and tell me he shines because he defeated sin and death. My sin and death. I'm confused.

Knowingly, You remind me of Christ's death and resurrection. But seeing my sin upon his shoulders, tormenting him and weighing him down on that cross, it becomes real. That man, that person of Your trinity, took my sin, my mistakes, my misdeeds, my doubt, my frustrations, my self-righteousness, my impurity, my greed, my selfishness, my apathy, my hate, all my sin, upon himself and was brutally, horrifically, tortured and murdered. For me. Everything I should have faced, everything I should have felt, all the punishment I should have endured because of my sin against my neighbor, against my friend, against my enemy, against You, he suffered. He took the blame, the punishment.

Suddenly, my hazy pit looks like a pity-party for myself. This man, this son of Yours, this only son, died a horrible death for me, for punishment for my sin. He was depressed, dejected, and hurt. For me. Somehow I can never get that through my head. Maybe it's so hard to get my mind around it, so hard to get my mind around Your Love.

Your Love. So I grasp Your hand, the hand You so willingly offer, and You pull me out of my mud and mire. And You give me a rock to stand on. In Your light, I see my nakedness, my shame, my sin, myself for who I really am.

But that's not the way You see me. Because in Your eyes, I am really clothed, unashamed, and perfect. Perfect because I am Yours.There is now no condemnation for those who belong to Your son, You tell me. I am beautiful and matchless to You.

You have a beautiful plan for my life, You tell me. You have a God-sized plan for everyone as a whole, to bring about world-sized restoration. You're bringing Your people back to You again. And You want me to be a part of this. You want me, having been drawn to You, to be Your witness wherever I go, wherever You send me, to the people I meet. And when they see me, they will see You.

You tenderly invite me to an existence of joy. A life not contained by this world, but one which expands beyond the limits of time to live in You. You compassionately invite me to join You, to seek Your face, to know You, to live within You, and thus, to meet other people where they are and be a vessel You can use for Your purposes. Your whole purpose is in restoring Your people to You and You are passionate about this goal. And I willingly accept Your invitation to go out into the world, to my neighbor beside me and my neighbor across the world from me, and be Your witness and reach the ones You love who are lost without You.

You are in love with me. And You adore me.

I constantly spit in Your face, ridicule You, and reject You for something I think might possibly be more important than You, and when I realize what I have done, I am ashamed and my remorse fills me deeply. But You are so in love with me, You just want to be with me. You just want to see my face, hear my voice say Your name. I do not deserve You. I do not deserve Your attention. I messed up! When You Love me, I bring back to memory all the times I rejected You, all the times I cursed You and pretended I didn't know You, all the moments I ignored You...

And You stand there with a smile on Your face, telling me You have no idea what I'm talking about, telling me You Love me. You Love me. Your Love is amazing. And having experienced it, I am falling on my knees. Worship. Surrender. Love.


This was not the story of my conversion to Christ, although it certainty could have been. I turn my back on God on a daily and momentarily basis more times than I'd care to admit, and, as such, this is just the story of a simple day. A little over twenty-four hours of God's wooing. He is incredible. And just as he loves me, he loves you. With the same kind of love and the same deep intensity. His love knows no bounds. And it's here waiting to envelope you.

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love
"Your Love" - Brandon Heath

Temple Tuesday

Some thoughts to encourage you on this Tuesday before Christmas...
And you, my little son,
will be called the prophet of the Most High,
because you will prepare the way for the Lord.
You will tell his people how to find salvation
through forgiveness of their sins.
Because of God’s tender mercy,
the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,
to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide us to the path of peace.
- Luke 1:76-79 (Zechariah, speaking about his newborn son John the Baptist)

"I believe that if God showed us our purpose and future all at once, we wouldn't be able to handle it. God has such magnificent things in store for you, and sometimes it's going to be painful waiting for them to be manifested completely. Believe me, I know. So take heart and learn to be patient with yourself."
- Me, to a friend

"My child, eat honey, for it is good, and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short."
- Proverbs 24:13-14

"This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."
- Habakkuk 2:3

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Enjoying God

Well, after that passionate post yesterday about taking action and following God and obeying his every command, I find an interesting status update on Facebook from a friend which really spoke to me. Here I am, all excited about doing God’s will for the purpose of obedience and I read this status, which says,“The key to serving God is to enjoy God. If you don’t enjoy God, you’re not ready to serve him. For God doesn’t want your help, he wants your heart.” (from my friend Evan).

God doesn't want my help.

This makes me think of something I dived into a bit earlier on this blog. And that is the concept of being still. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God...". Exodus 14:14, Moses speaking to the depressed and complaining Isralites, states: "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
In the NASB, Psalm 46:10 reads, "Cease striving and know that I am God...". Why would knowing God is God stop us from striving? Psalm 100:3 says, "Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture." When we get it into our minds that God is in control, that He is the Almighty Lord of all, the King of everything, the great, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Creator God... when we even try to wrap our minds around it... It gives us a bit of peace. It does for me at least. One of the main causes of stress, of striving, is the false thought that maybe God can't handle it, that maybe he doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, honestly, God creates the whole world from nothing, then I come along and get all upset that he's messing up my life. Looking at myself from that perspective, I can be really ridiculous sometimes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're focused on anything but God, you're going to mess up. We can do a lot of good things in life, even people who don't believe in God can do nice things for other people. But true good, true satisfaction, true purpose and meaning, only come from God. Your life should be like a flowchart. Out of God's love he saved us. And because of that salvation and that love, we then give God everything we have, and by means of that, we love other people - the "whatever you do to the least of these" philosophy (Matt 25:40). Don't do seemingly "good" things to get something from God. Do them because of what God has already given you.
And, by the way, when we are satisified, we will stop striving. John Piper said, "God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him." Along with the idea that God knows what he's doing in our lives is the realization that God is all we need. Nothing else can satisfy.
Ask God to show you what it looks like to find him the center of your life. Ask God to give you the desire and the power to focus on Him and to love him and to enjoy him for who he is and what he has done.


I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
- Psalm 13:6

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Going For It (A Call to Action!)

What if you asked God what he wanted you to do? And then actually did it? Like, actually took steps in the direction of obedience to God instead of ignoring his opened doors for you?

I was over at a friend's blog, A Work in Progress, reading and being encouraged by her thoughts, and I came across this question: "What would you be willing to do for Christ if you KNEW you could not fail?" A speaker had asked this question at an FCA meeting she attended, and she wrote a post about it.
When I read that, I felt really challenged, but also a bit frightened by the thought. If I knew, without a doubt, that all I needed was God, that I would not encounter any failed attempts, that everything would be successful, I would go for it! I can just imagine everything I would do! My friend, Katie, wrote that she was considering going to Africa. Wow. Just imagine - how God could use you if you let him!

A while ago, I asked God what he wanted me to do. I was feeling like God had given me a great reminder of his love, and all these blessings and encouragements, and I wasn't doing anything to give back to him. At the same time, I felt like if I jumped out and did anything (seemingly "on my own" without God saying "Alex, do this!"), I would fail. A friend asked me to consider how I would react if God's response was always "Yes". As in, if it's a good thing, I should go for it and watch intently for God to open or close doors. God may not speak audibly to you and say: "Hey Alex, I want you to go here and say this and then do this." Nope. He may give you a command in something a friend says, an idea, a sermon or message. And the good news is that he gives us friends and pastors and mentors who will help us confirm what God wants for us.
And that is exactly what I did, and God opened the doors for me to coordinate a group of students at my college who have, so far, organized and led two ministries to our campus - simple ways to show love to our fellow students.

Some time later, I was feeling slightly depressed about my singleness. If you've ever been the only single girl or guy in a group of people, you know how I felt! But I didn't want to let that stop me. The thing that got to me was: God can and wants to do incredible things in me and through me before I have a guy in my life. So I asked: "God, what can I do for you, your glory, to minister to your people, as a single lady?" Not only did I then read the blog post I mentioned above, but God also began showing me some awesome things.
For one, a friend of mine asked if I would be interested in taking on a leadership role in the Bible study / small group ministry he started at our college. I was honored and impressed, and God said, "Here. Here's something you can do for my glory while you're single." What a blessing! In addition, I began attending a group on campus for the prevention of Human Trafficking. The involvement I have with that club, and the possibility I have for future further involvement, like becoming an officer, is another thing God's shown me. And finally, I knew that something I could definitely do more of while single was missions trips. I learned about a mission trip opportunity this morning that I'm considering.

Okay, now don't get me wrong. Through this and because of this (and especially in that period where I didn't hear God), I learned that I'm going for it and I'm taking action, not to appease God, not to make God love me more, not to perform... But out of gratitude for what God has done for me. I'm thanking God for how amazing he is and offering my life to him. This is the first step of many steps to actually obeying God. To doing what he commands.

God wants to use you to do something incredible in this world. Will you let him?


Brothers and sisters, because of God’s compassion toward us, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you. Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants—what is good, pleasing, and perfect.

(Romans 12:1-2, GWT)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

First Semester of College... Check!

Well, my first semester of college is officially over. Exams are out of the way, papers have been turned in, and I slept in my own bed last night. Nice. Well, that's another thing I can cross off my life list. I'm glad I don't have to go back and do it all over again. Or am I?
Because, see, there's so much about this first semester that I would change. I mean, it was awesome. It was probably the best I'm going to get. But it wasn't smooth-sailing. It was hard. It was difficult. There were complicated issues, socially and relationally, as well as academically and organizationally. I'm not saying it was a failure, just that it wasn't easy. But I suppose that's normal, right? :)
If I could do it over again, I would change move-in day. I would be less stressed, more calm, more at peace. I would change the way I met my roommate, I would be more excited about our rooming situation. I would have spent more time with the people who would become my friends that first week of orientation, before all the exams and papers and obligations set in.
I would reconsider the way I handled some situations and some relationships. I would laugh before things went too crazy. I would have stopped before I did anything stupid.
If I could do it all over again, I would have enjoyed my time. I would have spent just a few more minutes praying for her, just a few more minutes talking with him, just a few more minutes figuring it out, meeting their needs, communicating what was important. I would have spent another second in a hug or another moment with a smile. I would never have complained about my job or my appearance or my car or the weather. I would just enjoy the time there.
I would have rested a little more so I didn't get sick the last weekend. I would have said a few more compliments, asked another person how I could pray for them. I would have worked on my chapter summaries and history assignments earlier. I would have spent less time on Facebook and more time communicating face-to-face. I would have tried for excellence in my classes instead of doing just what was required. I would have stopped trying so hard.
...if I could do it all over again.

But you know what? The past is the past. And I have seven more semesters left. That's roughly 105 weeks left. Or 525 dinners . Or roughly 40 more courses. Or more than 1,000 hours of work.

And I'm going to make each one of those count.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Temple Tuesday

There [Elijah] went into a cave and spent the night.

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

[1 Kings 19:9-18]
Are you waiting for God's still small voice in the cleft of the rock?

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Keeping On

I truly love where I am and what I'm doing. I love this college. I love my job. I love my family, and I miss them when I'm not home. I love these people here and I miss them when I'm not at college. I love them even when they drive me crazy! I love my professors and my classes and the extracurricular activities here. I love what I'm learning, even when it makes me crazy.

And I don't want to be bitter.

But while everything seems to be moving a little faster than I'd like (it's already December!), everything seems to be going a little slower than I thought, too.
I look back at how far I've come, and I'm proud. I'm proud of the work it took to get here. I'm proud of a God who works in my life, who is active and present and profound. I'm thankful that he loves me, that he delights in me. I'm thankful for the strength he gave and continues to give me, the hope he pours out, the safety and freedom I find in his arms.
I don't deserve any of that. I don't deserve his little blessings, the reminders of his grace and compassion. I don't deserve the wonderful things he's placed in my life for a purpose.

But sometimes... People can make me insane.
Those who make mountains out of molehills, by becoming upset over circumstances they shouldn't be concerned about and can't change
Those who become very open with their public displays of affection with each other, disregarding the opinions of others
Those who find it necessary to jump from relationship to relationship
Those who are succeeding at life and want me to be happy for them when I feel bad about myself
Those who look for reasons to be jealous or angry or emotional
Those who criticize others, who do not apply themselves to their work, those who claim to follow God, then become apathetic about his truth and love and purposely fail to demonstrate excellence when it counts
Etc.

Where is the line in a relationship in which I can go to a friend and confront him or her about a problem in his or her life where I don't sound jealous or hypocritical? Because I find myself doing plenty of those things as well.
I'd urge you to read Galatians 6:1, 2 Corinthians 2:7-8, Proverbs 9:9, and James 5:16, but here I have a quote from a blog I stumbled upon called Daily Discernment. The author writes: "First make sure your friend has actually 'sinned' and not just done something that you didn’t like. What scripture have they violated?"
In the majority of those circumstances above, my friends have not actually committed a sin, and there is a large part of me that has decided that unless I am close enough with them to bring the issue up without raising alarm, I should let it be. Which is hard, but is probably the best option.

In addition, part of being an adult is not being easily swayed by the opinions and emotions of others. It's becoming your own person and standing on your own two feet. Have I missed that? Have I forgotten the importance of becoming my own person in life? Of standing up for what I think, and not swaying back and forth like chaff in the wind? It's not God-honoring to be so concerned about everyone else that I fail to find my identity in him.

So why I am bitter? I feel like I can't live this life and enjoy my friends and their companionship because I'm concerned about the mistakes they're making. Is that the way friends are supposed to act? I mean, we're all broken ad sinful and we all make mistakes. But what would it look like to be devoted to my friends? To care so much about them that I love them though their sins? That I love them despite their fall-outs and hang-ups? That I have genuine compassion for them and their souls?

Any thoughts?


‎Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
- Romans 12:15-16

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
- 1 Peter 3:8-9

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
- Luke 6:30-31

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galatians 6:2

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
- Galatians 2:20

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"A Rolling Stone...

...gathers no moss." Is a quote my dad always tells me, which means that people and things constantly change. He also says, "The only two constants in life are death and taxes." Or this really creative thought: "If we never changed, we'd always be the same." :)

So, in reference to that, I'm going to let you in on a few changes to this blog. To be honest, I write this blog as means to express what I'm feeling and going through, not for other people. However, I'm impressed that people actually read my blog, so I would like to know what you think about it and what you would suggest.
Here's a short, ten question survey, just wondering what you think. It's completely anonymous, by the way. If you could, please take it! Just click on the link or put this in your address bar: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/WW5SRQC

Also, I recently created a Tumblr account, and I will posting poetry, free verse thoughts, and Bible verses over there from now on. This blog will still be updated frequently, but it will serve as a more non-fiction account of things and discussion on Scripture and life. So, if you feel moved to see what the fuss is about, the link to that page is http://losingmyself14.tumblr.com/!

Well, again, thanks for reading! Please take the survey and check back here for more posts later. :)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

God's Infinite Wisdom

So if you had told me six months ago about the crazy (yet awesome) whirlwind that my first semester of college would be, I would have laughed in disbelief. Two months ago, if you would have told me that the chaotic shaking up I was about to experience would actually be beneficial, not only to me but eventually to others around me, I would have seriously doubted your sanity.
But God (get this!), God has a plan! If you look back over my blog posts, you can see a definite period of doubt, confusion, and emotional upset that permeated my writing. And I often clung to the truth that God had a plan, but I never really got it. Sometimes it just takes experiencing something to truly understand it.

What I'm trying to say is that you've got to hold on and see it through. I faced a circumstance a couple months ago that I did not want to face. I was angry at myself for the way I responded to it. But now, looking back, I see at least 4 people, who, having walked through this issue with me or having seen me come out of it, are blessed through that. My experiences have encouraged or strengthened them. And it was God's infinite wisdom and perfect plan that provided this for me and for the people around me.

So, trust God. He truly does have a plan! And he really has a purpose.

Temple Tuesday

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?"

“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”

“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.

Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”

“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.

A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.

“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”

Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”

Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” So the rumor spread among the community of believers that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that isn’t what Jesus said at all. He only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

This disciple is the one who testifies to these events and has recorded them here. And we know that his account of these things is accurate.

Jesus also did many other things. If they were all written down, I suppose the whole world could not contain the books that would be written.


(John 21:15-25)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

What More Do I Want?

Sometimes I get so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I get so exhausted with striving and striving. Living the Christian life is exhausting and often burnout comes quickly, even if we have pure motives and are maintaining a consistent devotional time.
It's at the point of giving up with exhaustion when we ask God for a sign. We ask him to show or give us something that will keep us going. We beg him to make things happen in our lives, to fix our situations, to give us additional reassurance.
And then we sit down with our eyes closed and our ears plugged and we ignore God's thunderstorm outside.
Listen, God is working whether we see it or not! When we attribute a certain circumstance to chance or coincidence, God is working. When something just goes completely perfect, God is working. Things just don't happen. God is working them out. Also, God knows what we need. Even before we ourselves know it. He's just that awesome.
Some practical examples:
I was upset over a rift in a relationship, and God caused the other person to say something at just the right time to smooth things over.
I was worried about who I was going to room with next year, and a friend asked me if I would be willing to room with her - which was a total God thing.
I was focused so much on myself and what I do and what I need and a friend blessed me with words of encouragement, thanking me for something God had used me to do for other people.
I was beyond stressed over a paper that was due on Tuesday when I got an e-mail saying the due date had been extended to Thursday - so a couple more days to finish this long paper! Before I got the e-mail, my great-uncle reminded me he was praying for me and all the work I had due, and it really encouraged me to keep going.

There are a multitude of further examples. The point is that God is truly working. He is not silent; he is not absent. So while it's normal to want a sign from God, we don't need one. Every sunrise, every breath, every baby born, every moment is a sign that God is active in our world today, a sign that he really does care. We don't see God in actuality. And we typically don't audibly hear his voice. But he is here, active and present.

1 Peter 1:8 says, "Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy."

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Here Am I on Earth

"You are God in heaven and here am I on earth, so I'll let my words be few: Jesus, I am so in love with you." (Let My Words Be Few, By: Matt Redman)

Is that the cry of your heart?
I know I come to God more often with: "Dear, God, thank you for this day. Could you help me remember what I studied, keep me safe, bless my mom and my dad and that guy in the hospital and that missionary what's-his-name I'm supposed to be praying for, and bless this food to our bodies. Amen." Is that what God desires to hear from me? Like a lover who wants to talk with his beloved, God really isn't interested in "thank you for this day, bless me, Amen".
Ever sent a text message to someone or wrote on their Facebook wall just to say "hi"? Or called someone special or the sole purpose of hearing their voice?
It should be the same with God. I mean, granted, we can't reach out and touch him and we usually don't hear his voice audibly. But he still desires to have an intimate relationship with us. He longs to speak with us, to hear about our days, to hear us cry out about what troubles us and laugh about what brings us joy.
Yes, God is amazing and all powerful, which is why the song reads: "I'll let my words be few". In awe of God, we should have reverence towards him. But God is not only our Father, not only our King, but also our friend and counselor and daddy and lover. He's pursuing you. It's almost ridiculous to ask for God's blessings, if you think about it, because he loves us so much he'll always provide. Despite that, though, God is delighted in giving us good things (Matt 7:11).
So here's my challenge: Go to God right now and tell him what's up. Sometimes we spend more time worrying about something than we do talking about it with God. He wants to hear what's on your mind. Obviously, he knows everything, so he knows what you're dealing with, but he desires to hear you tell him. Again, it's like a husband and wife - both want to know about the other's life. Not only that, but they also ask questions about each other in order to get to know each other better.
So, stop reading and go tell Him! It may feel weird, but just keep going. It may help to write it down.
Okay, go!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

You Can't Forget Unless You Forgive

You can't forget unless you forgive
You can't move on unless you first let go

-~-~-~-~-~-
Poetry Number Seven
-~-~-~-~-~-

I'm sorry
I forgave you before you apologized
I thought I was doing some great feat
But I never apologized to you
Or asked for your forgiveness
And I'm sorry

If I could do it all over again, I would do it all differently
And If I could take it all back and start over, I would
And even though life has moved on
It still hurts
I still hurt
And I'm sorry

There is no cure for stupidity.
Thank God!
Because I would never have learned this lesson otherwise.

But even still,
I'm sorry.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Am I really satisfied?

To be honest, I have almost everything I've ever wanted. It sounds bad, I know, but really... I'm going to a college I love, majoring in a field I can't wait to dive into, participating in organizations I enjoy, working a great job... I have a mom, dad, step-dad, step-mom, brother, step-brother, step-sister, a whole ton of cousins, aunts and uncles, and a grandma who all love me, an amazing assortment of friends who I can count on for anything, I have incredible and hilarious suitemates and hallmates, a roommate who, despite being so totally different from me completely gets me, a bunch of professors and past teachers who I look up to and trust, a pastor at home and a pastor here at school who challenge and encourage me, a vast amount of adults and peers who are lifting me up in prayer and investing into my life... I mean, I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, shoes on my feet, and Jesus in my heart! That's all I need, and then God showers all this other stuff on me. Stuff I don't need, but find incredibly wonderful and often take for granted.
Seriously, do I need a cell phone? Do I need a car? Do I need a laptop? Do I need new clothes and expensive books and a wonderful college education? Do I need a comfortable, well-paying job?

And when I have all of this stuff, not only physical possessions, but also God's more personal gifts, like friends, accomplishments, qualities, and growths, I have to ask myself, am I really satisfied? Does all of this stuff satisfy me?

The truth is that I'm still yearning for more. There's got to be something more than this life. Seriously, all of this stuff I am and have and do is awesome. Some of it will last a long time and impact a bunch of people. But, in the end, what am I left with? When I die, what will truly matter? When I'm 92 years old (Lord willing) and looking back over my life, I pray that I will find something more important than my earthly accomplishments and even my spiritual accomplishments. I hope and pray and desire that the one thing I find will be Christ. The one thing I'm left with will be a relationship with the God of the universe.

What else really matters? Because I'm not satisfied with the good things of this life. I'm not satisfied with things I could live without. I mean, yeah, good things. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want a college education or I don't like having nice things - but I can live without them. And I'm not satisfied with them.
I want to be wholly satisfied with God. Because everything else could pass away, and I could be left with nothing... And God would still be here. God would be here holding me up and giving and taking away. And then, finally, I could say with confidence and utter belief: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away." Job was left with absolutely nothing; even his wife, his companion in this life, told him to curse God and die. But he held on. Because when we're left with nothing, God is so much more amazing. We can't depend on anything but him. How amazing!
This is a call to be broken before God and to remember just how incredible he is. To recognize that we should not and will not be satisfied apart from him.

These are the lyrics from Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken"...

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Monday, November 15, 2010

Song of Praise

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven above or on the earth below. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion. You have kept your promise to your servant David, my father. You made that promise with your own mouth, and with your own hands you have fulfilled it today.
Forgive your people who have sinned against you. Forgive all the offenses they have committed against you. Make their captors merciful to them, for they are your people—your special possession—whom you brought out of the iron-smelting furnace of Egypt.
May your eyes be open to my requests and to the requests of your people Israel.
Praise the Lord who has given rest to his people Israel, just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the wonderful promises he gave through his servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us or abandon us. May he give us the desire to do his will in everything and to obey all the commands, decrees, and regulations that he gave our ancestors. And may these words that I have prayed in the presence of the Lord be before him constantly, day and night, so that the Lord our God may give justice to me and to his people Israel, according to each day’s needs. Then people all over the earth will know that the Lord alone is God and there is no other.

(This song of praise taken from Luke 1:45-47, Psalm 42:8, 1 Kings chapter 8, NLT)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

God Has You Where He Wants You

Okay, so let's say that you are living in such a way to honor God. You're loving on people, you're spending time in the Word, you're attending a church and investing into the lives in Christians around you... But you want something else. Maybe you want money, a car, a job, to get married, to finally graduate school, to get a certain grade, a certain friend, a certain experience, a dating relationship, to be accepted or admired, or a physical possession. So, what is it?

What if I told you that God has you where you wants you? God has placed you in the life situation you find yourself for a purpose and a reason. It sounds cliche, but roll with me. For example, with regards to dating, I realized last week that I'm excited to date and get married. But not yet! Because there are so many wonderful, world-changing things God wants to do in me and through me before there's a guy in my life. Maybe it's hard for you to see it like that. But just consider something you want to do with your life that would be difficult to do with a family. I want to serve a year with an organization called "City Year" in either Atlanta or Columbia, which would be really difficult to do if I'm married. Just take a moment to consider that, and ask God to show you what He wants to do through you when you're single.
If you're dating or otherwise involved with a significant other, ask God for his direction, ask God for his provision, and ask him what He can do through your relationship.
LeCrae sings (er... raps), "See, your money, your singleness, marriage, talents, your time / They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is divine". See, wherever you are in life, God is working. Whether single or dating, young or old, in high school, college or the workplace. God has you where you wants you. Give him everything you are and have and ask Him to show you how He can love others through you.

Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.
(1 Corinthians 7:17)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Where's Your Heart?

It's days when I feel like everything is going perfectly when God reminds me how I can do nothing. It's those days when everything is seemingly going how I planned and I'm starting to feel prideful that I accomplished everything today, when I'm left with a weird feeling. It doesn't feel like "emptiness" per say, but it definitely feels like I'm missing something. It feels like a consistent, unquenchable yearning for something more. But what?

Tell me: Where is your heart? What is it running after? What is your heart crying out? What is the song it is singing? In other words, what matters? What is it in your day-to-day that takes up your time, your thoughts, and your feelings? What makes you tick? What is your heart yearning for? What is your soul on fire for?

Hillsong sings, "My heart will sing no other name... Jesus, Jesus". And I'm reminded, on these days when I seem to have it all together, that the "cry of my heart [should be] to bring [Him] praise". The most important thing is not my success. When I get ready for bed, I should not be asking myself: "Did I have a good today? What did I accomplish today? How did I benefit today?" But rather, "God, are you glorified through me and how can I glorify You more? How did You use me to bless others today? And how can I love others with Your love tomorrow?"
I should rejoice in God's majesty and blessings! When good things happen, my immediate response should be to thank God and to praise him.
So, back to the first paragraph... Yep, I'm missing something. I'm missing God being the center of my life. Yes, I'm a Christian. But we can be Christians without living sold out for God. We can be Christians without being fully on fire and completely in love with God. And that's sad. So I'm urging you tonight to remember why you're here. Why you are pressing on in this complicated thing called life. Why you're even a Christian!
Remember back to the moment (or moments) you realized you were a desperate sinner and needed God above anything else. Remember how poor, lost, broken, and hopeless you were and felt. Go ahead. It's okay to feel it. But not for too long. Because you are no longer like that! Rejoice in the fact that God sent his son to pay the highest ransom (death!) for you. And he would have died for you even if you were the only person in the world. What a wonderful realization that is. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 lists a multitude of sins that, if practiced, do not lead to heaven. But verse eleven says, "Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." So rejoice. You've been set free! This is a call to remember what Christ did for us and to look forward to what he will do in providing heaven. This mindset keeps us focused on what really matters every day.

Live like Christ died yesterday, rose this morning, and is coming back tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Temple Tuesday

There's so much I could write about tonight. So many God-things have been happening to me, to others around me, and within my campus and this community and this world that I could write about, but I really just want to focus on one thing.
While waiting for (or actively pursuing) God's specific plan for you, do not neglect his general command to love.

I believe that God has given us general commands and specific commands, both of which we must obey. For example, God said: Go and make disciples of all nations, Honor your father and mother, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength... Those are his general commands and they apply to every Christian on the face of this earth.
But God has also given us and/or will give us specific commands. Some are as seemingly small as "Go tell this person something from me" or "Start a Bible Study". Then are things that specifically reflect God's overarching plan for us. These are typically bigger (though not necessarily more important), like when God gives us the reassurances to go to a certain college or instructs us to move to another area or to take a certain job or volunteer for a certain ministry. And these specific commands also include our vocation. Basically: What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Many times we get caught up in the "big picture" items, that we neglect the seemingly "smaller" things. For example, God's given me a desire for teaching, because through that I can explore the English language and literature and minister to teenagers, which are two important things to me. But God hasn't really given me anything too far beyond that.
Okay, but I can deal with that. I'm satisfied with where God's placed me and I know that I have 7 semesters before I step out into the workforce. But I want to do something amazing for God right here and now. I mean, I'm at this college, with these friends, in these classes, in this dorm, on this hall, with this roommate and these suitemates, and involved in these extracurricular events for a purpose and a reason. And God has me here because it's where he wants me. But at the same time, I feel this insatiable need to go do something for God. And I'm almost afraid of just jumping out and doing something for the fear that it will end in a mess. So I've been sitting here, saying "God, show me what you want me to do. I will follow you wherever you lead me." And God hasn't shown me anything specific yet.

Yet, in this moment, it hit me: I can't put everything else on hold while I wait for God's specific command. Because God wants me to obey his general commands at all times, especially while I'm waiting for his specific commands. One general command I think we forget is to love others as we love ourselves.
Ever met someone who was on such a mission that nothing could stop them? They charge through the hallways, looking for that one professor or trying to make it to chapel on time that they ignore everything else?
With regard to God vs the world, we should be like that. Acknowledge that you can leave everything in this world behind all for God, and that you'd be okay with that. But when it comes to people, love them! Love, love, love. Invest time into them. Listen to them. Pour your life into them. Don't get so focused on the "ministry" aspect that you neglect the people you're helping. Don't get so focused on the end result that you neglect the means. Love others with a heart that longs to see them restored in Christ.

See, no matter what your specific command or your calling is, God has called you to love him and to love others. No matter if God has called you to be a truck-driver, a soccer coach, a mom, a college professor, a counselor, a doctor, or housekeeper... He has called you first to love.

Monday, November 8, 2010

How Amazing is God's LOVE!

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery, how You gently lift me
When I am surrounded, Your love carries me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing

Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing deep inside of me
Every time I see You, all Your goodness shines through
And I can feel this God song, rising up in me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing

Hallelujah, By: Vineyard

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Living Life Like I Control It All = Ridiculous

God, I hate that I hate.
And I'm disappointed that I feel disappointed.
I feel upset and uneasy over the fact that I'm upset. And uneasy.
I regret that I have regrets. I wish I didn't wish for so much. It would be nice if I was nicer.
It it were up to me, everything would be peachy keen and soft and sweet. But what I once longed for is never coming to fruition.

But what is God doing? Here I go again, living life like I control it all!

Hey, you. Yeah, you. God has a plan for your life. God has a purpose. God is working all things out for your good, because you love him and have been called according to his purpose. You are not struggling through this world on your own. So hope for the best and keep on keeping on. Don't get so bogged down in the little things of life.
Imagine the unimaginable! Try to fathom the unbelievable. That's what God wants to do in your life, your school, your workplace, your city, your state, your country, and in this world.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

(Ephesians 3:20-21, MSG)

A Call to Purity

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers throughout Macedonia. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more.

- 1st Thessalonians 4:1-10

Okay, I don't know if you actually read those verses or just skipped ahead, but go back and read it. Or, if you did read it, go read it again. I want you to get it.
Got it? Good. Now let's talk.

Because of where we're from or how we were raised, we may have varying interpretations of the meaning of the word "purity". For some, that means no sex before marriage. For others, it means modesty. For others, it refers to wearing turtleneck sweaters and ankle-length skirts and long-sleeve button-up shirts and not being able to stand within two feet of someone of the other gender. But what does purity really mean?

I don't know about you, but I've got a very high standard for purity. We can talk about the specifics later, but in general, I hold purity in a high regard. Purity is to be valued as living a holy life. Verse 3 from Thessalonians chapter 4 says that we should avoid sexual sin, not so we will not have fun or experience pleasure in this life, but so that we will live within God's will for us, which is that we be holy. Holy means "set apart" and refers to us, as Christians, being and behaving differently than the world, so that God can use us for his purposes. Sexual sins are sins against our own bodies, yet God paid a high price for us and desires that we not only honor him with our bodies, but also give him our bodies as living sacrifices (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Romans 12:2). Overall, I believe that when our hearts and minds are focused firmly on Christ and his love, our relationships tend to model that. Instead of a relationship that is centered on what we desire, or centered on the other person and what they do, our relationships should be wholly about Christ, about genuinely loving those God's placed in our lives, whether friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.

Realistically, there are practical steps to embrace a lifestyle of purity. We see one very evident in verse 6, "Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife...". Few of you are married, but consider the implications of this verse. In most cases, young adults date many people before getting married. It's a little of bit of an imagination stretch, but consider the people you have liked and may date but won't marry. They are someone else's wife or husband. I read a story about a youth pastor who asked a dating couple who had been all over each during youth group to stay after and talk with him. He asked the guy, "Are you ready to marry this girl right now?" The guy responded, "No." And the pastor asked, "So why are you touching another man's wife?" Sure, it may seem a bit extreme. But it's the truth. Until you actually are married, you don't know if you will get married. Why take the risk of giving of yourself too much emotionally or physically before marriage?
The passage in 1 Thessalonians concludes by urging the Christians to love. In reality, we prize purity out of love: love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, love for our friends and acquaintances, love for our future and current dating relationships, love for our future spouses. Love means putting the other person first. It means asking, "What can I do for you?". Paul tells us that we cannot love too much - so keep on loving more and more!

Finally, know that every dating relationship ends. It will not last. (I know it's hard to fathom, but roll with me here.) When it ends, what do you want to be left with? If we maintain purity now, we will be left with purity and some sweet memories, and yes, maybe some heartache. But I tell you the truth, you will not regret maintaining a high level of purity in your relationships even now.
See, the purpose of living a pure life is so that God can use us. Allow me to shake things up for you: Being pure for marriage is wonderful. But it should not be our goal. It should be a by-product of our goal, which is loving God and loving others.

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.
- 2 Timothy 2:21-22

Friday, October 29, 2010

Missing the Point

To open his book "Crazy Love", Francis Chan asks, "Have you ever wondered if we're missing it?"

I think, especially at Christian schools or colleges, we focus so much on the nonessentials that we are missing the point. In the long run, all of this study of eschatology and typology and deeper Biblical meanings and methods of evangelism and baptism and worship and whatnot are good, but aren't truly essential.
Barlowgirl sings, "At the end of it all, I want to be in Your arms." When it really comes down to the end, where are we? Are we debating if the last chapter of Mark was original or are we sitting on God's lap and breathing him in? When your last day comes, will you tell Jesus how you aced your Hermeneutics exam? Or will you tell him about the people he used you to love? When you go to sleep at night, are you satisfied that you truly convinced the atheist about God's existence or satisfied that Jesus loves you, unconditionally, and has blessed you with the desire to show others his love?
Don't get me wrong, it's a blessing to be here at a Christian college and get the chance to learn my faith and prove it. But have I been missing the most important part?

Recently, I've been getting a weird feeling in worship and prayer and I asked God, "What are you doing? What's going on in my life?" And this morning God said, "Alex, stop trying so hard. Just sit here in me. Breathe me in. Relax and let me do something beautiful."
That's what I'm getting at. Yes, we should study the Bible and Christianity. Yes, we should love and serve and support others. But we should do so out of an intimate relationship and deep love with God.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Temple Tuesday

This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. Amen.
(1 Timothy 1:15-17)

God loves you. If you don't yet know that, I'm going to tell you again: God loves you. And when he looks at you, he sees no sin, he sees no blame. He sees purity and spotlessness. Because Christ died a brutal, horrible death upon a cross for you, so that you could be washed pure from your sins and so that you could have a relationship with God.
But one wonderful thing about God is that he made and is in and fosters relationships. God is all about community. Listen, God freed you from sin and you are pardoned, but it doesn't end there. God uses our sufferings, our triumphs, our tears and joys, our battles and victories, and our stories to build up others. It's like listening to someone give their testimony or hearing a teacher or professor share a life lesson they learned, we can hear and learn from others.
So lose this ridiculous idea that life is all about you. Even the difficult things in life can strengthen others through us. Don't get all depressed that your life is falling apart. See the good that can come out of staying true to God even in hard places.
Also, one of the best witnessing tools is a life changed by the power of God. If people can see that, as a Christian, you are truly different, it will make all the difference.
Don't deny that you're a sinner. Believe me, when God reveals to you how much you need him, it's overwhelming. But don't dwell on that. Instead, dwell on God's love! How great is God's unfailing love that is poured over us every morning! Ask God for the desire and power to love others with his love.

Monday, October 25, 2010

A Call to Apologize and Forgive

Here's a song that exemplifies my call to apologize and forgive.
When we realize that God gave us everything when He didn't owe us anything and we didn't deserve anything, it makes us so much more willing to forgive others and to move on past both our mistakes and their mistakes. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Embers and Envelopes
By: Mae

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by
I know you have sacrificed time, life, love, time to fly
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by
I know to have something like this broken, is hard to fix

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the One whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

If all is said and done and over,
If we don't have to, we're not gonna
Make the change, it's worth the try.
What's broken can be fixed tonight.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Your Testimony

Look at your testimony, your story of faith. Describe it. Look at where you've been and how far you've come. What has God taught you?
Too often we have this mindset that the only good testimonies are the ones where we can see some spectacular sign of God's immediate and powerful work. We live like the only good testimonies are the stories of desperate, wicked sinners being radically and emotionally changed into God-fearing, loving saints.
...Wait a minute! Aren't we all desperate wicked sinners who need God? And aren't all Christians radically changed by God? And aren't all of us called to radical obedience and crazily giving everything back to God and letting him love others through us?
Well, yeah, actually. But we tend to play the comparison game, even when it comes to our testimonies. We say, "Oh, well, I accepted Christ when I was 6 and I've always lived in a Christian home and I never did drugs or slept around, so my life and testimony is boring" and we hear someone who lived an immoral life and who didn't listen to God until they were adults and have overcome such supposedly vast sins... And we think that their testimony is so much more important and special and influential than ours.
But the truth is that we are all sinners saved by grace through faith. My story is no more important or amazing than yours, because it's my story. It's what God said to me and did in me. Likewise with your story.

I see this in the two stories of changed lives we find in Acts 9:1-22 and in Luke 5:1-11. In Acts chapter 9, Saul is going to Damascus when God does something incredible. If you know the story, you know that a bright light shines down, Saul is blinded, and Jesus asks, "Saul, why are you persecuting me? ... I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do." (v.4-6). It's a pretty amazing story. But God works in many different ways, and we see a slightly different faith story in Luke chapter 5. Jesus climbs into Simon Peter's boat and asks him to take the boat out a bit into the water so Jesus can preach from the boat. It is a seemingly ordinary move - a guy stepping into another guy's boat. Jesus called Peter, a simple, uneducated man who worked as a fisherman to follow him. And Peter didn't leave behind a life of massive, growth sin (in human standards), he left behind his own life. And he took up his cross and followed after Jesus. It changed his life.
So whether or not your testimony sounds "cool" or seems to compare with others' testimonies, it really doesn't matter. Because God has and is and will continue to work in your life. And God will use your struggles and your testimony for his glory. Because that's the purpose, that's the end result: That we are conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Learning Some Lessons

I realized last night and today that I really love college. I'm so blessed to be here!! And I just wanted to share some things I've been learning, so that I can remember them and so that you may be blessed because of them. :)
  • God has a purpose for everything that happens and he can use mistakes and problems for good - because everything works out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
  • God can and will speak through other people, circumstances, worship, and His word. Listen!
  • When God tells you to do something, do it. Don't hesitate.
  • People are not scary! Be willing to invest your life into others. Listen to their needs, pray for and with them, and concern yourself with lifting them up and being a tangible of expression of Christ for them.
  • Forgiving someone doesn't mean they were right, it doesn't mean what they did is okay, and it doesn't mean you understand what they did or why they did it - it just means you don't hold it against them. It means you acknowledge that God forgave you and accepts you as his child, and because of that, you have to forgive those who hurt you, and accept them as brothers or sisters in Christ.
  • Always be willing to listen. And love on people with every chance you get. God will honor that and bless you.
  • When you don't know how to pray or what to pray for, the Holy Spirit will intercede for you "with groanings that cannot be expressed in words" (Romans 8:26). So don't worry about praying the right thing, because he understands.
  • When God points out something in your life that you're trying to hold on to, give it to him. Don't get all angry that God is shaking up the way you do things. Give him everything. Don't hold back because you're afraid. Relinquish control on what truly does belong to God, because he wants to do something beautiful with those parts of your life he shows you that he wants you to let go of.
  • Pray. And don't just babble on and on. Listen to God. God wants to say something to you, but are you quiet long enough to hear him.
  • Finally, work ahead. Because you do not want to be doing chapter summaries at two in the morning!
If you've read this far, I'd love for you to comment with some thoughts or post some things God's been teaching you. :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Crossing Those Monkey Bars

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. - Unknown

So, it hurt, right? You're still not sure exactly what happened. All you know is: things are different now and you can't explain it. And now you feel hurt and upset. And by this point, you're starting to get over that hurting feeling in your heart. But despite trying your best to get over it, whenever it pops back up, your stomach feels all knotted again. And you wonder if the regret and the frustration will ever completely go away.

And that's when God speaks...
Give it to me. You gave it to me so I could bring about good in your life and in the situation. You gave it to me when you realized you had no other option. And when I started to shake things up a bit, you got frustrated and you tried to take it back. But, my child, it belongs to me. And now I want you to give me your frustration and your remorse and your confusion. Cast all your cares upon me. For I am gentle and humble in heart and in me you will find rest for your soul. My child, give it all to me. And I will show how I will make the situation right again. I will show you if and how I want you to move, and I will prepare you. Listen to me. Seek me in everything you do. Before you make a move or utter a sound, ask me what you should do. Because in me you live and move and breathe.
My beloved, I will never allow something in your life that is not for a purpose. You will be challenged and you will grown in this circumstance. But I want you to give it to me. Box it up, label it, and place it in my open hand. You cannot manipulate your emotions about it anymore than you can control it.
So, give it to me.

I Can't Do This

After the first couple days of classes, syllabus shock set in. I was terrified to even open my syllabus, afraid that some big monster would jump out and drag me into a mismatched calendar or a dayplanner with missing pages. But then I realized it was okay. I can write chapter summaries on the book of Mark in two weeks. I can make a Portfolio Outline for Teacher Ed, and it really wasn't that difficult.

And then last night, it hit me again. I said, I can't do this. I can't finish chapter summaries and go to my study group and be prepared for this test and practice piano and everything else on my calendar and actually stay sane.
And you know what God said? He said, "No, you can't... alone. But I'm your God. And you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you."
Talk about a wake-up call! See, my parents are not going to come down to my college and rescue me if I fail. I'm on my own. But this is just another reason to rely fully on God.

I'm reading the book of Psalms, and today I'm on chapter 40. It's a beautiful story of needing God, and below I have verses 1-3, 5, 12-13, 17, but I encourage you to read the entire chapter.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing,a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage. Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.

Monday, October 18, 2010

What If There's More To Life

What if life isn't really about me? What if all this time I've wasted on my earthly concerns could have been better spent rejoicing in God and thinking about his concerns?
How would God view the people in my life? How would God view the circumstances I'm facing today? This week? This week? This year? How would God treat those he loved? And those he didn't particularly like? How would God feel about those around him? How would God deal with interruptions? Confusions? Annoying people? Rude people?
What if there is more to life than jumping from one experience, one relationship, one gift, one party, or one weekend to the next? What if each moment in my life is important? What if God has a purpose and a plan for me, not only for the significant, emotional, and trying times, but also for the seemingly boring moments?

What if my chief goal is to glorify God and be satisfied in Him?
How would I go about life differently?

Friday, October 15, 2010

My Disappointments

To me, true beauty is being able to take something that looks like a mess and turn it into something good. And God does that well!

I'm so excited about what God is doing in my life that I don't have time to worry about it. It's so amazing that God can use my disappointments to strengthen and prepare me, encourage others, and glorify Him. :)

I had been praying for God to provide guidance and direction and peace in a certain aspect of my life, but it wasn't until I made the conscious effort to give this thing to God that I really saw him working and heard him speak. And when I gave him full control of this issue, he did something wonderful - He took it away from me. I know what you're thinking: What?! How could God take that away from her? For a while, I was really disappointed. This was something I wanted, and had wanted for a while, and God removed it from my life. But I had given it to God. I realized that I couldn't just take it back from God now. It belonged to him. It had already belonged to him, I was just giving him control. I was relinquishing my futile grasp on what already belonged to him. I was saying that I would no longer try to manipulate circumstances or people that I honestly couldn't control.
God taking this from me was probably the best thing he could have done, obviously. I mean, I had prayed for God to show me that I could trust his plan and purpose and for an understanding of his guidance and future and desire to give me what is best for me. I've realized that when God wants to teach me something, he doesn't just show me, he puts me in a circumstance where I will have to learn it. So, to teach me that he always does what is best for me, he took this thing I thought I needed out of my grasp. To teach me that he is reliable and dependable and trustworthy, he placed me in a situation where the people I thought I could depend on let me down, and the people I didn't really want to trust were the ones who stuck by me throughout the situation. See, God knows me better than I know myself, and he knows what I need and what I want, what I long for and what he desires for me. And God allows trials and difficult circumstances in my life to strengthen, prepare, encourage, and grow me. He has a reason for allowing the hurt that comes from both my mistakes and outside influences.

So, yeah, it hurts that at the end of the day, this issue doesn't pop up. It hurts that things have changed. But, at the same time, it's a blessing that I no longer have to control this. It's a blessing that God is in control of my life. It's a blessing that I don't have to worry about what's going on anymore. Because Christ died for me - and all I can do is give myself to him as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:2). God can do infinitely more than we might ask or imagine if we are willing to give him our first and our full (Ephesians 3:20).
I realized that I would make a mess of my life if I held on to it. I realized that I would ruin everything if I jumped ahead before God called me. But waiting for God to lead me only means that he has something SO much better for me and that if I wait on him, he will bring it into my life at the perfect time.
Why not trust God with your life and your joys and your disappointments? He knows what's going to happen! He has a great and wonderful plan, and when you trust him, he can do wonderful things in you and through you for others.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Temple Tuesday

Yesterday was the midpoint in the semester, which means I am halfway through my first semester of college. Where on God's green earth did the time go? Seems like, last week, I was a tenth grader sitting at a round table in Williams Chapel filling out an application for college. And, here I am, a freshman in college. Wow.
Just wanted to remind you that God has plans for you! He is taking you somewhere, not only for your good, but for a grand purpose for this world and his creation.
Don't get so focused on the little things in life that you neglect the two most important things...

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

(Matthew 22:37-38)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sometimes I Feel Like a Mess

But, you know what? It's okay! Because when I'm broken and desperate and needy, that is when I realize my need for God. That is when I realize how I'm going nowhere without him. In the New Living Translation, Matthew 5:3 reads, "God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs." It's okay to struggle and it's good to realize that we don't and won't have it all together, because through that we come to understand how great and powerful and forgiving and holy and accepting of us God really is. So, run to him and climb up in his lap and love him and receive his love for you! Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Along those same lines, I often find myself going through life searching for the next "thing", the next "high", if you will. For many people, life is just a series of events strung one after the other. It follows that "living for the weekend" mindset that you may have noticed in high school or college: life consists of planning parties for next weekend and 'recovering' from parties last weekend.
We even see this in the Christian life. We think that we are truly Christians, or that we're doing it right, during those moments of high intensity in our Christian walk. There's this subconsious idea that, as Christians, those moments where we are completely on fire for God and we see God everywhere are better or "right" and that those times of living in the valley and struggling to see God are not "Christian" or are "wrong". But we forget that life can't lived on an emotional high everyday. We need moments of peace. Also, God may be using the times when you don't necessarily "feel" him as an opportunity to prepare you for something better in life. For example, for me personally, I can see how God is using this moment of singleness (even when being single hurts!) to prepare me for his future for me in regards to dating and marriage. I've learned so much through the struggles that I truly would not trade it for anything.
My friend Tori said it well when she said, "God is just preparing you to be ready for the best." If it's not the best, then it's not from God - and God's "best" usually looks different than mine! Hold out for God's best, trust that he knows what he's doing (because he does!), and use today to learn something. What is God trying to teach you through this experience?
Finally, have patience. Josh Wilson sings, "My friend, you know how this all ends and you know where you're going, you just don't know how you'll get there. So say a prayer. And hold on, cause there's good for those who love God. Life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time, but you'll see the bigger picture." And he's right - it's going to take time, but press on. God loves you and he has a good and perfect plan for your life and he will never fail you.


Maybe there are things you can't see and all those things are happening to bring better ending. Someday, somehow, you'll see.
- "Before the Morning", by: Josh Wilson

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.

- Zephaniah 3:17

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Selfless Living

When was the last time you gave of yourself to serve someone else selflessly? It could be an organized service project or a spur of the moment decision to love. It could be a global initiative for missions or a consistent effort to brighten your roommate's day. It could be listening to a friend's concerns and needs or feeding a hungry child. It could be anything where you give of yourself and become nothing so someone else can be blessed. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." I think that's what I'm getting at.
It's like this: I've got homework, I'm tired, I feel a headache coming on, and I'm hungry, but a friend comes into my room needing help, and I must be selfless and listen to her and give her advice.
Or: Despite my work and school obligations, one of my classes is doing a service project and I'm required to be there. Do I show up late and with an attitude? Or do I strive to get there as soon as I can and demonstrate a servant's heart?
Or: I totally forget about something a friend is struggling with and I bring up related, awkward topics without considering the effect it might have. Why do I do that?

Because I'm sinful. Paul said, "I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate." (Romans 7:15) But guess what? Christ, living in me, through the Spirit, can do fantastic things, such as selfless living. When I give everything I am and have and desire to God, he can use it for great things to bless others and further his kingdom. Your longings and fears and desires and family situation and past and relationships and circumstances and plans are not coincidence. Let God use them for His glory.

Listen, God will never take something away from you without giving you something better. God works everything out for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28) and he will give you what is good (Matthew 7:9-11).


Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.
Romans 6:13-14, NLT