Spiritually Prepared

My biggest fear going into college was that I wouldn't make any friends. God radically challenged and demolished that fear by blessing me with an amazing group of friends I have kept and loved these last two years. I would not be here without them.

Now, when it comes to my five week trip to Asia (which I leave for in 7 days!), my biggest fear is that I am not spiritually prepared enough. It's like this little sneaky feeling that I should be somewhere else (farther or deeper or stronger) in my relationship with God and that I'm just not there yet. I was actually really upset that I was not as "Christian" as I thought I should be before embarking on this trip.

The organization I'm serving with really emphasizes preparation and  pre-trip planning, even providing a Bible study, a journal devotional, and a book on servanthood to prepare us for the trip and the ministry we'll be doing. I think that's great, but it was affecting my outlook on the trip in general. I felt like I was not good enough to go to Asia in the first place. Fortunately, I was wrong. It's not about my "good-ness" or ability. It's about God's goodness and ability. He will equip me to do the good work he is calling me to. The pre-trip devotionals and Bible studies are for the purpose of opening my eyes and heart so I am willing to let him use me. They serve little purpose than to help me be aware, to help open and keep open the lines of communication between me and God.

Tirzah Presbyterian Church

I learned this while I was on a mini road trip today. This morning, I woke up at 6:30am and drove a little over an hour to a city a couple counties over from mine. It was fairly spontaneous, as the idea occurred to me late yesterday afternoon, and I wasn't sure exactly where I was going. I ended up doing everything I set out to do. First, I visited a tiny unincorporated community called Tirzah. In Hebrew, "Tirzah" is a female name which means "She is my delight" and it is found in the Bible as both a name and a city. I've always wanted to visit it just because of the name, but I learned today that the little town is just one street long! The road (Tirzah Rd) is about a mile and a half long and it literally has one church and a bunch of pretty houses. That's it. I wondered why I drove all the way there to drive down one street. Later, I went to the County library and found old records from the church, but nothing to explain why it was named Tirzah.

I think I set out trying to prove that I was beautiful or to find beauty. Maybe if I'm beautiful, I found myself reasoning, my Father will notice me. Or maybe I went about it trying to prove that I was somehow a good Christian, that I could go be away with God somewhere and have an amazing experience and come back spiritually renewed and glowing. Initially, I didn't set out looking to spend more time with God; I set out trying to be someone I wasn't.

Tirzah Road sign

After that random adventure, I drove to the Glencairn Gardens, a volunteer-run flower garden in the area. I spent some time taking pictures of nature and enjoying the scenery. Then I settled in for Jesus time. And let me tell you, God showed up without me needing to pressure him into coming. Or get down on my hands and knees and beg his presence. Not that there's anything wrong with asking God to be among us. The fact is that I learned that He already is. It matters so much to me that God sees me, that he notices me, that he finds me important, significant, and yes, beautiful. I failed to realize that he already does.

I don't have to do anything to get his attention because I already have it. He has carved my name into the palms of his hands. He doesn't just walk away when I need him or ignore me when I call him or find something more interesting to do. He always wants to hear my voice.

Flower at the Gardens

Thus, I realized I tend to focus on myself way too much. Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest had this to say today: "The continual inner-searching we do in an effort to see if we are what we ought to be generates a self-centered, sickly type of Christianity, not the vigorous and simple life of a child of God."

I honestly felt like I wasn't good enough, and that held me back from doing so much. Chambers says that the correct attitude is to "launch out in reckless, unrestrained belief that the redemption is complete," because even if it isn't, we are made right with God in Christ, and we should move on from ourselves. At some point, we should not "worry anymore about [ourselves], but begin to do as Jesus has said...". Which is: prayer and service. Sometimes as Christians, we get this weird idea that sanctification and ministry are not simultaneous. I would like to argue that they almost always happen at the same time. God has saved me and is saving me and I'm working out my salvation through my work for God's kingdom.

The point is that God sees and notices and loves me. Sometimes I still have to be reminded of that. Because he so generously lavishes love and forgiveness on me, I can go and serve and minister to others, even if I don't feel perfect or even good enough. You know why?

Because we "are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that [we] may declare the praises of him who called [us] out of darkness into this wonderful light" (1 Peter 2:9). He chose us to serve him. And if we waited until we were perfect to start serving, we would be in heaven already. (Alone, of course, because a nice portion of that serving is missions work.)

In this post from March, I included 1 Peter 2:9 because I heard it twice in one less-than-two-hour period and I couldn't figure out why. However, today, when I opened My Utmost for His Highest and saw that 1 Peter 2:9 was the headlining verse, I knew God was going to speak to me through it. It was like he had given me a little taste beforehand so I'd know when to pay attention when he used that verse to speak to me. What a strange blessing from the Lord!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that God is going to use me how and where he wants me. He is going to equip me for the work to which he's called me. And I don't have to be superwoman or super-Christian. I just have to be willing.

What I'm Listening To:

"You're Beautiful" - Phil Wickham

"Something Beautiful" - NeedtoBreathe

Switchfoot on shuffle

Strangely Dim

Just a thought I had tonight: When we’re looking into the eyes of Jesus, it’s a bit hard to get distracted by everything around us. His gaze is compelling and strong. As Helen Lemmel wrote,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

Do we believe that Christ is all we need? Do we run to him above all else? Do we find our satisfaction in him? Sometimes get so sidetracked by everything else going on that I forget why I’m even living this Christian life. I get so bombarded with the junk and the trials and the insignificant things that I lose sight of Jesus’s face. And what a scary place that is.

When we’re not looking at Jesus’s face, we are so easily distracted and so quickly beat down and discouraged. But God wants to encourage you and remind you of the great cloud of witnesses that is surrounding you. He wants to give you the strength to keep going and to press on even when things are rough, even when the problems and issues of life seem to weigh you down. He has great plans for you that are bigger than the circumstances around you right now.

My advice for the weary soul? Go and worship. Lift his name. And suddenly the “things of earth will grow strangely dim.”

After about 45 minutes of acoustic worship in the small chapel on campus, I joined a group of students, led by our campus pastor, as we walked to the waterfall on our campus. Thirty-four years ago today, there was a massive flood on our campus from that waterfall that destroyed all of campus and killed 39 people. But tonight, as we walked out to the falls along a path lined with votive candles and tiki torches, we saw the falls illuminated by and outlined in moonlight. It was gorgeous. We gathered to pray and I realized how insignificant my problems actually are compared to the greatness of God. We gazed up at the waterfall clothed in moonlight and stared up at the stars shining all too brightly upon us and we realized how great God is and how small our problems are.

And they grew strangely dim.

Like a Tree

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.

Ephesians 3:17

God sure works in mysterious ways, but I believe that he always provides confirmation. God provided wet fleece for Gideon, a star for the Magi, and a promise for Abraham. He asked these people to go and do, sometimes without specific directions, but once they obeyed, he gave them provision and confirmation.

Today, I drove to a nearby town to mentor like I do every Friday, but I actually did not get the opportunity to mentor this week. I was a little disappointed about it, but I realized when I was driving back to campus that God had shown me something awesome earlier. Maybe the point of driving out there was to see the confirmation God was showing me.

God has used music to get my attention before, and today, as I was pulling off campus, a song came on our campus radio station that really made me focus. It was Ascend the Hill's cover of "How Great Thou Art." I typically love modern covers of hymns, and this one is phenomenal. After that song, I flipped through a couple stations and heard "Our God," "How He Loves," and "My Savior Lives," all powerful songs that hold meaning for me. God was talking and asking me to listen.

I drove past a house I've driven past several times before, but this time, due to the weather changing, the tree was only half covered with leaves, orange and yellow leaves, and as I watched, some leaves drifted off the tree and floated to the ground.

And God said, "Alex, I want you to be a tree." Seriously. He said, "I've been shaking you and your leaves, the things you hold dear, because I want you to hold me dearer than any of that. Soon, you're going to be bare. You have felt and will feel empty and alone. But you are never alone. And during those times, I urge you to dig your roots down deep into my love and my words. Look, I am bringing about new buds. Little bursts of growth and blessing. Alex, let me love you, and I will shower lush leaves upon you. I will bring about new growth and new experiences and new things for you and for the people around you. I long for you to trust me, to hope in me, to have faith that what I am bringing about is best, even you don't understand, even when you're hurt. Let me love you. Let me demonstrate my faithfulness. I am the Lord your God."

For I am like a tree whose roots reach the water, whose branches are refreshed with the dew.

Job 29:19

So I'm going to be a tree.

Fellow Students...

Why do we walk so fast? I mean, we live on one of the most beautiful campuses in pretty much the entire world. If there wasn't a college on this land, it'd be a national park. Today, walking from chapel to my 11am class and from that class to lunch, I felt like I was seeing the trees and grass and butterflies and the sunshine (beautiful sunshine!) for the first time in my life. Everything seemed so amazingly real.

So, why, when going to and from classes, do we walk so stinkin' fast? Why do we look at our feet? Why do we avoid people? Why is it awkward to end up walking in step with someone, and why do we ignore them?

Why do we make it so hard to love? Because it's not hard. Yeah, we are surrounded by people who are seemingly unlovable. But if we really looked at and realized and understood and were captivated by God's unmeasurable and unbearable love for us, loving others would be a lot less difficult.

So walk slower, talk longer, hold the door open for another person... Life's only fun if you stop to dance in the roses (yeah, I know I just messed up that cliche). So chill out. Don't worry. Forgive immediately (and often). Trust a little more freely and talk a little more openly. Draw some boundary lines: not to keep anyone out, but to see who loves you enough to respect them. Don't give up. Ever.

And worship nothing and no one but God.