Hey, The Future's Calling; It's For You.

In 5 days, we will ring in the new year. Have you ever made New Year's Resolutions? Last year, I participated in the Office of Letters and Light's "Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge" (which is just a cool way to do Resolutions) and I completed 21 of my 25 challenges.

I try to set and accomplish goals which will improve myself. This summer, I had a goal to log as many hours of reading as I could for the public library's teen summer reading program, and to read many books from a College Bound Reading List I found. I read plenty of books and logged over 50 hours. I went on a mission trip with my school to an island near Charleston to work with Habitat for Humanity. I attended my mom's wedding, went to the beach with my grandma and brother, moved into my new house, and worked several days at my stepfamily's used car lot.

But, what did I do? What did I do that will have lasting effects? What did I do to help those around me? To aid those less fortunate? To build into the future?

Listen, the future is calling and it's for you!

By all means, go set a goal to read 20 books this year, go decide to run a marathon or learn to knit or speak a new language or write a novel or keep your room clean or research your ancestors or whatnot. Those are all good things that can be a part of your desire to use the mind and energy and resources God gave you. But don't stop there.

Ask yourself: How am I helping people? Or better yet: How is God using me to love others? How can I show them his love? The Bible doesn't say: "Go and get educated or rich or healthy or somehow 'better' so you will be a better person." Nope. It says, "Love God and Love People" and not so you'll be a better person, but because you were commanded to do so. And because out of this love comes a reverence and relationship with God as well as a community among people who will see Christ in you when you are loving them. See, the point is to love. Everything we are to be doing comes back to it. How are you loving?

Also, something very important to realize is that we can't just magically conjure up any "loving feelings" on our own. That turns into basing our actions of compassion and selfless on a feeling. And, in case you haven't realized it, love is not a feeling. It's a choice to put the other person above yourself - it's a decision to be selfless. And in and of ourselves, we have no ability to keep this up. But if we could do it all ourselves, we wouldn't need God. He willingly extends his strength to us, even giving us the needed resources to love him back.

So, friend, thanks for reading this far. I'm proud of you. Oh, and by the way, the future's calling and it's for you. Make the decision now to love. Start by doing something small, taking the baby steps and asking God to direct you to even bigger things. Every big run requires lots of little steps.

Maybe, like a friend of mine, you decide, every time you are wronged, to forgive within 30 seconds. That way you'd never hold a grudge. Maybe you decide to sincerely compliment a different person every day. Or hold the door for the people behind you. Or ask friends how you can pray for them. Or go on a mission trip. Or connect more with your parents or siblings. Find a baby-step way to love right now.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

(Matthew 22:36-40, NIV)

[Put your name in the blank... Which area do you need to ask God for strength to work on?]

____ is patient,

____ is kind and is not jealous;

____ does not brag and is not arrogant,

____ does not act unbecomingly

____ does not seek its own and is not provoked

____ does not take into account a wrong suffered

____ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth

____ bears all things and believes all things

____ hopes all things and endures all things.

____ never fails...

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NASB, edited)

All We Need Is You

There are two specific times in our lives when we come face-to-face with the realization that Christ is literally we need: First, when we have absolutely nothing monetarily or physically or even emotionally, and we have to rely completely on God for life and sustainment. And second, when we have everything we want and then some, and we finally understand that none of it matters and none of it fulfills and we realize the only way we can be truly sustained (and yet also truly alive) is through God.

I feel like I have experienced tiny glimpses of both in my life. In regards to the first one: following my parents' divorce when I was eight, my mom, 3-year-old brother, and I moved into my mom's parents' house for six months. It was five people sharing one shower. My mom saved up to buy a little house about an hour away from my grandparents. I never knew it at the time, but those first few years in our new house on our own were the most difficult for my mom, financially and emotionally. She was in desperate need of God, and through that I now see how God provided for us.

Secondly, my mom married my stepdad in June, and since then, we've lived in his house, about 30 minutes away from our old house. Not only has this marriage provided more financially for my family (in the way of two incomes), but it has also helped to expand my horizons and cause me to grow (I've stepped out of a teeny-tiny comfort zone, my mom is now more stable to support me in my endeavors in college, and my step-dad is also pushing me to be better while encouraging who I am). Thus, I have more stuff (my physical needs and wants are met) and I have more strength emotionally (I am supported by a network of caring people).

And after all this is said and done, here I sit, on this Christmas Eve, knowing I'm in the second category. This post from a little over a month ago relates the same idea: I have a lot of stuff. Good stuff, don't get me wrong, not only possessions, but also things like a great college I'm attending, friends I admire and look up to, a family I wouldn't trade for anything, experiences that have taught me so much, service and leadership opportunities... But it's a lot of stuff. There's nothing I'm just dying to have right now. Except one thing - God.

It's so easy to say "Well, if I only had this! If I only had that!", especially at this time of year. But I've got to the point where no physical thing is necessary any longer. God is calling out. And he's saying: "You don't need me and ____ or me and ____. You just need me. Nothing else will satisfy. I am all you need. I am your God and you will find everything you desire, everything you want, everything you need in me. So drink deep."

Ask God to show you what it looks like for him to be all you need. Ask him to show you what it means to be fully dependent on him. But be careful: I went into that prayer thinking God would take my earthly joys, like possessions or status, away, so that I could learn to trust him when I had nothing. Instead, God gave me earthly joys and asked me to prove that I didn't need them. Either way, and often, echo the words of Charlie Hall, "Cause we have all we need in You. All we need is You, all we need is you."

"The essence of faith is being satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus."

- John Piper

"I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."

- Psalm 63:2-5

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So

... "SO!"

Ever sang that song as a child? It basically repeats that one line over and over and at the end of each line, we always yell "So!" as loud as we can.

Notice something with me here: it doesn't say "Let the perfect people say so" or "Let the complete, finished, or accomplished people say so". It says "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so".

Philippians 1:6 explains "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The point is that you're not completed yet. You are redeemed. And you're on the path to restoration. But you're not finished. God is in the process of changing you, of doing something amazing in your life.

I know I'm not the person I once was. A lot has happened since I was six, when I first made the decision to accept Christ. At lot has happened since I was twelve, when I again committed my life to Christ, making my faith mine and not my parents'. In reality, a lot has happened in the past six months, both around me and in me. I'm not who I was. And I've grown a lot in the faith as well. Like Relient K sings, "Who I am hates who I've been".

I hope and pray you are aware of God's work in your life. Often, we get glimpses of what God is doing, and it's pretty amazing. But while you're excited about God's work, don't get prideful. Don't claim what God is doing as something you have done. Just be completely and utterly thankful for it.

But, on the other hand, don't get so caught up in acting perfect. You are not perfect! Yes, heaven is a wonderful place, but you're not there yet! As Christians, we should be looking forward to and anticipating Heaven, especially because there we will be like Christ. But lose this ridiculous idea that you will somehow attain perfection and completion here on this earth in this life. We are still sinful.

For so long I had the faulty idea that real Christians didn't sin. Uh, yeah we do. And it's going to hurt, because sin separates us from God. But that's why Christ died - to restore the relationship between us and God that was broken because of sin. See, when Jesus died for us, he repaired our broken connection to God. He brought us to the presence of the living Creator God. Yes, Christians sin and mess up and cause problems and have hang-ups and hurt other people and ourselves. But with our hearts turned to God, we seek forgiveness, we apologize, and with God's grace we move on. And we grow because of it. And God isn't put off by our sins. When he looks at us, he sees Christ's blamelessness. He doesn't see our sin, because while we're slowly working towards our completion in Christ, Christ's purity and lack of sin has covered us. We're being washed in the blood of Jesus.

Did you get that? Jesus Christ has overcome your sin. He bore it on the cross and you no longer hold it. Yes, you face earthly consequences, like a rift in a relationship after an argument. But God doesn't hold it against you. He loves you. Loves.

There's going to be sin, trials, difficult circumstances, upsets, depressions, hurdles, and all around bad things in life, caused by you, by others, or just circumstantially. And since God never wastes anything, he uses these difficulties as a means for our growth, to lead us closer and closer to completion in Christ. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I challenge you to learn to be patient with yourself. You're not going to have it all together. Stop thinking that a mistake is going to ruin you and God. God still loves you. Nothing you do or don't do could make him stop loving you. Realize that you are redeemed, not perfect. And remember, living the Christian life doesn't work if it's all about rules. It only works if, because we are so in love with our Creator, we simply desire to obey and please him.

Finally, God loves you. Get that! He does! And he is doing something incredible in you and through you. Let him mold you as the potter molds the clay. He is carefully, painstakingly, refining you and drawing you towards himself every day.

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

Your Love

God, thank you for wooing me. Like a patient lover enamored by my beauty, You adore me. You pursue me.

God, I am chief of sinners. I am desperately entangled in sin, surrounded by my enemies, encompassed by the lies of this world, the lies of my sinful desires. I am wrong, so bitterly wrong. I feel distant from you. Surrounded by the dark clouds of my mistakes, and You seem so far away, so dim through the haze.

But You reach out Your hand. Into the darkness of my sin, my pain, my apathy, You reach Your great hand to rescue me. You pull me from the mud and mire and give me a firm, steady, secure, safe place to stand.

I don't want to take Your hand. Everything in me yearns for it, but I'm bitter. I'm depressed, feeling dejected, feeling hurt, feeling ugly and worthless. I feel like I messed up everything.

But You show me the path to redemption. Lighted only by Your voice and marked out only by Your eyes. You show me Your heart.

Still, I'm afraid. It's a scary thing to grasp Your hand and let You pull me up.

You woo me. You speak through the loosened tongues of those who know me. I hear Your voice from the lips of those who have become available for your work. Through these people, willing to be used by You without knowing the outcome, you tell me:

You will always be in love with me

Suffering is inevitable and necessary to be like Christ, but You will never leave me

I am Your masterpiece

You Love me just the way I am

You stretch out Your hand, but because of my shame, I am wary of reaching for it. I know when You begin to rescue me, all my misdeeds, all my sins against Your Holy name will be revealed in the light of Your glory. And I'm ashamed.

But Your Love is greater than any sin of mine. I try to cower, but You simply smile and nod behind You. And there, standing behind you, is a man, yet somehow more than a man. His hands are pierced and bloody, his side is punctured. A crown of thorns is pressed into his head. He is dirty, ragged, and exhausted. But at the same time, He shines with radiance. You smile and tell me he shines because he defeated sin and death. My sin and death. I'm confused.

Knowingly, You remind me of Christ's death and resurrection. But seeing my sin upon his shoulders, tormenting him and weighing him down on that cross, it becomes real. That man, that person of Your trinity, took my sin, my mistakes, my misdeeds, my doubt, my frustrations, my self-righteousness, my impurity, my greed, my selfishness, my apathy, my hate, all my sin, upon himself and was brutally, horrifically, tortured and murdered. For me. Everything I should have faced, everything I should have felt, all the punishment I should have endured because of my sin against my neighbor, against my friend, against my enemy, against You, he suffered. He took the blame, the punishment.

Suddenly, my hazy pit looks like a pity-party for myself. This man, this son of Yours, this only son, died a horrible death for me, for punishment for my sin. He was depressed, dejected, and hurt. For me. Somehow I can never get that through my head. Maybe it's so hard to get my mind around it, so hard to get my mind around Your Love.

Your Love. So I grasp Your hand, the hand You so willingly offer, and You pull me out of my mud and mire. And You give me a rock to stand on. In Your light, I see my nakedness, my shame, my sin, myself for who I really am.

But that's not the way You see me. Because in Your eyes, I am really clothed, unashamed, and perfect. Perfect because I am Yours.There is now no condemnation for those who belong to Your son, You tell me. I am beautiful and matchless to You.

You have a beautiful plan for my life, You tell me. You have a God-sized plan for everyone as a whole, to bring about world-sized restoration. You're bringing Your people back to You again. And You want me to be a part of this. You want me, having been drawn to You, to be Your witness wherever I go, wherever You send me, to the people I meet. And when they see me, they will see You.

You tenderly invite me to an existence of joy. A life not contained by this world, but one which expands beyond the limits of time to live in You. You compassionately invite me to join You, to seek Your face, to know You, to live within You, and thus, to meet other people where they are and be a vessel You can use for Your purposes. Your whole purpose is in restoring Your people to You and You are passionate about this goal. And I willingly accept Your invitation to go out into the world, to my neighbor beside me and my neighbor across the world from me, and be Your witness and reach the ones You love who are lost without You.

You are in love with me. And You adore me.

I constantly spit in Your face, ridicule You, and reject You for something I think might possibly be more important than You, and when I realize what I have done, I am ashamed and my remorse fills me deeply. But You are so in love with me, You just want to be with me. You just want to see my face, hear my voice say Your name. I do not deserve You. I do not deserve Your attention. I messed up! When You Love me, I bring back to memory all the times I rejected You, all the times I cursed You and pretended I didn't know You, all the moments I ignored You...

And You stand there with a smile on Your face, telling me You have no idea what I'm talking about, telling me You Love me. You Love me. Your Love is amazing. And having experienced it, I am falling on my knees. Worship. Surrender. Love.

This was not the story of my conversion to Christ, although it certainty could have been. I turn my back on God on a daily and momentarily basis more times than I'd care to admit, and, as such, this is just the story of a simple day. A little over twenty-four hours of God's wooing. He is incredible. And just as he loves me, he loves you. With the same kind of love and the same deep intensity. His love knows no bounds. And it's here waiting to envelope you.

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

"Your Love" - Brandon Heath

Temple Tuesday

Some thoughts to encourage you on this Tuesday before Christmas...

And you, my little son,
will be called the prophet of the Most High,
because you will prepare the way for the Lord.

You will tell his people how to find salvation
through forgiveness of their sins.
Because of God’s tender mercy,
the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us,

to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death,
and to guide us to the path of peace.

- Luke 1:76-79 (Zechariah, speaking about his newborn son John the Baptist)

"I believe that if God showed us our purpose and future all at once, we wouldn't be able to handle it. God has such magnificent things in store for you, and sometimes it's going to be painful waiting for them to be manifested completely. Believe me, I know. So take heart and learn to be patient with yourself."

- Me, to a friend

"My child, eat honey, for it is good, and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short."

- Proverbs 24:13-14

"This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

- Habakkuk 2:3

Enjoying God

Well, after that passionate post yesterday about taking action and following God and obeying his every command, I find an interesting status update on Facebook from a friend which really spoke to me. Here I am, all excited about doing God’s will for the purpose of obedience and I read this status, which says,“The key to serving God is to enjoy God. If you don’t enjoy God, you’re not ready to serve him. For God doesn’t want your help, he wants your heart.” (from my friend Evan).

God doesn't want my help.

This makes me think of something I dived into a bit earlier on this blog. And that is the concept of being still. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God...". Exodus 14:14, Moses speaking to the depressed and complaining Isralites, states: "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

In the NASB, Psalm 46:10 reads, "Cease striving and know that I am God...". Why would knowing God is God stop us from striving? Psalm 100:3 says, "Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture." When we get it into our minds that God is in control, that He is the Almighty Lord of all, the King of everything, the great, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Creator God... when we even try to wrap our minds around it... It gives us a bit of peace. It does for me at least. One of the main causes of stress, of striving, is the false thought that maybe God can't handle it, that maybe he doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, honestly, God creates the whole world from nothing, then I come along and get all upset that he's messing up my life. Looking at myself from that perspective, I can be really ridiculous sometimes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're focused on anything but God, you're going to mess up. We can do a lot of good things in life, even people who don't believe in God can do nice things for other people. But true good, true satisfaction, true purpose and meaning, only come from God. Your life should be like a flowchart. Out of God's love he saved us. And because of that salvation and that love, we then give God everything we have, and by means of that, we love other people - the "whatever you do to the least of these" philosophy (Matt 25:40). Don't do seemingly "good" things to get something from God. Do them because of what God has already given you.

And, by the way, when we are satisified, we will stop striving. John Piper said, "God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him." Along with the idea that God knows what he's doing in our lives is the realization that God is all we need. Nothing else can satisfy.

Ask God to show you what it looks like to find him the center of your life. Ask God to give you the desire and the power to focus on Him and to love him and to enjoy him for who he is and what he has done.

I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

- Psalm 13:6

Going For It (A Call to Action!)

What if you asked God what he wanted you to do? And then actually did it? Like, actually took steps in the direction of obedience to God instead of ignoring his opened doors for you?

I was over at a friend's blog, A Work in Progress, reading and being encouraged by her thoughts, and I came across this question: "What would you be willing to do for Christ if you KNEW you could not fail?" A speaker had asked this question at an FCA meeting she attended, and she wrote a post about it.

When I read that, I felt really challenged, but also a bit frightened by the thought. If I knew, without a doubt, that all I needed was God, that I would not encounter any failed attempts, that everything would be successful, I would go for it! I can just imagine everything I would do! My friend, Katie, wrote that she was considering going to Africa. Wow. Just imagine - how God could use you if you let him!

A while ago, I asked God what he wanted me to do. I was feeling like God had given me a great reminder of his love, and all these blessings and encouragements, and I wasn't doing anything to give back to him. At the same time, I felt like if I jumped out and did anything (seemingly "on my own" without God saying "Alex, do this!"), I would fail. A friend asked me to consider how I would react if God's response was always "Yes". As in, if it's a good thing, I should go for it and watch intently for God to open or close doors. God may not speak audibly to you and say: "Hey Alex, I want you to go here and say this and then do this." Nope. He may give you a command in something a friend says, an idea, a sermon or message. And the good news is that he gives us friends and pastors and mentors who will help us confirm what God wants for us.

And that is exactly what I did, and God opened the doors for me to coordinate a group of students at my college who have, so far, organized and led two ministries to our campus - simple ways to show love to our fellow students.

Some time later, I was feeling slightly depressed about my singleness. If you've ever been the only single girl or guy in a group of people, you know how I felt! But I didn't want to let that stop me. The thing that got to me was: God can and wants to do incredible things in me and through me before I have a guy in my life. So I asked: "God, what can I do for you, your glory, to minister to your people, as a single lady?" Not only did I then read the blog post I mentioned above, but God also began showing me some awesome things.

For one, a friend of mine asked if I would be interested in taking on a leadership role in the Bible study / small group ministry he started at our college. I was honored and impressed, and God said, "Here. Here's something you can do for my glory while you're single." What a blessing! In addition, I began attending a group on campus for the prevention of Human Trafficking. The involvement I have with that club, and the possibility I have for future further involvement, like becoming an officer, is another thing God's shown me. And finally, I knew that something I could definitely do more of while single was missions trips. I learned about a mission trip opportunity this morning that I'm considering.

Okay, now don't get me wrong. Through this and because of this (and especially in that period where I didn't hear God), I learned that I'm going for it and I'm taking action, not to appease God, not to make God love me more, not to perform... But out of gratitude for what God has done for me. I'm thanking God for how amazing he is and offering my life to him. This is the first step of many steps to actually obeying God. To doing what he commands.

God wants to use you to do something incredible in this world. Will you let him?

Brothers and sisters, because of God’s compassion toward us, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you. Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants—what is good, pleasing, and perfect.

(Romans 12:1-2, GWT)

First Semester of College... Check!

Well, my first semester of college is officially over. Exams are out of the way, papers have been turned in, and I slept in my own bed last night. Nice. Well, that's another thing I can cross off my life list. I'm glad I don't have to go back and do it all over again. Or am I?

Because, see, there's so much about this first semester that I would change. I mean, it was awesome. It was probably the best I'm going to get. But it wasn't smooth-sailing. It was hard. It was difficult. There were complicated issues, socially and relationally, as well as academically and organizationally. I'm not saying it was a failure, just that it wasn't easy. But I suppose that's normal, right? :)

If I could do it over again, I would change move-in day. I would be less stressed, more calm, more at peace. I would change the way I met my roommate, I would be more excited about our rooming situation. I would have spent more time with the people who would become my friends that first week of orientation, before all the exams and papers and obligations set in.

I would reconsider the way I handled some situations and some relationships. I would laugh before things went too crazy. I would have stopped before I did anything stupid.

If I could do it all over again, I would have enjoyed my time. I would have spent just a few more minutes praying for her, just a few more minutes talking with him, just a few more minutes figuring it out, meeting their needs, communicating what was important. I would have spent another second in a hug or another moment with a smile. I would never have complained about my job or my appearance or my car or the weather. I would just enjoy the time there.

I would have rested a little more so I didn't get sick the last weekend. I would have said a few more compliments, asked another person how I could pray for them. I would have worked on my chapter summaries and history assignments earlier. I would have spent less time on Facebook and more time communicating face-to-face. I would have tried for excellence in my classes instead of doing just what was required. I would have stopped trying so hard.

...if I could do it all over again.

But you know what? The past is the past. And I have seven more semesters left. That's roughly 105 weeks left. Or 525 dinners . Or roughly 40 more courses. Or more than 1,000 hours of work.

And I'm going to make each one of those count.

Temple Tuesday

There [Elijah] went into a cave and spent the night.

And the word of the LORD came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

The LORD said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him.”

[1 Kings 19:9-18]

Are you waiting for God's still small voice in the cleft of the rock?

Keeping On

I truly love where I am and what I'm doing. I love this college. I love my job. I love my family, and I miss them when I'm not home. I love these people here and I miss them when I'm not at college. I love them even when they drive me crazy! I love my professors and my classes and the extracurricular activities here. I love what I'm learning, even when it makes me crazy.

And I don't want to be bitter.

But while everything seems to be moving a little faster than I'd like (it's already December!), everything seems to be going a little slower than I thought, too.

I look back at how far I've come, and I'm proud. I'm proud of the work it took to get here. I'm proud of a God who works in my life, who is active and present and profound. I'm thankful that he loves me, that he delights in me. I'm thankful for the strength he gave and continues to give me, the hope he pours out, the safety and freedom I find in his arms.

I don't deserve any of that. I don't deserve his little blessings, the reminders of his grace and compassion. I don't deserve the wonderful things he's placed in my life for a purpose.

But sometimes... People can make me insane.

Those who make mountains out of molehills, by becoming upset over circumstances they shouldn't be concerned about and can't change

Those who become very open with their public displays of affection with each other, disregarding the opinions of others

Those who find it necessary to jump from relationship to relationship

Those who are succeeding at life and want me to be happy for them when I feel bad about myself

Those who look for reasons to be jealous or angry or emotional

Those who criticize others, who do not apply themselves to their work, those who claim to follow God, then become apathetic about his truth and love and purposely fail to demonstrate excellence when it counts

Etc.

Where is the line in a relationship in which I can go to a friend and confront him or her about a problem in his or her life where I don't sound jealous or hypocritical? Because I find myself doing plenty of those things as well.

I'd urge you to read Galatians 6:1, 2 Corinthians 2:7-8, Proverbs 9:9, and James 5:16, but here I have a quote from a blog I stumbled upon called Daily Discernment. The author writes: "First make sure your friend has actually 'sinned' and not just done something that you didn’t like. What scripture have they violated?"

In the majority of those circumstances above, my friends have not actually committed a sin, and there is a large part of me that has decided that unless I am close enough with them to bring the issue up without raising alarm, I should let it be. Which is hard, but is probably the best option.

In addition, part of being an adult is not being easily swayed by the opinions and emotions of others. It's becoming your own person and standing on your own two feet. Have I missed that? Have I forgotten the importance of becoming my own person in life? Of standing up for what I think, and not swaying back and forth like chaff in the wind? It's not God-honoring to be so concerned about everyone else that I fail to find my identity in him.

So why I am bitter? I feel like I can't live this life and enjoy my friends and their companionship because I'm concerned about the mistakes they're making. Is that the way friends are supposed to act? I mean, we're all broken ad sinful and we all make mistakes. But what would it look like to be devoted to my friends? To care so much about them that I love them though their sins? That I love them despite their fall-outs and hang-ups? That I have genuine compassion for them and their souls?

Any thoughts?

‎Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

- Romans 12:15-16

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

- 1 Peter 3:8-9

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

- Luke 6:30-31

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

- Galatians 6:2

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

- Galatians 2:20

"A Rolling Stone...

...gathers no moss." Is a quote my dad always tells me, which means that people and things constantly change. He also says, "The only two constants in life are death and taxes." Or this really creative thought: "If we never changed, we'd always be the same." :)

So, in reference to that, I'm going to let you in on a few changes to this blog. To be honest, I write this blog as means to express what I'm feeling and going through, not for other people. However, I'm impressed that people actually read my blog, so I would like to know what you think about it and what you would suggest.

Here's a short, ten question survey, just wondering what you think. It's completely anonymous, by the way. If you could, please take it! Just click on the link or put this in your address bar: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/WW5SRQC

Also, I recently created a Tumblr account, and I will posting poetry, free verse thoughts, and Bible verses over there from now on. This blog will still be updated frequently, but it will serve as a more non-fiction account of things and discussion on Scripture and life. So, if you feel moved to see what the fuss is about, the link to that page is http://losingmyself14.tumblr.com/!

Well, again, thanks for reading! Please take the survey and check back here for more posts later. :)