The God Who Sees: Free Verse and Playlist

I wanted to share some final thoughts as I get ready to leave for Asia in a few short hours. I have been thinking about God as a God who sees. A month ago, I wrote a free verse poem / blog post about the fact that God sees us. Below, I have included that poem as well as my Summer 2012 so far iTunes playlist and a song from the playlist that I am especially enjoying right now.

"Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, 'You are the God who sees me.' She also said, 'Have I truly seen the One who sees me?'"

- Genesis 16:13

and He sees His daughter… 

This kinda hit me in the face over the last couple days…

God is here. He sees me. He hears me. He’s looking at me. He knows me. He acknowledges me. He desires me. He wants me. He hopes for me. He plans for me. He is in love with me. He cherishes me. He longs for me. He is here for me. He is proud of (not disappointed about) me. He is near to (not far off from) me.
He is honest with me. He is gracious to me. He is forgiving to me. He is honored because of me. He is majestic before me. He is just and pure towards me. He is appreciative of me. He is strong for me. He is mindful of me. He sees me. He notices me. More than that, I am important to him.

God sees you. And he loves you. He does not run away when he sees you approaching. He loves you. He comes near. He invites you on his lap where he can love you and embrace you and welcome you.

He’s God and he loves us. Oh, how he loves.

What I'm Listening To:

("Summer 2012" Edition)

"Party in the USA" - Miley Cyrus

"Hold On" - B*Witched

"I Refuse" - Josh Wilson

"Never Gonna Let You Go" - Ben Rector

"Sweetly Broken" - Jeremy Riddle

"Naive Orleans [Acoustic]" - Anberlin

"My Story" - Addison Road

"All This Time" - Britt Nicole

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." 

- Joshua 1:9

Thunderstorms and Change in the Air

It rained so many times today. The skies were absolutely dark in the direction ahead of me and I was driving  to a nearby town to pick up my brother. I called him and asked him if it was raining where he was. He assured me it was not and I hung up. A few moments later, it started pouring where I was driving.
It rained again when I missed my turn and took the back way to get my brother, this time a more gentle rain. My windshield looked like it was covered in tiny jewels.
Then it rained once I got into town and began helping for my mom's program. We moved everything for the reception upstairs into the cafeteria just in time before a huge storm hit. The lights flickered and the windows shook and we could barely see out of the windows.

My roommate-last-year loves the rain because to her, it is God telling her he's got everything under control and he knows what he's doing. I am not sure if I am remembering right, but I am pretty sure it rained at her grandfather's funeral, and that is why it means so much to her. It was like God was saying, "Hey, I've got this..." Recently, butterflies have been telling me the same thing. Rain often still gets to me in a beautiful way, but God has been using butterflies, too. For example, over the weekend I was nervous about a friend's spiritual life. I was putting my insurance information back into my glove compartment, half of my body in my car and half out, when I glanced out the windshield. Right as I looked up, a gorgeous blue butterfly flitted by. And God said, "Hey, I've got this..." 

I know it sounds a bit sacrilegious to an American Christian to rely on "signs and visions," although the Bible tells us that in the end days, people will prophesy and see visions and dreams (Acts 2:17). However, I know that God is a patient lover who is pursuing his bride, the church, both corporately and individually. And I know that one of the ways God pursues us is with things that have meaning to us, like the right song at the right time. Or a kind word right when we need it. Or a butterfly.

Believe me, God is here. And active. And he is working. We just have to listen.

From Flickr - US National Archives

P.S. I'm going to China in five weeks and two days! I will not be posting on this blog while I'm gone and I may or may not be available on Facebook. If you would like to receive e-mail updates from me (about one per week) while I'm out of the country for five weeks, please fill out the form below. Thanks!

Friends, Foes, and Confidants

When I first came to college, I legitimately asked God to make me an extrovert. Most of the girls I met were out being crazy (e.g. Taco Bell runs and hikes to Little Falls) at random hours every evening during Orientation week. I was organizing my room. For the third time. And because introverts are, by definition, usually by themselves, it was just a little bit difficult to make friends.

But I did, praise the Lord, partly because I prayed earnestly for friendships all throughout my senior year of high school, especially second semester. To realize halfway through my freshman year of college that I had developed some amazing friendships literally rocked my world. One day, I posted this line on my tumblr blog: “I’m so in love with these people.”

All fine and dandy, right? Wrong.

Now, please do not misunderstand me. Friends are a blessing, especially for introverts. It is imperative that we understand that God made us for relationships. Ultimately, he made us for a relationship with him (to glorify and enjoy him - Westminster catechism, anyone?) Also, because it was not good for us to be alone, and because one way we can learn about our relationship with God is by having relationships with others, God gave us each other.

The problem comes when we put what God has given us over God Himself. Suddenly, everything is out of order, and that makes for a lopsided life.

I recently began to reevaluate my friendships, because I felt like I was putting friends above God. I also felt like very few of my friends were “doing” friendship the same way I was, and that made me feel even more alone. However, to my friends, it looked like I was literally pushing them away.

How can an introvert evaluate her friendships without looking like she is pushing her friends away?

I don’t know. But I do know that God made us to love each other, even though it’s so messy.

What I’m learning is that philos (friendship love) is going to be messy and yucky sometimes. But we do it anyway, because God said so. And because the rewards of loving one another is beautiful.

The disciple John wrote about love in two of his books. In John 13:35, he says, “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” This is pretty legit. We are called to love each other. I believe that love is the first step towards anything spiritual happening. For example, we must love the unreached and meet their physical needs before we can share Jesus with them. We must love before fear will leave (1 John 4:18). If we hate our Christian brothers and sisters, there’s no way we can love God (1 John 4:20-21).

This is a tough pill to swallow for an introvert, but I would like to let you in on a little secret: Love does not mean you have 47 intimate friends. Love does not mean you can’t also have time alone. Love does not mean you are constantly surrounded by people. Love means you truly care about others (Philippians 2:4). It means you give up yourself for them (John 15:13). It means you notice your friends' love languages and you look for ways to meet them. It means even if you don’t have a coffee date every night of every week, you still make time for people.

And sometimes, it’s okay to be a little extroverted. I’ve started to place an addendum on my introversion status. I say: “Yeah, I’m an introvert... who loves people.”

Lesson from this week: Don’t place anything above God (Exodus 20:3), but don’t stop loving (Luke 10:27).
I wrote earlier about a sacrifice God had called me to make. Recently, I was speaking with someone about it, and they asked me some questions that began to plant doubt in my confidence. I was a little upset, because I was sure that God had called me.

In less than a 30 hour period this week, God gave me two verses about sacrifices. The basic gist from each verse is that God wants my heart more than he wants my sacrifice. I learned that is the reason for my sacrifice: that I would become closer to God. That I would love him and that I would love others. Sometimes God calls us to give up something that is standing in the way of our obedience to the greatest commandments, and that’s why I’m sacrificing.

“To love [God] with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” - Mark 12:33

"A Rolling Stone...

...gathers no moss." Is a quote my dad always tells me, which means that people and things constantly change. He also says, "The only two constants in life are death and taxes." Or this really creative thought: "If we never changed, we'd always be the same." :)

So, in reference to that, I'm going to let you in on a few changes to this blog. To be honest, I write this blog as means to express what I'm feeling and going through, not for other people. However, I'm impressed that people actually read my blog, so I would like to know what you think about it and what you would suggest.

Here's a short, ten question survey, just wondering what you think. It's completely anonymous, by the way. If you could, please take it! Just click on the link or put this in your address bar: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/WW5SRQC

Also, I recently created a Tumblr account, and I will posting poetry, free verse thoughts, and Bible verses over there from now on. This blog will still be updated frequently, but it will serve as a more non-fiction account of things and discussion on Scripture and life. So, if you feel moved to see what the fuss is about, the link to that page is http://losingmyself14.tumblr.com/!

Well, again, thanks for reading! Please take the survey and check back here for more posts later. :)