Please Stop Lying to Yourself

When we begin to come to terms with the things we've done and/or the things that have been done to us that grieve God’s heart (i.e., sins), we also begin to wrestle with the natural ramifications of those things. Sin is never simply a mistake. Each time a sin is committed, we lay the groundwork for future pain, either in our lives or the lives of others, and usually in both.

One such pain I would like to analyze is found in the lies we tell ourselves. For example, after engaging in sexual sin, we may later feel dirty, worthless, undesirable, unvaluable, or any of the above. Or, after someone we care about speaks condescendingly or negatively towards us, we may feel insignificant, inadequate, rejected, etc. I’m sure you could think of some prime examples in your own life.

We may also use “If… then…” or “Since… then…” statements on ourselves. Have you ever said this: “Since no one wants to hang out with me, then I must not matter to anyone.” Or, “If I cannot resist this temptation, then I will never be able to have a successful marriage / career / relationship / family.” Or, “If I fail one more time, then it must mean I am a failure.” Or, “Since my dad left, then that means I’m not wanted and no guy will ever want to date me.”

If I am completely honest, I have to tell you that I have said all of those to myself. It has taken lots of time to identify that, first, I’m saying those things to myself, and second, they are not truth. And even when they feel true, I must acknowledge that one fact does not prescribe the other. Yes, my dad left when I was eight, but that in no way means that I’m not attractive or not valuable or not significant or not desirable. Good friends have poured into me the realization that I am valuable. Professors and mentors who care about me and my growth are apt to acknowledge my significance. And even when some situations with guys seem to repeatedly speak negatively to me about attractiveness or desirability, I must hold on to glimpses of truth, such as a cute hair day, a compliment, a kind remark from a guy friend, or a word from God about beauty.

What we know deep inside and what we know from God’s Word are things that we should be letting define ourselves, not those painful experiences that seep into our lives and threaten to take truth away. The truth is that God will never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6 and 8). The truth is that we are valuable (Matthew 6:26). The truth is that God is listening (Psalm 17:6). The truth is that God has chosen us and is with us and will help us (Isaiah 41:8-10). Do you believe the Bible is the Word of God? Then believe these things. And stop lying to yourself. Don’t believe what Satan is telling you. Find a verse to disprove anything you hear from him.

On another note, I heard a beautiful testimony tonight from a dear friend. I had heard it once before, when we went out for coffee, but tonight she shared with a group at a prayer meeting. She had told me multiple times before that she just wanted God to get the glory and to be praised through the story of her issues and struggles and redemption. So, tonight, as she talked, I smiled at her jokes and cried at her pain, but I was praying. Praying that God would receive the glory. To my surprise, after the meeting, some girls called for the musicians in the group to go get their guitars so we could all worship in song together. Her story inspired intimate worship and praise to and for God – what an amazing testament to glorifying God.

Someone once told me, “We should not think less of ourselves. Instead, we should think of ourselves less.” Awesome advice. So today, I'm telling you not to lie to yourself or belittle yourself. I’m telling you to spend more time with God. I’m telling you to believe what He says. I’m telling you to glorify Him no matter what. God will do great things. Sometimes you have to step back and watch.

Deepest Fear

In Captivating, Stasi Eldredge writes:

Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

She is right. Read it again if you don't believe me.

There is a loveliness and a beauty and a mystery in women that we find and experience naturally but feel somehow opposed to.

When we see the need to spend more time with people, to get involved in their lives, to mentor and to serve, we hear Don't take on more than you can handle. You can't take their problems and yours at the same time. Why would they want to trust you with their problems anyway? And besides, you don't have the compassion or hospitality to minister to hurting people.

When we want to dress up and look our best, we hear You are just trying to get attention and make people look at you. You really aren't beautiful and none of that jewelry or make-up is going to cut it. It's a hopeless case.

Or what about this one? When we feel let down by yet another guy, we hear You are not worth it. No guy will pursue you because you're too messy, too emotional. You're not enough of a woman, so no guy will waste his time on you. No guy will have the courage and strength to approach you.

Ladies, this leads to the deepest fear of a multitude of women, and probably you, too. The fear of being abandoned and alone. The fear that no one will ever find you captivating or beautiful. The deep desire to be noticed, sought after, comforted, reached, encouraged, desired.

Those sentences in italics above are lies. Lies. Don't believe them. Satan likes to tell us lies, because we believe them so easily. The truth is that you are loved and admired and ransomed and held and found captivating by the only guy who actually has a say in the matter: God.

And the cool part is that He is more than willing and completely able to bless you with the companionship of friends and even a faithful husband, to further reveal His truth to us.

And the hard part is that we are all broken, messed up people. God is working to redeem and restore us, but we will be broken until we realize heaven. So, yeah, we're going to believe Satan's lies sometimes. We're going to be let down by people we trust. We're going to be told face-to-face that we are too much or not enough for the guys in our lives, for the friends we trust.

Guys [I'm wondering if any guys would read this far, but anyway], there are girls in your life right now who are asking these questions and believing these lies, and there's probably a girl out there who will one day marry you who is doing the same thing. All you can do is point these girls to God. The Eldredges write that a girl's biggest question is, "Am I captivating?", and the thing is that a guy cannot answer a girl's question (nor can a girl answer a guy's). Mostly, the parents, especially the dad, answer the questions. In addition, God is the supreme question-answerer, and His answers really matter. Anyway, guys, you can also be a stable force in the lives of these girls. Just being there is a great thing.

Finally, girls, remember that God has blessed you abundantly. And above all, he is faithful.

He will never fail you.