Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
She is right. Read it again if you don't believe me.
There is a loveliness and a beauty and a mystery in women that we find and experience naturally but feel somehow opposed to.
When we see the need to spend more time with people, to get involved in their lives, to mentor and to serve, we hear Don't take on more than you can handle. You can't take their problems and yours at the same time. Why would they want to trust you with their problems anyway? And besides, you don't have the compassion or hospitality to minister to hurting people.
When we want to dress up and look our best, we hear You are just trying to get attention and make people look at you. You really aren't beautiful and none of that jewelry or make-up is going to cut it. It's a hopeless case.
Or what about this one? When we feel let down by yet another guy, we hear You are not worth it. No guy will pursue you because you're too messy, too emotional. You're not enough of a woman, so no guy will waste his time on you. No guy will have the courage and strength to approach you.
Ladies, this leads to the deepest fear of a multitude of women, and probably you, too. The fear of being abandoned and alone. The fear that no one will ever find you captivating or beautiful. The deep desire to be noticed, sought after, comforted, reached, encouraged, desired.
Those sentences in italics above are lies. Lies. Don't believe them. Satan likes to tell us lies, because we believe them so easily. The truth is that you are loved and admired and ransomed and held and found captivating by the only guy who actually has a say in the matter: God.
And the cool part is that He is more than willing and completely able to bless you with the companionship of friends and even a faithful husband, to further reveal His truth to us.
And the hard part is that we are all broken, messed up people. God is working to redeem and restore us, but we will be broken until we realize heaven. So, yeah, we're going to believe Satan's lies sometimes. We're going to be let down by people we trust. We're going to be told face-to-face that we are too much or not enough for the guys in our lives, for the friends we trust.
Guys [I'm wondering if any guys would read this far, but anyway], there are girls in your life right now who are asking these questions and believing these lies, and there's probably a girl out there who will one day marry you who is doing the same thing. All you can do is point these girls to God. The Eldredges write that a girl's biggest question is, "Am I captivating?", and the thing is that a guy cannot answer a girl's question (nor can a girl answer a guy's). Mostly, the parents, especially the dad, answer the questions. In addition, God is the supreme question-answerer, and His answers really matter. Anyway, guys, you can also be a stable force in the lives of these girls. Just being there is a great thing.
Finally, girls, remember that God has blessed you abundantly. And above all, he is faithful.
He will never fail you.
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