Like Raindrops and Waterfalls

I love acoustic worship. So when I heard that this morning’s worship at my church was all acoustic, organized by one of my friends, I was really excited. There was a cello, an acoustic guitar, and a Cajon (a square drum you sit on), as well as a couple singers. Wow is the best word to describe how great it was.

When the third and next to last song began, I realized I recognized it. I listened for a minute and then opened my eyes to read the lyrics on the screen. Oh, yes. I knew this song because a good friend had introduced me to the artist through a couple concert invitations and a ministry we were a part of. I say this in the past tense because there was an issue in the friendship that eventually caused its end. On a good note, forgiveness has been given and received, although things can never be the way they were before.

I liken this situation to a dating relationship that ended in a break up because whenever I was reminded of what happened with this friend, I got angry. Someone would say something my friend would say, and I would be upset. Or I would go to a restaurant or hear a song or remember something funny about the friendship and it be pretty unfortunate for my emotions. It felt like a bad break up, even though I've never dated before.

I would add that eventually people get over break-ups. Yeah, eat some ice cream and cry about it and pray about it, but soon you’re going to move on and be a better person because of it. I want to share something I’ve learned recently.

Healing comes like raindrops and waterfalls. 

Sometimes, healing is like little raindrops. For me, I learned how to say “Hi” to someone who hurt me. It was tiny, but it was healing. Also, I learned how to ask for help when I was struggling with things like temptation. Sending one quick text message, while it may feel huge, is just a raindrop of healing.

Healing also comes like waterfalls. When I realized what song was being played this morning, I was not upset about remembering my friend. In fact, I began to make a new “memory” with the song, if you will. Now, when I hear it, I am no longer thinking of the concert I did not attend, I am thinking of an acoustic worship set in the sanctuary in my church home. Even more than that, I am thinking of the beautiful God who loves me.

But remember this: Healing Comes. God will never leave us in the mess in which we find ourselves. He is patient, He is good, and He will restore us.

On Wednesday night, I got to share one of the deepest parts of my testimony with a large group of girls in my dorm as part of a testimony night we have once a month. It was so awesome that once we got started, I was not nervous at all. And then when I spoke, it went so well, and I did not stutter like I usually do when speaking before people. In the past, this has been a sign that God was really speaking though me, which was so encouraging. So many girls came up to me afterwards and thanked me for sharing. A couple of them have wanted to talk recently. This healing is like a waterfall. Strong and persistent; beautiful and cleansing.

Francis Frangipane once said, “Rescue is the constant pattern of God's activity.” So beautiful.

Oh, and the song we sang today in church? Phil Wickham’s “Beautiful”
Enjoy.



I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

Stop Doing

There's a pile of half folded clothes on my bed. The floor needs vacuuming. I should put the clean dishes away. I’m half-way through the ten page paper I have due on Friday. There’s work to be done for fundraising for my trip this summer.

I began folding my laundry tonight while it was still warm, which is a blessing in and of itself. While I was folding, I mentally I went through everything I have to do before 8:30am tomorrow morning. (It’s important to know that all I really want to do is sleep.) While folding a shirt, I found myself leaning on the pile of unfolded clothes for a few minutes. And I realized something.

I haven't stopped in weeks. Months, maybe. I am always moving. I took a hike yesterday morning and spent time breathing in fresh air, taking some pictures of beautiful creation, and singing out God’s praise… But I kept moving. I was up before 8am yesterday morning, stayed up until 3:30 last night (this morning), and was awakened by my alarm at 8:30 this morning.
I just do not want to do anything. And I find myself feeling like this when there’s so much to do. Not only physically, but there is a lot to wrestle down emotionally. Autumn has been like that the past four or five years. I can’t tell if it’s psychological or not.

Wrestling needs to happen, I’m sure, but I’m not sure how to go about it. For one, I’m dealing with pain from the ending of a friendship and determining how to love this person now. I’m also contemplating new and changing friendships. I’m questioning motives and debating purposes and wondering why God brings circumstances and people into my life. Good things, but still confusing things.

I just want to sit here wrapped in my fuzzy white blanket and avoid that ten page paper. I want to know what’s going to happen in the future. I want to have the words to say to make things right. Time, yes. Time does not heal all wounds, but it helps the process. I must allow myself time.

I must stop running. Stop moving. Stop hiding behind obligations and duties. The end of one of my ministry roles greatly helped me to stop hiding behind things I “had” to do. I became aware of the time I actually had in my schedule. I have discovered that I am more than the ever elusive schedule. And I will not let it control me. One of the ways I’ve hidden is by controlling time and activities and planning and organizing. Good qualities, but not when taken to the extreme to which I took them.

I’m not hiding anymore. I’m growing into more of me, which is really cool. And I’m learning that my significance is not based on if my room is clean. It’s not based on what grade I made on that test or what service projects I signed up for. It’s not based on my schedule or what I do or who I pretend I am. My significance is not based on me, strangely. It comes from God and the innate importance and pleasure he finds in me.

With all of that in mind, I ask God that I could just stop and rest and know his love for me and know that he is God and Lord of my life. I am valuable to him not because of what I do, but because of who I am. And I pray that I could love those who hurt me, I pray that I could find peace mentally and emotionally when I feel like I’m in an uproar. I pray that I wouldn’t get distracted by everything and anything that pops up in this head of mine.

So here I sit, eating my Mississippi Mud Pie Fudge from the “Hansel and Gretel” Candy Shop and listening to Mumford and Sons. I’m planning to go to bed in the next fifteen minutes. I’m going to stop thinking and stop planning and stop striving and let God do his thing. He knows what he is doing. I am called to trust him. Depend on him.

And never stop hoping. Because I have worth and importance in the eyes of my Savior.

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

The Cave, Mumford and Sons

Living in Today

God is not in the failure business. In fact, I believe there are no failures where God is concerned. Even a "failure" in our eyes is simply preparation or a redirection in God's.

There is one person, however, who is interested in bringing up our failures to our faces, and we give him way too much credit in our lives. Satan, unlike God, wants us to know how insignificant we are so we will become depressed, lose confidence, belittle ourselves, and stop fighting for God's side. God wants us to know how insignificant we are to this world so we can run to him for our significance and realize his significance and power.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. When I was little, I had horrible stress- and nerve-induced stomach-aches, especially when I was going to be doing something new or something I was unsure about. They made me so nauseous I couldn't eat, and I often had to breathe deeply and hold onto something to keep from getting sick. Tonight, after I picked my brother up from a concert, I started feeling that familiar nervousness I thought I had overcome more than a year ago. I was nervous about going back to college tomorrow. The whole stomach-ache and sweaty palms business. Why? Why was I suddenly upset about something I couldn't wait to do? I would have gone back to school in June if I could. Why this sudden nervousness?

And then it hit me. Strangely, filtering in to my thoughts like sunlight filters through half-closed blinds, a memory of a time I had failed last year came rushing back. It involved a musical instrument and a couple instances when I was to demonstrate, but couldn't. I won't go into the details, but 88 keys tend to be a problem when you've only got 10 fingers. Playing music is something I do for fun, like running, and I'm not too talented at it, especially when people are watching. Without warning, other "failures," like relationships gone awry, conversations that could have been handled better, and people I could have treated differently came flashing back to mind. To be honest, it was debilitating. I mean, I was still driving, keeping the speed limit and stopping at red lights, but I felt paralyzed.

Then I saw this huge lightning bolt crack ahead of me, slightly to the left. I saw it breaking through layers of cloud and tree limbs, a purplish color, bright and forceful. And only for a moment, because as soon as it came, it left. It faded off into the distance. I stared at the direction from which it had come and waited to see it again. This next time, it was even bigger and brighter. The flashes of lightening looked like strobe lights against the night sky. It kinda hit me that there's something bigger going on here. As much as I fear my mistakes and find it hard to tear myself away from my doubts and flaws and defeats, they are not the issue. I've got to separate myself from the errors I hold on to. What purpose do they serve? And do other people really care about something that happened six months when I was a terrified freshman? Do other people really poke fun of past mistakes of mine? Do they even remember?

Hillsong sings,

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

Christ has overcome our failures. Can we not now stand? Stand to overcome them, but also stand to move on? Do not let past mistakes dictate future actions. You are your own person. And you are new in Christ. His mercies are new every morning. So why do we find it so hard to forgive ourselves and accept this mercy? Jesus died for our sins, to forgive us for our wrongs. He also died to redeem us from wrongs done to us. In addition, he died so we could know freedom. Even here. The joys of eternal life don't wait until heaven to appear.

Are you letting fears that you'll fail restrict your freedom? It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Don't get tangled up in life before Christ again. You don't have to hold on to past mistakes like long lost treasures. Name them, learn from them, and move on. And live in today.

Oh, The Promises

I would never do you wrong or let you down or lead you on.

- Lifehouse

I will never cross the line. I won't tell you any lies. I was sent here for the rescue.

- Tyler Ward

A girl like you is impossible to find. ... Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep.

- Secondhand Serenade

I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love you.

- Ben Rector

Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.

- Anberlin (originally by The Cure)

They say that emotional arousal/attachment is the pornography of women. Romantic fantasies. Chick flicks. Yep. We get the twisted idea that all guys should be like that. We get all excited. Heart starts racing, mind starts inventing all kinds of things that were never there. Don't lie to me, you do it too.

I guess now is the time to confess my guilty pleasure... These songs. These promises sung oh-so-sweetly. Seriously, I know these songs are sung appropriately - mostly with pure intentions. One of the quotes I even took out of context to prove my point. But I like all of these songs. Some of them have played on my iTunes as I'm writing this.

Ladies, because our minds are filled with "images" of the perfect guy (or of what he says), we tend to attach song lyrics and movie lines and emotions to our boyfriends, interests, crushes, and guy friends. It could be disastrous, for a couple reasons.

1. He could be saying or doing those romantic things he does just to keep us and get us to do things for him (Guys give love to get sex, girls give sex to get love.)
2. We could be forcing what we want onto the relationship, thinking there's more going on than there actually is.

I will confess, I'm probably too cynical for my own good. I don't want to be hurt again. But it's really ridiculous that I'm always concerned a guy has ulterior motives. Yeah, I will admit: guys are stupid. (In reality, girls aren't that smart, either.) But, honestly - do guys really mean what they say? Or maybe the better question is: do they mean it the way girls think they mean it? I guess as girls we attach code to everything. Maybe to a guy "I enjoy talking with you" really just means "I enjoy talking with you," for goodness' sake!

Maybe we should all just listen to Foreign Language and call it a day?

Unfortunately, no. Haha. I'll tell you what I know. Please comment if you'd like to add anything.

• Guys like to promise great and outrageous things to the people they love.
• But, guys... The problem is that the girl will remember everything you tell her. Everything. And she will hold you to it, which means she's stuck to you. Bad idea. (Exception: The good news is that making a statement like that to your wife or long-term girlfriend can be good - you are offering her your strength. She will admire that. Do not fail her or she will kill you, though.)
• Girls, not only should you take care to guard your heart around guys (by not freely giving of it to be mishandled), you should also guard your heart around music or fashion or magazines or books or movies. Whatever floats your boat. Guard your heart around it. Be careful with it.
• Finally, ask God for strength. Guys, ask God to guide and direct your steps around the impressionable young ladies you interact with. You may need to be up front and honest about your plans for the future of the relationship. You may need to reevaluate the things you say to her. Girls, ask God to guide and direct your steps around the young men you interact with. Don't put more on them than they can handle. And don't rush what God's doing.

Finally, know that God's romance story for your life is so much better than anything Nicholas Sparks could have ever written.

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So

... "SO!"

Ever sang that song as a child? It basically repeats that one line over and over and at the end of each line, we always yell "So!" as loud as we can.

Notice something with me here: it doesn't say "Let the perfect people say so" or "Let the complete, finished, or accomplished people say so". It says "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so".

Philippians 1:6 explains "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The point is that you're not completed yet. You are redeemed. And you're on the path to restoration. But you're not finished. God is in the process of changing you, of doing something amazing in your life.

I know I'm not the person I once was. A lot has happened since I was six, when I first made the decision to accept Christ. At lot has happened since I was twelve, when I again committed my life to Christ, making my faith mine and not my parents'. In reality, a lot has happened in the past six months, both around me and in me. I'm not who I was. And I've grown a lot in the faith as well. Like Relient K sings, "Who I am hates who I've been".

I hope and pray you are aware of God's work in your life. Often, we get glimpses of what God is doing, and it's pretty amazing. But while you're excited about God's work, don't get prideful. Don't claim what God is doing as something you have done. Just be completely and utterly thankful for it.

But, on the other hand, don't get so caught up in acting perfect. You are not perfect! Yes, heaven is a wonderful place, but you're not there yet! As Christians, we should be looking forward to and anticipating Heaven, especially because there we will be like Christ. But lose this ridiculous idea that you will somehow attain perfection and completion here on this earth in this life. We are still sinful.

For so long I had the faulty idea that real Christians didn't sin. Uh, yeah we do. And it's going to hurt, because sin separates us from God. But that's why Christ died - to restore the relationship between us and God that was broken because of sin. See, when Jesus died for us, he repaired our broken connection to God. He brought us to the presence of the living Creator God. Yes, Christians sin and mess up and cause problems and have hang-ups and hurt other people and ourselves. But with our hearts turned to God, we seek forgiveness, we apologize, and with God's grace we move on. And we grow because of it. And God isn't put off by our sins. When he looks at us, he sees Christ's blamelessness. He doesn't see our sin, because while we're slowly working towards our completion in Christ, Christ's purity and lack of sin has covered us. We're being washed in the blood of Jesus.

Did you get that? Jesus Christ has overcome your sin. He bore it on the cross and you no longer hold it. Yes, you face earthly consequences, like a rift in a relationship after an argument. But God doesn't hold it against you. He loves you. Loves.

There's going to be sin, trials, difficult circumstances, upsets, depressions, hurdles, and all around bad things in life, caused by you, by others, or just circumstantially. And since God never wastes anything, he uses these difficulties as a means for our growth, to lead us closer and closer to completion in Christ. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I challenge you to learn to be patient with yourself. You're not going to have it all together. Stop thinking that a mistake is going to ruin you and God. God still loves you. Nothing you do or don't do could make him stop loving you. Realize that you are redeemed, not perfect. And remember, living the Christian life doesn't work if it's all about rules. It only works if, because we are so in love with our Creator, we simply desire to obey and please him.

Finally, God loves you. Get that! He does! And he is doing something incredible in you and through you. Let him mold you as the potter molds the clay. He is carefully, painstakingly, refining you and drawing you towards himself every day.

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

Here Am I on Earth

"You are God in heaven and here am I on earth, so I'll let my words be few: Jesus, I am so in love with you." (Let My Words Be Few, By: Matt Redman)

Is that the cry of your heart?

I know I come to God more often with: "Dear, God, thank you for this day. Could you help me remember what I studied, keep me safe, bless my mom and my dad and that guy in the hospital and that missionary what's-his-name I'm supposed to be praying for, and bless this food to our bodies. Amen." Is that what God desires to hear from me? Like a lover who wants to talk with his beloved, God really isn't interested in "thank you for this day, bless me, Amen".

Ever sent a text message to someone or wrote on their Facebook wall just to say "hi"? Or called someone special or the sole purpose of hearing their voice?

It should be the same with God. I mean, granted, we can't reach out and touch him and we usually don't hear his voice audibly. But he still desires to have an intimate relationship with us. He longs to speak with us, to hear about our days, to hear us cry out about what troubles us and laugh about what brings us joy.

Yes, God is amazing and all powerful, which is why the song reads: "I'll let my words be few". In awe of God, we should have reverence towards him. But God is not only our Father, not only our King, but also our friend and counselor and daddy and lover. He's pursuing you. It's almost ridiculous to ask for God's blessings, if you think about it, because he loves us so much he'll always provide. Despite that, though, God is delighted in giving us good things (Matt 7:11).

So here's my challenge: Go to God right now and tell him what's up. Sometimes we spend more time worrying about something than we do talking about it with God. He wants to hear what's on your mind. Obviously, he knows everything, so he knows what you're dealing with, but he desires to hear you tell him. Again, it's like a husband and wife - both want to know about the other's life. Not only that, but they also ask questions about each other in order to get to know each other better.

So, stop reading and go tell Him! It may feel weird, but just keep going. It may help to write it down.

Okay, go!

Am I really satisfied?

To be honest, I have almost everything I've ever wanted. It sounds bad, I know, but really... I'm going to a college I love, majoring in a field I can't wait to dive into, participating in organizations I enjoy, working a great job... I have a mom, dad, step-dad, step-mom, brother, step-brother, step-sister, a whole ton of cousins, aunts and uncles, and a grandma who all love me, an amazing assortment of friends who I can count on for anything, I have incredible and hilarious suitemates and hallmates, a roommate who, despite being so totally different from me completely gets me, a bunch of professors and past teachers who I look up to and trust, a pastor at home and a pastor here at school who challenge and encourage me, a vast amount of adults and peers who are lifting me up in prayer and investing into my life... I mean, I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, shoes on my feet, and Jesus in my heart! That's all I need, and then God showers all this other stuff on me. Stuff I don't need, but find incredibly wonderful and often take for granted.

Seriously, do I need a cell phone? Do I need a car? Do I need a laptop? Do I need new clothes and expensive books and a wonderful college education? Do I need a comfortable, well-paying job?

And when I have all of this stuff, not only physical possessions, but also God's more personal gifts, like friends, accomplishments, qualities, and growths, I have to ask myself, am I really satisfied? Does all of this stuff satisfy me?

The truth is that I'm still yearning for more. There's got to be something more than this life. Seriously, all of this stuff I am and have and do is awesome. Some of it will last a long time and impact a bunch of people. But, in the end, what am I left with? When I die, what will truly matter? When I'm 92 years old (Lord willing) and looking back over my life, I pray that I will find something more important than my earthly accomplishments and even my spiritual accomplishments. I hope and pray and desire that the one thing I find will be Christ. The one thing I'm left with will be a relationship with the God of the universe.

What else really matters? Because I'm not satisfied with the good things of this life. I'm not satisfied with things I could live without. I mean, yeah, good things. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want a college education or I don't like having nice things - but I can live without them. And I'm not satisfied with them.

I want to be wholly satisfied with God. Because everything else could pass away, and I could be left with nothing... And God would still be here. God would be here holding me up and giving and taking away. And then, finally, I could say with confidence and utter belief: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away." Job was left with absolutely nothing; even his wife, his companion in this life, told him to curse God and die. But he held on. Because when we're left with nothing, God is so much more amazing. We can't depend on anything but him. How amazing!

This is a call to be broken before God and to remember just how incredible he is. To recognize that we should not and will not be satisfied apart from him.

These are the lyrics from Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken"...

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

How Amazing is God's LOVE!

Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain, firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery, how You gently lift me
When I am surrounded, Your love carries me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing

Your love is surprising, I can feel it rising
All the joy that's growing deep inside of me
Every time I see You, all Your goodness shines through
And I can feel this God song, rising up in me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Your love makes me sing

Hallelujah, By: Vineyard

A Call to Apologize and Forgive

Here's a song that exemplifies my call to apologize and forgive.

When we realize that God gave us everything when He didn't owe us anything and we didn't deserve anything, it makes us so much more willing to forgive others and to move on past both our mistakes and their mistakes. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Embers and Envelopes

By: Mae

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by
I know you have sacrificed time, life, love, time to fly
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by
I know to have something like this broken, is hard to fix

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the One whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

If all is said and done and over,
If we don't have to, we're not gonna
Make the change, it's worth the try.
What's broken can be fixed tonight.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

Temple Tuesday

Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

God has a better plan for my life than anything I'm trying to hold on to.

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.

What a blessing it is to come before the Lord in prayer!

I hate change.

I hate change. There, I said it. If you want to know what I hate: I hate change. Hate it with a passion. After celebrating (and dealing with) graduation, mom's remarriage, moving, and adapting to a stepdad and stepfamily, I thought, with some humor, Oh, God's trying to teach me about change. This is cool. I can adapt to change. Everything is going fine.

But I guess I spoke too soon. God isn't about coasting through life or simply taking what you're given and merging into your present life. God is about change.

See, if I became a Christian and then spoke the same way, watched the same movies, listened to the same music, befriended the same people, and thought about life the same way as I did before Christ (or as non-Christians do), then has Christ made a difference in my life? Or am I simply the same as I was before I met Christ?

As Christians, we've got to be different. We must be different, so we reflect Christ instead of this world. We do this through our choices in media as well as our actions, words, and thoughts. And while we are choosing cleaner, Godlier choices in media and words, God is in the process of refining our thoughts and viewpoints and feelings. This whole, entire movement or shift in our lives is a big change! It's a change towards Godliness, an adjustment in the direction of Christ along the straight and narrow path. In theology, we call it Sanctification.

Isaiah 48:10 explains this by saying: "See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Whatever survives the 'furnace' is good and Godly, but it's a life-long process.

Okay, so back to the change in my life. I hate it. But God has a purpose for it. God's plan is that through the things I hate (like change), I will be refined. I will become more like Christ, and my life will conform to God instead of to this world.

Josh Wilson writes and sings about those uncomfortable, even painful moments in life that have a purpose like this:

Do you wonder why you have to
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus
Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
And hold on, cause there's good for those who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

In Your Ocean I'm Ankle Deep

My prayer tonight...

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown, will you let me drown?

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

In a daydream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, I know I will have
No, I still won't have what I need

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

(Something Beautiful, By: NeedtoBreathe)