Losing Myself: Am I really satisfied?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Am I really satisfied?

To be honest, I have almost everything I've ever wanted. It sounds bad, I know, but really... I'm going to a college I love, majoring in a field I can't wait to dive into, participating in organizations I enjoy, working a great job... I have a mom, dad, step-dad, step-mom, brother, step-brother, step-sister, a whole ton of cousins, aunts and uncles, and a grandma who all love me, an amazing assortment of friends who I can count on for anything, I have incredible and hilarious suitemates and hallmates, a roommate who, despite being so totally different from me completely gets me, a bunch of professors and past teachers who I look up to and trust, a pastor at home and a pastor here at school who challenge and encourage me, a vast amount of adults and peers who are lifting me up in prayer and investing into my life... I mean, I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, shoes on my feet, and Jesus in my heart! That's all I need, and then God showers all this other stuff on me. Stuff I don't need, but find incredibly wonderful and often take for granted.

Seriously, do I need a cell phone? Do I need a car? Do I need a laptop? Do I need new clothes and expensive books and a wonderful college education? Do I need a comfortable, well-paying job?

And when I have all of this stuff, not only physical possessions, but also God's more personal gifts, like friends, accomplishments, qualities, and growths, I have to ask myself, am I really satisfied? Does all of this stuff satisfy me?

The truth is that I'm still yearning for more. There's got to be something more than this life. Seriously, all of this stuff I am and have and do is awesome. Some of it will last a long time and impact a bunch of people. But, in the end, what am I left with? When I die, what will truly matter? When I'm 92 years old (Lord willing) and looking back over my life, I pray that I will find something more important than my earthly accomplishments and even my spiritual accomplishments. I hope and pray and desire that the one thing I find will be Christ. The one thing I'm left with will be a relationship with the God of the universe.

What else really matters? Because I'm not satisfied with the good things of this life. I'm not satisfied with things I could live without. I mean, yeah, good things. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want a college education or I don't like having nice things - but I can live without them. And I'm not satisfied with them.

I want to be wholly satisfied with God. Because everything else could pass away, and I could be left with nothing... And God would still be here. God would be here holding me up and giving and taking away. And then, finally, I could say with confidence and utter belief: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away." Job was left with absolutely nothing; even his wife, his companion in this life, told him to curse God and die. But he held on. Because when we're left with nothing, God is so much more amazing. We can't depend on anything but him. How amazing!

This is a call to be broken before God and to remember just how incredible he is. To recognize that we should not and will not be satisfied apart from him.

These are the lyrics from Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken"...