And I don't want to be bitter.
But while everything seems to be moving a little faster than I'd like (it's already December!), everything seems to be going a little slower than I thought, too.
I look back at how far I've come, and I'm proud. I'm proud of the work it took to get here. I'm proud of a God who works in my life, who is active and present and profound. I'm thankful that he loves me, that he delights in me. I'm thankful for the strength he gave and continues to give me, the hope he pours out, the safety and freedom I find in his arms.
I don't deserve any of that. I don't deserve his little blessings, the reminders of his grace and compassion. I don't deserve the wonderful things he's placed in my life for a purpose.
But sometimes... People can make me insane.
Those who make mountains out of molehills, by becoming upset over circumstances they shouldn't be concerned about and can't change
Those who become very open with their public displays of affection with each other, disregarding the opinions of others
Those who find it necessary to jump from relationship to relationship
Those who are succeeding at life and want me to be happy for them when I feel bad about myself
Those who look for reasons to be jealous or angry or emotional
Those who criticize others, who do not apply themselves to their work, those who claim to follow God, then become apathetic about his truth and love and purposely fail to demonstrate excellence when it counts
Etc.
Where is the line in a relationship in which I can go to a friend and confront him or her about a problem in his or her life where I don't sound jealous or hypocritical? Because I find myself doing plenty of those things as well.
I'd urge you to read Galatians 6:1, 2 Corinthians 2:7-8, Proverbs 9:9, and James 5:16, but here I have a quote from a blog I stumbled upon called Daily Discernment. The author writes: "First make sure your friend has actually 'sinned' and not just done something that you didn’t like. What scripture have they violated?"
In the majority of those circumstances above, my friends have not actually committed a sin, and there is a large part of me that has decided that unless I am close enough with them to bring the issue up without raising alarm, I should let it be. Which is hard, but is probably the best option.
In addition, part of being an adult is not being easily swayed by the opinions and emotions of others. It's becoming your own person and standing on your own two feet. Have I missed that? Have I forgotten the importance of becoming my own person in life? Of standing up for what I think, and not swaying back and forth like chaff in the wind? It's not God-honoring to be so concerned about everyone else that I fail to find my identity in him.
So why I am bitter? I feel like I can't live this life and enjoy my friends and their companionship because I'm concerned about the mistakes they're making. Is that the way friends are supposed to act? I mean, we're all broken ad sinful and we all make mistakes. But what would it look like to be devoted to my friends? To care so much about them that I love them though their sins? That I love them despite their fall-outs and hang-ups? That I have genuine compassion for them and their souls?
Any thoughts?
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
- Romans 12:15-16
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
- 1 Peter 3:8-9
Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
- Luke 6:30-31
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
- Galatians 6:2
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
- Galatians 2:20
Alex, though I can't specifically offer you any great advice about your situation, I do want to encourage you by letting you know I'm thankful for the heart you have. I wish I was as burdened for my friend's hearts as you are!
ReplyDeleteAs for balancing burden for sin and acceptance in love for a friend's heart, I think the only graspable principle one can rely on is to do whatever will build others up. Being overly acquainted with my own stubborn qualities, I know that too many rebukes without exhortation will harden my heart with stubbornness and rebelliousness; too many exhortations without confrontation will harden my heart with complacency.
I guess the best thing to do is to try and seek a balance where your friends can be assured that every word you speak to them overflows from love and not jealousy, bitterness, etc. Not like those feelings don't ever arise in us, though. But your friends can have known you long enough to realize that you're not in it for yourself.
peace :)