Showing posts with label teenage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teenage. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

River Reflections

On the last night of summer camp each session, we all go to the camp's dock on Little River, high atop Lookout Mountain. In the moonlight, we can see the faint outline of the blob and it's staircase, the edge of the concrete dock, the bleachers where campers sit, the canoe shed.

Little River
We light the campfire, sing our evening songs to the strums of Shannon's guitar, watch with awe as counselors in canoes lit only by torches sing hymns as they round the riverbend, and listen intently as volunteers from each cabin read aloud their cabin's wish for the session, usually something along the lines of: "We wish we will keep old friends and new friends, make it home safely, and come back next year." The director, Mrs. Susan, gives an inspirational talk, encouraging us to love those we meet or press on through difficult times. Shannon plays Michael W. Smith's "Pray for Me" and we dismiss with hugs.

As I worked the entire summer (five sessions), I had the honor of attending five River Reflections. They provided the appropriate closure for the session and, in the case of our final session, appropriate closure for the summer. Therefore, this post presents closure for me personally: my own River Reflections.





I lived in two cabins over the course of the summer: my first cabin was for ages thirteen and fourteen, and my second housed girls eleven to thirteen. My co-counselors (fellow college students) and I often wondered aloud to each other: "Was I like that when I was their age?" We encountered strange things, like eleven year olds with cell phones and boyfriends, or thirteen year olds unable to deal with a simple disagreement. Thinking back to my middle school days, I realized so much has happened since then. If I compared my twenty-one year old self to my middle-school self, I am almost a completely different person. I mean, I'm still me. I'm still Alex, introverted people person who likes mint chocolate. But since then I have learned how to drive, I have moved away from home, started college, had actual jobs, my car's broken down, I've made friends my parents have never met, I've been out of the country, I've driven more than five hours by myself, I've done my own laundry, shopped for and cooked my own meals... I am closer to twenty-four than I am to fourteen.

Yet what was so incredibly cool is that camp breaks down the walls between my twenty-one year old self and these thirteen year old girls. Yes, my co-counselors and I are the authority figures. But we are also friends with these girls. No one is driving, no one is using their cell phones, no one is cooking their own meals, everyone sends their laundry out on laundry day and has to go searching for it the next day. We were more equalized than we would have been in real life.

This gave me the opportunity to speak into my campers' lives. I read Bible verses and prayed with them at bedtime, spoke positive words over them, and played games with them. In fact, when one of our girl's parents arrived to take her home this last session, she gave each counselor a letter she had written for us. She mentioned in the letter that it meant a lot to have someone like us to look up to. I grew to really love the girls each session. Sometimes I became apathetic towards building new friendships with them, since each group stays for two weeks or less and then a new group arrives, but God always sent encouragement my way to keep loving on them.



One of the most difficult aspects of camp by far happened because I loved these girls so much. Ironic, isn't it? Over the course of the summer, I dealt personally with young ladies who were involved in self-harm, bullying (both sides), who struggled with parents divorcing, eating disorders, who were developmentally delayed, and much more. Not only did circumstances like these require me to heavily depend on my co-counselors, head counselors, and the directors, but I was broken for these girls before God. I learned what it means to ache for someone and realize there is little to nothing you personally can do for them. I remember one night, after a particularly difficult day, getting into the shower after all the girls were in bed and just crying. There's so much I can't do, but I learned what I can do: pray and speak truth and love.

I truly learned to love on some precious girls.



Late one night, after tucking all the campers into bed, I was reading my Bible and reflecting on the day. I began contemplating on our one Jewish camper. Now, the camp itself is a Christian camp, but we accept girls of all religions who are of good character. We model Christianity through our actions and we teach it at morning watch and campfire, but many nonbelievers or other-believers choose our camp regardless.

I wondered that night whether I should encourage her sharing about her religion or ignore her differences. I knew I would respect her and her beliefs, but I wasn't sure how that would work with camp and the other campers. I debated whether or not to read only Old Testament passages at bedtime or to eliminate mention of  "Jesus" when I spoke around her.

And then I thought about her faith. I don't know how devout her family is, but Judaism as a whole is a very intriguing religion. Jews must have the most hope and faith of anyone I know. Case in point: they believe that the Messiah has still not come - and that God is still silent. He has not spoken to the prophets since Old Testament times, and they are still waiting patiently for their Redeemer. What awesome hope is that!

While I praise her hope, I am heartbroken that she is still waiting for the Messiah. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick," says Proverbs 13:12.

I chose to read from the Old Testament when I put her room to bed, but I didn't shy away from Jesus. He, of course, fulfills and proves the Old Testament. And I came to love her as person, not seeing her religion, but seeing her heart, seeing her likes and dislikes, loving her humor and smiling at her jokes. I pray her experience at camp planted a seed or maybe watered a growing one, but I know God is working in her.



This summer, I worked on the ropes course and co-taught a few knitting classes. And if you know me, I am not much for heights. At all. But I signed up for the ropes course because I love the thrill of the adventure. I'm tired of being boring.

We went through a week of intense training on the elements, sometimes going through each element (zip line, V-swing, climbing tower, swing by choice, etc) as many as ten or twelve times and then training on each element for two or three participants before sending ourselves. It was very intense. I faced a number of fears, learned boundaries and restrictions (my own and those of the course), and grew to trust Adam, Shannon, Ali, and others I worked with and on whom I depended.

We also learned something I had never heard before about ropes courses. I cannot tell you how many times I heard Adam express some or all of the following statement to girls on the elements:
It's okay to be afraid. Fear is your body's normal and natural reaction to heights. The ropes course is a challenge by choice. So, you make the choice to push yourself to try new things even when it's scary. Or, you can make the choice to be lowered. If you keep going, you might like it, but you can come down if you don't want to keep going.
Camp's ropes course philosophy can be summed up in two mantras: Challenge by Choice and the Full Value Contract. It's your choice to be challenged and how far you want to go - we can lower you at almost any point. The Full Value Contract exists to make sure each participant is treated with fairness: each person gets the same opportunity.

In life, we don't always get to choose our challenges. But we are given a choice in how we react to them. And often, we are afraid. Unlike some believers who assume that all fear is bad, I think a certain level of fear is good. I'm afraid of going outside in the woods in the dark by myself. That is a healthy and good fear because it keeps me safe. We know that if God has called us to something, he will be with us and will protect us, and we don't need to be afraid, but fear is normal. We can also learn to overcome fear, as I eventually slid off the zipline platform like it was nothing by the time I had been on the zipline a thousand times.

I gave a morning watch devotional one morning about how God's got us, mentioning both the big storm we had the night before and the ropes course. Just like the ropes on the course can hold up to 5,000 pounds and the cables are the same strength used to hold up airplanes, God is not going to let me go. I used Psalm 91 as my key passage. Verses 9-10 read: "If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your home."

I'm learning how to be a more adventurous person. I love adventure. Secretly, I love thrill-seeking, but don't tell my mom, haha. However, there is no way I could pursue the adventures I'm after, like Thailand, college graduation, life after college, moving to a new place, a new teaching job, a Masters?, a family?, etc., if I did not believe wholeheartedly that God's got me. And he will not let me go.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Peace on the Rock

A steady rain falls outside the floor length window I'm sitting beside. The floors are old wood, the ceilings are a fancy wood and plaster design. There is modern art hanging on the alternating red and white walls. The door handles and fixtures are antique in metal and design. Mini light bulbs are strung up like a classy carnival and big band music is filtering through the air. The display case is full of homemade goodies and I'm sipping a frozen chai latte. And if I didn't keep hearing "y'all," I would think that I was in the downtown eclectic area of a big city.

Instead, I'm chilling in small town Alabama on my day off. Haha.

Orientation and our first week of camp are over. On Sunday, we get new campers for two weeks. If I have learned anything from the past two weeks, it has been that being a camp counselor is hard. This past week, we had mostly thirteen year olds with some 12 and 14 year olds sprinkled in. Some of them were excellent, well-behaved, and considerate young women. Some had the energy of little children mixed with the behavior of older teenagers. It was definitely a learning experience. I learned to be both tough and gentle with them.

I also learned that thirteen year olds can really shake your peace. When the usual three tables are combined into two because two of your co-counselors have a night off on the same night that Oreo Yum Yum is served for dessert, there is no peace to be found. Nowhere. 

Except in God. Just the day before Oreo-Yum-Yum-for-dessert night, my devotional directed me to a verse that really stuck out. It has come in handy throughout the week and I have learned to meditate on it. It goes like this: 

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock." - Isaiah 26:3-4, NLT

We serve a beautiful God, you guys. He is the Rock. At a place like the mountains of Northeast Alabama, that imagery is so significant. He will provide peace of mind and heart like the mountains here that are immovable and unchangeable. 

His peace is unchangeable. Even when 19+ thirteen year old girls are screaming at the top of their lungs and singing Justin Beiber like there is no tomorrow, his peace is unshakable. And the cool thing is that he loves those thirteen year old girls as his own precious children. What a blessing to rest in his love for these girls and for me.

Until next time.


Friday, March 9, 2012

Turning Twenty... And Other Wrestles

I had a bit of a crisis last night in the library between Charles Dickens’ Best Stories and Europe Since 1715. It had nothing to do with literary and historical classics, but… I’m turning twenty years old this weekend! What?!? Don’t get me wrong, this is super exciting, but it’s a time of transition and change as well. And I usually don’t like transition and change.

I was sitting at my favorite table in the library, filling out an application for a ministry position on campus, when I was just a bit shocked at how quickly I had found myself here. Hasn’t it been less than two years since I cried myself to sleep as a high school senior, wondering what was going to happen when I graduated, moved, and “adopted” an entire stepfamily? Hasn’t it been less than two years since I drove a little red Mercury Cougar with bucket seats? Hasn’t it been less than two years since I was a terrified and naïve eighteen year old with a broken family and a heart yearning for love?

Sometimes I just want to yell, "Look at me now!" I want to find that guy who made fun of me in middle school so I can show him who I’ve become and talk with him about what God can do in people’s lives. I want to remind my dad that I am no longer the eight year old little girl I was when he left and I want to tell him that he can never get back those years of my life. I want to actually do the great and wonderful things that my shyness and insecurities kept me from doing years ago.

One of the things I’ve wrestled with when it comes to my birthday is my singleness. For one, God has been showing me amazing things about singleness and sacrifice since my last post. That’s been really good. The problem, however, is that I honestly have not been living and thinking in ways I know I should and in ways that will glorify God. I mean, I have worked to maintain outward displays of purity and joyfulness in singleness, but I am not living with singleness of heart. My heart is not thinking on that which is noble and pure and true and my mind is not full of the glories of my Savior. It is often on two things: Complaining about being "alone" and dwelling on the "potentials" of a relationship.

This makes me upset. God has specifically called me to singleness for this current season, for the next while of my life, and I’ve discovered my heart is set on anything but Him. That should be my point! When we sacrifice what is good, we do so for the whole purpose of gaining that which is best (namely, God). So, if we participate in something like Lent or a personal sacrifice, we must replace what we give up with God, especially more time in his presence and more time meditating on him.

I guess I had some kind of unspoken plan to date while I was still a teenager. Leaving that behind has been weird. It’s a bit like the first time I realized I wasn’t going to be kissed in high school. I’m saving my first kiss for when I get engaged, so that eliminates that opportunity. It really was not a big deal, but it made me think. Now, I’m wondering how long God’s command that I sacrifice my desire to date will be. At this rate, I’m doing a very bad job at it, and God just might call me to surrender dating for a while. Am I okay with that? Well, when it comes to God, I have to be. Assuming that the Creator of the universe actually gave me life and knows how best to live it, I shouldn’t have much of a problem trusting his plans for my life, my entire life, even my love life.

But I do. I do have problems trusting him.

I have a problem when I see yet another couple is displaying way too much physical affection. I have a problem when I don’t pay attention to God’s consistent pursuit of my heart because I chalk it up to coincidence. I have a problem when I hear stories of the not-so-smart actions of girls and guys when it comes to romantic relationships.

This problem is more like a heart cry of mine, focused on the brokenness between people, especially in male/female relationships. A female friend and I talked the other night, completely broken over the hurt we have encountered in relationships with our dads, brothers, guy friends, and male spiritual leaders. There’s a lot of hurt there. I told her that I was striving with every bit of me to believe that there are strong Godly men who are spiritual leaders. Yet after struggling with the pain of broken relationships, believing that is so difficult.

That’s a problem I encounter when it comes to trusting in God. Now, the good news is that we must give God time to shape our future spouses. We wouldn’t want to begin dating them until God has shaped us, too.

And I think that’s my point.

Are we passionately in love with the God who pursues us and loves us with everything? I’ve come to realize that we cannot and should not begin a dating relationship until we are passionately in love with him. This does not mean that we never date. This does not mean that we are hopeless. This simply means that we get some things straight before we involve other person. We must be able to worship and serve God and love doing it. We must find out some things about ourselves, like what makes us tick and what gives us energy, before we try to find that in another person. We must pray and fast and embrace silence and read the Word and every other spiritual discipline. We must learn to love all our brothers and sisters. We must give and give freely of ourselves and our time and our love. And I believe we must have heartache along the way. No one is ready for a dating relationship unless they have been hurt and caused hurt in the past and have come to terms with it and moved. It’s essential.

Is your faith your own? Is your God your own? Do you love him?

I wrote a fictional (but largely based on actual events) post that was themed like a Q and A session with God. I asked God why I was still single. He asked me if I loved him. I hope and pray that we would dive deeper into him, take our pain and joys to him, and worship him fully. That’s why we’re here.

Even at twenty years old and never dated, that's still why I'm here. A woman's highest calling is the same as a man's, regardless of occupation, station, or relationship status... to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Regrets?

I remember reading through the last pages of a really old yearbook of mine. A girl who was graduating that year had purchased an ad in the "Community Connections" section and dedicated it to her younger brother. She put a couple pictures of them when they were younger and wrote a sweet little note about missing him when she went off to college. Towards the end she told him that she had no regrets about the way she had lived for the past 18 years, and she encouraged him to live with no regrets - to live passionately and whole-heartedly and whatnot.

Those words have haunted me for years.

I believe I was in middle school when that yearbook was published, and at the time, I was recovering from a rejection from my first real crush, an experience that no person ever really gets over, even though I can totally joke about it now. In my pre-teen mind, I wondered how in the world this graduating senior could have survived seven years of middle school and high school without any regrets at all. I had barely survived 7th and 8th grades, and I carried around a badge of "that girl who tried to get the bad-boy to like her" - no kidding.
There must be something in her past that she regrets, I thought. Something she's holding on to, but won't admit.
It's been a long time since I first read that yearbook ad, but I think I've finally realized what that girl was talking about.

There are two kinds of regrets: moments when we have not done something we wish we had and moments when we have done something we wish we had not. Regrets of doing too much and regrets of not doing enough. The difference is remarkable. Sydney Smith, an English Clergyman born in 1771 wrote,
Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
By all means, I think he's right. Now, obviously, deciding to go to a drinking party or hang out in a dark, parked car with your boyfriend or girlfriend because you "might miss out" is not what it's talking about. But if it's something beneficial, go for it. Especially when it comes to something God is asking you to do. I don't think I'm the best example, but hey, if you want to go on the mission trip, or start the ministry, or write the book, or befriend the kid, or serve the homeless, or pray for something huge... Do it. Seriously. Someone once challenged me to live like God's answer is yes. If you're running after his heart and you get the feeling to do something, God will see you through. (Even if you "fail" by earthly standards, God's still going to do something awesome.) Don't regret those things you could have done.
To be honest, no one likes to go out and venture for something new and scary, because, honestly, no one wants to fail. There are so many guys who do not pursue or define relationships with girls they are interested in because they are afraid of failing. They are afraid they do not have what it takes (hearken back to Wild at Heart for a minute). There are so many college kids who go home on the weekends or stay in their dorm room all the time, because they are afraid of doing something new and fun and making new friends. By all means, start small. Even if it's eating at a new restaurant or doing your hair a different way. But don't limit yourself. Don't say, "I can't."

The other type of regrets is the type of which I am most afraid. It's doing something and then regretting that you did it. It happens most often when we speak and then realize we shouldn't have. Or when we make a mistake by reacting a certain way or making a certain decision and then wishing we could take it back. I struggled with this for a long time. For me, it felt like if I just stood still long enough, I wouldn't have to make any decisions, and then I'd be fine. But life is a lot of little decisions and some big ones, too... Do I go with him? Do I talk to her? Do I wear this?
The truth is that sometimes you never know if a choice is going to turn out "bad" or "good". And while we're on the subject, what makes something "bad" or good"? Yeah, a decision might have ruined something you considered worthwhile, but it happened. You can't take it back. And God's still working everything out even if you feel like you screwed up everything.
Many times, my kind of regrets stem from this issue: I feel like something happened that I did not want, but instead of stopping it when I had the chance, I wait and let it progress until things get worse, and then I blow up. This is a bad way to live. And then I'm stuck with the regret that I didn't say something when I could have.

You know what? I believe the girl who wrote that ad in the yearbook did have regrets. I know that she dated during high school and I know that she did a lot in high school, but could have done more. I know that she wasn't perfect. But I also know that she didn't let her regrets phase her. She could honestly say, "I'm not living with regrets." Because she wasn't. She had moved on. You can't change the past, but you can change the way you react, the way you act, the way you deal with today.

The cool part comes when you make an effort to move on and God shows you what you've learned because of what happened. Honestly, I can't regret those things because I discovered so much about myself and about people and about God. And I'm so ridiculously excited about moving on, about learning something more, about pursuing and being pursued by God.
A little less than a year ago, God told me he wanted to do great and wonderful things in me and through me before there was a guy in my life. He's still doing those things. In ways I never expected. Seriously, it's freaking awesome. :)

So, yeah, sometimes I think back on something recent or something from years past and I say "Man, that was stupid." Sometimes it really was stupid. Sometimes it takes a while to see that it really wasn't that stupid after all. Either way, I can't let it bother me. I can't be controlled by what happened.

The process for dealing with issues is simple: Name It, Deal With It, and Move On. Now, actually doing those is painful and takes a long time, but that's how it works. So, learn to deal with it and move on. Don't settle, don't ever compromise, and trust God. Because if anyone knows what they're doing, it's him.