Peace on the Rock

A steady rain falls outside the floor length window I'm sitting beside. The floors are old wood, the ceilings are a fancy wood and plaster design. There is modern art hanging on the alternating red and white walls. The door handles and fixtures are antique in metal and design. Mini light bulbs are strung up like a classy carnival and big band music is filtering through the air. The display case is full of homemade goodies and I'm sipping a frozen chai latte. And if I didn't keep hearing "y'all," I would think that I was in the downtown eclectic area of a big city.

Instead, I'm chilling in small town Alabama on my day off. Haha.

Orientation and our first week of camp are over. On Sunday, we get new campers for two weeks. If I have learned anything from the past two weeks, it has been that being a camp counselor is hard. This past week, we had mostly thirteen year olds with some 12 and 14 year olds sprinkled in. Some of them were excellent, well-behaved, and considerate young women. Some had the energy of little children mixed with the behavior of older teenagers. It was definitely a learning experience. I learned to be both tough and gentle with them.

I also learned that thirteen year olds can really shake your peace. When the usual three tables are combined into two because two of your co-counselors have a night off on the same night that Oreo Yum Yum is served for dessert, there is no peace to be found. Nowhere. 

Except in God. Just the day before Oreo-Yum-Yum-for-dessert night, my devotional directed me to a verse that really stuck out. It has come in handy throughout the week and I have learned to meditate on it. It goes like this: 

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock." - Isaiah 26:3-4, NLT

We serve a beautiful God, you guys. He is the Rock. At a place like the mountains of Northeast Alabama, that imagery is so significant. He will provide peace of mind and heart like the mountains here that are immovable and unchangeable. 

His peace is unchangeable. Even when 19+ thirteen year old girls are screaming at the top of their lungs and singing Justin Beiber like there is no tomorrow, his peace is unshakable. And the cool thing is that he loves those thirteen year old girls as his own precious children. What a blessing to rest in his love for these girls and for me.

Until next time.

Twenty-One: Expectations vs. Reality

Maybe this is what twenty-one feels like. I thought to myself. A couple days ago, a few days before my birthday, I sat with two friends as we pondered and discussed housing arrangements for next semester... My last semester living on a campus as a college student. What. Then the conversation shifted to grad school. We want to look into a certain school together, maybe apply, see about living in that town. Hold on.

How am I this old? How am I planning for student teaching and Thailand and grad school and after college already? How am I already to the point of making my own budget, cooking my own meals, saving for that strange and crazy world after graduation? Graduation has always seemed like a far away pie in the sky. Something only for grown people, adults with plans and dreams and futures lined out. I don't even know what I'm eating for dinner most nights, how can I figure out my plans for the rest of my life?!?

Okay, deep breaths.

See, the thing is, I am not alone. No one else knows what they want to do. And even those who do will see their plans changed twice or thrice over during the course of their lives. It's okay to not have it figured out. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to make a weird choice and suffer the consequences. It's okay to budget wrong or spend too much and have to pay the "stupid tax," as my grandma calls it.

Because, you see, I am only human. Becoming an adult does not mean that you are somehow more than human. Adults make mistakes all the time.

So I guess it comes down to expectations verses reality. For example, I had once hoped that I would be in a dating relationship by my 21st birthday. Yet I always saw myself as a very independent and very single college graduate. I know things can happen between now and graduation (I've got a little over a year), but I've started to wonder if this really is the place where I will meet the guy God has for me. I wonder if we will start dating in college or sometime later.

When I had decided on a school for college, my mom's boss told her that the school I eventually chose is a great school, spiritually and academically. She told my mom that the reason this was important is that I will probably be meeting my future husband here. I agree with her in that typically you would find great guys at a great school, but it is frustrating to me when people assume that is why girls go to college. I am not going through four years of college to get my MRS degree. Come on now. I'm going through college so I can be equipped to teach for the rest of my life. I'm going to college for experiences I otherwise wouldn't have been able to have, things like living on a hall with thirty beautiful and crazy ladies in a building with almost ninety squealing freshmen girls. I'm going to college so I can have experiences like traveling to Hong Kong and Laos last summer to teach English and befriend students. I'm going to college, a Christian college, so I can learn how my faith interacts with and calls me to my career, how God works in the secular arena. All of those things can happen simultaneously with marriage, but the point is that marriage is not my focus in this.

Expectations verses reality... I didn't expect to get married right out of college, but a part of me did expect to date here. A part of me did expect certain relationships to be different. And yet looking back, I'm encouraged that God did not allow certain events (and allowed others instead). He knows what he's doing!

Another expectation verses reality is that I often expected that college would change me into a totally different person. In all honesty, I am different. I am much more likely to talk to people I don't know well, much more likely to share about my faith, much more likely to worship freely, and much less likely to worry as much as I did in high school. Yet, I am still the same person. I've dealt with a lot of crap and pain, but I am still dealing with it. I am very, very different, but I am still me. I am still an introvert, I am still a "J" personality, but I feel as if I am more well-rounded now.

Someone once told me that in college, we become over-exaggerated versions of ourselves. As we grow older, we mellow out. After college, we "slide into" the personas we discovered ourselves to be during college, and it gets toned down a bit. I think that is a great way of putting it.

Therefore, I'm becoming myself.

In all actuality, this is earth-shattering. See, I started this blog exactly 3 years ago today and named it "LosingMyself" because I wanted to focus on the fact that the purpose of life is not to go and do and "find" myself, but to lose myself in Him. I wonder if that is a correct way to look at it. I wonder if that is how I see life anymore. For example, I feel most alive when I am serving God in the capacities in which he's gifted me. I love teaching and I feel as if God has given me abilities to teach. This is becoming more Christ-like, through service, but it is also definitely becoming myself. What if becoming like Christ is really becoming who I was meant to be originally? As in, what if becoming like Christ is honing and developing the elements of me (and Christ in me) that are good?

I wrestle with this here because it is very intriguing to me. I have been facing up to who I am as I grow into me each day, and I wonder, yet again, if this is what twenty-one feels like. I still have two days, but I feel as if I'm getting much closer.

I wanted to share this blog post from December 2011. I had just finished Fall semester sophomore year when I composed this post referencing the acts of growing and serving in the season of singleness. I wrote:

...After this summer (spending five weeks in Asia [June-August 2012]), and my junior year..., what kind of person will emerge? A stronger, deeper, healthier, and more Christ-like person, that’s my prayer. I made a list a couple months ago of qualities I desired in my future husband, but also qualities that I would seek to reach as well. One such quality was the ability to attempt difficult things. Challenging things. Things like ministering overseas, but also things like becoming yourself.

I think too many of us are afraid of who really are, but like my psychology professor always says: “There must be a ‘me’ before there can be a ‘we’.” A Relevant Magazine article discusses the importance of singleness as it relates to your individuality: “Making the most of being single means being on your own. It’s just you and God. Being single is about discovering who you are, setting personal boundaries, knowing your likes and dislikes, your passions and the desires of your heart.”

I'm three-quarters of the way finished with my junior year, and I am so encouraged by the prediction I made at the end of 2011. I have become myself so much more during this time and I am grateful for that.

A final expectations versus reality moment: I did not expect to experience God as much I have since I've been in college. There was a time months ago when I specifically knew that God was speaking to me. I wrote about it in regards to going to Asia, "My heart skips a beat, my peripheral vision clouds over, I can’t breathe." It was definite. However, there was a long time in which that did not happen, and it hasn't happened recently, which led me to wonder if God was still speaking to me. Or is it just that I'm not listening?

My roommate challenged me to ask God for more of Himself, so I did. This past week, I had time with God each morning for five straight days, which I haven't done in a while. He also showed me some amazing things through not only that time with Him, but also the consistency of his love and his provision. For example, I have been yearning for a while for God to show me my new name. Our September spiritual emphasis week at college focused on our brokenness, and how God wants to come and sit with us there. At the end of the week, we were given the opportunity to take a small stone to remind us that God is giving us new names. A connection was made to the invitation Jewish people would give friends they were inviting to a wedding. In a sense, God is writing our new and true names on our invitations to eternity with him. I was reminded of Isaiah 62:4, as God is renaming Jerusalem. I was pondering this desire when my morning devotional was on Zephaniah chapter three. We are all familiar with verse 17, but I wanted to draw your attention to the remainder of the chapter (emphasis mine):

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
"I will gather you who mourn for the appointed festivals;
you will be disgraced no more.
And I will deal severely with all who have oppressed you.
I will save the weak and helpless ones;
I will bring together
those who were chased away.
I will give glory and fame to my former exiles,
wherever they have been mocked and shamed.
On that day I will gather you together
and bring you home again.
I will give you a good name, a name of distinction,
among all the nations of the earth,
as I restore your fortunes before their very eyes.
I, the Lord, have spoken!"

Maybe twenty-one will be about accepting who I am and who God made me to be: a single adult allowing God to change me and refine me to become more Christ-like and more me. And I'm okay with that.
In fact, it's a pretty exciting adventure. Let's do it.

Edited 3/25/13 at 9:54pm for labels.

Leaving It Behind

Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Happy May, everyone! I am officially finished with my sophomore year of college! I cannot believe how fast time flies.

If I could describe this year or even this past semester in one phrase, it would be “Coming to Terms.” I have spent my sophomore year coming to terms with my past, dealing with of crap, and learning to move on. I wish I could say I am now perfectly healed and whole, but that’s not entirely true. Yes, God has redeemed and ransomed me, and I am not who I was, but I still have a very long way to go. The cool part is that God has me where he wants me, and I’m sure of that now.

As part of this whole “coming to terms” thing, I shared a part of my testimony at the end of March with the ladies in my dorm. The entire experience was absolutely great - God had his hand in it the whole time. As part of the testimony night, everyone who shared painted, drew, or chalked key phrases from their testimonies on a piece of cardboard. Each lady’s cardboard testimony had a “before” side and an “after” side, describing her struggles on one side and her hope or change on the other.

After the evening, I put my cardboard testimony on the shelf above my desk where I could see it every time I walked in my room. The “after” side faced out, which was really encouraging. Yesterday, when I finished packing up and preparing to head home, I found myself unsure about what to do with my piece of cardboard. I knew I could fit it in my car, but I also knew that it would be hassle to squeeze it in somehow. And what am I going to do with a piece of painted cardboard?

I debated quickly whether to throw it away or to keep it, and the pack rat in me lost. But as I threw the rectangle cardboard testimony into the dirty and rusty garbage dumpster behind my dorm, I felt like I was leaving that pain and that sin behind. It was like a weight was being lifted. Suddenly, a portion of the guilt that I thought could never leave began to melt and crack a little.

So I left my sin in the dumpster. Eventually, a dump truck will come by and carry my cardboard testimony to a landfill miles away. It’s virtually gone forever. I promise I am still coming to terms. I promise I am still dealing with guilt, shame, and mistakes. I promise I will still struggle. But I know that I know that God has forgiven me. I don’t have to fight anymore. God is here.

Even before the word “Emmanuel” was used for Jesus to mean “God with us,” a name for God translated Jehovah Shammah was used. It means “The Lord is there.” Not only is this phrase the final words of the book of Ezekiel (48:35), but it is repeated multiple times in the Old Testament. It is used in reference to Jerusalem, as the Lord is living among his people in Israel.

I heard about Jehovah Shammah a while ago, but when I was coming to terms with feelings of loneliness, I began researching the name again. To learn that this name refers to the city of Jerusalem makes me want to cry with joy. See, when I shared my testimony in March, I quoted Isaiah 62:4 about God’s restoration of the city of Jerusalem. I mentioned it because I like to compare the broken and hurting woman to the broken and hurting city of Jerusalem during the times of captivity or warfare. Thus, just as God came for Jerusalem to heal her and rescue her, so God does the same for women (and men, too).

How beautiful is it to know that the same God who calls Jerusalem by a new name in Isaiah 62:4 because he is restoring her is the same God who then dwells in Jerusalem and calls himself Jehovah Shammah because he is there in that city with his bride. I believe that God is also calling himself Jehovah Shammah with us, his children. I left that sin behind in a landfill in some county in North Georgia, but God is here. Sometimes that’s all I know, and it is more than enough.

What I'm listening to...

"Million Pieces" - Newsboys

"Oh My Dear" - Tenth Avenue North

Sacrifices

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

(1 Peter 2:9)

I have never officially participated in Lent, the 40 days of fasting before Easter, but I have made spiritual decisions for my life that correspond with lent for the past two years. So far this year, God has been doing some amazingly awesome stuff, which has contributed to what I’m doing for a personal rendition of Lent.

For one, this past Thursday, God gave reconciliation to a friendship of mine. It was pretty much unexpected and surprising. I was convinced people could not change, but I was reminded that when God gets a hold of someone who is open, awesome things happen. That reconciliation was an answer to prayer and I know God is going to do great things with this friend’s life.

Friday, the next day, I went hiking and “swimming” with some awesome friends. After dinner, I went back to my room, but it was Friday, so I didn’t want to do any homework or hang out alone. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anyone to hang out with, but I began to sense that I needed and wanted to spend time with God. So, I grabbed my Bible, journal, and iPod and headed to the campus prayer room, where I turned up the worship music so loud the walls were shaking. That whole worship experience was amazing. It was almost two and a half hours of singing, Scripture reading, artsy-crafty worship, and dancing (yes, dancing can be worship, too!). It was good communion with God.

And then, out of the blue, some thoughts popped up. Not immoral thoughts, just a realization. I realized that guys who love Jesus are attractive. Not sure why it took me so long to get it... just kidding! Anyway, I was so taken aback by the suddenness of these thoughts I honestly did not know what to do with them; I immediately turned them over to God. Obviously, it’s not wrong for women to be attracted to Godly men, but this was worship time. I have come to understand that my focus should be always be on God over and above what God has created, even if it’s good.

This simple and somewhat naïve action this past Friday started an entire personal lent movement. When I went to God with the realization, he asked me make a sacrifice. He asked me to sacrifice my desire to date and get married. Almost immediately, Genesis chapter 22 (where Abraham attempts to sacrifice Isaac) came to mind and I knew that’s what God wanted me to do.

Even though I’m making this sacrifice, I believe I will still get married. Abraham knew and believed his descendents would come from Isaac, but he was still able and ready to obey God and sacrifice Isaac (see Hebrews 11:17-19). The point and meaning of this sacrifice is that I will make a conscious and intentional effort to focus on God and my relationship with Him instead of the worries, doubts, and fears that come with potentially entering the realm of dating. 

Believe me when I say that guys who obviously love Jesus are incredibly attractive to me. What a blessing from the Lord to feel that way! We are human beings after all. Yet I know God is calling me to singleness for this time. I know, because he has asked me to hold my relationship with him so close that a dating relationship cannot be in the picture yet.

Towards the end of my first semester of freshman year, God told me he wanted to do great and wonderful things in me and through me before he brought a guy into my life. I asked for those things, and slowly, God revealed them. Most of them were ministry opportunities or personal development opportunities that could be best taken as a single person. When I returned to school this January, I looked back over what I was doing and I realized none of those things were in my life anymore. Suddenly, I questioned God’s providence. Was he calling me to remain single or to date? Now, with this new revelation of sacrifice, I am convinced again of God’s purposes and providence. He has a plan for my life and he is doing great things. Awesome things.

The prayer team on my college’s campus has organized a 24/7 Bible Reading, in which students and staff of the college sign up to read from the Bible for 24 hours a day as many days as it takes to read the entire Bible, which is actually going to be less than seven days. We’ve done the same thing with prayer before. Last night, I went to listen to whomever was reading, but I ended up filling in for an hour for someone who missed their shift. I was reading Psalms and I kept breaking out in song every few chapters. It was raining, so I kept singing “And I believe You will come like the rain” from Jesus Culture, as well as any songs I thought of when I read the Psalms. It was pretty amazing. I left that hour, after reading, praying, and singing the Word, very fulfilled. I prayed for rain and for God to come like Hosea 6:3 says.

The funny thing is, we sang “You’ll Come” by Hillsong in chapel today. The chorus is about both rain and God coming to us, and I knew it was no coincidence that it lined up perfectly with what I prayed for last night. And it did rain today, it was just misty instead of drenching. I began to see that God’s pursuit of me is definitely not a coincidence, but that it is real and consistent, but more than that, it is gentle, like misty rain. I am reminded that God’s love is strong. How can something so often thought of as weak and mushy be strong? I think it’s in the same way that God’s pursuit of his bride is both furious and gentle at the same time.

My point is that in “giving up” the dating desire (and taking practical steps to reduce the temptation I encounter to worry about or lust over a potential relationship), I am making the effort to grow closer to God and to listen to him as he is pursuing me. So, yeah, in some way, this is what I’m giving up for Lent. And this semester. And this summer. And probably this entire year. And who knows how long. Because my relationship with the God of the universe matters so much than getting married and having kids. Don’t get me wrong, I desperately desire to get married and have kids one day, but that cannot be my focus. I can’t go to college to get my MRS degree, because that’s ridiculous. I must ask myself: who am I focusing on?

Maybe, if you’ve read this far, you’re wondering why I put 1 Peter 2:9 as the opening for this post. Honestly, I do not know. All I know is that within a couple hours on Monday night, I heard this verse twice from two different people in two completely different contexts. I am asking God to show me what he wants me to gather from this verse.  I know for sure that God is doing great things and, as his child, I am privileged to be a part of them. To be loved by the God of the universe so much that he calls you his holy priesthood is pretty amazing stuff. He loves you.

Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City" or “The Desolate Land.” Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight” and “The Bride of God,” for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his bride.

(Isaiah 62:4)

The Accuser

For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth -the one who accuses them before our God day and night.

-Revelation 12:10b

One day the members of the heavenly court came to present themselves before the Lord, and the Accuser, Satan, came with them. "Where have you come from?" the Lord asked Satan. Satan answered the Lord, "I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on."

- Job 1:6-7

Are you feeling accused? One of the names of Satan is Accuser (also see Zechariah 3:1) and he seems to wear the title proudly when we are the most unable to stand up for ourselves.

I was exhausted physically and feeling far from God emotionally and a little on the dry side spiritually recently when I began feeling even worse. It was like everything I fear, everything I doubt, and everything I worry about was being thrown into my face all at once. I felt insignificant and berated and accused. Accused of things I've already been forgiven for.

I was crying when God gave me Zephaniah 3:17. It just popped into my head. But instead of the NLT version, which I own, I remembered and later looked up the 2011 NIV version, which reads a little differently. It says,

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

And that's awesome. Those words that my NLT Bible translates as "He is a mighty savior" or words you may remember from Hillsong as "He is mighty to save" are translated in the new NIV as "Mighty Warrior who saves". My God is a Mighty Warrior and he is fighting on my behalf.

I suddenly got the image from John Eldredge's Wild at Heart where the man fights for and on behalf of the woman in his life. Not that the woman can't fight, but that the man is called to fight for her. It is his duty to come for her heart in that way. Listen, girls and guys, God is coming for your heart. He is a Mighty Warrior, fighting on your behalf against Satan and his lies.

Honestly, I was really scared of the feelings I could not explain. I did not know how I could stand up from under them. But I didn't have to. See, God fought for me last night. Since we belong to Christ now, we are co-heirs and conquerors with him. We are his precious children and his bride. Basically, when Satan messes with you, he's messing with God.

So, let God fight for you. Be honest. Say, "God, I can't do this anymore." And let him take your burdens, however painful they are. Let him take your griefs and mistakes, however deep they run. Let him take even Satan's lies, however true they seem. God is your patient lover, waiting to come to your rescue.

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

- Isaiah 30:18

Isaiah 40:3-41:10

Listen! It’s the voice of someone shouting,
“Clear the way through the wilderness
for the Lord!
Make a straight highway through the wasteland
for our God!

Fill in the valleys,
and level the mountains and hills.
Straighten the curves,
and smooth out the rough places.
Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
The Lord has spoken!”

A voice said, “Shout!”
I asked, “What should I shout?”

“Shout that people are like the grass.
Their beauty fades as quickly
as the flowers in a field.
The grass withers and the flowers fade
beneath the breath of the Lord.
And so it is with people.
The grass withers and the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.”

O Zion, messenger of good news,
shout from the mountaintops!
Shout it louder, O Jerusalem.
Shout, and do not be afraid.
Tell the towns of Judah,
“Your God is coming!”
Yes, the Sovereign Lord is coming in power.
He will rule with a powerful arm.
See, he brings his reward with him as he comes.
He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.

Who else has held the oceans in his hand?
Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?
Who else knows the weight of the earth
or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?
Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord?
Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him?
Has the Lord ever needed anyone’s advice?
Does he need instruction about what is good?
Did someone teach him what is right
or show him the path of justice?
No, for all the nations of the world
are but a drop in the bucket.
They are nothing more
than dust on the scales.
He picks up the whole earth
as though it were a grain of sand.
All the wood in Lebanon’s forests
and all Lebanon’s animals would not be enough
to make a burnt offering worthy of our God.
The nations of the world are worth nothing to him.
In his eyes they count for less than nothing—
mere emptiness and froth.

To whom can you compare God?
What image can you find to resemble him?
Can he be compared to an idol formed in a mold,
overlaid with gold, and decorated with silver chains?
Or if people are too poor for that,
they might at least choose wood that won’t decay
and a skilled craftsman
to carve an image that won’t fall down!

Haven’t you heard? Don’t you understand?
Are you deaf to the words of God—
the words he gave before the world began?
Are you so ignorant?
God sits above the circle of the earth.
The people below seem like grasshoppers to him!
He spreads out the heavens like a curtain
and makes his tent from them.
He judges the great people of the world
and brings them all to nothing.
They hardly get started, barely taking root,
when he blows on them and they wither.
The wind carries them off like chaff.

"To whom will you compare me?
Who is my equal?” asks the Holy One.

Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.

O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

“Listen in silence before me, you lands beyond the sea.
Bring your strongest arguments.
Come now and speak.
The court is ready for your case.
“Who has stirred up this king from the east,
rightly calling him to God’s service?
Who gives this man victory over many nations
and permits him to trample their kings underfoot?
With his sword, he reduces armies to dust.
With his bow, he scatters them like chaff before the wind.
He chases them away and goes on safely,
though he is walking over unfamiliar ground.
Who has done such mighty deeds,
summoning each new generation from the beginning of time?
It is I, the Lord, the First and the Last.
I alone am he.”

The lands beyond the sea watch in fear.
Remote lands tremble and mobilize for war.
The idol makers encourage one another,
saying to each other, “Be strong!”
The carver encourages the goldsmith,
and the molder helps at the anvil.
“Good,” they say. “It’s coming along fine.”
Carefully they join the parts together,
then fasten the thing in place so it won’t fall over.

“But as for you, Israel my servant,
Jacob my chosen one,
descended from Abraham my friend,
I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chosen you
and will not throw you away.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

[Isaiah 40:3-41:10]

One Hundred Billion Trillion

I love learning about science. Granted, typically I'm a very "artsy" kind of person. I'd rather take a picture of a flower than learn about the pollination of the flower. I'd rather write a poem about the moon than study the craters on its surface.

However, in Scientific Literacy yesterday, my professor was teaching about the cosmos. Mid-way through his lecture, he thought of something and ran out of the room to get his his Bible from his office. When he returned, he read from Isaiah chapter 40, verse 26:

Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.

Then, referring to some calculations on the whiteboard, he indicated that modern scientists roughly estimate that there are about one hundred billion trillion stars in the known universe.

Okay, catch that: God knows and calls the name of each star in the universe, and there are more than a hundred billion trillion of them! God calls each star out one by one to light the night sky and fill the darkness of nighttime. No star is missed. Psalm 147:4 says, "[God] counts the stars and calls them all by name."

The only thing that was running through my head as my professor was saying this was a line from Matthew West's song, More: "I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine...". And if God, this vast, omnipotent, omnipresent God, loves me more than the stars he hand-placed in the sky, I truly am loved!

The Bible is not silent about science, as some might assume. In fact, since science is basically the study of God's creation, the Bible is filled with discussion about it. Job 9:9 says, "[God] made all the stars—the Bear and Orion,the Pleiades and the constellations of the southern sky." The awesome thing about creation is that it shows God's presence and majesty (Romans 1:20), because creation has to have a creator. While we can't physically see God, we can see his creation, which gives us a glimpse of how amazing God really is.

Go outside and watch the sunset, watch God bring the stars out one by one, watch the moon light up the night. And praise him. For every great star that appears in the night sky, we catch a reminder of God's love for us.

God is more glorious than the moon; he shines brighter than the stars.

Job 25:5

The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born.

Psalm 33:6

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—

the moon and the stars you set in place—

what are mere mortals that you should think about them,

human beings that you should care for them?

Psalm 8:3-4

Let the Redeemed of the Lord Say So

... "SO!"

Ever sang that song as a child? It basically repeats that one line over and over and at the end of each line, we always yell "So!" as loud as we can.

Notice something with me here: it doesn't say "Let the perfect people say so" or "Let the complete, finished, or accomplished people say so". It says "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so".

Philippians 1:6 explains "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The point is that you're not completed yet. You are redeemed. And you're on the path to restoration. But you're not finished. God is in the process of changing you, of doing something amazing in your life.

I know I'm not the person I once was. A lot has happened since I was six, when I first made the decision to accept Christ. At lot has happened since I was twelve, when I again committed my life to Christ, making my faith mine and not my parents'. In reality, a lot has happened in the past six months, both around me and in me. I'm not who I was. And I've grown a lot in the faith as well. Like Relient K sings, "Who I am hates who I've been".

I hope and pray you are aware of God's work in your life. Often, we get glimpses of what God is doing, and it's pretty amazing. But while you're excited about God's work, don't get prideful. Don't claim what God is doing as something you have done. Just be completely and utterly thankful for it.

But, on the other hand, don't get so caught up in acting perfect. You are not perfect! Yes, heaven is a wonderful place, but you're not there yet! As Christians, we should be looking forward to and anticipating Heaven, especially because there we will be like Christ. But lose this ridiculous idea that you will somehow attain perfection and completion here on this earth in this life. We are still sinful.

For so long I had the faulty idea that real Christians didn't sin. Uh, yeah we do. And it's going to hurt, because sin separates us from God. But that's why Christ died - to restore the relationship between us and God that was broken because of sin. See, when Jesus died for us, he repaired our broken connection to God. He brought us to the presence of the living Creator God. Yes, Christians sin and mess up and cause problems and have hang-ups and hurt other people and ourselves. But with our hearts turned to God, we seek forgiveness, we apologize, and with God's grace we move on. And we grow because of it. And God isn't put off by our sins. When he looks at us, he sees Christ's blamelessness. He doesn't see our sin, because while we're slowly working towards our completion in Christ, Christ's purity and lack of sin has covered us. We're being washed in the blood of Jesus.

Did you get that? Jesus Christ has overcome your sin. He bore it on the cross and you no longer hold it. Yes, you face earthly consequences, like a rift in a relationship after an argument. But God doesn't hold it against you. He loves you. Loves.

There's going to be sin, trials, difficult circumstances, upsets, depressions, hurdles, and all around bad things in life, caused by you, by others, or just circumstantially. And since God never wastes anything, he uses these difficulties as a means for our growth, to lead us closer and closer to completion in Christ. James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I challenge you to learn to be patient with yourself. You're not going to have it all together. Stop thinking that a mistake is going to ruin you and God. God still loves you. Nothing you do or don't do could make him stop loving you. Realize that you are redeemed, not perfect. And remember, living the Christian life doesn't work if it's all about rules. It only works if, because we are so in love with our Creator, we simply desire to obey and please him.

Finally, God loves you. Get that! He does! And he is doing something incredible in you and through you. Let him mold you as the potter molds the clay. He is carefully, painstakingly, refining you and drawing you towards himself every day.

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8