Leaving It Behind

Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Happy May, everyone! I am officially finished with my sophomore year of college! I cannot believe how fast time flies.

If I could describe this year or even this past semester in one phrase, it would be “Coming to Terms.” I have spent my sophomore year coming to terms with my past, dealing with of crap, and learning to move on. I wish I could say I am now perfectly healed and whole, but that’s not entirely true. Yes, God has redeemed and ransomed me, and I am not who I was, but I still have a very long way to go. The cool part is that God has me where he wants me, and I’m sure of that now.

As part of this whole “coming to terms” thing, I shared a part of my testimony at the end of March with the ladies in my dorm. The entire experience was absolutely great - God had his hand in it the whole time. As part of the testimony night, everyone who shared painted, drew, or chalked key phrases from their testimonies on a piece of cardboard. Each lady’s cardboard testimony had a “before” side and an “after” side, describing her struggles on one side and her hope or change on the other.

After the evening, I put my cardboard testimony on the shelf above my desk where I could see it every time I walked in my room. The “after” side faced out, which was really encouraging. Yesterday, when I finished packing up and preparing to head home, I found myself unsure about what to do with my piece of cardboard. I knew I could fit it in my car, but I also knew that it would be hassle to squeeze it in somehow. And what am I going to do with a piece of painted cardboard?

I debated quickly whether to throw it away or to keep it, and the pack rat in me lost. But as I threw the rectangle cardboard testimony into the dirty and rusty garbage dumpster behind my dorm, I felt like I was leaving that pain and that sin behind. It was like a weight was being lifted. Suddenly, a portion of the guilt that I thought could never leave began to melt and crack a little.

So I left my sin in the dumpster. Eventually, a dump truck will come by and carry my cardboard testimony to a landfill miles away. It’s virtually gone forever. I promise I am still coming to terms. I promise I am still dealing with guilt, shame, and mistakes. I promise I will still struggle. But I know that I know that God has forgiven me. I don’t have to fight anymore. God is here.

Even before the word “Emmanuel” was used for Jesus to mean “God with us,” a name for God translated Jehovah Shammah was used. It means “The Lord is there.” Not only is this phrase the final words of the book of Ezekiel (48:35), but it is repeated multiple times in the Old Testament. It is used in reference to Jerusalem, as the Lord is living among his people in Israel.

I heard about Jehovah Shammah a while ago, but when I was coming to terms with feelings of loneliness, I began researching the name again. To learn that this name refers to the city of Jerusalem makes me want to cry with joy. See, when I shared my testimony in March, I quoted Isaiah 62:4 about God’s restoration of the city of Jerusalem. I mentioned it because I like to compare the broken and hurting woman to the broken and hurting city of Jerusalem during the times of captivity or warfare. Thus, just as God came for Jerusalem to heal her and rescue her, so God does the same for women (and men, too).

How beautiful is it to know that the same God who calls Jerusalem by a new name in Isaiah 62:4 because he is restoring her is the same God who then dwells in Jerusalem and calls himself Jehovah Shammah because he is there in that city with his bride. I believe that God is also calling himself Jehovah Shammah with us, his children. I left that sin behind in a landfill in some county in North Georgia, but God is here. Sometimes that’s all I know, and it is more than enough.

What I'm listening to...

"Million Pieces" - Newsboys

"Oh My Dear" - Tenth Avenue North

Like Raindrops and Waterfalls

I love acoustic worship. So when I heard that this morning’s worship at my church was all acoustic, organized by one of my friends, I was really excited. There was a cello, an acoustic guitar, and a Cajon (a square drum you sit on), as well as a couple singers. Wow is the best word to describe how great it was.

When the third and next to last song began, I realized I recognized it. I listened for a minute and then opened my eyes to read the lyrics on the screen. Oh, yes. I knew this song because a good friend had introduced me to the artist through a couple concert invitations and a ministry we were a part of. I say this in the past tense because there was an issue in the friendship that eventually caused its end. On a good note, forgiveness has been given and received, although things can never be the way they were before.

I liken this situation to a dating relationship that ended in a break up because whenever I was reminded of what happened with this friend, I got angry. Someone would say something my friend would say, and I would be upset. Or I would go to a restaurant or hear a song or remember something funny about the friendship and it be pretty unfortunate for my emotions. It felt like a bad break up, even though I've never dated before.

I would add that eventually people get over break-ups. Yeah, eat some ice cream and cry about it and pray about it, but soon you’re going to move on and be a better person because of it. I want to share something I’ve learned recently.

Healing comes like raindrops and waterfalls. 

Sometimes, healing is like little raindrops. For me, I learned how to say “Hi” to someone who hurt me. It was tiny, but it was healing. Also, I learned how to ask for help when I was struggling with things like temptation. Sending one quick text message, while it may feel huge, is just a raindrop of healing.

Healing also comes like waterfalls. When I realized what song was being played this morning, I was not upset about remembering my friend. In fact, I began to make a new “memory” with the song, if you will. Now, when I hear it, I am no longer thinking of the concert I did not attend, I am thinking of an acoustic worship set in the sanctuary in my church home. Even more than that, I am thinking of the beautiful God who loves me.

But remember this: Healing Comes. God will never leave us in the mess in which we find ourselves. He is patient, He is good, and He will restore us.

On Wednesday night, I got to share one of the deepest parts of my testimony with a large group of girls in my dorm as part of a testimony night we have once a month. It was so awesome that once we got started, I was not nervous at all. And then when I spoke, it went so well, and I did not stutter like I usually do when speaking before people. In the past, this has been a sign that God was really speaking though me, which was so encouraging. So many girls came up to me afterwards and thanked me for sharing. A couple of them have wanted to talk recently. This healing is like a waterfall. Strong and persistent; beautiful and cleansing.

Francis Frangipane once said, “Rescue is the constant pattern of God's activity.” So beautiful.

Oh, and the song we sang today in church? Phil Wickham’s “Beautiful”
Enjoy.



I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

Please Stop Lying to Yourself

When we begin to come to terms with the things we've done and/or the things that have been done to us that grieve God’s heart (i.e., sins), we also begin to wrestle with the natural ramifications of those things. Sin is never simply a mistake. Each time a sin is committed, we lay the groundwork for future pain, either in our lives or the lives of others, and usually in both.

One such pain I would like to analyze is found in the lies we tell ourselves. For example, after engaging in sexual sin, we may later feel dirty, worthless, undesirable, unvaluable, or any of the above. Or, after someone we care about speaks condescendingly or negatively towards us, we may feel insignificant, inadequate, rejected, etc. I’m sure you could think of some prime examples in your own life.

We may also use “If… then…” or “Since… then…” statements on ourselves. Have you ever said this: “Since no one wants to hang out with me, then I must not matter to anyone.” Or, “If I cannot resist this temptation, then I will never be able to have a successful marriage / career / relationship / family.” Or, “If I fail one more time, then it must mean I am a failure.” Or, “Since my dad left, then that means I’m not wanted and no guy will ever want to date me.”

If I am completely honest, I have to tell you that I have said all of those to myself. It has taken lots of time to identify that, first, I’m saying those things to myself, and second, they are not truth. And even when they feel true, I must acknowledge that one fact does not prescribe the other. Yes, my dad left when I was eight, but that in no way means that I’m not attractive or not valuable or not significant or not desirable. Good friends have poured into me the realization that I am valuable. Professors and mentors who care about me and my growth are apt to acknowledge my significance. And even when some situations with guys seem to repeatedly speak negatively to me about attractiveness or desirability, I must hold on to glimpses of truth, such as a cute hair day, a compliment, a kind remark from a guy friend, or a word from God about beauty.

What we know deep inside and what we know from God’s Word are things that we should be letting define ourselves, not those painful experiences that seep into our lives and threaten to take truth away. The truth is that God will never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6 and 8). The truth is that we are valuable (Matthew 6:26). The truth is that God is listening (Psalm 17:6). The truth is that God has chosen us and is with us and will help us (Isaiah 41:8-10). Do you believe the Bible is the Word of God? Then believe these things. And stop lying to yourself. Don’t believe what Satan is telling you. Find a verse to disprove anything you hear from him.

On another note, I heard a beautiful testimony tonight from a dear friend. I had heard it once before, when we went out for coffee, but tonight she shared with a group at a prayer meeting. She had told me multiple times before that she just wanted God to get the glory and to be praised through the story of her issues and struggles and redemption. So, tonight, as she talked, I smiled at her jokes and cried at her pain, but I was praying. Praying that God would receive the glory. To my surprise, after the meeting, some girls called for the musicians in the group to go get their guitars so we could all worship in song together. Her story inspired intimate worship and praise to and for God – what an amazing testament to glorifying God.

Someone once told me, “We should not think less of ourselves. Instead, we should think of ourselves less.” Awesome advice. So today, I'm telling you not to lie to yourself or belittle yourself. I’m telling you to spend more time with God. I’m telling you to believe what He says. I’m telling you to glorify Him no matter what. God will do great things. Sometimes you have to step back and watch.

Temple Tuesday

Okay, get this: God is amazing. And He has done and will do amazing things. By all means, share these awesome things God has done for you with those around you. An awesome way to share your faith with nonbelievers and to encourage fellow believers is to tell your testimony, or let them know what God has done in your life and in their lives of those around you.

Along those lines, here's some words from David:

Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. Our God is a God who saves! The sovereign Lord rescues us from death.... Tell everyone about God's power. His majesty shines down on Israel; his strength is mighty in the heavens. God is awesome in his sanctuary. The God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!

Psalm 68:19, 20, 34, 35

Your Testimony

Look at your testimony, your story of faith. Describe it. Look at where you've been and how far you've come. What has God taught you?

Too often we have this mindset that the only good testimonies are the ones where we can see some spectacular sign of God's immediate and powerful work. We live like the only good testimonies are the stories of desperate, wicked sinners being radically and emotionally changed into God-fearing, loving saints.

...Wait a minute! Aren't we all desperate wicked sinners who need God? And aren't all Christians radically changed by God? And aren't all of us called to radical obedience and crazily giving everything back to God and letting him love others through us?

Well, yeah, actually. But we tend to play the comparison game, even when it comes to our testimonies. We say, "Oh, well, I accepted Christ when I was 6 and I've always lived in a Christian home and I never did drugs or slept around, so my life and testimony is boring" and we hear someone who lived an immoral life and who didn't listen to God until they were adults and have overcome such supposedly vast sins... And we think that their testimony is so much more important and special and influential than ours.

But the truth is that we are all sinners saved by grace through faith. My story is no more important or amazing than yours, because it's my story. It's what God said to me and did in me. Likewise with your story.

I see this in the two stories of changed lives we find in Acts 9:1-22 and in Luke 5:1-11. In Acts chapter 9, Saul is going to Damascus when God does something incredible. If you know the story, you know that a bright light shines down, Saul is blinded, and Jesus asks, "Saul, why are you persecuting me? ... I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do." (v.4-6). It's a pretty amazing story. But God works in many different ways, and we see a slightly different faith story in Luke chapter 5. Jesus climbs into Simon Peter's boat and asks him to take the boat out a bit into the water so Jesus can preach from the boat. It is a seemingly ordinary move - a guy stepping into another guy's boat. Jesus called Peter, a simple, uneducated man who worked as a fisherman to follow him. And Peter didn't leave behind a life of massive, growth sin (in human standards), he left behind his own life. And he took up his cross and followed after Jesus. It changed his life.

So whether or not your testimony sounds "cool" or seems to compare with others' testimonies, it really doesn't matter. Because God has and is and will continue to work in your life. And God will use your struggles and your testimony for his glory. Because that's the purpose, that's the end result: That we are conformed to the image of Christ for the sake of others.