Crumpled Pieces of Red Paper

Of the many things working at camp has taught me, the fact that I am growing up too fast is consistently evident. Case in point: One of the songs played at camp dances is N*Sync's "Bye, Bye, Bye." Do you know when that song was released? Thirteen years ago. How is that even possible?!? That was my jam back in the day - how is it over a decade old?

As I pondered this, I was reminded that there are only six short months until I embark for Thailand and then, 3-4 months later, I will be college graduate. And it's pretty terrifying but exciting and adventurous and all that. What a great God, to have brought me thus far and to keep leading me onward. I am blessed.

With all that is happening in my personal/interpersonal life with this whole growing up thing, God spoke to me today about the growth that has happened in the area of my spirituality. 

After exchanging Secret Santa gifts (today is Christmas in July at camp), we had a Pajama breakfast before heading to the gym for camp church. All the counselors are a part of Counselor Choir, so we gathered on the stage in our new navy Christmas in July shirts and sang Christmas and worship songs with Mrs. Amy, who leads church each week. (She is also our camp mom for this session.) 

Then Mrs. Amy led a discussion on Jesus as our peace and pulled from several verses to illustrate this concept. Our key verse was John 14:27, which says, "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." 

She then passed out pieces of red paper that counselors had torn up earlier and had both campers and staff write something that was keeping us from peace. We would then crumple our papers and pray for peace, bringing those things before God, before bringing our papers to the cross at the front of the gym. Head counselors taped the pieces of the paper to a large wooden cross in the front. Mrs. Amy and one of the older campers were singing "Lord, I Need You" acoustically.

I wrote the thing that I feel has been holding me back this summer on my slip and followed a group of campers up the cross. When I got up there, I waited for a group of campers to get their papers taped to the cross, and I looked up to see a little slip of paper that read simply: "not being perfect enough."

You guys, I broke right there. I handed my piece of paper to the head counselor and started to weep. That was me. That girl who wrote that she wasn't perfect enough, whoever she is, was me a few months ago. Just a few months ago. And I still wrestle with that little girl inside me who just can't do anything right, who is broken and hurting and falls down over and over and over again.

I wept for that young woman who thinks that God doesn't love her because she isn't perfect enough. I wept because I don't know who she is and I don't know how to help her. And I wept for myself. For the pain and the struggle and the fighting that it took for God's grace to finally break through my clouded vision. Even at this point in my spiritual growth, with a much healthier relationship with God's grace and a much better perception of how he relates to me, I still don't understand. There is so much about forgiveness and grace that I don't understand. SO much.

But I know one thing: I'm not who I was. I'm not the same person, the same doubting and shame-stricken girl. I am blessed. When I related the story of a broken friendship to a co-counselor just this week, I was able to present the story as grace-filled and, ultimately, God-honoring. Because it is. When I realized that I was not in the same place I was before, that I have overcome, I was able to praise God for what he has done. He is not finished with me, but he has done so much in me already! Hallelujah!

Could I beseech you as my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for mentors in my life? I am blessed to be here at camp, but sometimes I find it difficult to discover the presence of strong Christian mentors and build deep Christian friendships. Pray for unity and openness among the staff. I am honored and humbled to be able to share this with you tonight.

With love.

Peace on the Rock

A steady rain falls outside the floor length window I'm sitting beside. The floors are old wood, the ceilings are a fancy wood and plaster design. There is modern art hanging on the alternating red and white walls. The door handles and fixtures are antique in metal and design. Mini light bulbs are strung up like a classy carnival and big band music is filtering through the air. The display case is full of homemade goodies and I'm sipping a frozen chai latte. And if I didn't keep hearing "y'all," I would think that I was in the downtown eclectic area of a big city.

Instead, I'm chilling in small town Alabama on my day off. Haha.

Orientation and our first week of camp are over. On Sunday, we get new campers for two weeks. If I have learned anything from the past two weeks, it has been that being a camp counselor is hard. This past week, we had mostly thirteen year olds with some 12 and 14 year olds sprinkled in. Some of them were excellent, well-behaved, and considerate young women. Some had the energy of little children mixed with the behavior of older teenagers. It was definitely a learning experience. I learned to be both tough and gentle with them.

I also learned that thirteen year olds can really shake your peace. When the usual three tables are combined into two because two of your co-counselors have a night off on the same night that Oreo Yum Yum is served for dessert, there is no peace to be found. Nowhere. 

Except in God. Just the day before Oreo-Yum-Yum-for-dessert night, my devotional directed me to a verse that really stuck out. It has come in handy throughout the week and I have learned to meditate on it. It goes like this: 

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the LORD always, for the LORD GOD is the eternal Rock." - Isaiah 26:3-4, NLT

We serve a beautiful God, you guys. He is the Rock. At a place like the mountains of Northeast Alabama, that imagery is so significant. He will provide peace of mind and heart like the mountains here that are immovable and unchangeable. 

His peace is unchangeable. Even when 19+ thirteen year old girls are screaming at the top of their lungs and singing Justin Beiber like there is no tomorrow, his peace is unshakable. And the cool thing is that he loves those thirteen year old girls as his own precious children. What a blessing to rest in his love for these girls and for me.

Until next time.

Peace From the Heart of God

It's Tuesday of Spring Break week and I'm sitting on a screened-in porch in central Florida. The birds woke me up this morning a little before nine, and I had a breakfast of cereal and a clementine before reading the morning away. The sunshine is warm and the breeze is cool. When I walk down the tile and hardwood hallway, my feet make "plick-plick" sounds, like a museum. Yesterday, we saw manatees and a natural spring, and today we're going shopping before dinner with M's grandmother.

There is nothing like a peaceful place to set your heart back in line.

I have friends at college who are heavily into philosophy, apologetics, and psychiatry. Several weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend who changed her major from education to philosophy, and, although she never said it aloud, I found a beautiful reminder in her major-change: studying philosophy seemed to lead her closer to the heart of God.

See, God is a God of truth. Many even say that "all truth is God's truth." If this is true, then philosophy (which is basically logic, ethics, and wisdom), would lead its follower deeper into the God of all logic, ethics, and wisdom. That is why the world does not deny Christ, but proves him.
(I hope my philosophy friends can share their thoughts on this!)

When I found myself in this beautiful setting for spring break, in which the mornings are for reading, the afternoons are for fun, and the evenings are for fellowship, I wondered if perhaps this peaceful setting could and would lead me closer to the heart of God: the heart of a God who is peaceful and welcoming.

Psalm 118, the Bible reading for the Lenten devotionals I get each morning, made reference to the goodness of God. My phone call last night with my roommate reminded me of God's goodness and grace, provision and hope, and then today, reminded again of the peace here, I sought out one of my favorite passages: John chapter 14.

John writes, "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." (John 14:27)

Even though the peace of this week will fade away when I return to the busyness of next week's school assignments, I am reminded that God's peace, the kind this world cannot give, will not fade away. He is the rock I can cling to during this storms of this life.

Learning Some Lessons

I realized last night and today that I really love college. I'm so blessed to be here!! And I just wanted to share some things I've been learning, so that I can remember them and so that you may be blessed because of them. :)

• God has a purpose for everything that happens and he can use mistakes and problems for good - because everything works out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
• God can and will speak through other people, circumstances, worship, and His word. Listen!
• When God tells you to do something, do it. Don't hesitate.
• People are not scary! Be willing to invest your life into others. Listen to their needs, pray for and with them, and concern yourself with lifting them up and being a tangible of expression of Christ for them.
• Forgiving someone doesn't mean they were right, it doesn't mean what they did is okay, and it doesn't mean you understand what they did or why they did it - it just means you don't hold it against them. It means you acknowledge that God forgave you and accepts you as his child, and because of that, you have to forgive those who hurt you, and accept them as brothers or sisters in Christ.
• Always be willing to listen. And love on people with every chance you get. God will honor that and bless you.
• When you don't know how to pray or what to pray for, the Holy Spirit will intercede for you "with groanings that cannot be expressed in words" (Romans 8:26). So don't worry about praying the right thing, because he understands.
• When God points out something in your life that you're trying to hold on to, give it to him. Don't get all angry that God is shaking up the way you do things. Give him everything. Don't hold back because you're afraid. Relinquish control on what truly does belong to God, because he wants to do something beautiful with those parts of your life he shows you that he wants you to let go of.
• Pray. And don't just babble on and on. Listen to God. God wants to say something to you, but are you quiet long enough to hear him.
• Finally, work ahead. Because you do not want to be doing chapter summaries at two in the morning!

If you've read this far, I'd love for you to comment with some thoughts or post some things God's been teaching you. :)

Temple Tuesday... Wednesday

I never got time to post a Temple Tuesday yesterday, because I had night class and a prayer meeting with some friends. So, today is going to be a Temple [Wednesday]! I've got some Bible verses and several quotes from friends of mine.

While you're reading, spend some time thinking about this: What if the tricky, difficult situations we're dealing with right now are actually good things? I'll say it differently: What if God has allowed the not-so-fun circumstances in our lives for a purpose? Namely, to draw us close to him, to instill in us a value or meaning or something important we've forgotten. Or even to prepare us for something significant in the future.

It's easier [to trust God] when you find out that all the crud that's been in your life is only behind you because of His help through.

Trusting in God is hard for the majority of us because when we trust in Him, we lose control over our kingdom. We begin to try to trust in God with some of our self and hold back other areas for us to control. Relationships are an area that we tend to hold on to, but they should be the first we give away. If we want to be blessed in our relationships, we have to trust in God to direct us in the way that we should go with them.

Wait.... hold up a minute. We have a better idea of how life should be than the Creator of the Heavens, Earth, and everything in it? We hold things back from the One who already knows all about us? I think we really have to work on this issue of surrender. God already knows everything... and I mean EVERYTHING! So doesn't it seem quite silly to keep parts of our lives out of God's reach?

God, give us a peace about things from you and terror about things from the enemy.

Growing with God can be very difficult but I love the feeling when you know what you were supposed to learn!

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. Proverbs 29:11

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

It Already Belongs to Him

What if, instead of giving my life and problems and circumstances up to God, I was actually relinquishing my futile grasp on what already belongs to him?

1 Corinthians says, "You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

And not only with your body, but also with your life. Not with only your words and actions, but also with your relationship choices. Not only with the clothes you wear, but also with the attitudes you have about you. Honor God with both what people can see and with what people cannot see.

What if, instead of including God as a part of life, God was my life? And anything that didn't line with him was sacked, cast off, cut out, done away with? What if, instead of pretending I could have both selfishness and 'Savior-ness' in my life, I ran after God with everything I was and found myself in his arms - with no looking back?

What would it look like if my relationships radiated Christ with every word and motion? Would other people notice if I gave up what I wanted for what God wanted? Would the result of a life sold out to God have more impact on this world than a life lost in the patterns of this world?

What if I stopped, right now, in the middle of this path I'm pursuing a little too fast, and let go? Because it already belongs to him.

Well, I think I've answered my own question. God, give me peace.

No Matter How Good It Is...

...if it's not from God, it's not for us. See, Satan is in the business of half-truths and little white lies. They seem fine to us if we aren't paying attention, but in reality, they are very destructive.

For example, God gave us the gift of marriage. But Satan likes to twist it, telling such lies like "But it's love", "God is love", and "God just wants you to be happy". And that is where we end up with all kinds of ridiculous distortions of marriage, like homosexuality and polygamy (and even living together before marriage), for example. God is very clear on the fact that marriage is for one man and one woman, but when you're listening to Satan, it doesn't always seem that way.

In the Garden of Eden, Satan twisted God's words when he tempted Eve. He asked her, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" (Gen 3:1). Well, we know that God told Adam and Eve that they could eat from "any tree in the garden" except "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" (Gen 2:16-17). See how Satan twisted God's words to suit himself?

Okay, so you probably fall into the category of lies from Satan on a much smaller scale than something like polygamy. Maybe you are considering whether to pursue a relationship with a girl or guy who isn't a Christian. And Satan's telling you that you should totally be a missionary to them and that a good way to do that is to date them. Dating and relationships are good things from God, but only in the right context. Or maybe you're wondering about something even simpler, like music, which is a gift from God. But let's say you like a certain song and it's not explicit, but it's not clean, either, if you know what I mean. Music is from God, but Satan often uses it in just horrible ways. Keep a lookout for things like that. Do you really want that song playing in your head, on your iPod, in your car?

Another example: There are times when we are vulnerable and need to keep a guard up for safety. I'll explain it a different way: My college has a guard shack at the front entrance. During the day, the guards will wave at whoever comes into the campus. But at dusk, when it starts getting dark and the college itself becomes vulnerable, the guards typically stop cars coming in to make sure they belong here. When are vulnerable to Satan's voice, maybe when we're alone, or around people of the opposite gender, or surrounded by people who seem to have it all together and look like they're models... We must guard our hearts.

Believe me, it's hard to distinguish God's voice from Satan's voice sometimes. But here's something my stepdad taught me: God wants what's best for me even when I don't. In sin, I typically desire what feels good or what makes me look better to others, but God, in his love, desires (and knows) what is the best not only for me and my life, but also for the lives of those around me. And, this is awesome, "the best thing" may not be the easiest thing. In fact, God often uses difficult situations to grow us and mold us to become more like Him. Trust God's timing and God's voice and make those difficult decisions he is leading you towards. You may or not may not see an immediate result, but you will feel peace. Peace from the Holy Spirit.

No matter how good it is, if it's not from God, it's not for us.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

- Ephesians 6:12