Plans are for Wimps

I have completed a successful first week of my junior year. Successful by His providence alone! 

Keep reading to see why plans are for wimps.

I began reading Jesus Calling by Sarah Young at the beginning of this week. Maintaining a consistent devotional time, while difficult during the hectic school semester, is vitally important. Obviously, some days are better than others, but it's not important that we stick to a firm schedule with absolute laws, but rather that we meet to commune with the Lord. (By the way, if you're looking for ideas, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers is what I read last year, and I highly recommend it.)

Anyway, Jesus Calling is themed as if Jesus himself were speaking to the reader. Here is today's selection...

I don't know if you know this yet, but I am a HUGE planner. I plan everything. Sometimes it's a bit annoying.  I love to plan, to organize, to structure, to consolidate and make things more efficient. This is a good gift, I'm told, but it is also a weakness for me. 

The line from this devotional reading that caught me is: "Your natural preference is to plan out your day; knowing what will happen when. My preference is for you to depend on Me continually, trusting Me to guide you and strengthen you as needed." In my natural desire and normal gift to plan and prepare and organize, I often miss what God wants to do. Yes, there is a need for structure and other administrative gifts, but there is also a time to (depending on your theology)  let randomness take it's course, or to let providence have it's prominence. 

See, God is all about doing things that probably do not and will not make sense to us. Often, it's later (or sometimes never) that he reveals how things are working together. Remember, of course, that He works all things together for those who love him and who are called according to his purposes. 

Take for example: today. After reading through this devotional and praying that I would "depend on God for my direction," (a little half-heartedly, I might add), I went about my day as usual. I knew I wanted to go to the women's soccer game on campus at 5pm. So, with my roommate, I did. And then we went to Ingles and spent way too much time buying too many things we didn't need. All of that was planned and normal and comfort-zone.

Then we went through the McDonalds drive-through to get a snack, and lo and behold, my automatic window broke. I couldn't roll it down! So I ambled through the drive-through like a nerd with a broken window. On the way back, I realized a lovely spider friend had joined us in the car! Like I said, I couldn't roll my window down! Of. Course.

When we got back to campus, my roommate suggested we go play piano and sing in the small chapel, so we went ahead and spent some time in worship. While we were out, we also visited the coffeeshop (which was closed) and the student lounge (which contained some Star Wars fans during an episode marathon).

And then we happened upon a group of freshman sitting in a circle with some guitars. We passed by them earlier and sang a song with them, but I was convinced I didn't want to stay there. When we passed by the second time, my roommate promised we would just spend five minutes singing with them. 

Those five minutes turned in one hour! My roommate invited them to our terrace. We gave them hot tea and talked about life and fun experiences. We invited them to evening prayer that my roommate hosts and we added them on Facebook. It was completely unplanned. I didn't even want to hang out with them, but I found myself enjoying their company and really wanting to get to know each of them. 

What is the chance that I could rely on my roommate's friendliness and on God's provision to actually enjoy this weirdly-awesome change of plans? Uh, actually, it's not chance. It is totally the plans of God. See, when I let go of my plans, God does some awesome things, like putting a few awesome people into my life. Yes, I'm an introvert. Yes, I need structure. Yes, I need plans. But, like the devotional says, growing strong in my weakness (and these things can be weaknesses at times), is a process of relying on God to give me strength when He has called me to things I feel like I can't do.

We are strong when we rely on His strength. We don't have to worry when we rely on His plans. So, it's okay to make some plans, but do so with flexibility, because God loves to shake them up!

The One Thing Not On The List

A friend and I were speaking recently about our dreams and goals for the future. I am definitely a goal-setter and I've become more of a "goal-reacher" since I've gone to college. Anyway, I told this friend about the list I'm making of all the things I want to do in the next 10 and 1/2 years. Eventually, I want to complete thirty goals before I turn thirty. So, my friend immediately told me the goal that would be number one on her list: Getting married.

Ironically, that was the one thing I decided not to put on my list.

I've wrestled with the idea of marriage for a long time. I guess since I was 13, when I wrote the first letter to my future husband. That was also the year my mom gave me a purity ring and I made the decision to save my first kiss for my fiance. Since then, dating and marriage have been familiar, yet strangely foreign, topics to me. Like knowing how to cook, but never having cooked yourself. You might know the steps to making scrambled eggs, but it takes experience to get it right.

Of the little experience I have with guys, I feel like it's all been a big mess. I know that I have grown a lot because of the icky and awkward situations I have dealt with and I know that they have prepared me for what is to come. But that doesn't change the fact that they were still icky and awkward and often painful situations. Yet after all of that awkwardness, I've still had comparatively little experience. I have yet to enter a dating relationship. It's a little disheartening.

I'm torn between two thoughts: I'm nineteen and I still have the rest of my life to find a great guy, get married, have kids, and settle down and I'm a college sophomore, the chances of meeting a guy after college are small and I want to get married so I can have kids before I'm thirty.

But the honest-to-goodness fact is that I can't control my love life. I can't make anyone like me. I can't manufacture an awesome guy and waltz him right on into my life at the perfect time. It doesn't work like that. Relationships are one of those things with which we must trust God. That does not mean I'm called to be an indifferent, uncaring, boring, turtleneck-wearing, nun... you get the picture. So, yeah, my list of 30 things to do before I'm 30 currently does not include anything that would require a man by my side. I'm not finished writing it yet, so that may change later. Right now it simply includes things I want to do for me and others before I reach the big "3-oh." I have time. I have a little less than 11 years.

Does this mean that if, within the next 11 years, God brings my future husband into my life, I can't marry him? Of course not. It simply means that I'm not going to put a time limit on God's schedule for my life. I'm not going to tell God that he has to work within these parameters and this calendar. I'm going to let God have his way with me. And if his way is that I live in a shack in the middle of India when I'm thirty, where I can't own a piano, open a long-term savings account, or any of the other things on my list (excluding visit more countries or go on another mission trip), then so be it. Because his plans are going to be so much better than mine.

On the other hand, just because I'm letting God take control, that doesn't mean I don't care. I was visiting a church for a service for college-aged young adults. The topic for the night was marriage and someone asked, "I'm 18. Why do I need to talk about marriage now?" The pastor answered, "Because if you wait until you're twenty-five, it will be too late." God's got a plan and I'm going to pray hard and prepare diligently (and let myself be prepared) so I'll be ready for what he has for me and even for what Satan throws me at me.

This means that whether I start dating in two months or in two years, or whether I get married in five years or in fifteen years, God is still in control. And that's why I'm not putting it on my list. Because God is still in control. And with something as big as marriage, I don't want to jeopardize God's plan with my desire to beat a timeline.

Great and Wonderful Things

Sometimes it's really easy to get angry at God for where we find ourselves. We look around and see things that are totally different from what we anticipated, and what do we do? We get angry and frustrated at God. We blame him for setting us up in a situation or at a place or with people we don't prefer.

And you know what? It's really ridiculous to think like that. Believe me, I've done it a million times. But why? Why don't we look for the positives? Why don't we look for what God is actually doing?

It's so easy, especially as college students, to look around see people in relationships, getting engaged and getting married, and become slightly depressed with that fact that we are not dating. Honestly, I hate to keep harping on this issue. But if I had a dollar for every conversation I've had in the past few weeks about relationships, both good and bad, I bet wouldn't even have to take out student loans!

Okay, maybe that was a hyperbole, but you get the point. Just stop with me and consider that maybe God has an unbelievable plan and purpose for you - and one of the qualities he might use to bring about his plan is your singleness. It's not crazy, it's practical. He did the same sort thing to prepare the world for the sending of his Son. Do you think it's any coincidence that the vast expanse of the Mediterrian world was controlled by one power (Rome), generally spoke the same language, had a huge transportation system, and began to accept Judaism as the legal religion about the same time that Jesus was born?

For example, last semester, God said to me: I want to do great and wonderful things in you and through you before there's a guy in your life. When I asked God to show me what those were, he put multiple things in my path, such as leading a Bible Study for the girls in my dorm, co-leading a student group on campus, starting my student ministry with the church, and multiple other ways I could get involved on campus and in my community - that I could do very efficiently while I'm single. God answered that prayer of mine with a very distinct answer. He gave me a reason to have faith, to believe in what I can't see, specifically that he has a plan for my life. He wants to use me to further his kingdom. And while it may seem like I'm a lonely single lady, God is really doing something beautiful in my life. The loveliest part of it is that he's using me to reach others. How amazing is that?

And guess what? He wants to use you, too. Exactly where you are.

Patience Is a Virtue

"The kind of guys who would go after you your first semester [or first year of college] are not the kind of guys you should date and marry." - My Lovely RA

Believe me, it feels good to be approached by a guy first semester freshman year of college (or even high school) and realize he's paying attention to you. I'm not going to lie and tell you that attraction is bad or wrong. It's normal. And granted, we all like people to notice us.

However, with the entering of college or high school that first semester, suddenly you are surrounded by so many new people. There are a lot of new things to experience, new people to meet, new friends to get to know, new things to do. My advice is to put off dating. For a long while.

When they say patience is a virtue, they aren't lying. To tell you the truth, I've never heard someone say, "Yeah, we waited until we knew each other better or whatever before we started dating and it was the worst decision we ever made." Who says that? If anything, it's typically a positive to wait.

Wait for how long and for what? I don't want to give specific details, since, well, I've never been there, but typically, if you've been in a relationship before, you should wait before you get in another relationship the length of time of your last relationship. If you were dating someone for 6 months, you should probably wait at least 6 months before dating again. If you haven't been in a relationship before, I'd say you should know the person 6 months to a year (And I'd really push a year) before entering into an exclusive dating relationship. Obviously, group dating/outings are different.

Someone wise once told me, "You should never date until you're happy being single." Which, actually, is the over-arching point of this entire blog-post. If you're out there visibly looking for a significant other, if you found the perfect guy or girl who makes you feel happy... Not exactly a prime reason to begin a relationship. In addition, I just want to remind you that singleness is a beautiful gift as well. Allow God to do something great and lovely in you and through you before have a guy/girl in your life.

I don't know if I'm just vastly old-fashioned, but I love the idea of being a lady in waiting, having what Proverbs 11:16 (in the Message) describes as "gentle grace". None of this flirtatious, go-ask-the-guy-out-because-he's-too-much-of-a-pansy stuff. Guys are called to be men. I don't know how much you believe that.

But there's something that girls, especially some around me, have forgotten. Being a man does not mean that a guy should ask you out immediately. Girls get so tired of waiting on guys to do the asking, but imagine what would happen if he asked too quickly or never left you alone. There's something more beautiful, more manly, even, in a guy giving a girl he happens to like a little more space, in "casually" bumping into her at the cafeteria, for example. By all means, there is a time to make your intentions known - it's typically called the "defining the relationship talk" - and it's different from asking her on a date. But that time does not need to happen as soon as you meet her.

There's an anonymous quote that is used to compare relationships to grains of sand. If you've ever held a handful of sad tightly in your fist, you know what I mean...

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.

I know it sounds anti-pop culture, or whatever, but it's true. The greatest test to see if something if really for you is if you let it go and it doesn't go away. To apply this, if you stop trying to control a relationship and let God do the writing of your story, it's actually going to work out the way God desires and has planned. Believe me, it does. God has a plan and a purpose for you and your love life. Take the risk to believe it.

Please don't get wrong, I am not condemning or ridiculing those who have begun dating relationships, even Freshman year. I am simply offering advice, wisdom, and encouragement to those who haven't entered these relationships and/or will face the opportunity soon.

Hey, The Future's Calling; It's For You.

In 5 days, we will ring in the new year. Have you ever made New Year's Resolutions? Last year, I participated in the Office of Letters and Light's "Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge" (which is just a cool way to do Resolutions) and I completed 21 of my 25 challenges.

I try to set and accomplish goals which will improve myself. This summer, I had a goal to log as many hours of reading as I could for the public library's teen summer reading program, and to read many books from a College Bound Reading List I found. I read plenty of books and logged over 50 hours. I went on a mission trip with my school to an island near Charleston to work with Habitat for Humanity. I attended my mom's wedding, went to the beach with my grandma and brother, moved into my new house, and worked several days at my stepfamily's used car lot.

But, what did I do? What did I do that will have lasting effects? What did I do to help those around me? To aid those less fortunate? To build into the future?

Listen, the future is calling and it's for you!

By all means, go set a goal to read 20 books this year, go decide to run a marathon or learn to knit or speak a new language or write a novel or keep your room clean or research your ancestors or whatnot. Those are all good things that can be a part of your desire to use the mind and energy and resources God gave you. But don't stop there.

Ask yourself: How am I helping people? Or better yet: How is God using me to love others? How can I show them his love? The Bible doesn't say: "Go and get educated or rich or healthy or somehow 'better' so you will be a better person." Nope. It says, "Love God and Love People" and not so you'll be a better person, but because you were commanded to do so. And because out of this love comes a reverence and relationship with God as well as a community among people who will see Christ in you when you are loving them. See, the point is to love. Everything we are to be doing comes back to it. How are you loving?

Also, something very important to realize is that we can't just magically conjure up any "loving feelings" on our own. That turns into basing our actions of compassion and selfless on a feeling. And, in case you haven't realized it, love is not a feeling. It's a choice to put the other person above yourself - it's a decision to be selfless. And in and of ourselves, we have no ability to keep this up. But if we could do it all ourselves, we wouldn't need God. He willingly extends his strength to us, even giving us the needed resources to love him back.

So, friend, thanks for reading this far. I'm proud of you. Oh, and by the way, the future's calling and it's for you. Make the decision now to love. Start by doing something small, taking the baby steps and asking God to direct you to even bigger things. Every big run requires lots of little steps.

Maybe, like a friend of mine, you decide, every time you are wronged, to forgive within 30 seconds. That way you'd never hold a grudge. Maybe you decide to sincerely compliment a different person every day. Or hold the door for the people behind you. Or ask friends how you can pray for them. Or go on a mission trip. Or connect more with your parents or siblings. Find a baby-step way to love right now.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

(Matthew 22:36-40, NIV)

[Put your name in the blank... Which area do you need to ask God for strength to work on?]

____ is patient,

____ is kind and is not jealous;

____ does not brag and is not arrogant,

____ does not act unbecomingly

____ does not seek its own and is not provoked

____ does not take into account a wrong suffered

____ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth

____ bears all things and believes all things

____ hopes all things and endures all things.

____ never fails...

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NASB, edited)

God's Infinite Wisdom

So if you had told me six months ago about the crazy (yet awesome) whirlwind that my first semester of college would be, I would have laughed in disbelief. Two months ago, if you would have told me that the chaotic shaking up I was about to experience would actually be beneficial, not only to me but eventually to others around me, I would have seriously doubted your sanity.

But God (get this!), God has a plan! If you look back over my blog posts, you can see a definite period of doubt, confusion, and emotional upset that permeated my writing. And I often clung to the truth that God had a plan, but I never really got it. Sometimes it just takes experiencing something to truly understand it.

What I'm trying to say is that you've got to hold on and see it through. I faced a circumstance a couple months ago that I did not want to face. I was angry at myself for the way I responded to it. But now, looking back, I see at least 4 people, who, having walked through this issue with me or having seen me come out of it, are blessed through that. My experiences have encouraged or strengthened them. And it was God's infinite wisdom and perfect plan that provided this for me and for the people around me.

So, trust God. He truly does have a plan! And he really has a purpose.

Where's Your Heart?

It's days when I feel like everything is going perfectly when God reminds me how I can do nothing. It's those days when everything is seemingly going how I planned and I'm starting to feel prideful that I accomplished everything today, when I'm left with a weird feeling. It doesn't feel like "emptiness" per say, but it definitely feels like I'm missing something. It feels like a consistent, unquenchable yearning for something more. But what?

Tell me: Where is your heart? What is it running after? What is your heart crying out? What is the song it is singing? In other words, what matters? What is it in your day-to-day that takes up your time, your thoughts, and your feelings? What makes you tick? What is your heart yearning for? What is your soul on fire for?

Hillsong sings, "My heart will sing no other name... Jesus, Jesus". And I'm reminded, on these days when I seem to have it all together, that the "cry of my heart [should be] to bring [Him] praise". The most important thing is not my success. When I get ready for bed, I should not be asking myself: "Did I have a good today? What did I accomplish today? How did I benefit today?" But rather, "God, are you glorified through me and how can I glorify You more? How did You use me to bless others today? And how can I love others with Your love tomorrow?"

I should rejoice in God's majesty and blessings! When good things happen, my immediate response should be to thank God and to praise him.

So, back to the first paragraph... Yep, I'm missing something. I'm missing God being the center of my life. Yes, I'm a Christian. But we can be Christians without living sold out for God. We can be Christians without being fully on fire and completely in love with God. And that's sad. So I'm urging you tonight to remember why you're here. Why you are pressing on in this complicated thing called life. Why you're even a Christian!

Remember back to the moment (or moments) you realized you were a desperate sinner and needed God above anything else. Remember how poor, lost, broken, and hopeless you were and felt. Go ahead. It's okay to feel it. But not for too long. Because you are no longer like that! Rejoice in the fact that God sent his son to pay the highest ransom (death!) for you. And he would have died for you even if you were the only person in the world. What a wonderful realization that is. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 lists a multitude of sins that, if practiced, do not lead to heaven. But verse eleven says, "Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." So rejoice. You've been set free! This is a call to remember what Christ did for us and to look forward to what he will do in providing heaven. This mindset keeps us focused on what really matters every day.

Live like Christ died yesterday, rose this morning, and is coming back tomorrow.

Temple Tuesday

There's so much I could write about tonight. So many God-things have been happening to me, to others around me, and within my campus and this community and this world that I could write about, but I really just want to focus on one thing.

While waiting for (or actively pursuing) God's specific plan for you, do not neglect his general command to love.

I believe that God has given us general commands and specific commands, both of which we must obey. For example, God said: Go and make disciples of all nations, Honor your father and mother, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength... Those are his general commands and they apply to every Christian on the face of this earth.

But God has also given us and/or will give us specific commands. Some are as seemingly small as "Go tell this person something from me" or "Start a Bible Study". Then are things that specifically reflect God's overarching plan for us. These are typically bigger (though not necessarily more important), like when God gives us the reassurances to go to a certain college or instructs us to move to another area or to take a certain job or volunteer for a certain ministry. And these specific commands also include our vocation. Basically: What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Many times we get caught up in the "big picture" items, that we neglect the seemingly "smaller" things. For example, God's given me a desire for teaching, because through that I can explore the English language and literature and minister to teenagers, which are two important things to me. But God hasn't really given me anything too far beyond that.

Okay, but I can deal with that. I'm satisfied with where God's placed me and I know that I have 7 semesters before I step out into the workforce. But I want to do something amazing for God right here and now. I mean, I'm at this college, with these friends, in these classes, in this dorm, on this hall, with this roommate and these suitemates, and involved in these extracurricular events for a purpose and a reason. And God has me here because it's where he wants me. But at the same time, I feel this insatiable need to go do something for God. And I'm almost afraid of just jumping out and doing something for the fear that it will end in a mess. So I've been sitting here, saying "God, show me what you want me to do. I will follow you wherever you lead me." And God hasn't shown me anything specific yet.

Yet, in this moment, it hit me: I can't put everything else on hold while I wait for God's specific command. Because God wants me to obey his general commands at all times, especially while I'm waiting for his specific commands. One general command I think we forget is to love others as we love ourselves.

Ever met someone who was on such a mission that nothing could stop them? They charge through the hallways, looking for that one professor or trying to make it to chapel on time that they ignore everything else?

With regard to God vs the world, we should be like that. Acknowledge that you can leave everything in this world behind all for God, and that you'd be okay with that. But when it comes to people, love them! Love, love, love. Invest time into them. Listen to them. Pour your life into them. Don't get so focused on the "ministry" aspect that you neglect the people you're helping. Don't get so focused on the end result that you neglect the means. Love others with a heart that longs to see them restored in Christ.

See, no matter what your specific command or your calling is, God has called you to love him and to love others. No matter if God has called you to be a truck-driver, a soccer coach, a mom, a college professor, a counselor, a doctor, or housekeeper... He has called you first to love.

Living Life Like I Control It All = Ridiculous

God, I hate that I hate.

And I'm disappointed that I feel disappointed.

I feel upset and uneasy over the fact that I'm upset. And uneasy.

I regret that I have regrets. I wish I didn't wish for so much. It would be nice if I was nicer.

It it were up to me, everything would be peachy keen and soft and sweet. But what I once longed for is never coming to fruition.

But what is God doing? Here I go again, living life like I control it all!

Hey, you. Yeah, you. God has a plan for your life. God has a purpose. God is working all things out for your good, because you love him and have been called according to his purpose. You are not struggling through this world on your own. So hope for the best and keep on keeping on. Don't get so bogged down in the little things of life.

Imagine the unimaginable! Try to fathom the unbelievable. That's what God wants to do in your life, your school, your workplace, your city, your state, your country, and in this world.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

(Ephesians 3:20-21, MSG)

Temple Tuesday

Yesterday was the midpoint in the semester, which means I am halfway through my first semester of college. Where on God's green earth did the time go? Seems like, last week, I was a tenth grader sitting at a round table in Williams Chapel filling out an application for college. And, here I am, a freshman in college. Wow.

Just wanted to remind you that God has plans for you! He is taking you somewhere, not only for your good, but for a grand purpose for this world and his creation.

Don't get so focused on the little things in life that you neglect the two most important things...

Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

(Matthew 22:37-38)

How Seriously Am I Going to Trust God?

I am secretly terrified of the unknown. I've written before about how I like to plan everything in advance. I like to know exactly what's going to happen. The first day of school, summer camps, school dances, performances or presentations... all were terrifying to me in school, for the main reason that I couldn't control them.

Recently, something has popped up in my life, as unexpectedly as a Facebook chat message pops up on my computer screen. Something that, by all appearances, was good and well-meaning and completely innocent. I struggled with understanding if I felt like I should pursue this subject in my life because God wanted me to, or because I wanted me to. I spent long times in prayer, talking with Christians I look up to, and debating what to do.

I've realized that I have put way too much stock in my plan. I wrongly believed it was "God's plan" that "my plan" should happen. And why shouldn't it? I mean, to any adult, it looks like I have my head on straight. It looks like I have an appropriate plan, and that people would be wise to have a similar plan. But I was uncompromising in my plan. Uncompromising to the point where I wasn't listening to God at all. Even if this thing God had for me was something I might actually enjoy.

Don't worry, I'm still very cautious about everything I do and about being a representative of Christ. But I've learned that I can't control everything. I cannot know the future or even the end result, but that's not a reason to hide and give up. It's a reason to joyfully embrace what God puts in my life and maintain a close connection to him.

Eric Ludy writes that he heard God asking him, "How seriously are you going to trust me, Eric?" And when I read that, I immediately thought about God asking me the same question. "How seriously are you going to trust me, Alex?" I felt convicted. And I realized that I must trust God with everything.

Going According to Plan

It took me longer than I thought to realize that life isn't about me. And still, I have moments where I get all confused and wonder why things are happening the way I want them to.

This reminds me of the Jews of the 1st century. They were anxiously awaiting a Messiah, a military leader to rescue them from Roman rule. They even celebrated Hanukkah in remembrance of not only the Menorah oil that lasted eight days, but also for what Judas Maccabeus had done in recapturing the temple (which was a military conquering).

This Military-ruler Messiah mindset is very prevalent to the Jewish people. We see this in John Chapter 10 at Hanukkah when Jesus is at the Temple. The Jewish people ask, "How long are you going to keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." So Jesus replies, "I have already told you, and you don’t believe me." He goes on to talk about his "sheep" and his father's name and eternal life and the Jews are left standing there with their mouths open.

Can you imagine the shock this must have caused? Suddenly, the Jews found that the guy they thought was probably their Messiah likes to talk about sheep. Verse 31 even says that the people picked up stones to kill him. What had happened to the idea of a military Messiah?

Life isn't always going to work out. Life is rarely, if ever, going to work out the way you've planned. I'm such a planner, that this realization really hurt. But see, God has better plans for me than I planned myself. I need to make the effort to trust him and depend on him and seek him above all else.

Purpose

Imagine this: God has you where he wants you. God has placed where you are right now for a purpose. Your existence, and even your very being wherever you are, is God's plan.

I didn't get the summer job I wanted. A part of me is still unhappy about that. But another part of me has realized that because I'm not working full-time, I have time to move in to my new house, time to get adjusted to a step-family, time to plan for college, and time to enjoy my last high school summer. It's actually a blessing not to have to worry about all the transitions that are happening right now and maintain a work schedule of 40 hours a week. And I believe that's because God has me right where he wants me.

The next time you're tempted to get angry or upset because something didn't work out the way you hoped - consider that God has a plan for everything. Closing one door does not mean God hasn't opened another.

Dream

I had a dream last night.

It was about something that happened, or rather, didn't happen, in high school. The dream concerned me asking a fellow classmate for advice about this thing which was to have happened.

I woke up before the advice was given, unfortunately. But I really did want this thing to happen - it seemed to be right thing for me. Something I had prayed for, begged for, and wished for all these
years.

But the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

Even if it was God's perfect who and what, it probably wasn't God's perfect when or where. The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

This dream reminded me of that thing I wanted so badly. And that I'll never get it in my timing. My timing.

I think in the long run, this has taught me to recognize that 1) getting everything I want is not really what I want, 2) God has a higher purpose and plan for my life, and 3) His plan involves the entire world and the greater good of bringing more people to himself, not my whims and wishes.

I'll wait on God's timing!