A Success Story

This is a success story. Freedom is possible.

There's this realization that kinda hits you in the face when you overcome. It's even better when you realize God already overcame for you and in you.
Hillsong sings that when God took on human form in Jesus and came to die for us on a cross, shame and sinfulness were broken, faithfulness was revealed, sin was broken, hope and defense in Christ were proven, the lost were saved, and his name was (and will be) lifted higher. That's beyond incredible. God really died for us. For our hearts and for our souls.

So, back to the story. I overcame. That could be the entire story, but I'm going to be a little more open with you guys and share some of the back story. This is a slight bit vague so you can apply it to you and your struggles.

When dealing with repetitive sins (lying, coveting, sexual sins, anything that seems to ensnare or entangle you), I've learned that there are certain triggers that may prompt them. These may start out innocently enough, or may take the form of temptation. Either way, when faced with a trigger, we have choices. The knee-jerk reaction is to do what we've always done, in most cases, the sin. It's almost immediate. Sometimes we can get so accustomed to the repetition that we feel as if we have no option but the knee-jerk reaction.
I would like to take this chance to argue that we do have another option. Remember when I said that we have choices? Plural. More than one. So what do we do?

We cannot keep all of the triggers from happening. For example, say someone struggles with alcoholism. They can choose not to walk into a bar. That one is obvious. However, they may not be aware that a friend of a friend is planning to bring wine to a dinner party. One smell and that becomes a trigger. There is a sense of carefulness and discernment that comes along with an alcoholic's choice to embrace sobriety and healing.

My step one is this: Don't be stupid. (And I don't use that word flippantly.) Don't walk into a bar if you are a recovering alcoholic. Avoid the dessert table if you want to loose weight. Choose not to spend extended time with gossipy friends. Don't put yourself in a compromising position.
And step two: Bounce and replace. When I was in high school, the guys in my youth group learned a trick called "the bounce." For example, a girl at school is wearing something low cut. Instead of staring, they would "bounce" their eyes away. Tempted to covet your neighbor's oxen (er.... whatever)? If you can't avoid his "oxen," choose to focus on something else while you're over at his "farm." Get your mind off of the issue, whatever the issue is.
Replace refers to choosing something to fill the gap left by removing the sin. It's not enough to be tempted to punch some dude in the face and then just decide not to do it. What are you going to do with all of that energy that you built up while getting ready to punch him? What are going to do with those feelings of anger? Replace the sin you just avoided with a better coping strategy. One of the reasons I took up knitting was because I used to bite my fingernails. When I decided I didn't want to bite my nails anymore, I looked for something else to do with my hands. It is also great that knitting involves creating something, because I was more likely to stay with it when I saw the benefits that could come from it. Namely, scarves and sweaters and stuff. Slowly, the repetition of knitting (and of choosing knitting over nail-biting) replaced the repetition of biting my nails.

When it comes to repetitive sins, identify your triggers, don't be stupid, and bounce/replace. In this way, overcoming becomes much more possible. Just a word to the wise, however, if and when you follow through with your first reaction (the sin one), know that God has already forgiven you. And he is still overcoming for you. Choose to avoid sin for the purpose of strengthening your relationship with God and keeping yourself from the consequences, but don't ever fall into the trap of legalism. I believe that eventually, your first reaction will be the better strategy instead of the sin. But that takes a lot of time and consistently choosing good over evil for that to happen. So don't let your guard down.

Anyway, so I told you this was a success story. Well, last night I encountered a significant trigger for me. And I was not moving in the right direction. (The right direction, by the way, is as far away from the trigger as possible, mentally or physically, usually both.) It wasn't looking good. I came to the point in which I had to make a choice: keep going in this direction (give into the temptation) or turn around and run away (flee temptation). Suddenly I caught a glimpse of how I would see this situation if I were an outsider looking in on the circumstances. Not a pretty picture. Then I realized that looking back on that moment and seeing it as future-me was not any prettier. And in that moment when I thought I had no choice but to give in to the knee-jerk reaction, I made the choice to stop right there in my tracks. Turn around. And run away as fast as possible. I bounced and then replaced: went to play piano and then made cookies with some friends.

Easy does not describe that choice to change directions. At all. But overcome does. I overcame. Victory, hallelujah.

1 Corinthians 10:13:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

For an entire year, from one Easter to the next, God hammered (for lack of a better word) his faithfulness into me. I bet I heard faithful used in some form every day that year. To see that word show up in this verse, seven months after that "hammering" subsided, is pretty amazing. God is not finished with us. He will not give up on us. And he is faithful, not only to provide a way out, but also to forgive us if we do fall.

So beautiful. Our God is so merciful and so good and so just. Hallelujah, we are free to struggle, Tenth Avenue North sings, but we're not struggling to be free. We are already free. We are free to struggle. It's that struggle that makes us feel alive and that gives us the joy we can find when we overcome. Hallelujah, God did not make robots. God made people with free will who have the choice for relationships with Him. And because of that free will and those choices, we can know love.

Relationships are a lot of give-and-take. I have an amazing roommate who I've been blessed to share a room with for a second school year now. This friendship we share is so unlike anything I've done before. We are so close that we now know so much about each other and, yet, there is no judgement in our relationship. She knows my crap and loves me anyway. Our relationship is full of give-and-take. When one of us is upset about something, the other one will be, too. When one of us acts selfishly, it takes away from the other. And that relationship is a (not-perfect, but similar) picture of the relationship God wants to have with us.

Blessed be the name of the Lord that he made us for relationships, not dictatorships or mechanical repetition or false obedience. We obey God out of love for him. How beautiful is that?

In this moment when I'm sharing my success story, I have to give all honor and praise to God. Success is not possible without him. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without God's strength and grace is like trying to survive a hurricane while standing outside in an open field beside a telephone pole. It doesn't work, because in that moment, you are a prime target.
I also want to leave you with the thought that success in overcoming is even more possible with accountability. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without someone else knowing and holding you accountable is like trying to survive without water. Telling someone else is extremely painful, but it is also amazingly refreshing. That's why I went to counseling. And it's the same reason why I am phasing out of counseling and into an accountability/mentoring kind of thing in this next semester. And you know what? Go back and read 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says that "no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man." Literally. That means that you're not alone. Did you catch that? You. Are. Not. Alone. Realizing that right there made it easier for me to tell someone. I hope it does the same for you.

I want to leave you with these truths: Success is possible. Freedom is real. Healing is tangible. There is nothing wrong with you. God is merciful. God has already forgiven you. You don't have to live like your past.
Remember: avoid your triggers (don't be stupid), bounce/replace, get accountability. More on that last one soon.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

- Hebrews 12:1

Peace be with you.

What I'm Listening to:

"Lay Me Down" - Chris Tomlin
"The Earth is Yours" - Gungor
"The Struggle" - Tenth Avenue North
"Worn" - Tenth Avenue North

Is This What I Meant?

I'm writing this after a seemingly normal day in the life of me. I woke up, ate breakfast, checked my e-mail, drove to school, went to English where I talked about poems, went to Bible where I took a quiz and did a worksheet, went to Science where I took a test, went to lunch, went to Economics where I watched a Dave Ramsey video, drove home and did four transactions on my Economics project, worked on my Key Club Scholarship, checked my Facebook, then I ate leftover Taco soup and watched Law and Order: Criminal Intent until I left for Bible Study which was at the coffee shop, I led the lesson at Bible Study about Abraham after listening to one of our members practice her speech on faberge eggs for her class tomorrow, then I came home and watched House with my mom as I made a Facebook event for next week's Bible Study and talked with a friend about a possible move night next week, then I got my laptop and went into my room where I continued to work on my scholarship application, and where I realized that I was supposed to buy a costume for the upcoming play, in which I play the main female role, then I logged on to my online yearbook program to work on my page which is due the day after tomorrow, and then I logged in here.

And it occurred to me: On Thursday I will be 18 years old. Of course, I've been planning events and talking about it with my friends, but it finally hit me. I suddenly realized: Wow. I wondered: When I was younger, and I dreamed about being 18, is this what I had meant? Is this what I had envisioned for my future?

I had always wanted to be involved and active in my world and have a lot of friends and a boyfriend and a car and that sort of thing. And sure, I'm the president of my school's Key Club, I'm a member of my church and my church's youth group, and my church's youth group's leadership team, and my church's Guest Services team, and... But sometimes it just seems like busy-ness. My younger self always thought that I would find immense fulfillment in every activity I undertook, yet my busy days look like just that - busy days. Not this perfect teenager who succeeds at everything she does. (Because I don't!)

I guess my question is: Am I who I thought I would be?

The answer is two-fold: Yes and no. Yes, activities like Key Club and youth group and Bible Study and my babysitting business have brought me out of my terribly shy shell and given me the experience to do more in my future, but no, I'm not perfect. I'm not the ideal teenager with a perfect life. No, I don't have a boyfriend and I struggle with thoughts that I'm not good enough every day.

I've always had this "perfect" mentality. You may see it in the lives of adults who say things like this: "I just need that job or that kind of car or a house in that neighborhood or those kinds of kids... and then I'll be good enough. Then I'll be perfect. Then I will be better than the Joneses." Well, I had this perfect little teenager ideal picked out for me: Car, Boyfriend, Job, president of some clubs, straight As, all the extracurriculars, overly kind, open to everyone... I could go on forever.

And now my question is: Do I want to be who I thought I would be? Do I want that ideal teenage life?

The answer is no. When we pick and choose these "perfect" labels, we forget God's plan. See, God doesn't want us to be "successful" as much as he wants us to serve him. Maybe God wants you in this particular neighborhood instead of the one you have your eyes on, so you can minister to the people here. Maybe God doesn't want you to join 10 groups in high school. Maybe He wants you to invest your life into 1 or 3 where you can make a big difference for Him. Maybe I don't have a boyfriend because he wants to use me as a single lady for his purposes, maybe to encourage someone else who isn't dating.

Riddle me this: Is the dirt-poor missionary in Africa any less successful than the famous wealthy movie star with 3 broken marriages?

Yeah, it's hard to say that I'll give God my everything, because I want my money! I want my time! I want my love life! I want, I want! It's hard to say that I will care about heavenly successes more than earthly successes. It's hard to say that treasures in heaven are more important to me than treasures on earth. It's hard to say that I'm more interested in God telling me "Well done, good and faithful servant" than the scholarship board telling me "Congratulations, here's your $1,000 scholarship".

But what really matters?

"Money is given you by God so that you might use it in such a way that it is plain to everyone that money is not your treasure Christ is!"

- John Piper

People get it living for a job,
Make a little money start living for a car,
Get 'em a wife, a house, kids and a dog,
Then they retire, they living high on the hog,
But guess what? They didn’t ever really live at all,
To live is Christ, and that’s Paul I recall,
To die is gain and for Christ we give it all,
He's the treasure you’ll never find in a mall,
See, your money, your singleness, marriage, talents, your time,
They were loaned you to show the world that Christ is divine

- Don't Waste Your Life By: LeCrae

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

- Matthew 6:21