The Rescue

I knew there was a problem when it was 1 am and I was still on my computer, following some drama play out on Facebook. The thing about relationships is that they are messy, and if I didn't know better, I'd stay as far away from all relationships as possible. Thankfully, the blessings of good relationships supersede the troubles of even the worst, and we can rejoice in those.

I sit here reminded of friends of mine who are fearful and broken tonight. Near the end of the semester, a good friend and next-door neighbor dealt with problems in her family. Her uncle had contracted a severe illness and is still in the hospital, though regaining his abilities to speak and move. Then between Thanksgiving and Christmas break, her grandmother (her dad and uncle's mom) passed away. She was struggling with the hurt. I got a text from another friend yesterday that her great-grandmother, who has been in hospice, took a turn for the worse. Then today I got a Facebook message from a third friend whose grandfather is at risk for his second heart attack in a week and it doesn't look good.

While praying for and thinking about these friends who are hurting tonight over the fear of the unknown, a song came on my iTunes shuffle that seemed to fill the room. I've written earlier about music: how songs bring back memories and how sometimes those memories get altered or replaced. This case is similar. "The Rescue" is about a guy who is offering comfort and rescue to a girl who has been hurt, but it carries a symbolic meaning of God rescuing his beloved, even ending with the lyrics to "Amazing Grace."

It took a minute to break through, but I realized that God was changing my perception of this song. For so long, it has only served to remind me of a relationship that went south. Yet when I realize that God can redeem not only my heart, but also this song, I see his rescue available for my friends. He can take these notes and these lyrics and give them a new meaning. It is not really replacing what they used to remind me of, but rather, providing a new layer of meaning.

It is in that sense of rescue, beautiful rescue, when I realize this is a community thing. "Community" is that sense of partnership and in-it-together-ness that encircles us when we feel loved and supported and held by fellow believers around us. Community is what Hebrews 12:1 is referencing (and what Hebrews 11 is proving). Community is the body of Christ coming alongside each other, to do what Romans 12:15 is commanding.  Community is the reason and the opportunity for accountability. Community is what happens (for me, at least), during impromptu hand-holding prayer and within acoustic worship sessions and when friends stop to ask how you're doing and really listen.

And I've always thought of rescue as a singular deal. One person getting rescued by God. Alone. I guess that stems from my similar belief that salvation should also be an alone deal. It's the reason I hate altar calls. Why would I want to go up to the front, not only where can people see me, but also where some person I don't know is waiting to lay hands on me and ask God for something generic for me?

Maybe there is a sense of community in rescue. After a year of counseling, I firmly believe that Christian counseling should be an extension of the body of Christ, i.e. community. It's two Christians coming together to discuss and navigate pain. If counseling is not a form of rescue, I don't know what is!

Not only is counseling a form of rescue, but I also believe intercession prayer is as well. I've never been good at intercession. I mean, I know it doesn't really count as a talent or a hobby, but I have never really learned how to do it right or even disciplined myself enough to get a good amount of practice in it. I typically say the generic things ("I ask that You be with my friends") and not much more. However, today, I sent a prayer over text to my friend whose grandfather is in the hospital. That was unique in itself. But something else was different for me: I prayed a character quality of God and a Bible verse. Suddenly, the focus of that conversation with God was not on me or on my friend or even on his troubles, but it was on God. And that felt so freeing. In that moment, it didn't matter how the prayer affected my friend or his family, it mattered that God was praised and uplifted and acknowledged as omnipotent and omniscient King. Then once God was praised and I rejoiced in that, I got a reply from my friend and was able to rejoice in that as well. Rescue became a joint act. I got to play a small part in God's work in my friend's life.

Christian college kids everywhere can identify, but it is typically over breaks when I feel the least supported. Everyone is at home, doing their own things, and I live more than 45 minutes from any friends. Community is hard to come by and Satan is easy to listen to.

But the wonderful God we serve caught my attention earlier this break with significant themes in the devotional I've been using. Two days in a row, I saw themes of blindness and deafness, with Jesus providing healing and asking the people to watch him and listen to him. I thought about it for a while and could not figure out why it stuck out to me. The thing is, God provides community even when we're all home on breaks. Friends who call, text, and e-mail, (and who respond to mine) are such encouragements during this time. In addition, being able to be with my family (who have finally started attending a good church regularly!) provides community as well. He is speaking; are we listening? Have we opened our eyes to God and shut them to Satan?

God is in the redeeming and rescuing business, and many times He uses his children to minister to others of his children. Keep your eyes and ears open. After going through a difficult time, he may just use you to provide comfort and offer rescue to your brother or sister.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

What I'm Listening To:

"The Rescue" - Tyler Ward

"Hallelujah" - Tenth Avenue North

"I Will Wait" - Mumford and Sons

"Like An Avalanche" - Hillsong

A Success Story

This is a success story. Freedom is possible.

There's this realization that kinda hits you in the face when you overcome. It's even better when you realize God already overcame for you and in you.
Hillsong sings that when God took on human form in Jesus and came to die for us on a cross, shame and sinfulness were broken, faithfulness was revealed, sin was broken, hope and defense in Christ were proven, the lost were saved, and his name was (and will be) lifted higher. That's beyond incredible. God really died for us. For our hearts and for our souls.

So, back to the story. I overcame. That could be the entire story, but I'm going to be a little more open with you guys and share some of the back story. This is a slight bit vague so you can apply it to you and your struggles.

When dealing with repetitive sins (lying, coveting, sexual sins, anything that seems to ensnare or entangle you), I've learned that there are certain triggers that may prompt them. These may start out innocently enough, or may take the form of temptation. Either way, when faced with a trigger, we have choices. The knee-jerk reaction is to do what we've always done, in most cases, the sin. It's almost immediate. Sometimes we can get so accustomed to the repetition that we feel as if we have no option but the knee-jerk reaction.
I would like to take this chance to argue that we do have another option. Remember when I said that we have choices? Plural. More than one. So what do we do?

We cannot keep all of the triggers from happening. For example, say someone struggles with alcoholism. They can choose not to walk into a bar. That one is obvious. However, they may not be aware that a friend of a friend is planning to bring wine to a dinner party. One smell and that becomes a trigger. There is a sense of carefulness and discernment that comes along with an alcoholic's choice to embrace sobriety and healing.

My step one is this: Don't be stupid. (And I don't use that word flippantly.) Don't walk into a bar if you are a recovering alcoholic. Avoid the dessert table if you want to loose weight. Choose not to spend extended time with gossipy friends. Don't put yourself in a compromising position.
And step two: Bounce and replace. When I was in high school, the guys in my youth group learned a trick called "the bounce." For example, a girl at school is wearing something low cut. Instead of staring, they would "bounce" their eyes away. Tempted to covet your neighbor's oxen (er.... whatever)? If you can't avoid his "oxen," choose to focus on something else while you're over at his "farm." Get your mind off of the issue, whatever the issue is.
Replace refers to choosing something to fill the gap left by removing the sin. It's not enough to be tempted to punch some dude in the face and then just decide not to do it. What are you going to do with all of that energy that you built up while getting ready to punch him? What are going to do with those feelings of anger? Replace the sin you just avoided with a better coping strategy. One of the reasons I took up knitting was because I used to bite my fingernails. When I decided I didn't want to bite my nails anymore, I looked for something else to do with my hands. It is also great that knitting involves creating something, because I was more likely to stay with it when I saw the benefits that could come from it. Namely, scarves and sweaters and stuff. Slowly, the repetition of knitting (and of choosing knitting over nail-biting) replaced the repetition of biting my nails.

When it comes to repetitive sins, identify your triggers, don't be stupid, and bounce/replace. In this way, overcoming becomes much more possible. Just a word to the wise, however, if and when you follow through with your first reaction (the sin one), know that God has already forgiven you. And he is still overcoming for you. Choose to avoid sin for the purpose of strengthening your relationship with God and keeping yourself from the consequences, but don't ever fall into the trap of legalism. I believe that eventually, your first reaction will be the better strategy instead of the sin. But that takes a lot of time and consistently choosing good over evil for that to happen. So don't let your guard down.

Anyway, so I told you this was a success story. Well, last night I encountered a significant trigger for me. And I was not moving in the right direction. (The right direction, by the way, is as far away from the trigger as possible, mentally or physically, usually both.) It wasn't looking good. I came to the point in which I had to make a choice: keep going in this direction (give into the temptation) or turn around and run away (flee temptation). Suddenly I caught a glimpse of how I would see this situation if I were an outsider looking in on the circumstances. Not a pretty picture. Then I realized that looking back on that moment and seeing it as future-me was not any prettier. And in that moment when I thought I had no choice but to give in to the knee-jerk reaction, I made the choice to stop right there in my tracks. Turn around. And run away as fast as possible. I bounced and then replaced: went to play piano and then made cookies with some friends.

Easy does not describe that choice to change directions. At all. But overcome does. I overcame. Victory, hallelujah.

1 Corinthians 10:13:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

For an entire year, from one Easter to the next, God hammered (for lack of a better word) his faithfulness into me. I bet I heard faithful used in some form every day that year. To see that word show up in this verse, seven months after that "hammering" subsided, is pretty amazing. God is not finished with us. He will not give up on us. And he is faithful, not only to provide a way out, but also to forgive us if we do fall.

So beautiful. Our God is so merciful and so good and so just. Hallelujah, we are free to struggle, Tenth Avenue North sings, but we're not struggling to be free. We are already free. We are free to struggle. It's that struggle that makes us feel alive and that gives us the joy we can find when we overcome. Hallelujah, God did not make robots. God made people with free will who have the choice for relationships with Him. And because of that free will and those choices, we can know love.

Relationships are a lot of give-and-take. I have an amazing roommate who I've been blessed to share a room with for a second school year now. This friendship we share is so unlike anything I've done before. We are so close that we now know so much about each other and, yet, there is no judgement in our relationship. She knows my crap and loves me anyway. Our relationship is full of give-and-take. When one of us is upset about something, the other one will be, too. When one of us acts selfishly, it takes away from the other. And that relationship is a (not-perfect, but similar) picture of the relationship God wants to have with us.

Blessed be the name of the Lord that he made us for relationships, not dictatorships or mechanical repetition or false obedience. We obey God out of love for him. How beautiful is that?

In this moment when I'm sharing my success story, I have to give all honor and praise to God. Success is not possible without him. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without God's strength and grace is like trying to survive a hurricane while standing outside in an open field beside a telephone pole. It doesn't work, because in that moment, you are a prime target.
I also want to leave you with the thought that success in overcoming is even more possible with accountability. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without someone else knowing and holding you accountable is like trying to survive without water. Telling someone else is extremely painful, but it is also amazingly refreshing. That's why I went to counseling. And it's the same reason why I am phasing out of counseling and into an accountability/mentoring kind of thing in this next semester. And you know what? Go back and read 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says that "no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man." Literally. That means that you're not alone. Did you catch that? You. Are. Not. Alone. Realizing that right there made it easier for me to tell someone. I hope it does the same for you.

I want to leave you with these truths: Success is possible. Freedom is real. Healing is tangible. There is nothing wrong with you. God is merciful. God has already forgiven you. You don't have to live like your past.
Remember: avoid your triggers (don't be stupid), bounce/replace, get accountability. More on that last one soon.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

- Hebrews 12:1

Peace be with you.

What I'm Listening to:

"Lay Me Down" - Chris Tomlin
"The Earth is Yours" - Gungor
"The Struggle" - Tenth Avenue North
"Worn" - Tenth Avenue North

Love Yourself: Advice for Christians (Part Two)

If you missed part one, you can read it here.

I accepted Jesus into my heart fourteen years ago this month. I've spent fourteen years in this religion that is more like a relationship; fourteen years deeper into the heart of God.

A lot has changed since then. For one, I have learned how to articulate my beliefs. I finally nailed down my views on Calvinism and Arminianism (closer to the latter), soteriology (ransom theory with a bit of Christus Victor), and predestination ("ordained" free will... kinda). In addition, I've had my fair share of heartaches, victories, doubts, and beliefs. I watched the breaking apart of my parents' marriage. I lost a piece of my innocence. I lost my grandpa. I faced my fears. I began counseling.

Sometimes I characterize my growing up as "overchurched," in the sense that attending a Christian school and being involved in every activity at church often made me jaded to Christ. I literally did not want to hear it anymore. Unfortunately, living with a continual and typically repetitive or even simplistic "dose" of Jesus every time you turn around can be unhealthy. We may forget the most important things about Christianity.

Case in point: We all know the words of John 3:16 by heart, but most of us really do not believe them in our hearts. John 3:16 begins with these two words: God loves. Do we believe that he loves? Does our acknowledgement of his love change the way we live, interact, or think?

---

In my last post, I offered the idea that the advice "Love Yourself" can actually be beneficial for Christians. When I look at 1 Corinthians 13 and see that love is patient, love is kind, it only makes sense that I would treat myself, just as I treat others, in those ways.

To continue with 1 Corinthians 13, verse five says that love "keeps no record of being wronged." When it comes to loving yourself, I think this phrase goes both ways. Love does not make a list of every time someone sins against you. But also, love does not make a list of every time you sin. Yourself. Love is not about keeping the law or maintaining rules and regulations. Love is about living a spirit-filled life. Romans 8:3-4 reads:

The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

The thing is, under the new covenant (basically, the New Testament), we do not live by the rules of the Law (the old covenant, the Old Testament Law). And when we meet Christ and accept his free gift of salvation, we no longer live in slavery to the sinful nature. As born-again Christians, we live by the Spirit. God declared an end to both the law's control and sin's control over us.

Now, take this theology and apply it to keeping no record of wrongs. If Romans 8:1 is correct, if there really is no condemnation for those who in Christ Jesus, then of course God does not make a list of our sins and judge us by it. He loves us as his children, and I believe he isn't about to bring up our past sins to make us feel guilty or to place blame or shame on us. That's not the way love works.

Similarly, when we talk about loving ourselves, it is important that we acknowledge that we sin, that we are aware that we are not yet who we want to be in Christ, but that we not become obsessed with feeling bad about our sins or walking around with this subjective feeling of "condemnation" for doing something wrong. Has God forgiven you? Has God already forgiven you? The answer is a firm and resounding Yes. Don't keep holding to that bad feeling after you sin. 1 John 1:9 says, "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." So confess it and move on.

Keeping a record of your wrongs and bringing them up again every single time someone mentions forgiveness and grace is a pretty depressing way to live. I know. I've been there. The thing is, God doesn't care about all of that. He loves you regardless. He loves you for who he made you to be. He loves you because His son's blood covers all of your sins. Why hold on to something Jesus has already washed off of you? Why grasp the chains of sin and guilt that Jesus already broke? Tenth Avenue North sings:

Your blood bought and makes us children
Children drop your chains and sing

Friends, a healthy realization that, as Christians, we still sin, is good. Yes, Christians still sin. The only difference is that sin does not drive us from God in a desperation, it actually ends up drawing us closer to God. When we sin now, as believers, we can come to God and kneel before him and confess, "God, I'm sorry for my sin. I repent." And you know what? God says, "What sin? I don't know what you're talking about." Come up here and sit on my lap.

Hebrews chapter four says that since Jesus was tempted in every way we are, yet he did not sin, we can "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). God is not angry at us! He wants to give us mercy and grace. He wants to help us in our weaknesses. He beckons us towards him. What a beautiful realization that, even though it seems impossible, if we give God our pain and mistakes and heartaches, if we reveal to him our brokenness and sins, he will redeem us. He will forgive us. In fact, he already has. Come to the water, my friend.

God keeps no record of wrongs. Love keeps no record of wrongs (your own or someone else's). To love yourself means to not beat yourself up over what has happened in the past. To love yourself means to confess it and move on, to accept God's graciousness and forgiveness and be loved. To let yourself be loved.

---

1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love always hopes. Check back for part three where I will discuss how hope applies to loving yourself.

What I'm Listening To:

Hallelujah, The Struggle, and Shadows - Tenth Avenue North
Doubts or Disbelief - Chasen

Love Yourself: Advice for Christians, Not Hippies

In a song expressing a couple getting back together and renewing their relationship, Lifehouse sings the following lines about the female in the relationship...

She said, "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see,"
She said, "Like it or not, it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I must be honest. When I first heard this song, I thought it was ridiculous, for a number of reasons. I asked myself several pointed questions about the song:

1. Where are the guys who would work to maintain a relationship like this? Who would actually listen to things like that?
2. Where are the girls who would work to maintain a relationship like this? Who would actually say things like that?
3. What does it mean to "love yourself" and aren't we supposed to put ourselves last? 

I still haven't reached any conclusion as to the first two questions, but I want to focus this post on the third question. What does it mean to "love yourself" and aren't we supposed to put ourselves last?

I think that for many people who have grown up in the church, the idea of focusing on yourself is "bad" or "wrong." I do not want to bash the church, but I think having come into this place of semi-adulthood, I am able to take a step back and look at my earlier years. One thing I learned through this taking a step back process is that I was taught at an early age to give up of myself, almost to the point of self-deprecation. 

For example, it was a painful experience for me to realize that I mattered exquisitely to the Creator of the universe. I'm sure my parents told me that I was beautiful, but the idea that I am a lovely creation of the Most High is something I am still grasping. I'm sure I was praised for accomplishments as a child, but when I realized that pride in a good job is not wrong, it blew my mind. When I learned that making excuses and deflecting compliments is a horrible way to act when praised, I was surprised. Isn't it Christian to say something like "No, it was all God" or "Psh, I didn't do anything" when we are complimented after a performance or presentation?

No, it is not. God made you; we all know that. So take delight in what he's done in you instead of belittling yourself. We can love ourselves by respecting ourselves, by taking delight in the good things about ourselves and by changing or learning to appreciate (not dwelling on) the things we don't like about ourselves.

I am also learning that "loving yourself" refers to the adjectives and verbs in 1 Corinthians 13. It means being and doing those things both to yourself and to other people. The first way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13 is patient. Are you patient with yourself? I think that is where most of us get stuck. There are many times when I simply cannot figure out the homework assignment, or I do a pretty bad job at time management the week a paper is due, or I struggle with repetitive sin for a while. And in those moments, I lose patience with myself. I become upset. I may verbally hate on myself. I may say things to myself that I would never say to other people. This refers to a second characteristic of love.

Gary Habermas, a professor at Liberty University, says, "Most of your pain does not come from what happens to you. It comes from how you download what happens to you." Most of our pain comes from how we interpret what happens and what we tell ourselves about what happens. The second way Paul describes love is kind. We frequently hear sermons about saying kind things to other people, but are we saying kind things to ourselves? Or we filling our minds and hearts with negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves?

---

I hope I've been able to begin to illustrate that the advice to "love yourself" does not have to be emotional or self-seeking advice for non-believers or hippies, but it can be taken for Christians as well. I want to discuss more ways 1 Corinthians chapter 13 can be applied to ourselves, but I do not have the time. Please stay tuned for my thoughts on demanding your own way, forgiving yourself, enduring, and hoping for yourself.

Navigating This Season

[This is part one of a three part series.]

Maybe I’m just a biased, almost 20 year old college student, but none of these books or articles or websites or speakers on Christian singleness are really helping.

Last week, I found myself in the back of the library, sitting on a stepstool in the corner beside the “Devotional” section, hunched up and holding the book carefully so no who descended the stairs and rounded the corner could see the title. I held my breath whenever someone walked through the doorway to the stairs, hoping it wasn’t someone I knew. I spent an hour on that little stepstool (after I got my studying done, of course), reading books on chastity and singleness. It hasn’t been the easiest season of singleness recently, and I needed some kind of help that knew what it was talking about but wouldn’t judge and had time for me at 10:30 on a Sunday night. Enter the Christian experts shelved in my college’s library.

For the most part, I appreciated the comments. I found a good book by Lauren Winner, which I didn’t have time to read in its entirety. However, most of the books I located were published in the early 90’s (which isn’t surprising for my small college’s library), but I have a feeling things may have changed just a bit in the last 20 years.

Coming home for Christmas break, I found my huge collection of books I’ve loved, as well as those I just haven’t had time to read yet. In the want-to-read-but-haven’t-yet pile, I found many books, including the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (Harris) and “I Gave Dating a Chance” (Clark) dichotomy, as well as “Boundaries in Dating” and “Lady in Waiting,” not to mention my “Wild at Heart” and “Captivating” bookshelf back at school. So, why do I have all these books? Because the books from high school (like “Dateable”) aren’t cutting it for the college student I have become. Because if I’m honest with myself, marriage is no longer foreign and far away. Suddenly I find myself almost twenty and searching for a few answers.

Let me clue you in. This is what I’m looking at right now:

1. Being single, I can devote more of my time to ministry than to a boyfriend/husband/family (1 Corinthians 7:34)
2. This season of life can be used to plan for the next. There should be an enjoyment of this season with anticipation for the next season, but not a focus on it (Ecclesiastes 3).
3. The desire for dating and marriage is not inherently wrong, and I would do well to find a place to put it (more on that later) instead of stuffing it (Psalm 37:4, Song of Solomon).

That is what I believe. Yet, I find that many of the resources available and/or prized highly for Christian singles are not saying what we need to hear. Many of the Christian sources I found told me I just needed to be a stronger Christian or I needed to have more purity, and I would be okay until marriage. I heard the ever elusive “Don’t awaken love before its time” (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4), but "love" has already been awake for a while. Let me give you another example: I gave away my copies of “Passion and Purity” and “When God Writes Your Love Story” because I was so upset at their messages. I got the impression that I should just sit here and wait for God to hang a flashing neon sign above the head of the guy I should marry. While that’s probably not what the authors were intending, that’s the message I got.

Elisabeth Elliot (author of Passion and Purity) praised the womanly virtue of patience, which seemed to me more like sitting here waiting for the guy God told we’re going get married finally come around to asking me. She admits in the book that her future husband (the first of three) even began “talking” to some girls at the college he attended while they were physically separated before their courtship began. I may be female, but I am not called to sit here in silence while he makes all the moves.

Note: I am not asserting any feminist tendencies here. This issue here is not about submission as a wife, but rather the concept that relationships take two people, not just a pursuing guy. Anyway, learning to submit to God, who loves me enough to die for me, has taught me some lessons that will be valuable in the future.

In the meantime, however, let me propose some places to “put” the desire for dating and marriage that I really feel neither our worldly culture nor our Christian culture has, for the most part, provided. I believe these places are healthy outlets and safe places for the Christian single.

• Friendships. Having healthy and positive relationships with both guys and girls has made singleness a good thing for me. We will need our friends before, during, and after dating relationships. And until that boyfriend becomes a fiancé, your girl friends come first any day. I would add that we need friends of both genders who are both single and taken, and we desperately need same-gender single friends to hold us accountable and provide support and encouragement (Ecclesiastes 4:12, Proverbs 27:17).

• College, Career, and Ministry. If one more person mentions going to college to her get MRS degree, I’m going to get really angry. Yes, it would be great to marry a guy who will graduate from such an awesome college as mine, but I have a life apart from marriage. I have a job I’m excited about and a future career into which I desire to invest. I have obligations here at college that I long to fulfill. Life is not about getting married and having kids, and although I desire that, I will not make it my aim. In addition, there are multiple ministry opportunities, places of service, jobs, and callings that are only available to single people, and we can minister in those capacities in our seasons of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:34).

• Preparation. I know I bashed many Christian singles books, but there are also some good ones. I would recommend “Boundaries in Dating” by Townsend and Cloud. In addition, people are usually better than books any day, so I would encourage you to go to other Christians, those who are single, dating, and married, and ask for advice and encouragement. A pastor once said that if you don’t start thinking and planning for marriage when you’re eighteen, it will probably be too late to start by the time you’re twenty-five. (Proverbs 16:9)

• God. “I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord” (Hosea 2:19-20). Have we forgotten how much God loves us? He is wooing us like a patient lover. Before you get all up in arms about singleness, return to God. Let him love you. Now, loving God does not always mean that your longing for a guy or girl will be eliminated. I believe that if God has not called you to singleness, you will still yearn to get married. But God provides fulfillment until he opens the door for marriage. Like a good father, he wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but he wants us to first be satisfied in him. (Psalm 37:4, Luke 11:13, 1 Samuel 8:4-9)

Finally, know that we were never meant to be alone and that the desires within you to date and get married are not wrong. They will never be wrong unless they take the place of God in your heart. Also know that loneliness is a possibility. I’ve felt so lonely at periods when I was surrounded by people. It takes a close Christian community and a growing relationship in Christ to combat loneliness. But never let loneliness force you into a relationship. Go into a relationship when there is a measure of wholeness, not out of your own brokenness.

Trust that God guides us on the best path (Psalm 32:8). After all of this, I still believe that God has a guy picked out for me, and me for him. And I believe that God knows what he’s doing when he works out circumstances and relationships the way he does.

After writing this entire post and going back over it multiple times over several days, one line from my devotional reading this morning really stuck out. It was about love being the true fellowship of two souls. I spent a while reading through 1 Corinthians 13 and I was convicted about the terrible job I’ve been doing at love. It’s easy to end a conversation with a friend with: “Bye, I love you!” But do I really love them?

I once heard a friend say that he felt like he had so much work to do on his heart and in his life before he could get married, because he didn’t think he was mature enough or Christ-like enough to love his wife and treat her right. When I heard that, I laughed, because I know we’ll never be “good enough” for anything, if that is our goal. But it started to make sense to me when I looked at what I could be doing so much better. Maybe God knows what he’s doing when he requires us to wait a seemingly long time for a romantic relationship. In our deep struggles connected with the opposite gender/love/families, there are issues we must work through on our own and there are issues we work through with our spouses. Maybe God’s “holding off” because I’m still working on me. Because He’s still working on me.

And that’s okay. In fact, it’s awesome. I still fall short, but God is in the process of restoring me. When his timing is right, a guy and I will end up running the race together and being perfected by God together. Jeramy Clark writes, “You’re running on your own, then one day you notice someone running next to you at the same pace and in the same direction. You can run together without hindrance because your course is the same."

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (NASB)

P.S. I welcome any suggestions for books and articles on this or any other subject.

1 Corinthians 8:9-13

But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble. For if others see you - with your "superior knowledge" - eating in the temple of an idol, won’t they be encouraged to violate their conscience by eating food that has been offered to an idol? So because of your superior knowledge, a weak believer for whom Christ died will be destroyed. And when you sin against other believers by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong, you are sinning against Christ. So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live - for I don’t want to cause another believer to stumble.

1 Corinthians 8:9-13, NLT

Ministry

I'm going to start this one with a disclaimer. I'm not majoring in Christian Education or Cross-Cultural Studies. I'm not planning on working in a church, running a non-profit, or becoming a full-time missionary when I graduate. But, like most of you, I'm a Christian with a desire for ministry. I'm a born-again believer with a mission and a goal for lost hearts to be ransomed for Christ and for my heart to be used by God in the process.

And because of that, I am involved in ministry, both scheduled and spontaneous. Christian Ministry is that process, that service, that giving of ourselves which serves to aid in others knowing Christ, both coming to know him and growing deeper in love with him. Steve Miller writes here,

Ministry occurs when God answers a need through your loving service, and God gets the credit.

This need, as he explains, can be emotional, physical, and (most of all) spiritual. A person's ultimate salvation is their biggest need, but, like Jesus healed the blind and deaf before they believed him, so we must meet the outward need before the spiritual need. We should be doing this all the time, regardless of our major or our student ministry.

So that's what ministry is. But I want to confess a bit and encourage my fellow ministers in Christ's service to steer clear of a couple problems we often encounter in the realm of ministry. I'm going to be all technical and include some bullet points.

• I once asked a friend: "How much of this is friendship and how much is ministry?" It's a different circumstance, but I think we need to ask ourselves the same thing. How much of the time we spend with God is for our relationship with Him and our companionship with Him and just knowing him and breathing him in... And how much is so we can prepare a Bible study lesson? Do we go to God so we can cross him off our list and move on to the next task of the day? Do we go to God to get work done? Or do we go to God to know him? Bill Johnson said,

  If you engage with the Holy Spirit because you want to merely be effective in ministry, then you’re developing professional intimacy… and what do we call people who are intimate as a profession?

• Many Christian ministers often forget that there are so many people looking up to them. Take the example of a pastor: countless churches have dispelled because of a pastor's immorality, but few disband because the guy who sat in the third row and played in the church softball team did the same thing. We obviously put a high level of trust in our ministry leaders and James speaks to this strict regard when he writes about teachers in the church in James 3:1. So what about us? We're not pastors, but we often forget how important it is to maintain high standards because of our ministries. For example, for my student ministry this coming semester, I am going to continue mentoring an eleven year old girl who lives near the college I attend. It is imperative that I embrace and sustain purity, not only when I'm around her, but anytime. Things like improper speech, immodest clothing, lack of respect, or hanging out where I should not be spending time, do not help my case when I talk with her about God. Basically, I'm talking about not allowing yourself to be a stumbling block to someone else. Friends, don't let the way you behave hinder your witness in ministry. There are people watching. Ask God that they would see Him in you. In II Corinthians 6:3-4, Paul writes,

  We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind.

• Finally, the last thing in the quote from Steve Miller (above) is that God gets the credit for our service. This is the hardest part. You know, you put in all that work, you paid the money to go on the trip or buy the supplies, you organized that service project and coordinated volunteers... Yeah, but give God the glory. A friend always says, "Keep pointing up." Don't hesitate to let people know that it's God who saves souls and God who prepares hearts and God who plans ministry. But I also know that it is right, very right, to feel good about ministry and service. Don't think that since we can't get the credit, we can't feel good about the results - just make sure you're bragging on Jesus. :)

And ministry is not simply volunteering at children's church or collecting canned goods, although those are wonderful and needed ministries. Honestly, I cannot give examples of ministry because there are so many: Ministries we can support and be a part of through prayer, giving money or donations, our time, our energy, our talents, our gifts, our hearts... At the end of the day, it is the lives God is changing (including our own) that make ministry worth it. So keep serving, keep loving, keep going on mission trips, feeding the homeless, meeting to encourage each other, playing with little kids, making music for worship, and whatever you do for His glory. It's beautiful and honoring and like a fragrant offering to our King.

Forgive

The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

(2 Corinthians 2:9-11)

Purpose

I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

His purpose is to give me a rich and satisfying life. He has placed me where I am for the very purpose of displaying his power in me and to spread his fame throughout the earth. My ultimate purpose is to please God, not people. So I run with purpose in every step.

Taken from John 10:10, Romans 9:17, 1 Thessalonians 2:4, Romans 8:28, Psalm 57:2, and 1 Corinthians 9:26.

Hey, The Future's Calling; It's For You.

In 5 days, we will ring in the new year. Have you ever made New Year's Resolutions? Last year, I participated in the Office of Letters and Light's "Big, Fun, Scary Adventure Challenge" (which is just a cool way to do Resolutions) and I completed 21 of my 25 challenges.

I try to set and accomplish goals which will improve myself. This summer, I had a goal to log as many hours of reading as I could for the public library's teen summer reading program, and to read many books from a College Bound Reading List I found. I read plenty of books and logged over 50 hours. I went on a mission trip with my school to an island near Charleston to work with Habitat for Humanity. I attended my mom's wedding, went to the beach with my grandma and brother, moved into my new house, and worked several days at my stepfamily's used car lot.

But, what did I do? What did I do that will have lasting effects? What did I do to help those around me? To aid those less fortunate? To build into the future?

Listen, the future is calling and it's for you!

By all means, go set a goal to read 20 books this year, go decide to run a marathon or learn to knit or speak a new language or write a novel or keep your room clean or research your ancestors or whatnot. Those are all good things that can be a part of your desire to use the mind and energy and resources God gave you. But don't stop there.

Ask yourself: How am I helping people? Or better yet: How is God using me to love others? How can I show them his love? The Bible doesn't say: "Go and get educated or rich or healthy or somehow 'better' so you will be a better person." Nope. It says, "Love God and Love People" and not so you'll be a better person, but because you were commanded to do so. And because out of this love comes a reverence and relationship with God as well as a community among people who will see Christ in you when you are loving them. See, the point is to love. Everything we are to be doing comes back to it. How are you loving?

Also, something very important to realize is that we can't just magically conjure up any "loving feelings" on our own. That turns into basing our actions of compassion and selfless on a feeling. And, in case you haven't realized it, love is not a feeling. It's a choice to put the other person above yourself - it's a decision to be selfless. And in and of ourselves, we have no ability to keep this up. But if we could do it all ourselves, we wouldn't need God. He willingly extends his strength to us, even giving us the needed resources to love him back.

So, friend, thanks for reading this far. I'm proud of you. Oh, and by the way, the future's calling and it's for you. Make the decision now to love. Start by doing something small, taking the baby steps and asking God to direct you to even bigger things. Every big run requires lots of little steps.

Maybe, like a friend of mine, you decide, every time you are wronged, to forgive within 30 seconds. That way you'd never hold a grudge. Maybe you decide to sincerely compliment a different person every day. Or hold the door for the people behind you. Or ask friends how you can pray for them. Or go on a mission trip. Or connect more with your parents or siblings. Find a baby-step way to love right now.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

(Matthew 22:36-40, NIV)

[Put your name in the blank... Which area do you need to ask God for strength to work on?]

____ is patient,

____ is kind and is not jealous;

____ does not brag and is not arrogant,

____ does not act unbecomingly

____ does not seek its own and is not provoked

____ does not take into account a wrong suffered

____ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth

____ bears all things and believes all things

____ hopes all things and endures all things.

____ never fails...

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NASB, edited)

God Has You Where He Wants You

Okay, so let's say that you are living in such a way to honor God. You're loving on people, you're spending time in the Word, you're attending a church and investing into the lives in Christians around you... But you want something else. Maybe you want money, a car, a job, to get married, to finally graduate school, to get a certain grade, a certain friend, a certain experience, a dating relationship, to be accepted or admired, or a physical possession. So, what is it?

What if I told you that God has you where you wants you? God has placed you in the life situation you find yourself for a purpose and a reason. It sounds cliche, but roll with me. For example, with regards to dating, I realized last week that I'm excited to date and get married. But not yet! Because there are so many wonderful, world-changing things God wants to do in me and through me before there's a guy in my life. Maybe it's hard for you to see it like that. But just consider something you want to do with your life that would be difficult to do with a family. I want to serve a year with an organization called "City Year" in either Atlanta or Columbia, which would be really difficult to do if I'm married. Just take a moment to consider that, and ask God to show you what He wants to do through you when you're single.

If you're dating or otherwise involved with a significant other, ask God for his direction, ask God for his provision, and ask him what He can do through your relationship.

LeCrae sings (er... raps), "See, your money, your singleness, marriage, talents, your time / They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is divine". See, wherever you are in life, God is working. Whether single or dating, young or old, in high school, college or the workplace. God has you where you wants you. Give him everything you are and have and ask Him to show you how He can love others through you.

Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.

(1 Corinthians 7:17)

A Call to Purity

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers throughout Macedonia. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more.

- 1st Thessalonians 4:1-10

Okay, I don't know if you actually read those verses or just skipped ahead, but go back and read it. Or, if you did read it, go read it again. I want you to get it.

Got it? Good. Now let's talk.

Because of where we're from or how we were raised, we may have varying interpretations of the meaning of the word "purity". For some, that means no sex before marriage. For others, it means modesty. For others, it refers to wearing turtleneck sweaters and ankle-length skirts and long-sleeve button-up shirts and not being able to stand within two feet of someone of the other gender. But what does purity really mean?

I don't know about you, but I've got a very high standard for purity. We can talk about the specifics later, but in general, I hold purity in a high regard. Purity is to be valued as living a holy life. Verse 3 from Thessalonians chapter 4 says that we should avoid sexual sin, not so we will not have fun or experience pleasure in this life, but so that we will live within God's will for us, which is that we be holy. Holy means "set apart" and refers to us, as Christians, being and behaving differently than the world, so that God can use us for his purposes. Sexual sins are sins against our own bodies, yet God paid a high price for us and desires that we not only honor him with our bodies, but also give him our bodies as living sacrifices (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Romans 12:2). Overall, I believe that when our hearts and minds are focused firmly on Christ and his love, our relationships tend to model that. Instead of a relationship that is centered on what we desire, or centered on the other person and what they do, our relationships should be wholly about Christ, about genuinely loving those God's placed in our lives, whether friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.

Realistically, there are practical steps to embrace a lifestyle of purity. We see one very evident in verse 6, "Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife...". Few of you are married, but consider the implications of this verse. In most cases, young adults date many people before getting married. It's a little of bit of an imagination stretch, but consider the people you have liked and may date but won't marry. They are someone else's wife or husband. I read a story about a youth pastor who asked a dating couple who had been all over each during youth group to stay after and talk with him. He asked the guy, "Are you ready to marry this girl right now?" The guy responded, "No." And the pastor asked, "So why are you touching another man's wife?" Sure, it may seem a bit extreme. But it's the truth. Until you actually are married, you don't know if you will get married. Why take the risk of giving of yourself too much emotionally or physically before marriage?

The passage in 1 Thessalonians concludes by urging the Christians to love. In reality, we prize purity out of love: love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, love for our friends and acquaintances, love for our future and current dating relationships, love for our future spouses. Love means putting the other person first. It means asking, "What can I do for you?". Paul tells us that we cannot love too much - so keep on loving more and more!

Finally, know that every dating relationship ends. It will not last. (I know it's hard to fathom, but roll with me here.) When it ends, what do you want to be left with? If we maintain purity now, we will be left with purity and some sweet memories, and yes, maybe some heartache. But I tell you the truth, you will not regret maintaining a high level of purity in your relationships even now.

See, the purpose of living a pure life is so that God can use us. Allow me to shake things up for you: Being pure for marriage is wonderful. But it should not be our goal. It should be a by-product of our goal, which is loving God and loving others.

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

- 2 Timothy 2:21-22