Your Love

God, thank you for wooing me. Like a patient lover enamored by my beauty, You adore me. You pursue me.

God, I am chief of sinners. I am desperately entangled in sin, surrounded by my enemies, encompassed by the lies of this world, the lies of my sinful desires. I am wrong, so bitterly wrong. I feel distant from you. Surrounded by the dark clouds of my mistakes, and You seem so far away, so dim through the haze.

But You reach out Your hand. Into the darkness of my sin, my pain, my apathy, You reach Your great hand to rescue me. You pull me from the mud and mire and give me a firm, steady, secure, safe place to stand.

I don't want to take Your hand. Everything in me yearns for it, but I'm bitter. I'm depressed, feeling dejected, feeling hurt, feeling ugly and worthless. I feel like I messed up everything.

But You show me the path to redemption. Lighted only by Your voice and marked out only by Your eyes. You show me Your heart.

Still, I'm afraid. It's a scary thing to grasp Your hand and let You pull me up.

You woo me. You speak through the loosened tongues of those who know me. I hear Your voice from the lips of those who have become available for your work. Through these people, willing to be used by You without knowing the outcome, you tell me:

You will always be in love with me

Suffering is inevitable and necessary to be like Christ, but You will never leave me

I am Your masterpiece

You Love me just the way I am

You stretch out Your hand, but because of my shame, I am wary of reaching for it. I know when You begin to rescue me, all my misdeeds, all my sins against Your Holy name will be revealed in the light of Your glory. And I'm ashamed.

But Your Love is greater than any sin of mine. I try to cower, but You simply smile and nod behind You. And there, standing behind you, is a man, yet somehow more than a man. His hands are pierced and bloody, his side is punctured. A crown of thorns is pressed into his head. He is dirty, ragged, and exhausted. But at the same time, He shines with radiance. You smile and tell me he shines because he defeated sin and death. My sin and death. I'm confused.

Knowingly, You remind me of Christ's death and resurrection. But seeing my sin upon his shoulders, tormenting him and weighing him down on that cross, it becomes real. That man, that person of Your trinity, took my sin, my mistakes, my misdeeds, my doubt, my frustrations, my self-righteousness, my impurity, my greed, my selfishness, my apathy, my hate, all my sin, upon himself and was brutally, horrifically, tortured and murdered. For me. Everything I should have faced, everything I should have felt, all the punishment I should have endured because of my sin against my neighbor, against my friend, against my enemy, against You, he suffered. He took the blame, the punishment.

Suddenly, my hazy pit looks like a pity-party for myself. This man, this son of Yours, this only son, died a horrible death for me, for punishment for my sin. He was depressed, dejected, and hurt. For me. Somehow I can never get that through my head. Maybe it's so hard to get my mind around it, so hard to get my mind around Your Love.

Your Love. So I grasp Your hand, the hand You so willingly offer, and You pull me out of my mud and mire. And You give me a rock to stand on. In Your light, I see my nakedness, my shame, my sin, myself for who I really am.

But that's not the way You see me. Because in Your eyes, I am really clothed, unashamed, and perfect. Perfect because I am Yours.There is now no condemnation for those who belong to Your son, You tell me. I am beautiful and matchless to You.

You have a beautiful plan for my life, You tell me. You have a God-sized plan for everyone as a whole, to bring about world-sized restoration. You're bringing Your people back to You again. And You want me to be a part of this. You want me, having been drawn to You, to be Your witness wherever I go, wherever You send me, to the people I meet. And when they see me, they will see You.

You tenderly invite me to an existence of joy. A life not contained by this world, but one which expands beyond the limits of time to live in You. You compassionately invite me to join You, to seek Your face, to know You, to live within You, and thus, to meet other people where they are and be a vessel You can use for Your purposes. Your whole purpose is in restoring Your people to You and You are passionate about this goal. And I willingly accept Your invitation to go out into the world, to my neighbor beside me and my neighbor across the world from me, and be Your witness and reach the ones You love who are lost without You.

You are in love with me. And You adore me.

I constantly spit in Your face, ridicule You, and reject You for something I think might possibly be more important than You, and when I realize what I have done, I am ashamed and my remorse fills me deeply. But You are so in love with me, You just want to be with me. You just want to see my face, hear my voice say Your name. I do not deserve You. I do not deserve Your attention. I messed up! When You Love me, I bring back to memory all the times I rejected You, all the times I cursed You and pretended I didn't know You, all the moments I ignored You...

And You stand there with a smile on Your face, telling me You have no idea what I'm talking about, telling me You Love me. You Love me. Your Love is amazing. And having experienced it, I am falling on my knees. Worship. Surrender. Love.

This was not the story of my conversion to Christ, although it certainty could have been. I turn my back on God on a daily and momentarily basis more times than I'd care to admit, and, as such, this is just the story of a simple day. A little over twenty-four hours of God's wooing. He is incredible. And just as he loves me, he loves you. With the same kind of love and the same deep intensity. His love knows no bounds. And it's here waiting to envelope you.

But Your love
Your love
The only the thing that matters is Your love
Your love is all I have to give
Your love is enough to light up the darkness
It’s Your love
Your love
all I ever needed is Your love

"Your Love" - Brandon Heath

First Semester of College... Check!

Well, my first semester of college is officially over. Exams are out of the way, papers have been turned in, and I slept in my own bed last night. Nice. Well, that's another thing I can cross off my life list. I'm glad I don't have to go back and do it all over again. Or am I?

Because, see, there's so much about this first semester that I would change. I mean, it was awesome. It was probably the best I'm going to get. But it wasn't smooth-sailing. It was hard. It was difficult. There were complicated issues, socially and relationally, as well as academically and organizationally. I'm not saying it was a failure, just that it wasn't easy. But I suppose that's normal, right? :)

If I could do it over again, I would change move-in day. I would be less stressed, more calm, more at peace. I would change the way I met my roommate, I would be more excited about our rooming situation. I would have spent more time with the people who would become my friends that first week of orientation, before all the exams and papers and obligations set in.

I would reconsider the way I handled some situations and some relationships. I would laugh before things went too crazy. I would have stopped before I did anything stupid.

If I could do it all over again, I would have enjoyed my time. I would have spent just a few more minutes praying for her, just a few more minutes talking with him, just a few more minutes figuring it out, meeting their needs, communicating what was important. I would have spent another second in a hug or another moment with a smile. I would never have complained about my job or my appearance or my car or the weather. I would just enjoy the time there.

I would have rested a little more so I didn't get sick the last weekend. I would have said a few more compliments, asked another person how I could pray for them. I would have worked on my chapter summaries and history assignments earlier. I would have spent less time on Facebook and more time communicating face-to-face. I would have tried for excellence in my classes instead of doing just what was required. I would have stopped trying so hard.

...if I could do it all over again.

But you know what? The past is the past. And I have seven more semesters left. That's roughly 105 weeks left. Or 525 dinners . Or roughly 40 more courses. Or more than 1,000 hours of work.

And I'm going to make each one of those count.

A Call to Patience

Your rich uncle who lives in another country sends you a letter on your 15th birthday. He writes that he knows you have recently begun working a part-time job and that you're saving up for a car and college tuition.
He says that he would like to offer his financial blessing to you as you're reaching adulthood - only if you continue to further your education by receiving a college degree. His letter clearly states that you can ask him for his blessing between now and ten years from now, and the blessing will total $100. However, if you wait ten years (your 25th birthday), the blessing will total $10 Million.
Did you get that? You can get $100 now or $10,000,000 in ten years. Who wouldn't wait?
I mean, $100 could help. You could buy a nice pair of jeans or a few dress shirts. Or you could buy a new textbook for college. But, seriously... New clothes can wait until you get that 10 Mil. You can get a loan for college until your uncle sends his blessing. You can make do for ten years.

It's a lot like waiting for marriage or sleeping with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Typically, people will date between 15 and 25 years old, and marry in their mid to late twenties. Nothing's wrong with dating, but when you throw in a sexual experience, you lose something that should have been saved for the wedding night. You may experience something fairly good now, but it won't last. It won't be the fantastic experience of marriage - first of all, knowing that your spouse is committed to you and to God for a lifetime, trusting in the sanctity and safety of your marriage.
Okay, so all of that may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to your teenage brain. So here it is in simple terms: "Don't sacrifice what you want the most for what you want in the moment." (Quote by my history teacher)
What do you want the most? The majority of us would say a stable marriage and family, a good job, a healthy, God-filled life... But you can sacrifice all of that in a split-second decision that would take from your future spouse what belongs to them and possibly cause a life-threatening STD or a life-changing unplanned pregnancy.

Now, listen here: It's going to be tempting, especially when your wallet is looking a little empty in the middle of the semester, to ask Uncle Moneybags for his $100. But IMAGINE the reward when you wait ten years! You could be set for life!
And imagine the reward of a secure, faithful marriage and a growing family - you'll be set for life, literally.

So, here's my Call to Patience!