Love Yourself: Advice for Christians (Part Two)

If you missed part one, you can read it here.

I accepted Jesus into my heart fourteen years ago this month. I've spent fourteen years in this religion that is more like a relationship; fourteen years deeper into the heart of God.

A lot has changed since then. For one, I have learned how to articulate my beliefs. I finally nailed down my views on Calvinism and Arminianism (closer to the latter), soteriology (ransom theory with a bit of Christus Victor), and predestination ("ordained" free will... kinda). In addition, I've had my fair share of heartaches, victories, doubts, and beliefs. I watched the breaking apart of my parents' marriage. I lost a piece of my innocence. I lost my grandpa. I faced my fears. I began counseling.

Sometimes I characterize my growing up as "overchurched," in the sense that attending a Christian school and being involved in every activity at church often made me jaded to Christ. I literally did not want to hear it anymore. Unfortunately, living with a continual and typically repetitive or even simplistic "dose" of Jesus every time you turn around can be unhealthy. We may forget the most important things about Christianity.

Case in point: We all know the words of John 3:16 by heart, but most of us really do not believe them in our hearts. John 3:16 begins with these two words: God loves. Do we believe that he loves? Does our acknowledgement of his love change the way we live, interact, or think?

---

In my last post, I offered the idea that the advice "Love Yourself" can actually be beneficial for Christians. When I look at 1 Corinthians 13 and see that love is patient, love is kind, it only makes sense that I would treat myself, just as I treat others, in those ways.

To continue with 1 Corinthians 13, verse five says that love "keeps no record of being wronged." When it comes to loving yourself, I think this phrase goes both ways. Love does not make a list of every time someone sins against you. But also, love does not make a list of every time you sin. Yourself. Love is not about keeping the law or maintaining rules and regulations. Love is about living a spirit-filled life. Romans 8:3-4 reads:

The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

The thing is, under the new covenant (basically, the New Testament), we do not live by the rules of the Law (the old covenant, the Old Testament Law). And when we meet Christ and accept his free gift of salvation, we no longer live in slavery to the sinful nature. As born-again Christians, we live by the Spirit. God declared an end to both the law's control and sin's control over us.

Now, take this theology and apply it to keeping no record of wrongs. If Romans 8:1 is correct, if there really is no condemnation for those who in Christ Jesus, then of course God does not make a list of our sins and judge us by it. He loves us as his children, and I believe he isn't about to bring up our past sins to make us feel guilty or to place blame or shame on us. That's not the way love works.

Similarly, when we talk about loving ourselves, it is important that we acknowledge that we sin, that we are aware that we are not yet who we want to be in Christ, but that we not become obsessed with feeling bad about our sins or walking around with this subjective feeling of "condemnation" for doing something wrong. Has God forgiven you? Has God already forgiven you? The answer is a firm and resounding Yes. Don't keep holding to that bad feeling after you sin. 1 John 1:9 says, "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." So confess it and move on.

Keeping a record of your wrongs and bringing them up again every single time someone mentions forgiveness and grace is a pretty depressing way to live. I know. I've been there. The thing is, God doesn't care about all of that. He loves you regardless. He loves you for who he made you to be. He loves you because His son's blood covers all of your sins. Why hold on to something Jesus has already washed off of you? Why grasp the chains of sin and guilt that Jesus already broke? Tenth Avenue North sings:

Your blood bought and makes us children
Children drop your chains and sing

Friends, a healthy realization that, as Christians, we still sin, is good. Yes, Christians still sin. The only difference is that sin does not drive us from God in a desperation, it actually ends up drawing us closer to God. When we sin now, as believers, we can come to God and kneel before him and confess, "God, I'm sorry for my sin. I repent." And you know what? God says, "What sin? I don't know what you're talking about." Come up here and sit on my lap.

Hebrews chapter four says that since Jesus was tempted in every way we are, yet he did not sin, we can "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). God is not angry at us! He wants to give us mercy and grace. He wants to help us in our weaknesses. He beckons us towards him. What a beautiful realization that, even though it seems impossible, if we give God our pain and mistakes and heartaches, if we reveal to him our brokenness and sins, he will redeem us. He will forgive us. In fact, he already has. Come to the water, my friend.

God keeps no record of wrongs. Love keeps no record of wrongs (your own or someone else's). To love yourself means to not beat yourself up over what has happened in the past. To love yourself means to confess it and move on, to accept God's graciousness and forgiveness and be loved. To let yourself be loved.

---

1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love always hopes. Check back for part three where I will discuss how hope applies to loving yourself.

What I'm Listening To:

Hallelujah, The Struggle, and Shadows - Tenth Avenue North
Doubts or Disbelief - Chasen

Hoping

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

- Romans 5:3-5 (Emphasis mine)

He Keeps Track of Sorrows... and Gives JOY

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Even Christians are not happy all the time. First of all, that's just weird. Second, we are called to live honest and real lives versus fake lifestyles, even if they're not very happy. Recently, things have just been getting me down. Things like a confusing conversation at work, an apparently peaceful confrontation, an untimely invitation, or an inside joke that doesn't include me.

Now, the reality is that things change. Each new August, roommates get switched, dorms and terraces and floors and halls house new people, and relationships like suitemates and across-the-hall-mates and wallmates change. Relationships deepen and wane. Hearts are broken and mended. Family situations, life experiences, and goals for the future become more distinct and defined. Obviously, it's no one's fault that things change. In fact, it's great! Seeing a good guy friend develop some amazing strength and self-control I never though he would have is really inspiring. Watching as good friends ask questions about their futures, questions like "Am I in the right major?" or "What does God want me to do when I graduate? Or this summer?" is awesome. We are becoming the people we are going to be. And that is amazing. That is God working. Four years from now, we are going to be doing totally different things. We are going to pursuing the active futures God has for us. College is like a crock pot - you've got so many different obligations, responsibilities, experiences, choices, and opportunities in these few short 4 or 5 years, but out of that comes an awesome dinner... er, person. You get the gist.

The point I'm making is that despite my knowledge that change is okay, even good, it still makes me feel weird. Knowing that continuing relationships with the people I loved dearly last year (and still do) is going to be difficult doesn't make it easier to reconnect and love on them. Knowing that I have a new boss and a new RD are going to shake things up does not calm my nerves when things are randomly shaken. Knowing that the new friendships I'm forming deserve energy and time does not make more energy in my body and time in my day. Knowing that I am surrounded by people (and an amazing God) who love me usually does not make me feel more loved.

See, feelings are very tricky things. We should pay attention to them and listen to how we feel emotionally, because it may tie in to how our bodies are feeling physically, or even how we are subconsciously dealing with stress or pain. We should allow ourselves to feel emotions instead of stuffing them.

But feelings are not always reliable. For example, we can feel that God is far away or that people do not care about us or that we are being left out - but that doesn't make it true. Something to remember is that God is always true regardless of how we feel about him. Scripture is always reliable even when we don't "get it" emotionally.

Despite feeling down recently, I don't have to take that as God leaving me or ignoring me. God is always faithful! He doesn't leave, even if I'm not feeling him. And the cool thing is that he understands our pain and hurt and cares about it. Psalm 56:8 says,

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Finally, know that while Christians are not called to happiness, we are called to joy. And since joy is not dependent on circumstances, we can be joyful even when we feel like crap. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, which means that we cannot control or create it in our lives. It has to be done by the Holy Spirit.

I'm going to ask you to do what I have to do: to ask God for joy. To stop letting little things get in the way of the big picture. To reevaluate and change some things. For me, this means holding fast to God and appreciating the people he's given me without becoming overly dependent on them. This means accepting that things are going to happen and life is going to change and knowing that God is still the same. This means understanding God's reliability and consistency and learning to bask in that. Ask and seek for joy today.

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

- Psalm 28:7

Ministry

I'm going to start this one with a disclaimer. I'm not majoring in Christian Education or Cross-Cultural Studies. I'm not planning on working in a church, running a non-profit, or becoming a full-time missionary when I graduate. But, like most of you, I'm a Christian with a desire for ministry. I'm a born-again believer with a mission and a goal for lost hearts to be ransomed for Christ and for my heart to be used by God in the process.

And because of that, I am involved in ministry, both scheduled and spontaneous. Christian Ministry is that process, that service, that giving of ourselves which serves to aid in others knowing Christ, both coming to know him and growing deeper in love with him. Steve Miller writes here,

Ministry occurs when God answers a need through your loving service, and God gets the credit.

This need, as he explains, can be emotional, physical, and (most of all) spiritual. A person's ultimate salvation is their biggest need, but, like Jesus healed the blind and deaf before they believed him, so we must meet the outward need before the spiritual need. We should be doing this all the time, regardless of our major or our student ministry.

So that's what ministry is. But I want to confess a bit and encourage my fellow ministers in Christ's service to steer clear of a couple problems we often encounter in the realm of ministry. I'm going to be all technical and include some bullet points.

• I once asked a friend: "How much of this is friendship and how much is ministry?" It's a different circumstance, but I think we need to ask ourselves the same thing. How much of the time we spend with God is for our relationship with Him and our companionship with Him and just knowing him and breathing him in... And how much is so we can prepare a Bible study lesson? Do we go to God so we can cross him off our list and move on to the next task of the day? Do we go to God to get work done? Or do we go to God to know him? Bill Johnson said,

  If you engage with the Holy Spirit because you want to merely be effective in ministry, then you’re developing professional intimacy… and what do we call people who are intimate as a profession?

• Many Christian ministers often forget that there are so many people looking up to them. Take the example of a pastor: countless churches have dispelled because of a pastor's immorality, but few disband because the guy who sat in the third row and played in the church softball team did the same thing. We obviously put a high level of trust in our ministry leaders and James speaks to this strict regard when he writes about teachers in the church in James 3:1. So what about us? We're not pastors, but we often forget how important it is to maintain high standards because of our ministries. For example, for my student ministry this coming semester, I am going to continue mentoring an eleven year old girl who lives near the college I attend. It is imperative that I embrace and sustain purity, not only when I'm around her, but anytime. Things like improper speech, immodest clothing, lack of respect, or hanging out where I should not be spending time, do not help my case when I talk with her about God. Basically, I'm talking about not allowing yourself to be a stumbling block to someone else. Friends, don't let the way you behave hinder your witness in ministry. There are people watching. Ask God that they would see Him in you. In II Corinthians 6:3-4, Paul writes,

  We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry. In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind.

• Finally, the last thing in the quote from Steve Miller (above) is that God gets the credit for our service. This is the hardest part. You know, you put in all that work, you paid the money to go on the trip or buy the supplies, you organized that service project and coordinated volunteers... Yeah, but give God the glory. A friend always says, "Keep pointing up." Don't hesitate to let people know that it's God who saves souls and God who prepares hearts and God who plans ministry. But I also know that it is right, very right, to feel good about ministry and service. Don't think that since we can't get the credit, we can't feel good about the results - just make sure you're bragging on Jesus. :)

And ministry is not simply volunteering at children's church or collecting canned goods, although those are wonderful and needed ministries. Honestly, I cannot give examples of ministry because there are so many: Ministries we can support and be a part of through prayer, giving money or donations, our time, our energy, our talents, our gifts, our hearts... At the end of the day, it is the lives God is changing (including our own) that make ministry worth it. So keep serving, keep loving, keep going on mission trips, feeding the homeless, meeting to encourage each other, playing with little kids, making music for worship, and whatever you do for His glory. It's beautiful and honoring and like a fragrant offering to our King.