Provision Despite Worry

My first semester of college was tough, to say the least. As a rule-follower and structure-oriented person, I couldn't handle hallmates heading on late-night Taco Bell runs, running late to class, or feeling overwhelmed with the amount of free-for-all homework that was being assigned. I struggled my freshman year with feeling like the stress was up to my eyeballs.

One night early in that year, my RA (resident assistant) came into my room to chat or do roomcheck or something and asked me how I was doing. It was so great to have the chance to tell someone how I was feeling. I had my Bible with me (probably doing chapter summaries or something) and she asked me to turn to Matthew chapter six.

I grew up in Sunday School, I thought. I know where she's going with this. And I was right, she pointed out verse 25 and following.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

- Matthew 6:25-33, NLT

A little over two years ago, I still remember that conversation. Even though I "knew" the passage she was referring to, I did not really know it. I had not really experienced it. Sure, times were hard financially and emotionally after my parents' divorce when my mom was single. Money was tight, but God provided. I never feared that we wouldn't have a roof over our heads and food in our fridge. As a child, I never knew how much we really didn't have. Up until that semester, my needs were pretty much met.

However, going to college was a new experience. A change. Have I mentioned how much I don't like change? (I even wrote a post entitled "I Hate Change" in August 2010... oh goodness.) Anyway, this change, this new experience, has been fantastic, but it has also been challenging. For example, that first year, I was terribly afraid I would not have enough time to do my homework. I sacrificed time with good friends because I feared not finishing an assignment. As time went on, I feared other things. First, it was: would I be able to make friends? Later: would I have enough nice clothes to wear to work? Would I be able to finish this project? Would I be able to serve effectively here or there? Would I be able to end this relationship, if needed, and heal from it, if necessary? Would I be able to go through counseling (and would it actually help)? Would I be able to make it in another country? Would I be able to find my identity in Christ?

And most recently, my worry has been: Do I have enough money? Can I afford this?
I think it's a bit ironic that Matthew writes that "you cannot serve both God and money" exactly one verse before the passage my RA shared with me. In addition, the examples Matthew uses as things people worry about are food, drink, and clothing. All money-related items. It seems as if God is pretty serious when it comes to relying on him over money. That's why Jesus said that it is "easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than for a rich person to go to heaven" (Matthew 19:24). If we depend on our money, we are not depending on God. "Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven," Matthew writes.

Yet despite God's consistent warnings, we still need money to survive. I'm going on the five-meal plan at my college this coming semester. That means that I will only get five meals per week in the cafeteria. The other meals I will cook or eat out. From the money my parents are saving by this room and board option, they will be giving me a chunk (for groceries) and saving the rest. I'm going to need that grocery money. But I don't have to worry about it. God will provide, though my parents and through his provision.

It's interesting, though, that God will always provide. And if he doesn't? It just means he has better plans. My black dress flats had started to show serious signs of wear this past semester, and the heel of one is falling apart now. I needed to buy a new pair before I completed observations at a local school in January. Yesterday, I just got so worried about getting a new pair of shoes at a price I could afford that I literally started tearing up in the car. It was actually kindof ridiculous how worried I was.

In that moment, my RA's advice rang through my head. Matthew chapter six. Do not "worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?" And "do not worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough trouble of its own." 

You know what? God will provide impromptu shopping trips and shoes on sale. He will, I promise. :) But that's not the point here. The point is that He is all we need. Seek Him first, and he will provide.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

-  Matthew 6:33, KJV

What I'm Listening To:

"Nothing But the Blood" - Matt Redman
"My Story" - Addison Road
"Search My Heart" - Hillsong
"All We Need" - Charlie Hall
"You Never Let Go" - Matt Redman

Take It or Leave It

The English idiom "take it or leave it" has two distinct meanings. It can mean that the other person must take your offer and you will not compromise (think of making an offer at a pawn shop or auction). It can also mean that the item is not important or wanted enough to be overly concerned about ("Sushi's not my favorite, but I'll eat it... I could take it or leave it").

God's been asking me to take it or leave it recently. For example, there was a circumstance with a situation I wanted to remedy, a person I wanted to hold on to, and God said, "Hey, if I asked you to, could you totally let this go? Could you take it or leave it?" I realized I had to leave it behind. It just wasn't worth it.

But I want to focus on taking or leaving something else that has been bothering me for a while now. Being in a two-parent household for the first time in ten years, where my stepdad works two jobs just because he wants to, we are better off financially more than we were in the past. It's difficult to watch (and I often feel uncomfortable over) the amount of money my family spends - even though comparatively, it's not outrageous. Having experienced ten years with no internet or cable at home and PB&J instead of Filet Mignon, I feel weird when we drop a nice amount at a Japanese steakhouse, for example. In addition, spending eight or so months in a culture where 86 cent Ramen noodles are regular fare, gas money is hard to come by, and half of my peers have first-hand accounts of starving children in Africa, has shaped me.

Speaking of college, during this past year, I hesitated to speak about money. The times I did, I received some weird looks or a snide comment. I always offered to drive friends, and I bought what I needed (and even some of what I wanted) on regular Walmart trips. And many times it made me uncomfortable. I give to church and to missions, but why do I have more than other people? (Maybe so I can give, and give freely, to church and missions and friends? Hm.)

Through all this, I've wrestled with the desire to minister to those who appear well-off. I'm unsure if this desire is from God (a "missionary to the mansions" kind of thing) or from me (cushy lifestyle instead of just scraping by). Years ago, I was struggling with this same thing as I babysat for both a wealthy family and a 'penny-pinching' family. I still remember a certain moment one night; I was sitting on my bedroom floor with a journal and I was just pouring all of this out to God. Eventually, I told him: "I will follow you to the mansion by the golf course country club or to the dirt-floor shack in the middle of India."

How true that is becoming! With a degree in English Education, which I plan to receive in 3 years, I could teach AP English Literature at an elite college-prep school in the Buckhead area of Atlanta. Or I could teach remedial reading at a Title I school in the low income county of Hancock. Or I could teach ESL at a school in China or Mexico. Or teach Chaucer and Bunyan at a middle-income Christian school in Greenville. Or teach sponsor-supported missionary kids at an International School in Spain. You get the picture.

God is asking me, "Alex, if I place you in a location, in a situation where money is prevalent, you must be willing to take it or leave it for me. You must love the people and not the stuff. And you must be willing to take me and leave everything else behind at a moment's notice." And you know what? This applies even today, too. There are so many things in life clamoring for my attention, my energy, my time, my faith, and my desire that God is often pushed aside from the forefront of my life. This should definitely not be so. I finished reading an allegorical book recently where the main character built an altar every time she began putting what she wanted (healing, human love, to go her own way, etc) above what God wanted for her. This is the way I should view my life. If I could drop it all for Christ - if I could take it or leave it - I'm on the right track. Matthew 19:29-30 says,

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

This does not mean we should disown our family to go live in the jungle in the middle of nowhere. But it does mean that God always comes first. I've heard countless stories of teenagers and young adults who wanted to pursue something God laid on their hearts, despite the words of naysayers like their parents. I think it all boils down to obedience. Am I willing to obey God no matter the cost?

See, Abraham did. And Ruth. Mary. Joseph. Jonah. Esther. They gave up their homes, possessions, reputations, safety, even their lives. So why do I find it so hard to give God even a full day of my time?

Finally, for months about a year ago before I left for college, I struggled with the idea of being satisfied in God. How can I be completely satisfied in God and not want or need anything else? Is God really all I need? Yeah, those kind of thoughts. But since last year, and even while writing this, it seems to me that God is revealing just how amazing he really is. Life with God does not even compare to anything else I could possibly want. Everything just looks bleak without God.

When I want God more than I want financial security or a relationship or a squeaky-clean reputation or perfect grades, I honestly can choose God over everything else and be perfectly okay with it. Yeah, it's going to hurt when I start to compare myself with others who have those things, but God is so much better. God's way is better, God's gifts are better, and God's peace is better. And you know what, God gives us the desires of our heart. I like to translate that verse (Psalm 37:4) as God giving us what we will desire (putting the desire in our hearts). Because God has a crazy way of giving us what we do want, be careful what you wish for! But anyway, God's not going to leave you high and dry unless he is actually bringing what you desire to you or he is asking you to sacrifice it on the altar to him. Either way, God's way is better. He is in the restoring business, the redeeming business. And he knows how to give good gifts to his children (Luke 11:13). Don't doubt that God knows what he's doing - even if it doesn't look like he is working for your good. Just be willing to obey whatever he asks of you.

Take it from a recent Tweet of mine:

God: "You are always right where I want you. Instead of complaining about circumstances, watch me do something bigger than you."

Temple Tuesday

My soul, wait in silence for God only,

For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,

My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;

The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us.

Men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie;

In the balances they go up; They are together lighter than breath.
Do not trust in oppression, And do not vainly hope in robbery.

If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.
Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this:

That power belongs to God;
And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord,

For You recompense a man according to his work.

Psalm 62

NASB

A Psalm of David

A Call to Patience

Your rich uncle who lives in another country sends you a letter on your 15th birthday. He writes that he knows you have recently begun working a part-time job and that you're saving up for a car and college tuition.
He says that he would like to offer his financial blessing to you as you're reaching adulthood - only if you continue to further your education by receiving a college degree. His letter clearly states that you can ask him for his blessing between now and ten years from now, and the blessing will total $100. However, if you wait ten years (your 25th birthday), the blessing will total $10 Million.
Did you get that? You can get $100 now or $10,000,000 in ten years. Who wouldn't wait?
I mean, $100 could help. You could buy a nice pair of jeans or a few dress shirts. Or you could buy a new textbook for college. But, seriously... New clothes can wait until you get that 10 Mil. You can get a loan for college until your uncle sends his blessing. You can make do for ten years.

It's a lot like waiting for marriage or sleeping with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Typically, people will date between 15 and 25 years old, and marry in their mid to late twenties. Nothing's wrong with dating, but when you throw in a sexual experience, you lose something that should have been saved for the wedding night. You may experience something fairly good now, but it won't last. It won't be the fantastic experience of marriage - first of all, knowing that your spouse is committed to you and to God for a lifetime, trusting in the sanctity and safety of your marriage.
Okay, so all of that may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to your teenage brain. So here it is in simple terms: "Don't sacrifice what you want the most for what you want in the moment." (Quote by my history teacher)
What do you want the most? The majority of us would say a stable marriage and family, a good job, a healthy, God-filled life... But you can sacrifice all of that in a split-second decision that would take from your future spouse what belongs to them and possibly cause a life-threatening STD or a life-changing unplanned pregnancy.

Now, listen here: It's going to be tempting, especially when your wallet is looking a little empty in the middle of the semester, to ask Uncle Moneybags for his $100. But IMAGINE the reward when you wait ten years! You could be set for life!
And imagine the reward of a secure, faithful marriage and a growing family - you'll be set for life, literally.

So, here's my Call to Patience!