"What is Man?" [My Thoughts on Lent]

Stuck between hours of reading, journal responses, and craft nights for Valentine's Day sits something I usually scarcely notice. My desk and the kitchen table are scattered with glittery heart stickers and pink and red hole scraps of paper. There are books everywhere.

My nights are late. When they're not, my mornings are early. And sometimes both.

This is the point of the semester when you prove yourself. It's not yet mid-terms. It's not yet pay-day. The homework level has increased to the typical norm and you must balance your time wisely so you can complete the bigger tasks that lay ahead.

I am not-so-patiently awaiting details on overseas student teaching, acceptance at a summer job, and confirmation for my future. I struggle with feeling alone, again, on Valentine's Day. I struggle with feeling tired too early in the semester. I struggle with keeping a budget when I'm on the five-meal plan. I struggle with freedom.

Today was Ash Wednesday, which marked the beginning of the Lenten season. My college has, in the past couple semesters, introduced a variety of worship styles. Our chapel service this morning was an Ash Wednesday service based on Anglican liturgy. It included Scripture reading, responsive reading, chanting, kneeling, standing, prayers aloud and silently, and the traditional ashen cross. We were given the option of coming forward during the Imposition of Ashes to receive the cross on our foreheads.

While the speaker, a professor here, spoke candidly about how we must not skip ahead to the resurrection too soon, I found myself longing for it desperately throughout the service. It is true that being raised in communities that only barely resemble liturgical churches may have colored my perception of liturgy. However, it seems to me that we can get too easily caught up in guilt and shame and sin that we neglect to act as if and believe that we are forgiven. Having lived in a mindset of legalism, guilt (real and false), and worthlessness for years, I am tired of feeling guilty for my sins any longer. Maybe that is not the appropriate response, but it is exactly how I feel. I don't want to be beaten over the head with rules that make me feel like crap. Don't God and I have a relationship?

Someone once told me that legalism is the natural course of the heart. When we realize we aren't doing it perfectly, we strive to make rules for ourselves so that we will, by our estimation. What we don't understand is that God doesn't want rules and God doesn't want sacrifices. He wants us to do what he says out of love, not out of a fear that we don't, we will be struck down from heaven.

Yet perhaps there is a time and a place for the "Ash Wednesday" phenomenon. I mean, the church calendar has been around for ages and no one really seems to have a huge problem with today's purple and black and ash crosses. Yes, my sinfulness brings me to my knees on many occasions. I guess the problem I have is with "requiring" repentance just because this is the beginning of a season.

I would just like to change the connotation of the Lenten season. Rather than a time of repentance and sad reflection, let this be a time of eager anticipation. Do not fast because it somehow reminds you of the suffering of Christ (how can it even compare?). Fast because it allows you that time to devote to knowing Christ more. And never, by any means, fast because everyone else is doing it. Fast (from anything) because God is telling you to do it.

In the scheme of things, finite man is nothing compared to infinite God. Nothing. But the fact remains that he is deeply in love with us. Why? Because he is delighted in the creation that he chose to create.

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.

- Psalm 8:3-5

Learning From This Season

[This is part two of a three part series.]

During my one of two Old Testament classes in college, I studied 1 Samuel for the first time. Something I really enjoyed reading about was the movement from a theocracy to a monarchy in the nation of Israel in chapter eight.

Finally, all the elders of Israel met at Ramah to discuss the matter with Samuel. “Look,” they told him, “You are now old, and your sons are not like you. Give us a king to judge us like all the other nations have.”
Samuel was displeased with their request and went to the Lord for guidance. “Do everything they say to you,” the Lord replied, “for it is me they are rejecting, not you. They don’t want me to be their king any longer. Ever since I brought them from Egypt they have continually abandoned me and followed other gods. And now they are giving you the same treatment. Do as they ask, but solemnly warn them about the way a king will reign over them.”

(1 Sam 8:4-9)

On first glance, this is a judge named Samuel being petitioned by his people to give them a king. However, after I continued to read and pay attention in class, I saw how some details from this circumstance could relate to singleness.

The idea of Israel being ruled by a king was not outrageous. Passages like Genesis 17:57, 35:11, and 49:10, among others, hint and anticipate at a “Theocratic Kingdom” in Israel’s future. Numbers 24:17 uses a synecdoche (English majors unite!) when it says that “a scepter will emerge from Israel.” I found this interesting, because the vast majority of my peers will get married. Most Christian college students do. I’ve also heard from a few friends who firmly believe they will get married, like one who told me that a lady she had met at a Christian camp came up to her one day and prayed specifically for her future husband. There is a kind of prophetic vision in both the incident with a king for Israel and a husband for my friend.

One reason not to date? Because “everyone else is doing it.” One of the two reasons given for Israel wanting a king is that “all the other nations have” one (v. 5). And let me tell you, to God, that’s not enough reason to want something. In addition, the people wanted a king who would fight for them in battles, although we know that God fought for them. Sometimes we need to realize that God can and is already filling the void we may think is empty without a significant other. God desires that we trust him and rely on him above and beyond the things we think we need, although we must not underestimate his power to provide.

Deuteronomy 17:14-15 says, “You are about to enter the land the Lord your God is giving you. When you take it over and settle there, you may think, ‘We should select a king to rule over us like the other nations around us.’ If this happens, be sure to select as king the man the Lord your God chooses…” The Israelites did just that. God made provision for his people to have a king. Depending on your views on free will, God caused or allowed Israel to desire a kingship and gave them the resources to go about getting one. That issue of desire is significant. I believe that God provides us with what we desire, but that he also creates in us the desire for certain things (Psalm 37:4). And I would say that the desire to date and get married is probably a desire God has given most of us, a desire God has placed in our hearts. All of that to say that desires are not wrong. (Yes, there are people called to singleness, but I believe God makes that clear to them.)

However, after reading verses seven and eight from 1 Samuel chapter 8, it seems as if it was wrong for the Israelites to desire a king. Those two verses are God telling Samuel to go ahead and give the Israelites a king, even though they are rejecting God and have abandoned him to follow other gods. Yet God still tells Samuel, even after Samuel questions God once more, to give the people what they are asking for. Is this hesitation on God’s part? I don’t think so. Yes, the Israelites were not doing a very good job at loving and worshipping their Redeemer and Rescuer, the Almighty God who led them out of Egypt. They went after other things in an attempt to be filled. But notice that God did provide a king for his people, a king he had chosen. I think this was God acting like the father he is. Matthew 7:11 says, “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” God was aware that his children desired someone else to fill the “king” void that he was currently fulfilling for them, but I believe he wanted to give them a king.

Having a king did not make everything perfect for the Israelites. Getting married does not fix our problems, either. But the people of Israel chose a king God had ordained for them. We know that this king, Saul, was indwelled by the Holy Spirit (1 Sam 10:6) and that when David became king after Saul, the Holy Spirit indwelled him (1 Sam 16:12-14). Therefore, I believe it was God’s will that Israel have a king, even though they still had problems and issues. God had Samuel warn Israel about having a king and the difficulties that would arise out of a monarchy, and we should definitely consider the cost before dating and marrying. One thing this has taught me, though, is that while I should strive for wholeness, I don't have to be perfect to begin a relationship.

The difficult part comes in 1 Samuel 15:10, where it says that God was “sorry” he had made Saul king. The notes my professor gave us for the class state that “The people’s desire for a king was a mistake” and while I would hate to disagree with a PhD. (he’s a really nice guy, too), I have a hard time believing that desires can be “mistakes.” Desires can be sinful and acting on a sinful desire is wrong, but since God had made the provision for their future desire for a king and had not condemned the desire before (Deut 17:14), I would say that there was nothing wrong with this desire. In fact, the not-so-happy ending of Saul’s reign only made David’s reign something to look forward to and to enjoy that much more. Despite David’s sins, his rule was much more successful. Do not take this to mean that if you don’t like your spouse, you can get a divorce and marry another one (there are certainly Biblical grounds for divorce, although dislike is not one of them). Take it to mean that most people don’t marry the first person they date. And that's okay. My grandmother once told me I was practically required to date more than one guy. Since she only dated my grandpa, she was not as impressed and aware of his good qualities as she would have been if she had dated other guys who did not share those good qualities. She has a point, and it reminds me of something a friend once told me. After a difficult circumstance, she said, "Alex, God is just preparing you to be ready for the best."

The point of this post was to share what I learned about singleness from the story of the nation of Israel’s move from a theocracy to a monarchy: God's already got it figured out, "everyone else is doing it" is a bad reason, desires are not wrong, God is our father who gives us good things, marriage does not fix our problems (God wants to heal us), and don't settle for "okay," use it to be ready for the best. Strange that Israel's history would have comments on modern day singleness, huh?

Navigating This Season

[This is part one of a three part series.]

Maybe I’m just a biased, almost 20 year old college student, but none of these books or articles or websites or speakers on Christian singleness are really helping.

Last week, I found myself in the back of the library, sitting on a stepstool in the corner beside the “Devotional” section, hunched up and holding the book carefully so no who descended the stairs and rounded the corner could see the title. I held my breath whenever someone walked through the doorway to the stairs, hoping it wasn’t someone I knew. I spent an hour on that little stepstool (after I got my studying done, of course), reading books on chastity and singleness. It hasn’t been the easiest season of singleness recently, and I needed some kind of help that knew what it was talking about but wouldn’t judge and had time for me at 10:30 on a Sunday night. Enter the Christian experts shelved in my college’s library.

For the most part, I appreciated the comments. I found a good book by Lauren Winner, which I didn’t have time to read in its entirety. However, most of the books I located were published in the early 90’s (which isn’t surprising for my small college’s library), but I have a feeling things may have changed just a bit in the last 20 years.

Coming home for Christmas break, I found my huge collection of books I’ve loved, as well as those I just haven’t had time to read yet. In the want-to-read-but-haven’t-yet pile, I found many books, including the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (Harris) and “I Gave Dating a Chance” (Clark) dichotomy, as well as “Boundaries in Dating” and “Lady in Waiting,” not to mention my “Wild at Heart” and “Captivating” bookshelf back at school. So, why do I have all these books? Because the books from high school (like “Dateable”) aren’t cutting it for the college student I have become. Because if I’m honest with myself, marriage is no longer foreign and far away. Suddenly I find myself almost twenty and searching for a few answers.

Let me clue you in. This is what I’m looking at right now:

1. Being single, I can devote more of my time to ministry than to a boyfriend/husband/family (1 Corinthians 7:34)
2. This season of life can be used to plan for the next. There should be an enjoyment of this season with anticipation for the next season, but not a focus on it (Ecclesiastes 3).
3. The desire for dating and marriage is not inherently wrong, and I would do well to find a place to put it (more on that later) instead of stuffing it (Psalm 37:4, Song of Solomon).

That is what I believe. Yet, I find that many of the resources available and/or prized highly for Christian singles are not saying what we need to hear. Many of the Christian sources I found told me I just needed to be a stronger Christian or I needed to have more purity, and I would be okay until marriage. I heard the ever elusive “Don’t awaken love before its time” (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4), but "love" has already been awake for a while. Let me give you another example: I gave away my copies of “Passion and Purity” and “When God Writes Your Love Story” because I was so upset at their messages. I got the impression that I should just sit here and wait for God to hang a flashing neon sign above the head of the guy I should marry. While that’s probably not what the authors were intending, that’s the message I got.

Elisabeth Elliot (author of Passion and Purity) praised the womanly virtue of patience, which seemed to me more like sitting here waiting for the guy God told we’re going get married finally come around to asking me. She admits in the book that her future husband (the first of three) even began “talking” to some girls at the college he attended while they were physically separated before their courtship began. I may be female, but I am not called to sit here in silence while he makes all the moves.

Note: I am not asserting any feminist tendencies here. This issue here is not about submission as a wife, but rather the concept that relationships take two people, not just a pursuing guy. Anyway, learning to submit to God, who loves me enough to die for me, has taught me some lessons that will be valuable in the future.

In the meantime, however, let me propose some places to “put” the desire for dating and marriage that I really feel neither our worldly culture nor our Christian culture has, for the most part, provided. I believe these places are healthy outlets and safe places for the Christian single.

• Friendships. Having healthy and positive relationships with both guys and girls has made singleness a good thing for me. We will need our friends before, during, and after dating relationships. And until that boyfriend becomes a fiancé, your girl friends come first any day. I would add that we need friends of both genders who are both single and taken, and we desperately need same-gender single friends to hold us accountable and provide support and encouragement (Ecclesiastes 4:12, Proverbs 27:17).

• College, Career, and Ministry. If one more person mentions going to college to her get MRS degree, I’m going to get really angry. Yes, it would be great to marry a guy who will graduate from such an awesome college as mine, but I have a life apart from marriage. I have a job I’m excited about and a future career into which I desire to invest. I have obligations here at college that I long to fulfill. Life is not about getting married and having kids, and although I desire that, I will not make it my aim. In addition, there are multiple ministry opportunities, places of service, jobs, and callings that are only available to single people, and we can minister in those capacities in our seasons of singleness (1 Corinthians 7:34).

• Preparation. I know I bashed many Christian singles books, but there are also some good ones. I would recommend “Boundaries in Dating” by Townsend and Cloud. In addition, people are usually better than books any day, so I would encourage you to go to other Christians, those who are single, dating, and married, and ask for advice and encouragement. A pastor once said that if you don’t start thinking and planning for marriage when you’re eighteen, it will probably be too late to start by the time you’re twenty-five. (Proverbs 16:9)

• God. “I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord” (Hosea 2:19-20). Have we forgotten how much God loves us? He is wooing us like a patient lover. Before you get all up in arms about singleness, return to God. Let him love you. Now, loving God does not always mean that your longing for a guy or girl will be eliminated. I believe that if God has not called you to singleness, you will still yearn to get married. But God provides fulfillment until he opens the door for marriage. Like a good father, he wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but he wants us to first be satisfied in him. (Psalm 37:4, Luke 11:13, 1 Samuel 8:4-9)

Finally, know that we were never meant to be alone and that the desires within you to date and get married are not wrong. They will never be wrong unless they take the place of God in your heart. Also know that loneliness is a possibility. I’ve felt so lonely at periods when I was surrounded by people. It takes a close Christian community and a growing relationship in Christ to combat loneliness. But never let loneliness force you into a relationship. Go into a relationship when there is a measure of wholeness, not out of your own brokenness.

Trust that God guides us on the best path (Psalm 32:8). After all of this, I still believe that God has a guy picked out for me, and me for him. And I believe that God knows what he’s doing when he works out circumstances and relationships the way he does.

After writing this entire post and going back over it multiple times over several days, one line from my devotional reading this morning really stuck out. It was about love being the true fellowship of two souls. I spent a while reading through 1 Corinthians 13 and I was convicted about the terrible job I’ve been doing at love. It’s easy to end a conversation with a friend with: “Bye, I love you!” But do I really love them?

I once heard a friend say that he felt like he had so much work to do on his heart and in his life before he could get married, because he didn’t think he was mature enough or Christ-like enough to love his wife and treat her right. When I heard that, I laughed, because I know we’ll never be “good enough” for anything, if that is our goal. But it started to make sense to me when I looked at what I could be doing so much better. Maybe God knows what he’s doing when he requires us to wait a seemingly long time for a romantic relationship. In our deep struggles connected with the opposite gender/love/families, there are issues we must work through on our own and there are issues we work through with our spouses. Maybe God’s “holding off” because I’m still working on me. Because He’s still working on me.

And that’s okay. In fact, it’s awesome. I still fall short, but God is in the process of restoring me. When his timing is right, a guy and I will end up running the race together and being perfected by God together. Jeramy Clark writes, “You’re running on your own, then one day you notice someone running next to you at the same pace and in the same direction. You can run together without hindrance because your course is the same."

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (NASB)

P.S. I welcome any suggestions for books and articles on this or any other subject.

He Keeps Track of Sorrows... and Gives JOY

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Even Christians are not happy all the time. First of all, that's just weird. Second, we are called to live honest and real lives versus fake lifestyles, even if they're not very happy. Recently, things have just been getting me down. Things like a confusing conversation at work, an apparently peaceful confrontation, an untimely invitation, or an inside joke that doesn't include me.

Now, the reality is that things change. Each new August, roommates get switched, dorms and terraces and floors and halls house new people, and relationships like suitemates and across-the-hall-mates and wallmates change. Relationships deepen and wane. Hearts are broken and mended. Family situations, life experiences, and goals for the future become more distinct and defined. Obviously, it's no one's fault that things change. In fact, it's great! Seeing a good guy friend develop some amazing strength and self-control I never though he would have is really inspiring. Watching as good friends ask questions about their futures, questions like "Am I in the right major?" or "What does God want me to do when I graduate? Or this summer?" is awesome. We are becoming the people we are going to be. And that is amazing. That is God working. Four years from now, we are going to be doing totally different things. We are going to pursuing the active futures God has for us. College is like a crock pot - you've got so many different obligations, responsibilities, experiences, choices, and opportunities in these few short 4 or 5 years, but out of that comes an awesome dinner... er, person. You get the gist.

The point I'm making is that despite my knowledge that change is okay, even good, it still makes me feel weird. Knowing that continuing relationships with the people I loved dearly last year (and still do) is going to be difficult doesn't make it easier to reconnect and love on them. Knowing that I have a new boss and a new RD are going to shake things up does not calm my nerves when things are randomly shaken. Knowing that the new friendships I'm forming deserve energy and time does not make more energy in my body and time in my day. Knowing that I am surrounded by people (and an amazing God) who love me usually does not make me feel more loved.

See, feelings are very tricky things. We should pay attention to them and listen to how we feel emotionally, because it may tie in to how our bodies are feeling physically, or even how we are subconsciously dealing with stress or pain. We should allow ourselves to feel emotions instead of stuffing them.

But feelings are not always reliable. For example, we can feel that God is far away or that people do not care about us or that we are being left out - but that doesn't make it true. Something to remember is that God is always true regardless of how we feel about him. Scripture is always reliable even when we don't "get it" emotionally.

Despite feeling down recently, I don't have to take that as God leaving me or ignoring me. God is always faithful! He doesn't leave, even if I'm not feeling him. And the cool thing is that he understands our pain and hurt and cares about it. Psalm 56:8 says,

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

Finally, know that while Christians are not called to happiness, we are called to joy. And since joy is not dependent on circumstances, we can be joyful even when we feel like crap. Joy is a fruit of the spirit, which means that we cannot control or create it in our lives. It has to be done by the Holy Spirit.

I'm going to ask you to do what I have to do: to ask God for joy. To stop letting little things get in the way of the big picture. To reevaluate and change some things. For me, this means holding fast to God and appreciating the people he's given me without becoming overly dependent on them. This means accepting that things are going to happen and life is going to change and knowing that God is still the same. This means understanding God's reliability and consistency and learning to bask in that. Ask and seek for joy today.

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

- Psalm 28:7

Take It or Leave It

The English idiom "take it or leave it" has two distinct meanings. It can mean that the other person must take your offer and you will not compromise (think of making an offer at a pawn shop or auction). It can also mean that the item is not important or wanted enough to be overly concerned about ("Sushi's not my favorite, but I'll eat it... I could take it or leave it").

God's been asking me to take it or leave it recently. For example, there was a circumstance with a situation I wanted to remedy, a person I wanted to hold on to, and God said, "Hey, if I asked you to, could you totally let this go? Could you take it or leave it?" I realized I had to leave it behind. It just wasn't worth it.

But I want to focus on taking or leaving something else that has been bothering me for a while now. Being in a two-parent household for the first time in ten years, where my stepdad works two jobs just because he wants to, we are better off financially more than we were in the past. It's difficult to watch (and I often feel uncomfortable over) the amount of money my family spends - even though comparatively, it's not outrageous. Having experienced ten years with no internet or cable at home and PB&J instead of Filet Mignon, I feel weird when we drop a nice amount at a Japanese steakhouse, for example. In addition, spending eight or so months in a culture where 86 cent Ramen noodles are regular fare, gas money is hard to come by, and half of my peers have first-hand accounts of starving children in Africa, has shaped me.

Speaking of college, during this past year, I hesitated to speak about money. The times I did, I received some weird looks or a snide comment. I always offered to drive friends, and I bought what I needed (and even some of what I wanted) on regular Walmart trips. And many times it made me uncomfortable. I give to church and to missions, but why do I have more than other people? (Maybe so I can give, and give freely, to church and missions and friends? Hm.)

Through all this, I've wrestled with the desire to minister to those who appear well-off. I'm unsure if this desire is from God (a "missionary to the mansions" kind of thing) or from me (cushy lifestyle instead of just scraping by). Years ago, I was struggling with this same thing as I babysat for both a wealthy family and a 'penny-pinching' family. I still remember a certain moment one night; I was sitting on my bedroom floor with a journal and I was just pouring all of this out to God. Eventually, I told him: "I will follow you to the mansion by the golf course country club or to the dirt-floor shack in the middle of India."

How true that is becoming! With a degree in English Education, which I plan to receive in 3 years, I could teach AP English Literature at an elite college-prep school in the Buckhead area of Atlanta. Or I could teach remedial reading at a Title I school in the low income county of Hancock. Or I could teach ESL at a school in China or Mexico. Or teach Chaucer and Bunyan at a middle-income Christian school in Greenville. Or teach sponsor-supported missionary kids at an International School in Spain. You get the picture.

God is asking me, "Alex, if I place you in a location, in a situation where money is prevalent, you must be willing to take it or leave it for me. You must love the people and not the stuff. And you must be willing to take me and leave everything else behind at a moment's notice." And you know what? This applies even today, too. There are so many things in life clamoring for my attention, my energy, my time, my faith, and my desire that God is often pushed aside from the forefront of my life. This should definitely not be so. I finished reading an allegorical book recently where the main character built an altar every time she began putting what she wanted (healing, human love, to go her own way, etc) above what God wanted for her. This is the way I should view my life. If I could drop it all for Christ - if I could take it or leave it - I'm on the right track. Matthew 19:29-30 says,

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

This does not mean we should disown our family to go live in the jungle in the middle of nowhere. But it does mean that God always comes first. I've heard countless stories of teenagers and young adults who wanted to pursue something God laid on their hearts, despite the words of naysayers like their parents. I think it all boils down to obedience. Am I willing to obey God no matter the cost?

See, Abraham did. And Ruth. Mary. Joseph. Jonah. Esther. They gave up their homes, possessions, reputations, safety, even their lives. So why do I find it so hard to give God even a full day of my time?

Finally, for months about a year ago before I left for college, I struggled with the idea of being satisfied in God. How can I be completely satisfied in God and not want or need anything else? Is God really all I need? Yeah, those kind of thoughts. But since last year, and even while writing this, it seems to me that God is revealing just how amazing he really is. Life with God does not even compare to anything else I could possibly want. Everything just looks bleak without God.

When I want God more than I want financial security or a relationship or a squeaky-clean reputation or perfect grades, I honestly can choose God over everything else and be perfectly okay with it. Yeah, it's going to hurt when I start to compare myself with others who have those things, but God is so much better. God's way is better, God's gifts are better, and God's peace is better. And you know what, God gives us the desires of our heart. I like to translate that verse (Psalm 37:4) as God giving us what we will desire (putting the desire in our hearts). Because God has a crazy way of giving us what we do want, be careful what you wish for! But anyway, God's not going to leave you high and dry unless he is actually bringing what you desire to you or he is asking you to sacrifice it on the altar to him. Either way, God's way is better. He is in the restoring business, the redeeming business. And he knows how to give good gifts to his children (Luke 11:13). Don't doubt that God knows what he's doing - even if it doesn't look like he is working for your good. Just be willing to obey whatever he asks of you.

Take it from a recent Tweet of mine:

God: "You are always right where I want you. Instead of complaining about circumstances, watch me do something bigger than you."

Purpose

I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

His purpose is to give me a rich and satisfying life. He has placed me where I am for the very purpose of displaying his power in me and to spread his fame throughout the earth. My ultimate purpose is to please God, not people. So I run with purpose in every step.

Taken from John 10:10, Romans 9:17, 1 Thessalonians 2:4, Romans 8:28, Psalm 57:2, and 1 Corinthians 9:26.

One Hundred Billion Trillion

I love learning about science. Granted, typically I'm a very "artsy" kind of person. I'd rather take a picture of a flower than learn about the pollination of the flower. I'd rather write a poem about the moon than study the craters on its surface.

However, in Scientific Literacy yesterday, my professor was teaching about the cosmos. Mid-way through his lecture, he thought of something and ran out of the room to get his his Bible from his office. When he returned, he read from Isaiah chapter 40, verse 26:

Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.

Then, referring to some calculations on the whiteboard, he indicated that modern scientists roughly estimate that there are about one hundred billion trillion stars in the known universe.

Okay, catch that: God knows and calls the name of each star in the universe, and there are more than a hundred billion trillion of them! God calls each star out one by one to light the night sky and fill the darkness of nighttime. No star is missed. Psalm 147:4 says, "[God] counts the stars and calls them all by name."

The only thing that was running through my head as my professor was saying this was a line from Matthew West's song, More: "I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine...". And if God, this vast, omnipotent, omnipresent God, loves me more than the stars he hand-placed in the sky, I truly am loved!

The Bible is not silent about science, as some might assume. In fact, since science is basically the study of God's creation, the Bible is filled with discussion about it. Job 9:9 says, "[God] made all the stars—the Bear and Orion,the Pleiades and the constellations of the southern sky." The awesome thing about creation is that it shows God's presence and majesty (Romans 1:20), because creation has to have a creator. While we can't physically see God, we can see his creation, which gives us a glimpse of how amazing God really is.

Go outside and watch the sunset, watch God bring the stars out one by one, watch the moon light up the night. And praise him. For every great star that appears in the night sky, we catch a reminder of God's love for us.

God is more glorious than the moon; he shines brighter than the stars.

Job 25:5

The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born.

Psalm 33:6

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—

the moon and the stars you set in place—

what are mere mortals that you should think about them,

human beings that you should care for them?

Psalm 8:3-4

Too Many Burdens

Have you heard someone talk about a burden they had for someone? A desire that a non-Believer meet Jesus or that a strayed Christian would return to the Faith?

It is wonderful that fellow Christians would be so concerned about not only each other, but also about friends and family members who don't know the Lord. It's often a very genuine, honest, God-honoring concern.

But sometimes we fall into the trap of taking the word "burden" a little too seriously. You see, God has not created us to bear the whole weight of one person's salvation upon ourselves. We were not made to be responsible for leading people through every step and realization of coming to Christ or even coming back to Christ. Granted, God may be using you, even right now, to do something amazing in a life of someone near you. But it is not your sole responsibility to draw them into Christ. That is the Holy Spirit's job.

Likewise, I often find myself carrying too many burdens. Last week, I found a guy I attended middle school with on Facebook through one of those "mutual friends" things. He had a skimpily dressed girlfriend and several of his pictures included alcoholic beverages. Knowing that this kid is no older than me, I was obviously offended and asked God how this could happen. I became concerned about his apparent wandering from Christianity. And suddenly I was carrying a burden. Another burden to my list.

I'm carrying similar burdens concerned about the salvation and hearts of members of my stepfamilies as well as friends, families of friends, and others who don't know the Lord. In addition, my heart is burdened with thoughts and worries about friends and acquaintances who have seemingly abandoned God. More burdens.

And yes, as a Christian, I am to carry the burdens of my fellow believers (Galatians 6:2). I am to mourn when they mourn, laugh when they laugh, and care about what they are concerned about. However, there is a line between genuinely caring and becoming a nervous wreck.

When things come up, like a friend whose heart is the wrong place, or someone shares a prayer request for an unsaved family member, I urge you to care. I urge you to pray alongside and support them however you can.

And then, this is the hard part, give it God. Stop trying to convert your atheist friend on your own agenda in your own power. Let go. Give it up. Allow God to use you to do his work; don't force your plan on his purposes. Let go of the burdens you're carrying and obey the Holy Spirit's voice.

Now I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks. You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you; I answered out of the thundercloud and tested your faith when there was no water at Meribah.

Psalm 81:6-7

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:29

Temple Tuesday

Look at these wicked people—

enjoying a life of ease while their riches multiply.
Did I keep my heart pure for nothing?
Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?

....
So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper.
But what a difficult task it is!
Then I went into your sanctuary, O God,
and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
Truly, you put them on a slippery path
and send them sliding over the cliff to destruction.
In an instant they are destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors.
When you arise, O Lord,
you will laugh at their silly ideas
as a person laughs at dreams in the morning.

Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant—
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.

Those who desert him will perish,
for you destroy those who abandon you.
But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

(Psalm 73:12-13, 16-28)

Temple Tuesday

Okay, get this: God is amazing. And He has done and will do amazing things. By all means, share these awesome things God has done for you with those around you. An awesome way to share your faith with nonbelievers and to encourage fellow believers is to tell your testimony, or let them know what God has done in your life and in their lives of those around you.

Along those lines, here's some words from David:

Praise the Lord; praise God our Savior! For each day he carries us in his arms. Our God is a God who saves! The sovereign Lord rescues us from death.... Tell everyone about God's power. His majesty shines down on Israel; his strength is mighty in the heavens. God is awesome in his sanctuary. The God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!

Psalm 68:19, 20, 34, 35

Temple Tuesday

My soul, wait in silence for God only,

For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,

My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;

The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us.

Men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie;

In the balances they go up; They are together lighter than breath.
Do not trust in oppression, And do not vainly hope in robbery.

If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.
Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this:

That power belongs to God;
And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord,

For You recompense a man according to his work.

Psalm 62

NASB

A Psalm of David

Enjoying God

Well, after that passionate post yesterday about taking action and following God and obeying his every command, I find an interesting status update on Facebook from a friend which really spoke to me. Here I am, all excited about doing God’s will for the purpose of obedience and I read this status, which says,“The key to serving God is to enjoy God. If you don’t enjoy God, you’re not ready to serve him. For God doesn’t want your help, he wants your heart.” (from my friend Evan).

God doesn't want my help.

This makes me think of something I dived into a bit earlier on this blog. And that is the concept of being still. Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God...". Exodus 14:14, Moses speaking to the depressed and complaining Isralites, states: "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

In the NASB, Psalm 46:10 reads, "Cease striving and know that I am God...". Why would knowing God is God stop us from striving? Psalm 100:3 says, "Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture." When we get it into our minds that God is in control, that He is the Almighty Lord of all, the King of everything, the great, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Creator God... when we even try to wrap our minds around it... It gives us a bit of peace. It does for me at least. One of the main causes of stress, of striving, is the false thought that maybe God can't handle it, that maybe he doesn't know what he's doing. I mean, honestly, God creates the whole world from nothing, then I come along and get all upset that he's messing up my life. Looking at myself from that perspective, I can be really ridiculous sometimes.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you're focused on anything but God, you're going to mess up. We can do a lot of good things in life, even people who don't believe in God can do nice things for other people. But true good, true satisfaction, true purpose and meaning, only come from God. Your life should be like a flowchart. Out of God's love he saved us. And because of that salvation and that love, we then give God everything we have, and by means of that, we love other people - the "whatever you do to the least of these" philosophy (Matt 25:40). Don't do seemingly "good" things to get something from God. Do them because of what God has already given you.

And, by the way, when we are satisified, we will stop striving. John Piper said, "God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him." Along with the idea that God knows what he's doing in our lives is the realization that God is all we need. Nothing else can satisfy.

Ask God to show you what it looks like to find him the center of your life. Ask God to give you the desire and the power to focus on Him and to love him and to enjoy him for who he is and what he has done.

I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

- Psalm 13:6

Song of Praise

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.
O Lord, God of Israel, there is no God like you in all of heaven above or on the earth below. You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion. You have kept your promise to your servant David, my father. You made that promise with your own mouth, and with your own hands you have fulfilled it today.
Forgive your people who have sinned against you. Forgive all the offenses they have committed against you. Make their captors merciful to them, for they are your people—your special possession—whom you brought out of the iron-smelting furnace of Egypt.
May your eyes be open to my requests and to the requests of your people Israel.
Praise the Lord who has given rest to his people Israel, just as he promised. Not one word has failed of all the wonderful promises he gave through his servant Moses. May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us or abandon us. May he give us the desire to do his will in everything and to obey all the commands, decrees, and regulations that he gave our ancestors. And may these words that I have prayed in the presence of the Lord be before him constantly, day and night, so that the Lord our God may give justice to me and to his people Israel, according to each day’s needs. Then people all over the earth will know that the Lord alone is God and there is no other.

(This song of praise taken from Luke 1:45-47, Psalm 42:8, 1 Kings chapter 8, NLT)

I Can't Do This

After the first couple days of classes, syllabus shock set in. I was terrified to even open my syllabus, afraid that some big monster would jump out and drag me into a mismatched calendar or a dayplanner with missing pages. But then I realized it was okay. I can write chapter summaries on the book of Mark in two weeks. I can make a Portfolio Outline for Teacher Ed, and it really wasn't that difficult.

And then last night, it hit me again. I said, I can't do this. I can't finish chapter summaries and go to my study group and be prepared for this test and practice piano and everything else on my calendar and actually stay sane.

And you know what God said? He said, "No, you can't... alone. But I'm your God. And you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you."

Talk about a wake-up call! See, my parents are not going to come down to my college and rescue me if I fail. I'm on my own. But this is just another reason to rely fully on God.

I'm reading the book of Psalms, and today I'm on chapter 40. It's a beautiful story of needing God, and below I have verses 1-3, 5, 12-13, 17, but I encourage you to read the entire chapter.

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing,a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.
O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.
For troubles surround me— too many to count! My sins pile up so high I can’t see my way out. They outnumber the hairs on my head. I have lost all courage. Please, Lord, rescue me! Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
As for me, since I am poor and needy, let the Lord keep me in his thoughts. You are my helper and my savior. O my God, do not delay.

Struggles and Triumphs

It seems that when I've finally decided I don't need something, Satan throws it in my path again and again. And when I make the decision to give every part of my life to God, I am consistently tempted by my weaknesses. When Satan sees progress in my faith, he is all too eager to put an end to it.
But all of this reminds me that I can't do this alone. See, life is not meant to be lived alone. We need close, Christian friends who will hold us accountable and encourage us. We need to rely and depend on God with everything and every part of us.
And even when it seems impossible, we must press on and press into God. We must place our focus on God and others. My youth pastor always said, "It's not about me. It's about Him and them."

Psalm 35:22-28 says:

O Lord, you know all about this. Do not stay silent. Do not abandon me now, O
Lord.
Wake up! Rise to my defense! Take up my case, my God and my Lord.
Declare me not guilty, O Lord my God, for you give me justice. Don't let my
enemies laugh about me in my troubles.
Don't let them say, "Look, we got what we wanted! Now we will eat [her] alive!"

May all those who rejoice at my troubles be humiliated and disgraced. May those who triumph over me be covered with shame and dishonor.
But give great joy to those who came to my defense. Let them continually say, "Great is the Lord, who delights in blesing his servant with peace!"
Then I will proclaim your justice, and I will praise you all day long.

Finally, when dealing with the enemy, remember to be strong in the faith. We have no need to fear Satan, because the one who is in us (God) is stronger and greater than the one who is in the world (Satan). 2nd Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
Brothers and sisters, keep on keeping on!

Temple Tuesday

A few years ago, I started to read the book of Psalm, a chapter a day. I started with good intentions, but my plan fell through because I didn't feel like I could relate to the Psalms. David and the other authors of the Psalms wrote about lions, enemies on the hunt for them, wars, political strife, personal crises, and more. Personally, I wasn't being pursued by vicious enemies who wanted to torture and kill me.

Towards the end of this summer, however, I started reading Psalm again. And this time there was a huge difference. As I entered college, I began to identify these enemies David struggled with in my own life. Things like stress, worry, fear, and the feeling that surviving my challenges are impossible... Those are my "enemies". Those are the "people" who I feel are chasing me, hunting me, enveloping me.

For example, on my first day of classes, I was overwhelmed, God gave me the sixteenth chapter of Psalm. It was next in my regular reading schedule, but it really, really spoke to me. I was worried, and I was afraid, and David wrote the words I needed to make it through the day. Ask the Holy Spirit to speak these words to your heart.

Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the Lord, “You are my Master!
Every good thing I have comes from you.”
The godly people in the land
are my true heroes!
I take pleasure in them!
Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods.
I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood
or even speak the names of their gods.

Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
What a wonderful inheritance!
I will bless the Lord who guides me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead
or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.

Psalm 16:1-11

Temple Tuesday

Psalm 4:1 says, "Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent. Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer."
When was the last time you prayed a prayer like that? David wrote this verse to God, asking God to speak to him, to rescue him, to listen to him.

I especially love the second half of the first sentence: "...O God who declares me innocent." Have you ever thought about that? God declares you innocent! When I first read that, I asked God how he could possibly find me innocent. I don't deserve that! But then it hit me, I'm right. I don't deserve to be called innocent. But Christ Jesus died for me - and he gave me innocence and righteous I did not deserve so I could accepted by his Father God. And the same is true for you!

Fear

I felt it today.

Fear.

The fear that I wasn't good enough, that I was too shy, too young, too inexperienced, that I wasn't worth it. It consumed me. The fear that I wouldn't get a job.

And as I stripped from the confining layers of a cute outfit, the weight of fear shrouded over me.

I had an image, of myself, sitting in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar walls and unfamiliar floors, an empty, closed room, with my door closed to the world and those unfamiliar people who called themselves family. And they left for work, but I sat in that strange room, silent and alone.

And it was stupid. To think that way. But I did.

Fear.

And while it seems like I'm moving halfway across the world with no looking back, I'll only be 45 minutes from my old house. My old house. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave.

And I don't want anyone to know I don't want to go. I don't want anyone to know my

Fear.

Crying here over something wrecking my world. Wrecking my soul.

Fear.

Do I believe that you're my God / That you're all I need, That you're all I need?

("Yahweh", By: Tal and Acacia)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea... God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day... The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

(Psalm 46:1,2,5,7,10 NIV)

Pile your troubles on God's shoulders— he'll carry your load, he'll help you out. He'll never let good people topple into ruin.

(Psalm 55:22, MSG)