The Rescue

I knew there was a problem when it was 1 am and I was still on my computer, following some drama play out on Facebook. The thing about relationships is that they are messy, and if I didn't know better, I'd stay as far away from all relationships as possible. Thankfully, the blessings of good relationships supersede the troubles of even the worst, and we can rejoice in those.

I sit here reminded of friends of mine who are fearful and broken tonight. Near the end of the semester, a good friend and next-door neighbor dealt with problems in her family. Her uncle had contracted a severe illness and is still in the hospital, though regaining his abilities to speak and move. Then between Thanksgiving and Christmas break, her grandmother (her dad and uncle's mom) passed away. She was struggling with the hurt. I got a text from another friend yesterday that her great-grandmother, who has been in hospice, took a turn for the worse. Then today I got a Facebook message from a third friend whose grandfather is at risk for his second heart attack in a week and it doesn't look good.

While praying for and thinking about these friends who are hurting tonight over the fear of the unknown, a song came on my iTunes shuffle that seemed to fill the room. I've written earlier about music: how songs bring back memories and how sometimes those memories get altered or replaced. This case is similar. "The Rescue" is about a guy who is offering comfort and rescue to a girl who has been hurt, but it carries a symbolic meaning of God rescuing his beloved, even ending with the lyrics to "Amazing Grace."

It took a minute to break through, but I realized that God was changing my perception of this song. For so long, it has only served to remind me of a relationship that went south. Yet when I realize that God can redeem not only my heart, but also this song, I see his rescue available for my friends. He can take these notes and these lyrics and give them a new meaning. It is not really replacing what they used to remind me of, but rather, providing a new layer of meaning.

It is in that sense of rescue, beautiful rescue, when I realize this is a community thing. "Community" is that sense of partnership and in-it-together-ness that encircles us when we feel loved and supported and held by fellow believers around us. Community is what Hebrews 12:1 is referencing (and what Hebrews 11 is proving). Community is the body of Christ coming alongside each other, to do what Romans 12:15 is commanding.  Community is the reason and the opportunity for accountability. Community is what happens (for me, at least), during impromptu hand-holding prayer and within acoustic worship sessions and when friends stop to ask how you're doing and really listen.

And I've always thought of rescue as a singular deal. One person getting rescued by God. Alone. I guess that stems from my similar belief that salvation should also be an alone deal. It's the reason I hate altar calls. Why would I want to go up to the front, not only where can people see me, but also where some person I don't know is waiting to lay hands on me and ask God for something generic for me?

Maybe there is a sense of community in rescue. After a year of counseling, I firmly believe that Christian counseling should be an extension of the body of Christ, i.e. community. It's two Christians coming together to discuss and navigate pain. If counseling is not a form of rescue, I don't know what is!

Not only is counseling a form of rescue, but I also believe intercession prayer is as well. I've never been good at intercession. I mean, I know it doesn't really count as a talent or a hobby, but I have never really learned how to do it right or even disciplined myself enough to get a good amount of practice in it. I typically say the generic things ("I ask that You be with my friends") and not much more. However, today, I sent a prayer over text to my friend whose grandfather is in the hospital. That was unique in itself. But something else was different for me: I prayed a character quality of God and a Bible verse. Suddenly, the focus of that conversation with God was not on me or on my friend or even on his troubles, but it was on God. And that felt so freeing. In that moment, it didn't matter how the prayer affected my friend or his family, it mattered that God was praised and uplifted and acknowledged as omnipotent and omniscient King. Then once God was praised and I rejoiced in that, I got a reply from my friend and was able to rejoice in that as well. Rescue became a joint act. I got to play a small part in God's work in my friend's life.

Christian college kids everywhere can identify, but it is typically over breaks when I feel the least supported. Everyone is at home, doing their own things, and I live more than 45 minutes from any friends. Community is hard to come by and Satan is easy to listen to.

But the wonderful God we serve caught my attention earlier this break with significant themes in the devotional I've been using. Two days in a row, I saw themes of blindness and deafness, with Jesus providing healing and asking the people to watch him and listen to him. I thought about it for a while and could not figure out why it stuck out to me. The thing is, God provides community even when we're all home on breaks. Friends who call, text, and e-mail, (and who respond to mine) are such encouragements during this time. In addition, being able to be with my family (who have finally started attending a good church regularly!) provides community as well. He is speaking; are we listening? Have we opened our eyes to God and shut them to Satan?

God is in the redeeming and rescuing business, and many times He uses his children to minister to others of his children. Keep your eyes and ears open. After going through a difficult time, he may just use you to provide comfort and offer rescue to your brother or sister.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

What I'm Listening To:

"The Rescue" - Tyler Ward

"Hallelujah" - Tenth Avenue North

"I Will Wait" - Mumford and Sons

"Like An Avalanche" - Hillsong

Fasting

I've been thinking a lot about fasting (or abstaining from something for a period of time) recently. Not only are we in the 3rd week of Lent (or 4th, depending on your church), but today is the first day of the April session of the Global Bridegroom Fast, which occurs on the first Monday-Wednesday of each month. I have several friends who are giving up various things in order to observe (and celebrate!) these times of fasting, such as junk food, shoes, Facebook, even talking! There is someone in our prayer room on campus for 36 hours straight, for the Global Bridegroom Fast.

I had the 6pm shift in the prayer room today, and I will meeting up with friends for the 10pm shift tomorrow and the 11pm shift on Wednesday. This morning in chapel, our campus pastor spoke about fasting and how Christians fast to dedicate time to God and to seek his face and his will more clearly. It's been a great day just learning about fasting and the freedom we have to give something to God.

And I suppose here is the point where I should comment on my personal interaction with fasting. I once wanted to participate in the 30-hour famine sponsored by World Vision, but I was cautioned against it, because I was a growing teenage girl. However, I did decide to give up other things as time went on. The week before Prom my senior year, I gave up Facebook for seven days. It was awesome. Since January 1st, 2011, other than the week of Spring Break, I have only had Coke and sweet Tea on the weekends. I turned off my Facebook chat the week before Lent. During Lent, I have chosen not to get on Facebook on Sundays. I've made small steps that have made a difference in who I am and how I spend my time.

I did not specifically give up anything for Lent this year, because I didn't feel God telling me to do so. That's the number one step of fasting: don't do it unless God tells you to do it. During chapel this morning, after being challenged to give up something and use that time to reconnect with God, our campus pastor gave us a brief moment to pray about it and ask God what he wanted us to do. During this time, friends of mine decided to fast from all food for three days and another friend received renewed dedication and peace about her original Lenten sacrifice, among other things. I, on the other hand, didn't feel or receive anything then, but it began to hit me later.

I love Lipton Green Tea. I realized it when I was almost late to class this morning because I had to put more bottles of green tea in my fridge so they would be cold when I wanted them. Because I'm not drinking coke and sweet tea, I drink water in the cafeteria and green tea in the dorm. So, how much green tea am I actually drinking on a daily basis?

I decided to give up green tea for the three days of the Global Bridegroom Fast. I will only be drinking water and milk during this time (and the 4 tablespoons of Cuban coffee my roommate gave me tonight). It's only Monday and I'm missing my green tea. But I know this will teach me something. I know that God placed this seemingly insignificant thing on my heart for a purpose. And I also know that God's going to start me with the little things, like Green Tea, before I can graduate to giving even more of me to God on a daily basis.

My challenge here is for you to consider what typically stands in between you and God. Or what do you spend a large portion of your time doing? Ask God what he wants to give up for a day, three days, a week, a month, six months, or longer. And do it. Do it if you have a specific prayer need you desire to bring before God. Do it if you want to focus more on an intimate fellowship with God.

Overwhelmed Only By His Love

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First Semester of College... Check!

Well, my first semester of college is officially over. Exams are out of the way, papers have been turned in, and I slept in my own bed last night. Nice. Well, that's another thing I can cross off my life list. I'm glad I don't have to go back and do it all over again. Or am I?

Because, see, there's so much about this first semester that I would change. I mean, it was awesome. It was probably the best I'm going to get. But it wasn't smooth-sailing. It was hard. It was difficult. There were complicated issues, socially and relationally, as well as academically and organizationally. I'm not saying it was a failure, just that it wasn't easy. But I suppose that's normal, right? :)

If I could do it over again, I would change move-in day. I would be less stressed, more calm, more at peace. I would change the way I met my roommate, I would be more excited about our rooming situation. I would have spent more time with the people who would become my friends that first week of orientation, before all the exams and papers and obligations set in.

I would reconsider the way I handled some situations and some relationships. I would laugh before things went too crazy. I would have stopped before I did anything stupid.

If I could do it all over again, I would have enjoyed my time. I would have spent just a few more minutes praying for her, just a few more minutes talking with him, just a few more minutes figuring it out, meeting their needs, communicating what was important. I would have spent another second in a hug or another moment with a smile. I would never have complained about my job or my appearance or my car or the weather. I would just enjoy the time there.

I would have rested a little more so I didn't get sick the last weekend. I would have said a few more compliments, asked another person how I could pray for them. I would have worked on my chapter summaries and history assignments earlier. I would have spent less time on Facebook and more time communicating face-to-face. I would have tried for excellence in my classes instead of doing just what was required. I would have stopped trying so hard.

...if I could do it all over again.

But you know what? The past is the past. And I have seven more semesters left. That's roughly 105 weeks left. Or 525 dinners . Or roughly 40 more courses. Or more than 1,000 hours of work.

And I'm going to make each one of those count.

How Seriously Am I Going to Trust God?

I am secretly terrified of the unknown. I've written before about how I like to plan everything in advance. I like to know exactly what's going to happen. The first day of school, summer camps, school dances, performances or presentations... all were terrifying to me in school, for the main reason that I couldn't control them.

Recently, something has popped up in my life, as unexpectedly as a Facebook chat message pops up on my computer screen. Something that, by all appearances, was good and well-meaning and completely innocent. I struggled with understanding if I felt like I should pursue this subject in my life because God wanted me to, or because I wanted me to. I spent long times in prayer, talking with Christians I look up to, and debating what to do.

I've realized that I have put way too much stock in my plan. I wrongly believed it was "God's plan" that "my plan" should happen. And why shouldn't it? I mean, to any adult, it looks like I have my head on straight. It looks like I have an appropriate plan, and that people would be wise to have a similar plan. But I was uncompromising in my plan. Uncompromising to the point where I wasn't listening to God at all. Even if this thing God had for me was something I might actually enjoy.

Don't worry, I'm still very cautious about everything I do and about being a representative of Christ. But I've learned that I can't control everything. I cannot know the future or even the end result, but that's not a reason to hide and give up. It's a reason to joyfully embrace what God puts in my life and maintain a close connection to him.

Eric Ludy writes that he heard God asking him, "How seriously are you going to trust me, Eric?" And when I read that, I immediately thought about God asking me the same question. "How seriously are you going to trust me, Alex?" I felt convicted. And I realized that I must trust God with everything.

Facebook Fast Update #2

Today is day 6 1/2. Tomorrow the "half" is really the whole day because I promised not to get on Facebook until after prom. I won't be home from prom until midnight, which is obviously Sunday. :)

Anyway, other than daydreaming about what my crops must be doing, or wondering how many notifications I'll have when I return, fasting from Facebook isn't truly that hard.

But I have a confession. By eliminating Facebook, I haven't really replaced it with something else. I mean, my life is so busy anyway, but I thought I'd have all this time to do whatever with. Turns out I just watch tv and go to bed earlier. Not entirely what I thought I'd do.

Although maybe today will be different. No school today. I'm getting my eyebrows done at 10:15, then heading to the mall for some kind of hair accessory for prom. I'll be home before lunch, so what am I going to do with the rest of my day? Work on homework for Monday? (Probably, because all I have is a Budget plan for Econ.)

But, I digress. The point is that I'll have more free time today and tomorrow morning/early afternoon. Which is why I'm writing here instead of posting a good Facebook status.

Something I've realized while doing this is that you get out what you put in. When I stopped making status updates, I stopped getting as many e-mails (something I forgot to turn off) announcing that my friends had commented on my statuses. I think that concept applies to other areas of life, too. If I put hours into a certain friendship or relationship, building up the other person, communicating, developing inside jokes... I'm going to get something great out of it. Same thing with God. I haven't been putting in much lately. I've been feeling like I'm working too hard and I'm not getting anything out.

At youth group on Wednesday, the message series was called "Flirt" and it's about "the air and opportunity between God and me". Our youth pastor told us that (in the best sense), God is flirting with us. He draws us towards him and chases us, like guys should do for girls. I've never really heard it mentioned like that before. And I've never really felt like that before. It always seems like I have to do the work to get to God.

People always quote James 4:8 ("Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.") which always leaves me wondering if I have to be perfect to enter God's presence, if I have to do to the work to get to know God. Wouldn't he want to get to know me?

Since context is king, I went to James chapter 4. It describes sinful, covetous people who quarrel and fight because they don't have what they want "because you do not ask God" (v. 2). It goes on to say that when they ask, they ask with "wrong motives" (v. 3).

It says that "friendship with the world is hatred toward God" (v. 4) but that God gives us more grace if we are humble (v. 6). Verse seven is a call for submission to God and resistance to the devil. And there is verse eight, which tells us to draw near to God and purify ourselves. Verses nine and ten tell us to be sad and gloomy and to humble ourselves so God will lift us up.

Huh?

So then I looked at a commentary (here). The commentary says that James is clear about sinful practices and motives "not to leave us in deeper despair over it, but that we may humble ourselves before the Lord and find grace for change". But the commentary does not speak directly to verse 8.

I have to go take a shower, but I trust that this will be resolved. Secretly, though, it's a little scary. Ever been pursued by a guy? It's unnerving! It's hard to know what's happening next.

More later.

Facebook Fast Update #1

Facebook withdrawal is starting to set in and it's been less than an hour. Seriously, I just thought of a Facebook status about fasting from Facebook. Then I thought of a Facebook status about thinking about a Facebook status about fasting from Facebook. It's that bad.

I'm fasting from Facebook for seven days to put my focus back on God. Basically, all the time I would have spent on Facebook, I'll now spend with God and family and friends (in real life).

Is it going to work? Not sure. But it's my feeble attempt to get my mind on what really matters - God. And also to stop wasting my time - which I do a lot.

Lord willing I can curb my Facebook addiction!

Oh boy... This will be harder than I thought.