My Call to Go

One of the things I love most about being home for the summer is sitting around the dining room table with my family. Usually there’s something funny going on: someone is either getting picked on or just said or did something hilarious or is telling a funny story from their day.

My stepdad recently buzzed my brother’s hair, I got a trim today, and my mom is getting her hair cut tomorrow, so we recently discussed hair styles. In a bit of humor, my stepdad told me to get a crazy hairstyle before I go to Asia, so that it will catch on. Casually, he remarked that “when [I] go back in three years,” everyone in Asia will be wearing their hair like that.

When I go back in three years? Wait… 

And that’s when I felt it. That little pinprick in my heart. Kinda like a cross between a jolt of electricity and the flap of a butterfly’s wing. Or perhaps it’s easier described as a push or poke or a bright light, maybe? (It sounded like this to Abraham and smelled like smoke for Moses.)

It’s happened to me a couple times. My heart skips a beat, my peripheral vision clouds over, I can’t breathe.

Sometimes it happens when God is calling me to say something. Or not to say something. But I’ve felt it strongest when God is speaking to me. It can happen in the midst of a worship session or in a random conversation. I felt it, just for a second, at the dinner table the other night.

Sometimes it’s clear like it was at dinner. That moment during May of my freshman year when God all but audibly called me to my vocation (teaching), was more than distinct. I cried walking down the hallway with a bunch of eighth graders. When God called me to intentional singleness last February, I was sitting in the prayer room on my college campus and I felt it inside. There’s no way I could pretend I didn’t hear what God said to me.

Other times, it’s been less noticeable. I can’t remember one specific moment when God called me to Asia, and I still don’t know if I'll ever serve in Asia long-term. But my heart is hugely with Asia for this summer. I knew in May 2011 that God called me to be a teacher, and I am drawn towards late middle school / early high school, which is what led me to volunteer with the organization I’m serving with this summer. Then Asia came into the picture, because that’s where the organization works. So I said: Cool, I've never been to Asia. I want to do something awesome this summer and for God to be glorified. And it’s teaching English, something I’ll be doing for the rest of my life.

And slowly, God broke down my defenses against Asia and revealed to me that he has great plans for me there. He has great plans for the team of college students I’ll meet in Los Angeles and work with Asia. And he has great plans for the students I will be teaching.

Recently, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my eyes from "leaking." I was given a copy of a pre-service Bible study called “God’s Heart for the Nations” for my trip and my eyes started watering while I was completing the first lesson. I couldn’t even get through the first preface to the third edition of John Piper’s Let the Nations be Glad without tearing up. The Sunday before Memorial Day, I spoke at my grandma’s church and received a love offering from them.  While I was preparing, the pastor and I previewed the video I was going to show before I spoke. I couldn’t even see the video once it started playing because my eyes were watering, and I struggled to keep myself from being noticed. And don’t even get me started on when I received the Operation Servanthood book, my luggage tags, T-shirt, waterbottle, and official journal in the mail. I opened the journal and skimmed a couple pages and felt like my heart was exploding.

It’s weird, because while I do have a tendency to cry, I don’t cry all that much. Nothing (except for the beauty of my Savior and my vocational calling) has captured my heart so much as this trip to Asia. Maybe it’s because this trip opens up a world (literally) of overseas opportunities for my future. Or maybe because this is the longest time I’ll be overseas, without anyone I’ve met before.  Or maybe because Asia is hitting me hard. (I would love to share more about that when I return!)

While I was getting ready for this trip, a guy friend of mine who has been to Asia three times before handed me an envelope with some cash for my trip. It was quite a lot of money for a college student, and I thanked him profusely.

On the outside of the envelope, he wrote a note, signing it “sincerely, with blessings, from a bro,” and his name. One line from the note caught my attention: May your preparation be worship. …That makes me cry, too.

In these next three weeks before I leave, I must make prayer a vital part of my preparation. I must make worship (the conscious effort of placing God first and giving him the glory due him) a vital part of my preparation. My friend was saying that all of my preparations, whatever I have to do to get ready, be an act of worship. I love that.

I have no doubt this trip is going to be difficult. Five weeks, two countries, over thirty-eight hours in airplanes (not to mention layovers), at least three different beds and roommates, and a classroom of 16-20 teenaged students. Yeah, it’ll be tough. But, hey, with God, nothing is impossible. With God, I have nothing to fear.

"No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you." (Joshua 1:5)

"The One Who called you is faithful and will do what He promised." (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

"God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. (1 Corinthians 1:9)

What I'm Listening To:

"Hold On" - B*Witched (this is one of my pumped-for-the-summer songs)

"I Refuse" - Josh Wilson

"Conmigo Estas (You Hold Me Now)" - Hillsong

P.S. I won't be updating this blog while I'm Asia. If you would like to receive my e-mail updates, please scroll down to the bottom of this post. For more information about my trip and how you can help, see my page here or send me an e-mail. Thanks!

Going For It (A Call to Action!)

What if you asked God what he wanted you to do? And then actually did it? Like, actually took steps in the direction of obedience to God instead of ignoring his opened doors for you?

I was over at a friend's blog, A Work in Progress, reading and being encouraged by her thoughts, and I came across this question: "What would you be willing to do for Christ if you KNEW you could not fail?" A speaker had asked this question at an FCA meeting she attended, and she wrote a post about it.

When I read that, I felt really challenged, but also a bit frightened by the thought. If I knew, without a doubt, that all I needed was God, that I would not encounter any failed attempts, that everything would be successful, I would go for it! I can just imagine everything I would do! My friend, Katie, wrote that she was considering going to Africa. Wow. Just imagine - how God could use you if you let him!

A while ago, I asked God what he wanted me to do. I was feeling like God had given me a great reminder of his love, and all these blessings and encouragements, and I wasn't doing anything to give back to him. At the same time, I felt like if I jumped out and did anything (seemingly "on my own" without God saying "Alex, do this!"), I would fail. A friend asked me to consider how I would react if God's response was always "Yes". As in, if it's a good thing, I should go for it and watch intently for God to open or close doors. God may not speak audibly to you and say: "Hey Alex, I want you to go here and say this and then do this." Nope. He may give you a command in something a friend says, an idea, a sermon or message. And the good news is that he gives us friends and pastors and mentors who will help us confirm what God wants for us.

And that is exactly what I did, and God opened the doors for me to coordinate a group of students at my college who have, so far, organized and led two ministries to our campus - simple ways to show love to our fellow students.

Some time later, I was feeling slightly depressed about my singleness. If you've ever been the only single girl or guy in a group of people, you know how I felt! But I didn't want to let that stop me. The thing that got to me was: God can and wants to do incredible things in me and through me before I have a guy in my life. So I asked: "God, what can I do for you, your glory, to minister to your people, as a single lady?" Not only did I then read the blog post I mentioned above, but God also began showing me some awesome things.

For one, a friend of mine asked if I would be interested in taking on a leadership role in the Bible study / small group ministry he started at our college. I was honored and impressed, and God said, "Here. Here's something you can do for my glory while you're single." What a blessing! In addition, I began attending a group on campus for the prevention of Human Trafficking. The involvement I have with that club, and the possibility I have for future further involvement, like becoming an officer, is another thing God's shown me. And finally, I knew that something I could definitely do more of while single was missions trips. I learned about a mission trip opportunity this morning that I'm considering.

Okay, now don't get me wrong. Through this and because of this (and especially in that period where I didn't hear God), I learned that I'm going for it and I'm taking action, not to appease God, not to make God love me more, not to perform... But out of gratitude for what God has done for me. I'm thanking God for how amazing he is and offering my life to him. This is the first step of many steps to actually obeying God. To doing what he commands.

God wants to use you to do something incredible in this world. Will you let him?

Brothers and sisters, because of God’s compassion toward us, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you. Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants—what is good, pleasing, and perfect.

(Romans 12:1-2, GWT)

Am I really satisfied?

To be honest, I have almost everything I've ever wanted. It sounds bad, I know, but really... I'm going to a college I love, majoring in a field I can't wait to dive into, participating in organizations I enjoy, working a great job... I have a mom, dad, step-dad, step-mom, brother, step-brother, step-sister, a whole ton of cousins, aunts and uncles, and a grandma who all love me, an amazing assortment of friends who I can count on for anything, I have incredible and hilarious suitemates and hallmates, a roommate who, despite being so totally different from me completely gets me, a bunch of professors and past teachers who I look up to and trust, a pastor at home and a pastor here at school who challenge and encourage me, a vast amount of adults and peers who are lifting me up in prayer and investing into my life... I mean, I have a roof over my head, food in my stomach, shoes on my feet, and Jesus in my heart! That's all I need, and then God showers all this other stuff on me. Stuff I don't need, but find incredibly wonderful and often take for granted.

Seriously, do I need a cell phone? Do I need a car? Do I need a laptop? Do I need new clothes and expensive books and a wonderful college education? Do I need a comfortable, well-paying job?

And when I have all of this stuff, not only physical possessions, but also God's more personal gifts, like friends, accomplishments, qualities, and growths, I have to ask myself, am I really satisfied? Does all of this stuff satisfy me?

The truth is that I'm still yearning for more. There's got to be something more than this life. Seriously, all of this stuff I am and have and do is awesome. Some of it will last a long time and impact a bunch of people. But, in the end, what am I left with? When I die, what will truly matter? When I'm 92 years old (Lord willing) and looking back over my life, I pray that I will find something more important than my earthly accomplishments and even my spiritual accomplishments. I hope and pray and desire that the one thing I find will be Christ. The one thing I'm left with will be a relationship with the God of the universe.

What else really matters? Because I'm not satisfied with the good things of this life. I'm not satisfied with things I could live without. I mean, yeah, good things. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want a college education or I don't like having nice things - but I can live without them. And I'm not satisfied with them.

I want to be wholly satisfied with God. Because everything else could pass away, and I could be left with nothing... And God would still be here. God would be here holding me up and giving and taking away. And then, finally, I could say with confidence and utter belief: "Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away." Job was left with absolutely nothing; even his wife, his companion in this life, told him to curse God and die. But he held on. Because when we're left with nothing, God is so much more amazing. We can't depend on anything but him. How amazing!

This is a call to be broken before God and to remember just how incredible he is. To recognize that we should not and will not be satisfied apart from him.

These are the lyrics from Jeremy Riddle's "Sweetly Broken"...

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

A Call to Purity

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. Therefore, anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human teaching but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers throughout Macedonia. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more.

- 1st Thessalonians 4:1-10

Okay, I don't know if you actually read those verses or just skipped ahead, but go back and read it. Or, if you did read it, go read it again. I want you to get it.

Got it? Good. Now let's talk.

Because of where we're from or how we were raised, we may have varying interpretations of the meaning of the word "purity". For some, that means no sex before marriage. For others, it means modesty. For others, it refers to wearing turtleneck sweaters and ankle-length skirts and long-sleeve button-up shirts and not being able to stand within two feet of someone of the other gender. But what does purity really mean?

I don't know about you, but I've got a very high standard for purity. We can talk about the specifics later, but in general, I hold purity in a high regard. Purity is to be valued as living a holy life. Verse 3 from Thessalonians chapter 4 says that we should avoid sexual sin, not so we will not have fun or experience pleasure in this life, but so that we will live within God's will for us, which is that we be holy. Holy means "set apart" and refers to us, as Christians, being and behaving differently than the world, so that God can use us for his purposes. Sexual sins are sins against our own bodies, yet God paid a high price for us and desires that we not only honor him with our bodies, but also give him our bodies as living sacrifices (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Romans 12:2). Overall, I believe that when our hearts and minds are focused firmly on Christ and his love, our relationships tend to model that. Instead of a relationship that is centered on what we desire, or centered on the other person and what they do, our relationships should be wholly about Christ, about genuinely loving those God's placed in our lives, whether friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.

Realistically, there are practical steps to embrace a lifestyle of purity. We see one very evident in verse 6, "Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife...". Few of you are married, but consider the implications of this verse. In most cases, young adults date many people before getting married. It's a little of bit of an imagination stretch, but consider the people you have liked and may date but won't marry. They are someone else's wife or husband. I read a story about a youth pastor who asked a dating couple who had been all over each during youth group to stay after and talk with him. He asked the guy, "Are you ready to marry this girl right now?" The guy responded, "No." And the pastor asked, "So why are you touching another man's wife?" Sure, it may seem a bit extreme. But it's the truth. Until you actually are married, you don't know if you will get married. Why take the risk of giving of yourself too much emotionally or physically before marriage?

The passage in 1 Thessalonians concludes by urging the Christians to love. In reality, we prize purity out of love: love for our brothers and sisters in Christ, love for our friends and acquaintances, love for our future and current dating relationships, love for our future spouses. Love means putting the other person first. It means asking, "What can I do for you?". Paul tells us that we cannot love too much - so keep on loving more and more!

Finally, know that every dating relationship ends. It will not last. (I know it's hard to fathom, but roll with me here.) When it ends, what do you want to be left with? If we maintain purity now, we will be left with purity and some sweet memories, and yes, maybe some heartache. But I tell you the truth, you will not regret maintaining a high level of purity in your relationships even now.

See, the purpose of living a pure life is so that God can use us. Allow me to shake things up for you: Being pure for marriage is wonderful. But it should not be our goal. It should be a by-product of our goal, which is loving God and loving others.

If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

- 2 Timothy 2:21-22

A Call to Apologize and Forgive

Here's a song that exemplifies my call to apologize and forgive.

When we realize that God gave us everything when He didn't owe us anything and we didn't deserve anything, it makes us so much more willing to forgive others and to move on past both our mistakes and their mistakes. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Embers and Envelopes

By: Mae

We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by
I know you have sacrificed time, life, love, time to fly
Please consider all things trite,
forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by
I know to have something like this broken, is hard to fix

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

Embers, we're burning bridges down
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found
To write this down as means to reconcile

We write to patch things up,
maybe not to agree but to proclaim love.
Let's look ahead and then we'll see the One whose glory never ends.
And based on that we'll see,
there'll be room for change, but gradually.
I know to have something like this broken is hard to fix.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

If all is said and done and over,
If we don't have to, we're not gonna
Make the change, it's worth the try.
What's broken can be fixed tonight.

Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Our envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.

A Call to Patience... Again

Yesterday, I wrote about waiting for marriage. But I feel like I aimed it specifically at those people who were and are dating. However, there is a different kind of patience (or, more accurately, a different place where patience is needed): that window of time between wanting to date and actually going on a date.

For those of you, like me, who are on the latter list (having never had a date), I have three words for you: Do not despair. On the very serious side of things, you have the rest of your life to find a true, honest, and Christlike guy or girl to marry - you don't need to obsess over it now. This came to mind as I was writing yesterday's post and I said that most people date between the ages of 15 and 25. It's funny, because I was so concerned about dating years ago, yet I'm only three years into this supposedly "taboo" margin. So stop worrying!

"Yeah," you say, "It sounds easy enough. But I feel like everyone else is dating. All the popular girls at school have boyfriends, my roommate's got a great girlfriend..."

The truth is that you are you for a purpose. Your future significant other, whether you've already met each other, whether you'll date a ton of other people before him/her, is who they are for a purpose. And your meeting and dating and marriage is, guess what, for a purpose. So don't underestimate or belittle God. He knows what he's doing with your life. He understands how you feel - but he has an all-encompassing, world-wide plan! He's never late, he's never preoccupied, he's the creator and commander of the universe - so he can handle your love life.

Why don't you let him? And be patient! You'll be glad you did.

If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

- Habakkuk 2:3

A Call to Patience

Your rich uncle who lives in another country sends you a letter on your 15th birthday. He writes that he knows you have recently begun working a part-time job and that you're saving up for a car and college tuition.
He says that he would like to offer his financial blessing to you as you're reaching adulthood - only if you continue to further your education by receiving a college degree. His letter clearly states that you can ask him for his blessing between now and ten years from now, and the blessing will total $100. However, if you wait ten years (your 25th birthday), the blessing will total $10 Million.
Did you get that? You can get $100 now or $10,000,000 in ten years. Who wouldn't wait?
I mean, $100 could help. You could buy a nice pair of jeans or a few dress shirts. Or you could buy a new textbook for college. But, seriously... New clothes can wait until you get that 10 Mil. You can get a loan for college until your uncle sends his blessing. You can make do for ten years.

It's a lot like waiting for marriage or sleeping with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Typically, people will date between 15 and 25 years old, and marry in their mid to late twenties. Nothing's wrong with dating, but when you throw in a sexual experience, you lose something that should have been saved for the wedding night. You may experience something fairly good now, but it won't last. It won't be the fantastic experience of marriage - first of all, knowing that your spouse is committed to you and to God for a lifetime, trusting in the sanctity and safety of your marriage.
Okay, so all of that may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to your teenage brain. So here it is in simple terms: "Don't sacrifice what you want the most for what you want in the moment." (Quote by my history teacher)
What do you want the most? The majority of us would say a stable marriage and family, a good job, a healthy, God-filled life... But you can sacrifice all of that in a split-second decision that would take from your future spouse what belongs to them and possibly cause a life-threatening STD or a life-changing unplanned pregnancy.

Now, listen here: It's going to be tempting, especially when your wallet is looking a little empty in the middle of the semester, to ask Uncle Moneybags for his $100. But IMAGINE the reward when you wait ten years! You could be set for life!
And imagine the reward of a secure, faithful marriage and a growing family - you'll be set for life, literally.

So, here's my Call to Patience!