At The Well

Last night I had the opportunity to portray the woman at the well (see John 4) for children's church. It was awesome. I took drama in high school, and I have learned that your acting does not seem real unless you are actually feeling the emotions the character should be feeling in that moment. Standing there, dressed up like Yoda and holding a painted bucket, I felt like the woman at the well.

Believe me, I felt it. Dirty. Stained. Broken. Worthless. Guilty.

I remembered the sins I have committed, the people I have hurt, the relationships I've screwed up, and the mistakes I continue to make over and over. I imagined this woman's feelings of failed relationships, knowing that I can only grasp so little of her feelings of rejection and broken promises. The woman who met Jesus at the well that day had been married five times and was living with a man she was not married to. The town shunned her, and I doubt they knew the half of it. She carried around guilt so strong she went to get water at the hottest part of the day, so she wouldn't have to see anyone gossip about her or curse her.

At the point she meets Jesus at the well, who is she most afraid of? Who has hurt her the most? The men in her life. The script I used mentioned the woman's husbands as abandoning her. Having dealt with intentional and non-intentional "abandonment," per say, I felt that feeling. I felt her lack of self-confidence with regard to men. I felt her sense of worthlessness, because she just cannot get any man to stay with her. I would assume that the man she was living with when she met Jesus was not hanging around because she was a great cook. You can use your imagination there. In short, the woman at the well was truly alone. And loneliness hurts.

But the script, and the woman's story, does not end there. Even though it took a while for the woman to trust and believe Jesus, she fell for his offering of living water. Water that, if she drank it, she would never be thirsty again. She mentioned the Messiah. It is so amazing that even though this woman had faced so much, she was still holding on to the hope of the coming Messiah. I can imagine Jesus's smile as he explained gently to her, "I AM the Messiah, the Christ." Jesus revealed himself so openly to this woman, so gently. He told her about her sins and he was not ashamed of discussing her past mistakes with her, many of which no one but the woman herself knew.

You know what's amazing? Jesus actively pursued a conversation with this woman who was shunned and avoided by men just like Jesus. He cared about her. He wanted her to see the truth about himself, about his purpose to rescue broken people and bring them to fullness and wholeness in him. The monologue ended with these lines:

He knew me inside and out but still welcomed me into a friendship with Him! Finally! Someone who loved me as I was but loved me too much to leave me there!

It is true when they say that He who is forgiven much, loves much (see Luke 7:47). This woman at the well, so utterly forgiven of everything that separated her from the community, ran into town and announced to everyone that the Messiah was standing by the well. The Messiah who knew everything about her! Look how this changed not only the woman's life, but also the lives of the people in her town...

Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, "He told me everything I ever did!" When they came out to see him, they begged him to stay in their village. So he stayed for two days, long enough for many more to hear his message and believe. Then they said to the woman, "Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, but because we have heard him ourselves. Now we know that he is indeed the Savior of the world."

(John 4:39-41)

God used this woman's past to do amazing things in not only her life, but the lives of the people in her town who came to know Jesus personally through her testimony. What a beautiful redemption God provided for this woman at the well.

And at the end of the skit, I felt her feelings again, the same way I had at the beginning. Feelings of joy, weightlessness, purpose, redemption, holiness, forgiveness, and worthiness. My God can change a leper's spots and melt a heart of stone and forgive the most avoided woman in a Samaritan town... And he can redeem me. He can forgive me. By all means, let him forgive you. Let him show you his power and redemption in your life. Let him restore your heart. And like the woman, don't give up hope that he is coming, that he is going to break through your darkest hours. Switchfoot sings: I've been keeping my hope unbroken. Is your hope unbroken?

If you don't get anything else from this entire post, get this:

About a week ago, I heard several stories of growth and challenge and inspiring experiences from some friends. I felt like my story was weak and insignificant compared to their stories. Frustrated and humbled, I came to God and asked, "Why don't you do anything awesome like that in my life?" The answer I got was simply: "You don't let me." Ouch.

While I do believe that God has a plan and is working everything out for our good, I also think that God is not going to make us do anything. He invented free will. For me, I realized last night that this woman at the well desired deep in her heart to see freedom from the chains of guilt. Jesus did not force her to accept his love, but she was ready to do so and made the choice.

It's the same thing with really cool experiences in our lives. First, you have to go for it. If there is opportunity you are interested in, go for it. God will redirect you if you are not where he wants you. And second, allow God to work. Pray and be open to his guidance. Listen for his voice.

He is waiting to say to you, "I AM the Messiah. Come and follow me."

Memories Are Funny Things

So, the play is over. It went marvelous. The stage kiss got better each time, as did my characterization. I felt like my character. Pretty cool stuff. Tons of people came to support me and my fellow actors / actresses. Lots of thanks to those people who made the play possible, not to mention those who have impacted me and reminded me that mentally and physically disabled people are people, too.
If you didn't know, we performed the play, Flowers for Algernon. It's about a disabled young man (Charlie Gordon) who receives an operation that will make him "smart". I played Charlie's teacher, Alice Kinnian. The most important quote of the play is when Charlie says that he is a human being, "And I was before you wheeled me into that operating room". It gives me chills.
And to think - my last high school play is this thought-provoking, deeper-meaning, powerful play.
The poem (You Remain, below) is about the fact that life goes on. After the best time with friends, you still wake up in the morning and go on about your life. After the worst fight or break-up or whatever, there's tomorrow. And after all that, what remains? What's left?
So, the play is over. Tuesday at 1:30pm, we'll be packing up props and sweeping the stage instead of rehearsing a scene and setting the stage. We'll be smiling at pictures that have been posted on Facebook instead of smiling for pictures that haven't been posted yet.
And some people may say: So, it wasn't worth it. Which, obviously, it was. The message of the play (disabled and handicapped people are people, too), the friendships that have grown, the memories that have formed... All those things are worth it. Definitely worth it!

And Onward

Hey, so, I don't know if I told you, but I got a new laptop. And it's beautiful. It's a Dell Inspiron 15 in red. And it's nice.

In other news, opening night for the play was today. I was so nervous! It went well, though. Well, mostly. At the end of the play, the lead guy and I have a kissing scene. Now, I'm saving my first kiss for my fiance. So obviously we were going to go a stage kiss. (Which I'm fine with, but he wouldn't practice with me beforehand.) So, our first (stage) kiss was stage on opening night, which was earlier today.

So, yeah, pretty interesting. In actuality, he put his thumbs on my lips and kissed my nose. I told him we had to practice, but I don't know if we will. I don't want anything to happen unless it's our characters, not us, you know? And it needs to be longer than the two seconds he barely pecked my nose, lol. :)

Alright, more later.

So...

... I talked to the guy today. Everything's wonderful. I know why he was acting strange, and things are getting better. I'm proud of him again. It's going to work out great, I think. And he texted me tonight about a Key Club event tomorrow (and said some funny things along the way).

Anyway, the play is going nicely and I have high hopes it will go well. My co-star (lol, he's really the star) is jut getting better and better.

Prom is a different story. A friend of mine was going to ask a guy friend of hers from our Math class to go to Prom with her. But he's taken. By the one girl she can't stand - a girl who flirted very obviously with him when she still attended our school. I know it's all just school drama, but my friend is upset. She had planned a perfect prom around her daydreams, and now it's not coming true. Now she's planning to take a guy friend of hers who attends a different school and who is friends with another one of our girl friends. (If this isn't making sense, it's okay!) Anyway, her mom doesn't know this guy personally, and would much rather if I double-dated with her. Now the problem is finding me a date. There are only 2 options in the senior class (My guy from Homecoming is taken) and I would be completely willing to attend prom with either one. The problem is actually getting one.

My friend wants to ask one of them to ask me. But isn't that kind of middle-school-ish? I don't know. It's all so complicated.

I guess I will wait until after the play is over to bother with that. I mean, sure, prom is important. But there's still time. And I'm not ready to dive into that realm again for some time. Guys are just so complicated.