A Success Story

This is a success story. Freedom is possible.

There's this realization that kinda hits you in the face when you overcome. It's even better when you realize God already overcame for you and in you.
Hillsong sings that when God took on human form in Jesus and came to die for us on a cross, shame and sinfulness were broken, faithfulness was revealed, sin was broken, hope and defense in Christ were proven, the lost were saved, and his name was (and will be) lifted higher. That's beyond incredible. God really died for us. For our hearts and for our souls.

So, back to the story. I overcame. That could be the entire story, but I'm going to be a little more open with you guys and share some of the back story. This is a slight bit vague so you can apply it to you and your struggles.

When dealing with repetitive sins (lying, coveting, sexual sins, anything that seems to ensnare or entangle you), I've learned that there are certain triggers that may prompt them. These may start out innocently enough, or may take the form of temptation. Either way, when faced with a trigger, we have choices. The knee-jerk reaction is to do what we've always done, in most cases, the sin. It's almost immediate. Sometimes we can get so accustomed to the repetition that we feel as if we have no option but the knee-jerk reaction.
I would like to take this chance to argue that we do have another option. Remember when I said that we have choices? Plural. More than one. So what do we do?

We cannot keep all of the triggers from happening. For example, say someone struggles with alcoholism. They can choose not to walk into a bar. That one is obvious. However, they may not be aware that a friend of a friend is planning to bring wine to a dinner party. One smell and that becomes a trigger. There is a sense of carefulness and discernment that comes along with an alcoholic's choice to embrace sobriety and healing.

My step one is this: Don't be stupid. (And I don't use that word flippantly.) Don't walk into a bar if you are a recovering alcoholic. Avoid the dessert table if you want to loose weight. Choose not to spend extended time with gossipy friends. Don't put yourself in a compromising position.
And step two: Bounce and replace. When I was in high school, the guys in my youth group learned a trick called "the bounce." For example, a girl at school is wearing something low cut. Instead of staring, they would "bounce" their eyes away. Tempted to covet your neighbor's oxen (er.... whatever)? If you can't avoid his "oxen," choose to focus on something else while you're over at his "farm." Get your mind off of the issue, whatever the issue is.
Replace refers to choosing something to fill the gap left by removing the sin. It's not enough to be tempted to punch some dude in the face and then just decide not to do it. What are you going to do with all of that energy that you built up while getting ready to punch him? What are going to do with those feelings of anger? Replace the sin you just avoided with a better coping strategy. One of the reasons I took up knitting was because I used to bite my fingernails. When I decided I didn't want to bite my nails anymore, I looked for something else to do with my hands. It is also great that knitting involves creating something, because I was more likely to stay with it when I saw the benefits that could come from it. Namely, scarves and sweaters and stuff. Slowly, the repetition of knitting (and of choosing knitting over nail-biting) replaced the repetition of biting my nails.

When it comes to repetitive sins, identify your triggers, don't be stupid, and bounce/replace. In this way, overcoming becomes much more possible. Just a word to the wise, however, if and when you follow through with your first reaction (the sin one), know that God has already forgiven you. And he is still overcoming for you. Choose to avoid sin for the purpose of strengthening your relationship with God and keeping yourself from the consequences, but don't ever fall into the trap of legalism. I believe that eventually, your first reaction will be the better strategy instead of the sin. But that takes a lot of time and consistently choosing good over evil for that to happen. So don't let your guard down.

Anyway, so I told you this was a success story. Well, last night I encountered a significant trigger for me. And I was not moving in the right direction. (The right direction, by the way, is as far away from the trigger as possible, mentally or physically, usually both.) It wasn't looking good. I came to the point in which I had to make a choice: keep going in this direction (give into the temptation) or turn around and run away (flee temptation). Suddenly I caught a glimpse of how I would see this situation if I were an outsider looking in on the circumstances. Not a pretty picture. Then I realized that looking back on that moment and seeing it as future-me was not any prettier. And in that moment when I thought I had no choice but to give in to the knee-jerk reaction, I made the choice to stop right there in my tracks. Turn around. And run away as fast as possible. I bounced and then replaced: went to play piano and then made cookies with some friends.

Easy does not describe that choice to change directions. At all. But overcome does. I overcame. Victory, hallelujah.

1 Corinthians 10:13:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.

For an entire year, from one Easter to the next, God hammered (for lack of a better word) his faithfulness into me. I bet I heard faithful used in some form every day that year. To see that word show up in this verse, seven months after that "hammering" subsided, is pretty amazing. God is not finished with us. He will not give up on us. And he is faithful, not only to provide a way out, but also to forgive us if we do fall.

So beautiful. Our God is so merciful and so good and so just. Hallelujah, we are free to struggle, Tenth Avenue North sings, but we're not struggling to be free. We are already free. We are free to struggle. It's that struggle that makes us feel alive and that gives us the joy we can find when we overcome. Hallelujah, God did not make robots. God made people with free will who have the choice for relationships with Him. And because of that free will and those choices, we can know love.

Relationships are a lot of give-and-take. I have an amazing roommate who I've been blessed to share a room with for a second school year now. This friendship we share is so unlike anything I've done before. We are so close that we now know so much about each other and, yet, there is no judgement in our relationship. She knows my crap and loves me anyway. Our relationship is full of give-and-take. When one of us is upset about something, the other one will be, too. When one of us acts selfishly, it takes away from the other. And that relationship is a (not-perfect, but similar) picture of the relationship God wants to have with us.

Blessed be the name of the Lord that he made us for relationships, not dictatorships or mechanical repetition or false obedience. We obey God out of love for him. How beautiful is that?

In this moment when I'm sharing my success story, I have to give all honor and praise to God. Success is not possible without him. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without God's strength and grace is like trying to survive a hurricane while standing outside in an open field beside a telephone pole. It doesn't work, because in that moment, you are a prime target.
I also want to leave you with the thought that success in overcoming is even more possible with accountability. Trying to avoid a repetitive sin without someone else knowing and holding you accountable is like trying to survive without water. Telling someone else is extremely painful, but it is also amazingly refreshing. That's why I went to counseling. And it's the same reason why I am phasing out of counseling and into an accountability/mentoring kind of thing in this next semester. And you know what? Go back and read 1 Corinthians 10:13. It says that "no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man." Literally. That means that you're not alone. Did you catch that? You. Are. Not. Alone. Realizing that right there made it easier for me to tell someone. I hope it does the same for you.

I want to leave you with these truths: Success is possible. Freedom is real. Healing is tangible. There is nothing wrong with you. God is merciful. God has already forgiven you. You don't have to live like your past.
Remember: avoid your triggers (don't be stupid), bounce/replace, get accountability. More on that last one soon.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

- Hebrews 12:1

Peace be with you.

What I'm Listening to:

"Lay Me Down" - Chris Tomlin
"The Earth is Yours" - Gungor
"The Struggle" - Tenth Avenue North
"Worn" - Tenth Avenue North

Thankful for His Grace

What is God's response when we sin? What is his attitude towards us? Is God angry at us?

I've written about my legalistic tendencies before, but to reiterate, I have a very difficult time accepting grace. To me, and to many people, it seems as if a perfect God would not tolerate any sinfulness on our part, and that immediate repentance and begging and pleading is required to appease his wrath that occurs because of our sin.

Yet is that really how God views us? Romans 8 says "nothing will be able separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus." Nothing. Nothing in the future or in the past. Just prior to that verse, Paul writes that it is God who sent his only son, Jesus, to die for us, which means that God would not turn around and then condemn us. Jesus has already stood in our place to receive our punishment. Since we are justified by God through Jesus, Jesus cannot and will not condemn us either. Romans 8:34 says that Jesus died and rose again, and is now sitting at God's right hand interceding or pleading for us. That means that he is praying for us continually.

Why would Jesus pray for us? To paraphrase theologian Bryan Chapell, Jesus is pleading for us even today because we still sin even today. Why yes, Christians still sin, but, like I wrote earlier, sin in a Christian's life eventually leads him or her closer to God. Where sin abounds, grace does much more abound. God's grace is overflowing for us because he has already redeemed us. God doesn't change his mind when it comes to grace.

Yet, here is my dilemma. If God will keep forgiving me, do I have to stop sinning? What if sin feels good or is a natural response? Paul asked this same question in Romans 5:20-6:2:

....But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?

Chapter six goes on to say that we are no longer slaves to sin. As Christians, we have been redeemed. Grace reigns in us through righteousness for eternal life. Yet in God, we have the full power to tell Satan to get out of our way. We can say "No." We are no longer slaves to sin.

Another thing to consider is that sin disrupts our relationship with God. I would argue that it doesn't change how God sees and feels about us (remember, he doesn't change his mind), but it changes how we feel about God. I think the Holy Spirit convicts us, but I don't think God is stomping around like an angry Zeus. Ever done something behind someone's back that you should not have done, and then ignored them because you felt guilty about it? That is what happens when Christians sin. We feel bad about it and there is a disruption in our relationship with God. Yes, sin is sin, and yes, it is wrong. However, I think too many Christians forget that Jesus has truly already died for our sins.

I described this phenomenon of sin actually drawing us closer to God in an earlier post:

When we sin now, as believers, we can come to God and kneel before him and confess, "God, I'm sorry for my sin. I repent." And you know what? God says, "What sin? I don't know what you're talking about. Come up here and sit on my lap."

God's forgiveness does not give us a license to sin. In fact, it should make us want to sin less. Wow, God really loves me. I'm so grateful for that and I don't want to take advantage of it. John 14:15 says, "If you love me, obey my commandments." When we love God, we are more likely to not want to sin against him. When we know that God loves us, we are more likely to come to him in repentance, not terrified fear, after sinning.

So, how do we know that God really loves us? Open your Bible! It's full of God's love. Jason Zahn says that when dealing with repetitive sins, we know we are doing the right thing if we are making progress towards sanctification. It may be hard to see for a while, but when we see that we are sinning less, that we are pursuing Bible study, prayer, worship, and community, and that, as Zahn says, we are "grow[ing] in understanding [of our] Savior," we know that God continues to forgive. Not only does he continue to forgive, but he continues to love.

Remember, you don't have to have all your crap together to approach God. Not the first time you approach him or the 47th time. Or the 8,739th time. Because in reality, the Christian life is not actually about us. My sanctification is not the end all be all of Christ's death and resurrection. Fortunately, Christ came and died so all the nations would be saved through him. Really, this life is about God and his ultimate cosmic plan. I believe his plan includes my growth and maturation and sanctification as a follower of Him. But I also believe there's more to it than that.

This November, I am challenging myself to be thankful for his grace. I have often been very cynical of it. I have thought things like, "Why on earth would God still love someone like me?" And, "Since I don't understand why God would forgive me, I'm not going to accept it." What a horrible way to treat the death of my Savior! He died so that I might live, and I refuse to live. Ridiculous.

I'm remembering, even today, that in Him, I am literally a new creation. When he says that the old has gone, he is not saying that it is my duty to remove everything bad from my life. That is what I am aiming for, but He is doing it in me and through me. It is a slow process, but all good things are slow processes.

Two years ago, I never would have imagined that when God told me he was going to do great and wonderful things in me and through me before there was a guy in my life, he meant all that has happened since then. I mean, I've had some guy troubles, some friendship troubles, I've begun counseling, I've faced the crap that I stuffed for many years... I went to Asia and I'm planning to go back (wow!), I felt my calling to teaching solidified... so much has happened. So much has changed. Finally, I'm out of the "funk" that haunted me for several weeks earlier this semester. I'm starting to see God and Christianity in a new light. I'm starting to see his forgiveness as beautiful and merciful, not as unwanted as I did before. I'm (very slowly) starting to see marriage as viable, possible, and not completely terrifying.

Does all of this mean that God's going to plop Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome right in front of me tomorrow? I'd be beyond surprised if he did. It does mean that God is still doing those great and wonderful things. He hasn't given up on me and He is still working in my life.

What a beautiful, gracious, amazing, and mighty God we serve. Oh, how he loves!

What I'm Listening To:

"Free" - Switchfoot

"Only Grace" - Matthew West

"Desert Soul" - Rend Collective Experiment

"This Love is Free" - Hyland

Love Yourself: Advice for Christians (Part Two)

If you missed part one, you can read it here.

I accepted Jesus into my heart fourteen years ago this month. I've spent fourteen years in this religion that is more like a relationship; fourteen years deeper into the heart of God.

A lot has changed since then. For one, I have learned how to articulate my beliefs. I finally nailed down my views on Calvinism and Arminianism (closer to the latter), soteriology (ransom theory with a bit of Christus Victor), and predestination ("ordained" free will... kinda). In addition, I've had my fair share of heartaches, victories, doubts, and beliefs. I watched the breaking apart of my parents' marriage. I lost a piece of my innocence. I lost my grandpa. I faced my fears. I began counseling.

Sometimes I characterize my growing up as "overchurched," in the sense that attending a Christian school and being involved in every activity at church often made me jaded to Christ. I literally did not want to hear it anymore. Unfortunately, living with a continual and typically repetitive or even simplistic "dose" of Jesus every time you turn around can be unhealthy. We may forget the most important things about Christianity.

Case in point: We all know the words of John 3:16 by heart, but most of us really do not believe them in our hearts. John 3:16 begins with these two words: God loves. Do we believe that he loves? Does our acknowledgement of his love change the way we live, interact, or think?

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In my last post, I offered the idea that the advice "Love Yourself" can actually be beneficial for Christians. When I look at 1 Corinthians 13 and see that love is patient, love is kind, it only makes sense that I would treat myself, just as I treat others, in those ways.

To continue with 1 Corinthians 13, verse five says that love "keeps no record of being wronged." When it comes to loving yourself, I think this phrase goes both ways. Love does not make a list of every time someone sins against you. But also, love does not make a list of every time you sin. Yourself. Love is not about keeping the law or maintaining rules and regulations. Love is about living a spirit-filled life. Romans 8:3-4 reads:

The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

The thing is, under the new covenant (basically, the New Testament), we do not live by the rules of the Law (the old covenant, the Old Testament Law). And when we meet Christ and accept his free gift of salvation, we no longer live in slavery to the sinful nature. As born-again Christians, we live by the Spirit. God declared an end to both the law's control and sin's control over us.

Now, take this theology and apply it to keeping no record of wrongs. If Romans 8:1 is correct, if there really is no condemnation for those who in Christ Jesus, then of course God does not make a list of our sins and judge us by it. He loves us as his children, and I believe he isn't about to bring up our past sins to make us feel guilty or to place blame or shame on us. That's not the way love works.

Similarly, when we talk about loving ourselves, it is important that we acknowledge that we sin, that we are aware that we are not yet who we want to be in Christ, but that we not become obsessed with feeling bad about our sins or walking around with this subjective feeling of "condemnation" for doing something wrong. Has God forgiven you? Has God already forgiven you? The answer is a firm and resounding Yes. Don't keep holding to that bad feeling after you sin. 1 John 1:9 says, "But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." So confess it and move on.

Keeping a record of your wrongs and bringing them up again every single time someone mentions forgiveness and grace is a pretty depressing way to live. I know. I've been there. The thing is, God doesn't care about all of that. He loves you regardless. He loves you for who he made you to be. He loves you because His son's blood covers all of your sins. Why hold on to something Jesus has already washed off of you? Why grasp the chains of sin and guilt that Jesus already broke? Tenth Avenue North sings:

Your blood bought and makes us children
Children drop your chains and sing

Friends, a healthy realization that, as Christians, we still sin, is good. Yes, Christians still sin. The only difference is that sin does not drive us from God in a desperation, it actually ends up drawing us closer to God. When we sin now, as believers, we can come to God and kneel before him and confess, "God, I'm sorry for my sin. I repent." And you know what? God says, "What sin? I don't know what you're talking about." Come up here and sit on my lap.

Hebrews chapter four says that since Jesus was tempted in every way we are, yet he did not sin, we can "approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). God is not angry at us! He wants to give us mercy and grace. He wants to help us in our weaknesses. He beckons us towards him. What a beautiful realization that, even though it seems impossible, if we give God our pain and mistakes and heartaches, if we reveal to him our brokenness and sins, he will redeem us. He will forgive us. In fact, he already has. Come to the water, my friend.

God keeps no record of wrongs. Love keeps no record of wrongs (your own or someone else's). To love yourself means to not beat yourself up over what has happened in the past. To love yourself means to confess it and move on, to accept God's graciousness and forgiveness and be loved. To let yourself be loved.

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1 Corinthians 13:7 says that love always hopes. Check back for part three where I will discuss how hope applies to loving yourself.

What I'm Listening To:

Hallelujah, The Struggle, and Shadows - Tenth Avenue North
Doubts or Disbelief - Chasen

Love Yourself: Advice for Christians, Not Hippies

In a song expressing a couple getting back together and renewing their relationship, Lifehouse sings the following lines about the female in the relationship...

She said, "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see,"
She said, "Like it or not, it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I must be honest. When I first heard this song, I thought it was ridiculous, for a number of reasons. I asked myself several pointed questions about the song:

1. Where are the guys who would work to maintain a relationship like this? Who would actually listen to things like that?
2. Where are the girls who would work to maintain a relationship like this? Who would actually say things like that?
3. What does it mean to "love yourself" and aren't we supposed to put ourselves last? 

I still haven't reached any conclusion as to the first two questions, but I want to focus this post on the third question. What does it mean to "love yourself" and aren't we supposed to put ourselves last?

I think that for many people who have grown up in the church, the idea of focusing on yourself is "bad" or "wrong." I do not want to bash the church, but I think having come into this place of semi-adulthood, I am able to take a step back and look at my earlier years. One thing I learned through this taking a step back process is that I was taught at an early age to give up of myself, almost to the point of self-deprecation. 

For example, it was a painful experience for me to realize that I mattered exquisitely to the Creator of the universe. I'm sure my parents told me that I was beautiful, but the idea that I am a lovely creation of the Most High is something I am still grasping. I'm sure I was praised for accomplishments as a child, but when I realized that pride in a good job is not wrong, it blew my mind. When I learned that making excuses and deflecting compliments is a horrible way to act when praised, I was surprised. Isn't it Christian to say something like "No, it was all God" or "Psh, I didn't do anything" when we are complimented after a performance or presentation?

No, it is not. God made you; we all know that. So take delight in what he's done in you instead of belittling yourself. We can love ourselves by respecting ourselves, by taking delight in the good things about ourselves and by changing or learning to appreciate (not dwelling on) the things we don't like about ourselves.

I am also learning that "loving yourself" refers to the adjectives and verbs in 1 Corinthians 13. It means being and doing those things both to yourself and to other people. The first way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13 is patient. Are you patient with yourself? I think that is where most of us get stuck. There are many times when I simply cannot figure out the homework assignment, or I do a pretty bad job at time management the week a paper is due, or I struggle with repetitive sin for a while. And in those moments, I lose patience with myself. I become upset. I may verbally hate on myself. I may say things to myself that I would never say to other people. This refers to a second characteristic of love.

Gary Habermas, a professor at Liberty University, says, "Most of your pain does not come from what happens to you. It comes from how you download what happens to you." Most of our pain comes from how we interpret what happens and what we tell ourselves about what happens. The second way Paul describes love is kind. We frequently hear sermons about saying kind things to other people, but are we saying kind things to ourselves? Or we filling our minds and hearts with negative thoughts and feelings about ourselves?

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I hope I've been able to begin to illustrate that the advice to "love yourself" does not have to be emotional or self-seeking advice for non-believers or hippies, but it can be taken for Christians as well. I want to discuss more ways 1 Corinthians chapter 13 can be applied to ourselves, but I do not have the time. Please stay tuned for my thoughts on demanding your own way, forgiving yourself, enduring, and hoping for yourself.