Still a Child?

Last night, I was in the bathroom thinking (as I do sometimes), and my eye fell on the brown rectangular bath mat, the one you step on when you step out of the shower. Imprinted onto the thick rug was the perfect shape of a foot. I sat there, marveling at how big and broad that foot impression was. It must have come from a gigantic foot, my older step-brother's most likely.

So I stood and tested the size of my foot against the gigantic imprint. I wanted to see how much bigger it was than my foot.

But sure enough, when I tested the foot, it came back exactly the same size as mine. Suddenly, the childish curiousity I felt was replaced by a calm, adult feeling. It seemed that I was a "big girl" now. My feet were huge! And I patted myself on the back and told myself that I was a lot older than I gave myself credit for.

I'm 18! A college freshman! A legal adult in many cases. I'm old enough to smoke, buy lottery tickets, fight for my country, and buy things online and by phone.

Then I thought about the day's events and didn't feel like an adult anymore. Some accidentally misguided directions left me lost in a new city today. A passive confrontation between two parties left me the unfortunate and reluctant mediator. A friendly, laughable conversation left me wondering if the other person really respected who I am. I felt, suddenly, like a lost child inside the body of an 18-year-old adult.

I think God reminds us that we're young to remind us that we're his. See, the thing about children is that they can't take care of themselves and they need someone to care for them. And the thing about human beings is that we need someone. We need someone (Jesus) to take our place and die for us so we wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of our sins - being forever separated from God and all that is good.

I'm over my emotional rollercoaster middle school days - but I still cry sometimes. I hope it's mostly because of joy, but sometimes I do cry because of sadness, disappointment, fear, and uncertainty. Yes, it hurts to cry. It hurts to feel those deep feelings. But you know what? They remind us that we always need God - he's our rock, our strong tower. And God is always there. Without God, I'd be like an orphaned child. I'd have no hope, no strength, and no small, peaceful voice ringing in my ears songs of joy and verses of guidance.