It's kind of an awkward feeling right now. I feel like I'm being shuffled around, like I'm in between houses.
When my grandfather died four years ago, my mom, grandma, and I had seen his body several times, including in the hospital (both of them except me) and at the funeral home after they had prepared his body. It was a means of closure for us, to experience and see his body after his soul had already risen. My younger brother, on the other hand, hadn't been with us those times. It wasn't until later, when we were eating the "family supper", that he complained of his stomach hurting and he wouldn't eat anymore. He was tired of waiting for closure.
I know it's a morbid example, but I feel a bit like that. I'm tired of waiting for the "wedding phase" to be over. I want to go ahead and move into my new house. I want to get all my stuff together and step into my new life. I want it to be over.
I don't know how it will feel to walk into my step-dad's house as his step-daughter instead of his girlfriend's daughter. I don't know how it will feel to move my things into his oldest daughter's former room. I don't know how it will feel to wake up in that room and not know the "code" for things in his house, or the way things are done in the morning or during the day or at bedtime.
But I'm ready to find out.
And I do know that when he said "I Do", he accepted not only my mom but also my brother and also me. And I know that I'm not too old to have a man call himself my "step-dad" and show me how a man should treat his children and his wife. Yes, it's scary. But I'm ready for it. I'm tired of waiting.
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