Appointment With Dr. House, Please?

I cannot vouch for any coherence of thought in this post, considering it is after 10pm and I’ve taken medicine, but I wanted to share a bit about what’s going on.

It’s been a really weird week. On Monday, my three-hour night class was shortened to individual 15 minute meetings, which left me slightly unoccupied and worried I was missing something. I’ve had a headache since Tuesday, accompanied by some dizziness and nausea. The doctor I saw at the clinic thinks it might be congestion from sinuses or allergies, so he’s pumping me full of meds and hoping something sticks.

Not only that, but on Tuesday, I spilled my favorite Thai noodles all over my favorite outfit, the couch, and the floor around the microwave in my dorm, before I had even taken a bite. I was so upset. After that, nothing I ate could make me full. Also, a lot of events are happening this weekend, from Thursday night, when high school students came to visit our college, to tonight, when our college has rented out a theater at the local cinema for everyone to watch The Hunger Games. Unfortunately, I have not been able to attend most of these events due to my headache and dizziness.

I’m trying not to complain. Some of my friends have graciously volunteered their time (thank you Tiffany) or their driving abilities (you too, Jeremy and Lula) to help me out.

The problem is that somewhere deep inside, I’m afraid this is not congestion and the medicine is not going to work. Even with some good pain killers, my head and neck still hurt, and I’m pretty sure the antibiotics are not doing anything.

This whole experience is teaching me a lot about being needy, about not being to do things by myself.

I love driving people places. For a while, I considered it my personal ministry to physically bring people to church. I prefer to drive or to ride in the front seat anywhere I go. So, of course, the medicine the doctor prescribes me has specific warnings against operating moving vehicles. It’s hard to be independent when standing up and walking up stairs is a slow and sometimes dizzying process, not to mention not even being allowed to drive!

Yet hasn’t God called us to be utterly dependent on him? We should never be fearful or afraid or weak, but we are never alone and we should never “lean on our own understandings.”

While I’m filling out my application for the Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital’s diagnostic team’s next case, I’m also searching for God. Do I really think I can survive this crazy, messed-up life on my own? Of course not. My hope is found in God alone. Being seen by the great Dr. House would be awesome, but only God can truly heal my spirit and direct my paths.

It's at the point of not knowing that we begin to trust and have faith.

See Psalm 70:5, Isaiah 41:17, and Philippians 4:19.