Rebelling Against Grace

I've been cynical and rebellious towards God's grace for a long time now. I chose grace as my OneWord for 2013 because I was really hoping that I would be able to get a handle on the crazy notion that God would give me what I don't deserve. And I kinda feel like I haven't learned anything.

For several months, I've been asking what God's response is when we sin. Why would he treat me with grace when I deserve nothing less than punishment and Hell?  No one has a really solid answer. Yes, Christ died for me and took my punishment, but I can't stand the feeling of not being held accountable. It feels wrong, and I don't know how to handle it. I caught myself asking "Is grace really all there is?" It doesn't feel like enough has been done. Do I just not understand what Christ really did?

I've included here two songs I love that have guided and continue to guide my thoughts on grace. I've included links and lyrics for them. I pray that even when I don't understand what God is doing; even when I wonder, yet again, why he loves me; even when I cannot seem to grasp this concept of his love for me, that I would be able to find rest in his provision and hope.

The Scandal of Grace - Hillsong

Grace, what have You done?
Murdered for me on that cross
Accused in absence of wrong
My sin washed away in Your blood

Too much to make sense of it all
I know that Your love breaks my fall
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live

Chorus:
Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart

Death, where is your sting?
Your power is as dead as my sin
The cross has taught me to live
And mercy, my heart now to sing

The day and its trouble shall come
I know that Your strength is enough
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
So my soul will live

Chorus

Beautiful, Scandalous Night - Smalltown Poets
Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified
Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flows
For you and for me and for all

At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that pours
From our blessed Savior's side