Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!The lyrics of this beautiful hymn, written in 1882 by Louisa Stead, sound like a paradox. I trust Jesus, I've proved Jesus, I need to trust Jesus more. Wait, do I trust him or not? Is trust an all or nothing thing, like being dead? Or is it more like a gradient thing? Like being hungry for a 3 Musketeers but not hungry enough for dinner.
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
Yeah, I don't know.
I do remember facing a circumstance and its subsequent aftermath and wondering if I could trust God again. It was a subtle unwinding of my faith, but it was rebuilt each time I called out His name, even if His name was the only thing I could muster. Somehow I came to the point where I trusted Him again. I think that was a very slow process, and I think it occurred because I needed Him. I needed God to be real and trustworthy and even though I wanted to hide with shame, He was there. He started to prove himself again.
This past June, I wrote about the confirmation I felt about my call to go to Asia. I specifically referenced the fact that my eyes kept "leaking." I was crying all over the place because of the confirmation and fulfillment that the God provided about the trip. It is here, in the beginning of this semester, that I am faced with a similar situation. My eyes are leaking again. It is confirmation again.
The day before yesterday, I read the first chapter of our Literature for Today's Young Adults textbook and I found myself tearing up. What am I doing? This is a textbook for a college class, I thought to myself. But isn't God in the college classroom? Isn't God in my career choices? Isn't God in what I want to do for the rest of my life?
Yesterday, I attended a professional development conference for education majors. I had a conversation and prayer with an encouraging speaker on overseas teaching. I listened to a presentation / Q and A session with a principal at a Christian school who supports Christian education. That is what I want to do for the rest of my life. The last speaker, the one who is a principal at a Christian school, shared with us that if God has called you to Christian education and you follow Him in that, He will be faithful. You won't have money, but He will be faithful.
God's faithfulness is something I have been overwhelmed with for a long time, so that was an encouraging thought. Above and beyond, I was aware of being needy. Teachers don't make very much and Christian school teachers don't make anything. But God provides. God proves himself.
I have written before about actions and qualities of God. For example, God is a God who is here. He is a God who knows and who sees. Today, I want to write about the God who proves himself.
I had a first hand experience of this when I went to the store yesterday. To understand this story, you need to know that I have an envelope of money I've set aside for groceries to use until I get paid again that clearly has the word "Groceries" written on the front. So... I was walking down the hill to my car when I realized I had forgotten my grocery money. Because it was important, I turned around and went back to get it. I drove to the grocery store, went in, bought the sour cream I needed for a recipe and a couple things I probably didn't need, and went to check out.
That's when I noticed I didn't have my grocery money envelope with me. What's weird is that I found enough cash in my wallet to pay for my sour cream and stuff without even having my grocery money. I bought my stuff and went out to my car. And it was then I realized my car door was unlocked. I was worried, because I knew I had left my money in the car and I couldn't find it! When I got in my car and looked around, it turned out that my money had fallen between my car seats. So even though my car door was unlocked, my clearly marked grocery money envelope was not obvious. I don't think anyone would steal my money, but I was so thankful the situation wasn't tempting to anyone walking by. God proved himself in that.
God has also proved himself in how even though I won't get paid again until the end of February, I am confident I don't have to worry about what I'm going to eat. I tweeted the other day that Matthew 6:25 was definitely written for students on the five meal plan. The great thing is that I don't have to worry. God is proving himself.
God is also proving himself in the next thing I think he is teaching me, which is listening. I am not naturally gifted in extroversion or intercession or socializing. At all. I cannot do small talk or make speeches or answer impromptu questions without at least a hint of my old stutter coming back. But you know what happened? God has placed me in multiple situations in which I have to listen. One of those has been people in my life who talk a lot. No offense to these people, but when they keep talking, all you can do is listen. Sometimes God teaches you something by plunging you headfirst into it. Another situation was when my roommate and I got into a disagreement and she chided me for interrupting and speaking critically of her. I wasn't listening.
I heard once that people most enjoy talking about themselves. If you listen to people, you give them the honor of your presence. You build their self-esteem because you are demonstrating interest in their lives. Listening means being quiet and occasionally asking open-ended questions. It means looking with interest and showing that you care about what they have to say.
And when you do listen? You get to hear about the awesome stuff that God is doing, like making ways for your friends to go on mission trips and providing stories of angels in disguise. You can validate a person's story and testimony just by listening. When Jesus healed the demon-possessed man in Luke chapter 8, the man wanted to follow Jesus as a disciple, but Jesus told him:
"No, go back to your family, and tell them everything God has done for you." So he went all through the town proclaiming the great things Jesus had done for him.- Luke 8:39
So keep listening, and take it from me. God is proving himself in my finances, my future, and his instruction to me to listen. When you follow God, he will provide. He will prove himself in little ways and in big ways. Do not worry.
So don’t worry about these things, saying, "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?" These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.-Matthew 7:11
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
No comments:
Post a Comment